Codependency

**LPM** · 07-07-2009, 10:28 AM

This is something I'm aware is a problem for me and really trying to get better at it.

My mental state is too much tied to how the relationship with my wife is going. Yesterday she lashed out at me, and now we're doing the avoid each other thing. I feel soooo lonely during these times. My old pattern is to turn to other women and addictive behavior to cope, and I'm trying not to do that.

I'm not blaming my wife, because if you've read very many of my posts you know she has good reason to be pissed.

But I need to learn how to be OK without her being OK. I can't let my mental health be pulled up and down like a string depending on her moods.

**Nightwish bob** · 07-07-2009, 10:45 AM

Have you tried absorbing yourself in something else during these times. I also struggle with an addictive personality be it alcohol or attention, but when things are really bad and I can see myself edging towards the crutches that I use to make myself feel better I focus all my attention on something else.

I think I read you have kids right in one of your previous posts? Do something with them, or meet up with a friend (male if women tempt you). I personally turn to writing (I am currently writing my 3rd novel, in the hopes it will be good enough one day), or music it's not a cure for the loneliness but it can take your mind of it at least a little while, I also paint (I am rubbish) but it makes me feel good to create something and give life of a sort to something, if all else fails I go to the cinema on my own. Also I must add that I do martial arts and that helps me focus a lot of my frustrations and despair at the feeling lonely aspect of a relationship.

Hope I helped in some way...and that things get better with you and your SO soon.

**Wired** · 07-07-2009, 12:53 PM

Codependency sucks.

Are you in therapy, or working with a mental health professional? If so, I assume you've already addressed this in session (or, if you're like me, you've avoided it until the last 5 minutes of the session).

CBT has offered me some great tools for working through addiction, and I wonder if the same techniques could be used for dealing with codependency. There's a website called Three Minute Therapy that offers some decent CBT tools.

07-07-2009, 10:28 AM	#1
LPM Member [14%] MBTI: INTj Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 588	This is something I'm aware is a problem for me and really trying to get better at it. My mental state is too much tied to how the relationship with my wife is going. Yesterday she lashed out at me, and now we're doing the avoid each other thing. I feel soooo lonely during these times. My old pattern is to turn to other women and addictive behavior to cope, and I'm trying not to do that. I'm not blaming my wife, because if you've read very many of my posts you know she has good reason to be pissed. But I need to learn how to be OK without her being OK. I can't let my mental health be pulled up and down like a string depending on her moods.
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07-07-2009, 10:45 AM	#2
Nightwish bob Member [06%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 259	Have you tried absorbing yourself in something else during these times. I also struggle with an addictive personality be it alcohol or attention, but when things are really bad and I can see myself edging towards the crutches that I use to make myself feel better I focus all my attention on something else. I think I read you have kids right in one of your previous posts? Do something with them, or meet up with a friend (male if women tempt you). I personally turn to writing (I am currently writing my 3rd novel, in the hopes it will be good enough one day), or music it's not a cure for the loneliness but it can take your mind of it at least a little while, I also paint (I am rubbish) but it makes me feel good to create something and give life of a sort to something, if all else fails I go to the cinema on my own. Also I must add that I do martial arts and that helps me focus a lot of my frustrations and despair at the feeling lonely aspect of a relationship. Hope I helped in some way...and that things get better with you and your SO soon.
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07-07-2009, 12:53 PM	#3
Wired Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 217	Codependency sucks. Are you in therapy, or working with a mental health professional? If so, I assume you've already addressed this in session (or, if you're like me, you've avoided it until the last 5 minutes of the session). CBT has offered me some great tools for working through addiction, and I wonder if the same techniques could be used for dealing with codependency. There's a website called Three Minute Therapy that offers some decent CBT tools.
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