[childofprodigy]

(I'm typing this while half drunk, so hopefully my words actually make sense)...

Alright so I'm on the end of my second year in college and I've been to quite a few parties...there have been two types of parties I've been to, one is the pubs for the clubs I'm in so there's some people there that I regularly meet, and the other type of parties is where there's mostly stranger in the club...

One thing that I noticed about parties that I've been to is that....I SUCK AT PARTYING.....my goal when going to a party is to obviously try to hook up with a girl and at least appear as if I'm a social animal and participate in the activities within the night (dancing, playing pong, socializing, etc)...so far it's been a miserable failure despite numerous attempts....I simply don't know what the fuck to say, how to behave like those normal party goers, how to strike conversations with girls I barely even know, how to ask someone to dance, etc...it hurts me deep down inside when EVERY SINGLE person in the club has found someone to intimately dance with and "hook up" despite the fact that many of them are ugly...and that I'm still standing there wallflowering aimlessly without a partner despite the fact that I'm fairly good looking...I realize that this is mostly due to my inability to strike a conversation with "normal people" as well as due to my inaction...but the way those people talk inside parties seem like a foreign language to me...

Should I just give it up and focus on the intellectual aspect of college life...I feel that I'll be missing out a lot in life if I just give up...not to mention the fact that I'm still trying to lose my virginity
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...if there's any INTJ party-ers out there, give me some tips on what to do during parties...God I feel like a loser...ahh life is just too complicated...ahh life as an NTJ :'(

screw this I'm going home

[wittykitty]

I feel like I can help. I actually party too. I mean, not hard by any means but I get the occasional itch to go out. As to advice I would say avoid clubs, please! Go to house parties or apartment parties. Its a less "can i get some" atmosphere and more let loose and have fun, which ultimately is what you should do anyway. What I find is that at parties like these, you are less concerned with the overall image you are displaying, and are more inclined to just grab a beer, chill, and strike up a conversation, as opposed to clubs where everyone is on the prowl, dear lord. Also, I wouldn't say give up your social life entirely, just don't ever let it trump your intellectual pursuits.

Oh, I also find alcohol helps loosen me up and allows me to be more charming despite my natural tendency to keep quiet. But yea, to sum this up. Stop looking at losing your virginity as a game, avoid clubs, just relax, have a few beers, and just have conversations with people. Even if they aren't intellectual I'm sure they'll be bound to at least amuse you. And when all else fails, drag a friend with you so you are guaranteed to at least have some fun.

[Blse]

	I feel that I'll be missing out a lot in life if I just give up...not to mention the fact that I'm still trying to lose my virginity ...if there's any INTJ party-ers out there, give me some tips on what to do during parties...God I feel like a loser...ahh life is just too complicated...ahh life as an NTJ :'(

Think about why you feel like "you're missing out" if you don't? Where does that notion come from? Is it just b/c others say you would? It actually seems to me that you're an introvert. INTJs usually don't party much, if at all (ENTJs are a different story). Think about it, if you're rational and introvert would you force yourself to do something you don't enjoy b/c extroverts think you should do? Why not do the INTJ thing and go your own way instead? There are plenty of other ways to meet girls, if that's your main objective - it's not that hard, they're in your classes for instance arn't they - just approach and be yourself, be genuine.

I think the Kersyian temparements come in handy here. Guardians (SJs who are 40-45% of the pop) are largely defined by a yearning to belong and thus just do things b/c "it's the thing to do." Rationals (NTs who are 5-10% of the pop) usually go their own way so long as it makes sense to them. I happen to be a very strong NT (you can tell by my rhetorical questions above). But remeber that the reason you want to party might be b/c you're sorrounded by SJs (they're 40-45% afterall). Is that good enough a reason to do something you don't want to do? That's something only you can answer. Remeber, you're not a loser so long as you do what's right for you - doing what makes you happy that's a winner. Just don't base what makes you happy on what others think should make you happy.

[PeterIMC]

Originally Posted by childofprodigy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

(I'm typing this while half drunk, so hopefully my words actually make sense)... Alright so I'm on the end of my second year in college and I've been to quite a few parties...there have been two types of parties I've been to, one is the pubs for the clubs I'm in so there's some people there that I regularly meet, and the other type of parties is where there's mostly stranger in the club... One thing that I noticed about parties that I've been to is that....I SUCK AT PARTYING.....my goal when going to a party is to obviously try to hook up with a girl and at least appear as if I'm a social animal and participate in the activities within the night (dancing, playing pong, socializing, etc)...so far it's been a miserable failure despite numerous attempts....I simply don't know what the fuck to say, how to behave like those normal party goers, how to strike conversations with girls I barely even know, how to ask someone to dance, etc...it hurts me deep down inside when EVERY SINGLE person in the club has found someone to intimately dance with and "hook up" despite the fact that many of them are ugly...and that I'm still standing there wallflowering aimlessly without a partner despite the fact that I'm fairly good looking...I realize that this is mostly due to my inability to strike a conversation with "normal people" as well as due to my inaction...but the way those people talk inside parties seem like a foreign language to me... Should I just give it up and focus on the intellectual aspect of college life...I feel that I'll be missing out a lot in life if I just give up...not to mention the fact that I'm still trying to lose my virginity To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ...if there's any INTJ party-ers out there, give me some tips on what to do during parties...God I feel like a loser...ahh life is just too complicated...ahh life as an NTJ :'( screw this I'm going home

Maybe if you just stop trying so hard it will help. But I know what you mean, I never was good at that either, but then again, I didn't really want to be good at that either. My logic was (and still is) simple: Let them come to me. (Now that I'm married that doesn't apply anymore to getting girls, but in general, if somebody wants to talk to me, they shouldn't wait for me to come to them.)

If you go out with that idea, you´re more relaxed and might even get some interested in talking to you. But I guess that only works if you´re not desperately in need.

[childofprodigy]

I think the Kersyian temparements come in handy here. Guardians (SJs who are 40-45% of the pop) are largely defined by a yearning to belong and thus just do things b/c "it's the thing to do." Rationals (NTs who are 5-10% of the pop) usually go their own way so long as it makes sense to them. I happen to be a very strong NT (you can tell by my rhetorical questions above). But remeber that the reason you want to party might be b/c you're sorrounded by SJs (they're 40-45% afterall). Is that good enough a reason to do something you don't want to do? That's something only you can answer. Remeber, you're not a loser so long as you do what's right for you - doing what makes you happy that's a winner. Just don't base what makes you happy on what others think should make you happy.

Lol I guess the reason why I'm so ticked off at this is that there's actually something that I suck at, and it's something that others do very easily...I guess it's an ego thing

I guess I should seek out other NTs in my college and see how they approach this situation (if at all)

I feel like I can help. I actually party too. I mean, not hard by any means but I get the occasional itch to go out. As to advice I would say avoid clubs, please! Go to house parties or apartment parties. Its a less "can i get some" atmosphere and more let loose and have fun, which ultimately is what you should do anyway. What I find is that at parties like these, you are less concerned with the overall image you are displaying, and are more inclined to just grab a beer, chill, and strike up a conversation, as opposed to clubs where everyone is on the prowl, dear lord. Also, I wouldn't say give up your social life entirely, just don't ever let it trump your intellectual pursuits. "

Yea I guess I should think twice before going to a party where it's mostly filled with strangers (like a club)...The thing is...fulfilling my intellectual pursuits doesn't take much effort...I get good grades very easily...And because of this I have a lot of free time to kill, and since I'm in a college in the middle of nowhere, there isn't really anything else to do besides partying

	My logic was (and still is) simple: Let them come to me. (Now that I'm married that doesn't apply anymore to getting girls, but in general, if somebody wants to talk to me, they shouldn't wait for me to come to them.)

Lol I tried that before, and it didn't worked since the girls always expect me to approach them...and I'm trying to be more assertive in my interpersonal relations...

Anyways thanks everyone...You gave me inspiration...

[Hydro]

The college or university years are the best years of your life. DON'T WASTE THOSE YEARS BY HIDING IN YOUR INTELLACTUAL CAVE. GO OUT AND PLAY!

The situation you describe in your post is, I think, very familiar to at least the majority of the male forum members. So you are not alone and not unique! Do not make the same mistake so many people have done before you (and will so in the future) „and focus on the intellectual aspect of college life“. In my understanding the purpose of academic education is 40% academic stuff and 60% building and honing your personality.

You don’t have a clue on rocket science or biotechnology, yet? Fine, take some lessons read some books about it and you will master it while practicing.
You don’t have a clue on socializing and talking to women, yet? Fine, take some lessons read some books about it and you will master it while practicing.
Nobody has been born with those skills. Everybody has to learn them step by step. Some learn earlier in life some learn later and some will never learn because they never tried or had the opportunity.

All you need is a little kick-start to get going and the rest will happen by itself.
To open your mind on this subject and to give you that kick-start I can strongly recommend the book „The Game“ by Neil Strauss and the free stuff on the following websites:


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Keep it up! I won’t hurt but will enrich your life.

[Blse]

	You don’t have a clue on socializing and talking to women, yet? Fine, take some lessons read some books about it and you will master it while practicing. Nobody has been born with those skills. Everybody has to learn them step by step.

True, to some extent. Some people learn these rules more easily than others. That's why I'd say, if your goal is spending time with the other sex, play where you have homefield advantage. For an NT that's not a party where the sitauation is controlled mainly by homrones, extremely subtle signals and alcohol. That's F and S territory and an NT is natrually at a disadvantage. In my experiences calmer settings (where everybody's sober
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) serve an NT much better - that includes people in classes, or organizations like student government, etc... An NT will have much better chance w/ the opposite sex chatting over coffee at 1PM after a club or class meeting than a loud party. As NT you'll make a better impression over lunch at P.F. Changs than a Frat House. Of course, if you really want a challange, sure, try parties - play in ESF territory.

In either case I'll give you one tip: always get the other person to do most of the talking - people like people who make them feel good about themselves; make another person feel good about themselves and they'll like you - a good way of doing that is to get them talking about their favorite subject: themselves.

[hyper84]

Don't give up. Stop overanalyzing. Just relax and have fun. Go with a few friends to a house party and then mingle and circulate separately and then check with each other occasionally. The best thing you can do at a party is to meet people because it's an investment in all future encounters. Guys and girls. Ask them who they are, why they are there, who do they know, where they are from, fraternities/sororities, intramurals, clubs, brothers, sisters, interests etc. REMEMBER their names and as much as you can about them (it's probably best to show up early when everyone is still half-conscious). Try to find stuff in common (you need to branch out your interests as much as possible, obviously). It may sound odd, and this isn't exactly a full guide, but it works. Why? Because then you can throw these names around when meeting more new people. People start to accept you just because you know their friends. And it always makes a person feel good if you can remember their name and stuff about them. Take an interest in them and stop worrying about whether or not they take an interest in you. If someone isn't forthcoming or friendly, just let it go; you have better people to meet.

Also, you could try investing in a super small digital camera. These can come in handy if approaching a group of people instead of just one person. Introduce yourself, say something dorky like, "It looks like y'all are have fun. Mind if I take a picture?" They won't mind. People love to pose for pictures. Then get their names and email addresses.

When you see the people you met at the party out on campus or whatever, say hi and ask them how *insert whatever you talked about* is going.

Spend 30minutes every night watching Sportscenter, some on the news, and 10 minutes on celebrity gossip. It might not be interesting, but it's stuff that 90% of Americans follow. When you are thinking, "what should I say now?" ask them whose side are they on, Jon's or Kate's? Or, "Too bad it's not Labron vs. Kobe in the finals, am I right?" or "Doesn't it suck about the election in Iran?

Really focus on loosening up, too. If you look tense, people can tell. They see tense body language and see a person that worries too much about what other people think of him/her, judges himself, and judges others.

Sorry for the jumbled mess, but I'm trying to recall the things that have worked best for me in the years I've spent progressing from exactly where you are to being almost comfortable at parties.





hyper84 added to this post, 10 minutes and 40 seconds later...

	Originally Posted by Blse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	In either case I'll give you one tip: always get the other person to do most of the talking - people like people who make them feel good about themselves; make another person feel good about themselves and they'll like you - a good way of doing that is to get them talking about their favorite subject: themselves.

Word.

But I would modify your statement about parties being the SF territory. For one, parties are a great way to meet lots of people, and I don't want word to get out to all the interesting NT people to not show up at parties. Parties are great for NTs as well; it's just that they aren't the best end game. I like to meet people at parties and then get their email address (much easier to get than a phone number, which always looks like you're scamming) to try to schedule something fun to do, either one on one (e.g. tennis) or in a big group (e.g. soccer/ultimate frisbee).

[Latro]

	Originally Posted by PeterIMC To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	if somebody wants to talk to me, they shouldn't wait for me to come to them.)

This is somewhat taken out of context, since this isn't exactly an ethical decision, but if you applied the categorical imperative to this, you'd get a situation where no one would talk to anyone...

[Julie]

I recommend no clubbing - at least not until you get a solid group to go out with. How about some of the "meet up" groups on campus? There are a ton of them around, many are activity based so that there isn't the standing around waiting for some social interaction. One of them where I live is a socrates club and they are great because you can have a couple of drinks and interact with smart folks on an intellectual rather than hormone level. I also like my outdoors group. We have hikes, BBQ's, etc. Going there the first time is awkward, but everyone else felt the same way the first time and are very sensitive to the newbie. Personally, as a female INTJ, there is no one I picked up in a bar that was more than just short lived 'fun'. To have some quality interaction to meet people I suggest some alternative routes. After you meet a couple of good folks, then go out clubbing when you have a group you feel comfortable with.

Good luck - don't give up, just try a new strategy.

[Bobert]

To me, you come off a bit shallow. Your goal is to "hook up with a girl" and be a social animal...
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"despite the fact that many of them are ugly"
"despite the fact that I'm fairly good looking"

Now despite you shallowness and vanity, here's my suggestion, be yourself. I know. You are being yourself by behaving the way you do. Just try not to act the way you see other party'ers behaving. Try to go for the fun of the party, not on the hunt for Red October i.e. gettin a piece of ass.
It's your attitude that's a turn off.

And cheer up! You have at least two more years of college to change before the rest of society gets to treat you the way you deserve.
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[zudusu]

My INTJ friend is strongly introverted and has always been pretty shy. As the old high school group of friends went their separate ways after college and started moving around the country, he kind of panicked and realized he needed some friends as well as romantic and/or sexual relationships. It took him several years to perfect his process, but his final solution was heavy alcohol consumption. This progressed to drug use. He was hanging out in clubs most nights, drinking heavily enough that he ended up in the hospital several times, but having lots of sex and making a few friends. Fast forward many years. We're now 37 and he's an alcoholic with a job and lifestyle far below his potential. It seems like he came to the conclusion he could only interact with others if he was drunk off his ass. The only time he's happy is when the old high school group is back in town (every few years at most.) It just seems sad that this brilliant guy has wasted 15+ years of his life for what? Drunken sex he probably doesn't even remember? A couple of other drunken friends? I don't mean to be so judgmental, but he was always like my brother and I wanted better for him.

[JohnDoe]

	Oh, I also find alcohol helps loosen me up and allows me to be more charming despite my natural tendency to keep quiet.

Doesn't work for everyone. I can get falling down drunk and my personality changes zilch. There are two cases here:
1) Your social skills suck.
2) You don't enjoy partying unless you are in the right crowd.
I honestly don't think theres anything wrong with you, you just need to find the right crowd to run with. Its vastly easier to introduce yourself to random people when you have at least some common interest, so try that first.

[zibber]

Originally Posted by childofprodigy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

One thing that I noticed about parties that I've been to is that....I SUCK AT PARTYING.....my goal when going to a party is to obviously try to hook up with a girl and at least appear as if I'm a social animal and participate in the activities within the night (dancing, playing pong, socializing, etc)...so far it's been a miserable failure despite numerous attempts....I simply don't know what the fuck to say, how to behave like those normal party goers, how to strike conversations with girls I barely even know, how to ask someone to dance, etc...it hurts me deep down inside when EVERY SINGLE person in the club has found someone to intimately dance with and "hook up" despite the fact that many of them are ugly...and that I'm still standing there wallflowering aimlessly without a partner despite the fact that I'm fairly good looking...

There was a time when people went to parties to, you know, party. Dance, bond with friends, just enjoy yourself.

My entire high school period was besmirched by the same thought processes you're having now, regarding parties. It's such a pity, when I look back. What kind of fun is it when you're constantly trying to fit into some role? What fun is it to "select" a "target" (on strictly superficial grounds; even after making contact, the music is way too loud to carry on any kind of conversation) and enter into some kind of role play trying to "hook up"?

	Originally Posted by childofprodigy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I realize that this is mostly due to my inability to strike a conversation with "normal people" as well as due to my inaction...but the way those people talk inside parties seem like a foreign language to me...

Really, what other way is there to initiate contact, out of the blue, in the context of most parties, than to sling some contrived "pick-up line"? Be very proud of the fact that you can't muster that.

[childofprodigy]

	Originally Posted by Bobert
	To me, you come off a bit shallow. Your goal is to "hook up with a girl" and be a social animal...

Lol the hooking up with a girl part is genuinely my goal (so I guess that's a bit shallow), but the "being a social animal" part is because it seems to me that the objective goal of partying that others have in mind is to act that way (also keep in mind that I was drunk while writing the OP...I'm a bit more sober now despite a hangover)...It just seems to be the common metric for success in partying that people have...you know like "scoring more goals than your opponent" is a metric for success in soccer...

	Originally Posted by Blse
	An NT will have much better chance w/ the opposite sex chatting over coffee at 1PM after a club or class meeting than a loud party. As NT you'll make a better impression over lunch at P.F. Changs than a Frat House. Of course, if you really want a challange, sure, try parties - play in ESF territory.

I was thinking about this too...Another one of my goals for going to a party is to try to develop my extraverted sensing function since it is way underdeveloped and is buried deep within my unconscious...Because I realize that if I don't develop this function, I simply can't meaningfully connect with 70% of the population out there, which may put me at a big disadvantage especially when I venture to the real world and have to deal with office politics, etc.

Now it doesn't seem to be working very well so far...I get along with intuitives just fine, and I can talk to them and have a heated discussion with them for hours, but for sensors it's a completely different story...For instance, I also suck at having dinner conversations with multiple sensors for a prolonged period of time...One day I was having a dinner with a cultural club in which virtually everyone was a sensor except for me and an INTP girl sitting next to me (who was also barely saying anything)...I tried to pay attention for the first few minutes, but by the twentieth minute, my brain completely shuts down after my psyche has been barraged by loads of mundane sensory information...

How do you possibly develop your sensing function? I was reading a blog written by a traveling ESFP acquaintance describing his experiences, and I was amazed by how much mundane detail he puts in the writing, and what amazes me even more is that those mundane details seem to excite him...I just don't see the world that way....

Since clearly partying and large dinner conversation with sensors might be too much for me, what other ways is there to develop your sensing function? Is it even worth it to develop your sensing function? My understanding of the Jungian function is that you can't sense while you're intuiting, and you can't intuit while you're sensing...thus if you sense too much, will you lose some of your intuiting ability? (and **gasp** your intelligence?)

Also, I notice the only time when I can actually get along with sensors is when I'm on a "foreign language" table...For instance, I often go to the Japanese table which is a place where people learning Japanese can practice their skills...So you're supposed to speak Japanese on that table...Since I don't know enough Japanese to engage in abstraction, when I talk in Japanese to sensors on that table I seem to connect with them very well...But it's hard to me to talk in a concrete way when I use English...

	Originally Posted by Bobert
	You have at least two more years of college to change before the rest of society gets to treat you the way you deserve

What do you mean by that? Will society treat INTJs differently once college is over?

[Blse]

	But I would modify your statement about parties being the SF territory. For one, parties are a great way to meet lots of people, and I don't want word to get out to all the interesting NT people to not show up at parties. Parties are great for NTs as well; it's just that they aren't the best end game.

Well, let me clarify, I'm not saying NTs shouldn't party ever. I'm saying they should take advantage of their indepenent rational temperament. Parties are supposed to be fun. If you're not having fun at them, that defeats the very purpose of being there! You shouldn't do something just b/c its commonly done. There are other ways to get the same benefits as going to parties that can be substituted for partying. Let me use myself as an exmaple. I used to rarely go to parties and now quit altoghether. Why? B/c I can get the same benefit for less cost in other venues! And I'm an NT afterall - I don't see any reason to put myself in an uncomfortable sitaution if I can get the same out of a more comfortable one. So essentially, if you don't like partying, yes, quit. (as Julie pointed out "To have some quality interaction to meet people I suggest some alternative routes").

Now there are NTs who do like parties (they're in a minority I'd guess and their NT trait is not as pronounced), and that's fine. But in the end you should live your life your way. Don't like parties, don't do 'em. Use an alternate venue.

EDIT:

Another one of my goals for going to a party is to try to develop my extraverted sensing function since it is way underdeveloped and is buried deep within my unconscious...Because I realize that if I don't develop this function, I simply can't meaningfully connect with 70% of the population out there, which may put me at a big disadvantage especially when I venture to the real world and have to deal with office politics, etc.

Well parties arn't the best way to prep for the office
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. I work in a government office setting in addition to being a student and trust me that's a whole different venue. As an NT you'll be golden in an office setting where people are clamer, more direct - so don't worry about missing out on career prep by not partying. Also rember, that as NT you're a strategist, so office politics will be something you'll do well in rather naturally.

As for connecting in general you can do that anywhere - all that takes is a lot of active listening (which similar to sensing actually). Listen carefully, observe their body language (especially with sensors). Keeping fishing until you find a topic they're really into and then pursue that. I think this type of meaningful connecting is more easily done when people arn't intoxicated and there arn't too many distractions. Try it with an attractive girl in a class or day-time club meeting - just start w/ Hi, what brings you here - observe, observe and always pursue whatever topic interests her - oh, ice skating. If you've got trouble keeping the conversation alive, parrot a little - e.g.: Person A: I like climbing, B: climbing? A: Yes, last year was up Denali, B: wow, really? You might also try and mimmic their mannerism and body posture a little. That's simple, but you should pratice in a setting where you're comfortable. Rembmer that active listening is a skill, especially if you're an NT (it comes more naturally to ES types).

[wittykitty]

	Spend 30minutes every night watching Sportscenter, some on the news .

Good advice, as boring as it is. I know some people who do it only for that reason.

[Sxq]

I find that small parties with a group of a few friends are much better... more comfortable, more fun, etc.
I guess that doesn't help with women though, if that's what you're really after.

Watching sportscentre/news probably is a good idea. I am actually into sports, and I find that sports is one thing that I can easily talk to anyone who's interested about. Even if you're not into it, it is a great idea for common ground.

[PeterIMC]

	Originally Posted by Latro To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This is somewhat taken out of context, since this isn't exactly an ethical decision, but if you applied the categorical imperative to this, you'd get a situation where no one would talk to anyone...

Yes you´re right. I wasn't suggesting that everybody should be like me. That would be really bad if everybody would be like me. But this logic works for me. It reduces the amount of talking I need to do and in case somebody actually is interested, they´re more likely to be interested in my views. So it works best for everybody.
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If one is desperate for attention however, this way is the last thing you want to try.

[reckful]

	Originally Posted by hyper84 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Introduce yourself, say something dorky like, "It looks like y'all are have fun. Mind if I take a picture?" They won't mind. People love to pose for pictures. Then get their names and email addresses.

Ouch. Really bad idea. Lots of us hate to get our pictures taken. (Take a look at
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, for example). It's annoying enough when the compulsive shutterbug is a so-called friend. A stranger with a camera? Take him outside and shoot him.

	Originally Posted by hyper84 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Spend 30minutes every night watching Sportscenter, some on the news, and 10 minutes on celebrity gossip.

This can definitely be a useful habit if you're interested in befriending people who like sports and/or celebrity gossip. Otherwise the fact that you can honestly say things like "Uh, Clippers ... what is that, basketball?" can act as a useful filter, and you can put that 30 minutes to better use.

[Bobert]

	Originally Posted by childofprodigy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	What do you mean by that? Will society treat INTJs differently once college is over?

I meant you personally, not INTJ's in general. Although I see that you don't classify yourself as an 'I'.

PS. I suppose that half drunk means that you were half sober? lol.

[hyper84]

Originally Posted by reckful To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Ouch. Really bad idea. Lots of us hate to get our pictures taken. (Take a look at To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , for example). It's annoying enough when the compulsive shutterbug is a so-called friend. A stranger with a camera? Take him outside and shoot him. This can definitely be a useful habit if you're interested in befriending people who like sports and/or celebrity gossip. Otherwise the fact that you can honestly say things like "Uh, Clippers ... what is that, basketball?" can act as a useful filter, and you can put that 30 minutes to better use.

I'm only saying what works for me. I meet people like you all the time and find them not worth my time, and it's obvious (and no big deal) that the feeling is mutual. No harm, no foul, move on. But the original poster is trying to be more social, not throw up a brick wall of solitude at a party, which is pretty stupid. And things like sports, news, and gossip are great ways to break the ice and probe further into people to find out if they are interesting.

I always annoy a few people at a party, but I let it roll off my back. You can't please everyone. And when people (especially of the opposite sex) see that that doesn't bother you, it attracts them to you because it displays confidence in yourself.

[PeterIMC]

If you pay attention, you might just notice some girls looking at you when they think you´re not looking. Perhaps that increases your success rate.

[Rohsiph]

I think I went to 5 parties throughout 4.5 years of college--all of them back in my hometown thrown by good friends from high school.

I don't regret "missing out"--because I don't think I missed out at all. Instead, I spent my time attending concerts, plays, colloquia, etc., pursuing the interests that inspire me and make me happy.

I'd have regretted it if I'd lived like I had in high school, only going out when someone invited me--because no one invites me anywhere . . . but I made my own fun, I found my own way.

More power to ya if you don't think you want to go that route, but I'm sharing because I can honestly say I can count my "regrets" on one hand. I say "be yourself" not with the false-promise that it'll win you friends and (more or less importantly) hot sex, but because I'm pretty sure it's the only way to ensure harmony whenever you get around to checking in with yourself (which naturally comes quite often for introverts).