[zudusu]

I attended the funeral of a wonderful former coworker. She was Jewish, but at some point divorced her Jewish husband and remarried a (uh) non-Jew. They had been married for 20+ years and were still married at the time of her death. The rabbi spoke of her five children, but didn't mention her husband or step-children. I found this confusing. I didn't want to ask family/friends and couldn't find the answer online.

I am just very curious and do not intend for my ignorance to be offensive to anyone. Does anyone know why her husband and step-children weren't mentioned at the service?

[Vagrant]

Originally Posted by zudusu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I attended the funeral of a wonderful former coworker. She was Jewish, but at some point divorced her Jewish husband and remarried a (uh) non-Jew. They had been married for 20+ years and were still married at the time of her death. The rabbi spoke of her five children, but didn't mention her husband or step-children. I found this confusing. I didn't want to ask family/friends and couldn't find the answer online. I am just very curious and do not intend for my ignorance to be offensive to anyone. Does anyone know why her husband and step-children weren't mentioned at the service?

You probably already have the reason in your head but need confirmation. They weren't Jewish.

Any children she gave birth to are Jewish by Jewish law, regardless of whether it was the first husband or second husband that sired them. However, the second husband and his children (not related to her by blood) are not Jewish.

Depending on what specific division of Judaism she's from, her second marriage could've been anything from a travesty to "who cares?" If she was a Hasidic Jew, it would have been devastating to her relationship with the cynagogue. If she was an Orthodox Jew, it might've done damage, depending on the rabbi's views. If she was a Reformed Jew, they probably could care less.

[charolastra]

She must have been from either an Orthodox of "Conservadox" branch of Judaism. One of the most horrific moments of my life was sitting in a talk for young Jews about marriage and essentially being told that no self respecting Jew would marry me because I'm a "semi-semite"- mom is Jewish, dad isn't. But then again, this rabbi also said that I could never marry a fertile Jew because I'm possibly infertile due to PCOS. He basically said that Jewish women who could not have children have a responsibility to marry Jewish widows with children. Not even divorced men- widows. Feel like there's not a section for that on jdate!

Thank goodness that's not the norm!

For a counter reference point, my grandfather remarried my Greek yiayia long before I was born. She never formally converted to Judaism but still attended services alongside her Greek Orthodox services. When she passed, her funeral was officiated by both the local rabbi and cantors but also by the Greek Orthodox priests. She was also buried in the Jewish cemetery and the rabbi spoke of both of her deceased children who were not Jewish.

In any case, its rather sad that the rabbi in your friend's case couldn't have put aside the religion for one moment and acknowledged the rest of her family.

[thref23]

For the record, by my understanding (I am a non-practicing Jew), just about anybody following Jewish "laws" with true conviction fails to understand the most fundamental aspects of the religion. The first commandments lay out, There is only one God, you are not him (or maybe you are since he is never named), and for that reason you should never idolize a human.

Whats the difference between idolizing someone and treating them like any random person? I would say, when you idolize someone, you take their word for things without questioning it. And then you consider that all of these "laws," and the Torah itself, are said to have human origins...

Particularly in this day and age, when I see someone following certain religious "laws" by their face value, I find it hard to believe that they ever bothered to question the traditions they learned to adopt. And if my assumption is correct, this would arguably make most Orthodox Jews very, very un-Jewish (religion wise. Racial is different). The first rule, is that there are no rules...

[paradoxes]

Originally Posted by thref23 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

For the record, by my understanding (I am a non-practicing Jew), just about anybody following Jewish "laws" with true conviction fails to understand the most fundamental aspects of the religion. The first commandments lay out, There is only one God, you are not him (or maybe you are since he is never named), and for that reason you should never idolize a human. Whats the difference between idolizing someone and treating them like any random person? I would say, when you idolize someone, you take their word for things without questioning it. And then you consider that all of these "laws," and the Torah itself, are said to have human origins... Particularly in this day and age, when I see someone following certain religious "laws" by their face value, I find it hard to believe that they ever bothered to question the traditions they learned to adopt. And if my assumption is correct, this would arguably make most Orthodox Jews very, very un-Jewish (religion wise. Racial is different). The first rule, is that there are no rules...

Talk about a circular argument...
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A) The Bible says God's first commandment is only to worship Him, not humans.
B) The Bible was written by humans, therefore its laws shouldn't be followed.
(If B is true, why does A matter in the first place? And if A is true, it implies the Bible is the word of God and B is not true.)

now I agree with B, but I think this argument is missing the point about Orthodox Judaism. (Disclaimer: I grew up in an Orthodox family)

Orthodox Jews may have incorrect beliefs about the world, but they are at least coherent/authentic. They believe that the Bible is the word of God, and therefore follow its religious laws.

Like I said, this is probably an incorrect belief, but it nevertheless explains the practices of Judaism which may appear ridiculous to an outsider.

[thref23]

	Originally Posted by paradoxes To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Orthodox Jews may have incorrect beliefs about the world, but they are at least coherent/authentic. They believe that the Bible is the word of God, and therefore follow its religious laws.

I am not saying that their intentions aren't generally authentic, just to clarify. Also, I certainly assume that some understand what I say in this thread but simply don't care, they are used to living their life a certain way, etcetera, and I don't really see anything wrong with that. They are not who I am referring to.

I grew up with a mother raised in a fairly Orthodox family, but in NYC, valuing traditions but being turned off by her rigid grandfather. My father was raised in a more small town environment by parents who sent him to a Catholic boarding school, and hence he became insecure regarding his identity. So my parents tended to classify as conservative.

[Vagrant]

My mother is reformed Jew, and therefore I am also Jewish by descent (and from what I'm told, I look like I could fit into Israel without so much as a second glance). From my understanding, Orthodox Judaism could vary from mild conservative to extreme conservative depending on the elders in the cynagogue. Hasidic Jews tended towards the extreme end of Judaism and beyond.

Can anybody correct me if I'm wrong?

[charolastra]

Originally Posted by Vagrant To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

My mother is reformed Jew, and therefore I am also Jewish by descent (and from what I'm told, I look like I could fit into Israel without so much as a second glance). From my understanding, Orthodox Judaism could vary from mild conservative to extreme conservative depending on the elders in the cynagogue. Hasidic Jews tended towards the extreme end of Judaism and beyond. Can anybody correct me if I'm wrong?

Well, when you use conservative in terms of Judaism, it doesn't mean the same thing. The Conservative branch of Judaism is less "conservative" than Orthodox. I prefer to use the term progressive because the term doesn't get confused with the Conservatives or the Reforms (who are known as the Liberals in some communities and countries).

One of the big aspects of Orthodoxy is the role of women in the temple. For instance, one of my closest friends subscribes to the Orthodox views of everything except that she thinks that women should be able to read Torah. Therefore, she's technically Conservative (or, as we call them at my Jewish university, Conservadox).

There's a great spectrum in each sect of Judaism. It does depend on the rabbis and the community, however each sect does subscribe to certain beliefs.