Have you ever felt that someone is out of your league? - Page 3

**Squirelznflight** · 06-06-2009, 04:19 PM


	I am utterly worthless; everyone is out of my league. - 1

A
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someone needs a hug...

Anyways, 'leagues' are just loosely based ideas of a person's worth. They don't work. Finding someone you can live with (without killing each other) is hard enough without limiting yourself with this messed-up 'leagues' thing.

I doubt many people actually adhere to their league. Just look at the strereotypical hero story where the poor peasant boy ends up marrying a princess. He's brave, honorable, etc., and she's nice and stuff, so who cares? No need to miss out on a potentially great relationship because of some social construct.

**BlackOp** · 06-06-2009, 08:25 PM

Yeah...like every girl I have ever dated.
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I guess we bond out of my sympathy for her bad taste in men.
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**PeterIMC** · 06-06-2009, 09:58 PM

I don't feel like somebody's out of my league. But I do know some people that are out of my league. But usually in specific subjects. Never in everything. But that's pretty normal I think.

Why would anyone need to feel like that anyway?

PeterIMC added to this post, 1 minutes and 8 seconds later...

	Originally Posted by Squirelznflight To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	A To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. someone needs a hug...

probably that someone is better of with new Glasses.
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**Obsidean** · 06-07-2009, 03:00 AM

I don't believe in leagues but picked the first option, I'm guessing self-esteem problems and also I don't see the point in those kind of relationships lol

**pip** · 06-09-2009, 04:34 AM

*sigh*

I picked the top option to make it three....
This is a huge source of unhappiness I might add.

Asked a total of 28 peoples either in person or electronically over approx 16 years (which is pretty good going for someone with a very strong I).
Of those 2 expressed some mild interest, but one was too far away and neither of us could move or cope with travelling (we tried), and the other was just plain strange what with insisting on calling every single day, sometimes more. And having some pretty mixed up expectations. Ugh...
NEVER been asked by anyone myself though.

If it were possible to have negative self-esteem, I'd probably be a good candidate.

**OneHertz** · 06-09-2009, 06:17 AM

	Originally Posted by pip To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If it were possible to have negative self-esteem, I'd probably be a good candidate.

Negative self esteem = suicide and you are still typing posts so you aren't there yet.

**gedreosan** · 06-09-2009, 06:50 PM

I don't get the league thing either. I live in Las Vegas, it's all about who you know and showing off how much money you have. I'm an introvert and not materialistic, so it's not so much a league thing as a different sport, lol.

**Tsukasa** · 06-09-2009, 07:15 PM

I don't place importance on how I stack up against others. You can pick any arbitrary criteria, and eventually someone will be better than you in some way. I don't see how placing people in leagues makes them better or worse in an absolute sense. Watch Gattaca; great movie about how focusing on something like genetics can really screw a society up.

**jca23** · 06-09-2009, 07:19 PM

I will admit to being intimidated by by certain aspects of a person's "place" in society. I'm aware though that it has more to do with my own level of confidence and/or self-esteem than anything else.

For that reason I do not beleive in "leagues". If you are comfortable enough in your own skin you should not even be thinking in those terms. It's all about the person that will love you for who you are. That's the only league I want to play in.

**JohnDoe** · 06-09-2009, 08:32 PM

	Originally Posted by gedreosan To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Its's all about who you know.

Isn't this always the case?

**pip** · 06-10-2009, 02:46 AM

	Originally Posted by jca23
	It's all about the person that will love you for who you are.

And if there is, or at the very least appears to be no-one?

**Jefferson** · 06-10-2009, 05:34 AM

	Originally Posted by Tsukasa To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't place importance on how I stack up against others. You can pick any arbitrary criteria, and eventually someone will be better than you in some way. I don't see how placing people in leagues makes them better or worse in an absolute sense. Watch Gattaca; great movie about how focusing on something like genetics can really screw a society up.

Exactly. There are so many criteria.

"Every man I meet is in some way my superior." R.W.Emerson

**Tabemashoo** · 06-10-2009, 10:35 AM

Hn, I chose the second option.

I'm not that attractive, and no one has ever expressed any interest in me, so it was the logical conclusion.

Guess it's a good thing I'm an introvert then.
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**Dragontongue** · 06-13-2009, 11:14 AM

Mph. Personality is more important than looks, I think.

**mdx** · 06-13-2009, 12:57 PM

	Originally Posted by Josephine1012 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I've never felt any one particular person was too good for me (what...? I have high self esteem To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. )

Same here. I'm fairly easy going so I don't really pay much attention to these things. When I have come across someone that I find truly and intellectually amazing I eventually find that they eventually have other weaknesses that make them far from perfect. I think being in any league is a temporal perception.

**Deliberator** · 06-14-2009, 03:18 PM

The first guy who asked me out was a real fugly one, and I remember thinking I was out of his league. But since he was the first guy who'd asked me out I started to feel like maybe I was ugly or something... then the next semester a very handsome guy asked me out and I felt much better. But then I realized he was terribly stupid.

Eventually I came to realize that I had to be fairly picky to find someone worth staying with... so I guess even though I voted on "I don't pay attention to leagues" the truth is, there are very few men who could fit the bill. That does sound awfully vain doesn't it...

**MikeC** · 06-14-2009, 03:32 PM

Those that outwardly judge me, and think their league are waaaaay out and beyond mine, do not know what they are missing out on.
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**LionsPride** · 06-14-2009, 07:43 PM

As much as I'd love to say that leagues don't exist and anyone has a fair and equal chance of dating everyone else, I don't believe that. Anyone who has sat down and done a fair amount of people watching will notice that like attracts like. Sure, they may not consciously adhere to a league system, but when you look at them as a couple, they usually look to be in the same league. I'm not just talking attractiveness either, you don't usually see a dating couple where one is a slob and the other is high maintenance and if you see a fat balding man with a supermodel, you don't think "I bet he just has a winning personality"...

Do I think it's impossible for "5" to date a "10"? No, but I don't think 5's date 10's often enough to declare the concept of leagues to be nonsense. Not everyone has the same opinion of what a 10 is and there are some huge differences between one culture and the next, but in the end, the person you are approaching for a date has a scale that means something to them, they will assess you on it (whether they know it or not) and if they don't think you are in their league, they won't be handing you a phone number. Leagues are just a more callous way of saying "compatibility".

Am I influenced by leagues? Of course I am. There are people I don't bother with on both ends of the scale. I don't really judge "this person is worth less than me" because I don't think of people as being less than I am, but despite my thoughts, my body has other ideals. People that would be gauged as "below my league" by others also happen to be people I am never physically attracted to. On the other side of the scale, there are people that don't consider me in their dating pool and I can usually tell. They give me the same platonic expressions that I give the people that I'm not interested in dating. Sure I could go make a play for them anyway, but why should I when I could be putting my energy into to someone that finds me as desirable as I find them? You know, someone in my league...

**orsorum** · 07-04-2009, 03:31 AM

To a certain extent. I have a tendency to build people up in my own mind to an extent that is independent from reality. In my mind, I've built them up to be out of my league, or below.

I've spent most of my life defining my self-worth and reaching a point where I'm able to give a sober assessment of my efficacy in any given situation. The more I gain confidence in myself as an adult, the more I stop believing that any particular person is above me or beneath me.

It's also helped that I regularly deal with people from almost every conceivable strata of society and have friends from multiple strata. It's much easier, with that perspective, to understand that "leagues" are artificial constructs.

**jcb** · 07-04-2009, 04:04 AM

i would think leagues only exist in the realm of self-esteem. this appears to be the basis for any higher leagues in the league hierarchy.

the person of high self-esteem would appear out of the league of pretty much anyone who doesn't value themselves as highly.

of course, i understand that often self-esteem is a product of the way a person perceives their physical appearance, the environment they've developed within etc etc.

having said this, when i met my wife (as a younger man) i felt that she was somewhat out of my league. i later found out she felt the same hehe.

what a fun little anecdote that was eh...

**Zsych** · 07-04-2009, 10:06 AM

I'd say I can tell when I don't meet someone's criteria for what they're looking for. If you're getting the cold shoulder from the start, things are not looking good, and turning the situation around might require far more effort than you want to put in - if it can be done.

**Arex** · 07-04-2009, 06:21 PM

I once dated a guy (INTJ or ISTJ, not sure) who I thought was out of my league, but only in a physical sense. He was very good-looking, caught between Christian Bale and James Franco, and I suppose I was a little intimidated by it, not to mention surprised that he would pay me any attention. But the more I got to know him, the more I realized that I was giving physical appearance more weight than it deserved, and the concept of being in a 'league' was ridiculous and insulting. I also found out that he and I had very similar personalities, and that's why we were attracted to each other in the first place, and why we're still friends today.

Everyone has standards, so I'm sure everyone, whether they realize it or not, categorizes who is 'good enough' or not. And believing that someone is out of your league indicates that they exceed your standards, not necessarily that they're too good for you. I think that if two people are genuinely attracted to each other and can make the relationship work, then they're in a league all their own. All of the trivial things - social status, income, physical appearance - shouldn't matter.

**blatant** · 07-04-2009, 06:30 PM

Lol.

You can say that you'd feel like everyone in theory is in your league. But then one day you bump into the multimillionaire model and then you're like "....oh."

**Zsych** · 07-04-2009, 08:23 PM

Its more a matter of whether you think you could talk to her, whether you think the conversation could be meaningful, and that you would actually like her, and she you.

Good looks, do not a great person make. If she was the right kind of person, then her being a multi-millionaire model.. would give me some pause, but not stop me.

**Professor Bard** · 07-04-2009, 08:57 PM

The poll options are incomplete. I'd like to respond "I've met someone I considered out of my league, once" but there's no love-of-my-life option available. Is nobody else here a romantic?

View Poll Results: Have you ever felt that someone is out of your league?
I am utterly worthless; everyone is out of my league.	10	3.94%
I lack a proper level of self-esteem and confidence; most people are out of my league.	41	16.14%
I don't pay attention to social norms such as "leagues" when choosing a mate.	108	42.52%
I definitely pay attention to social norms such as "leagues" when choosing a mate.	30	11.81%
I am better than most people; I am out of most people's league.	43	16.93%
I am superior; I am out of everyone's league.	22	8.66%
Voters: 254. You may not vote on this poll

06-06-2009, 08:25 PM	#52
BlackOp Veteran Member [78%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 3,154	Yeah...like every girl I have ever dated. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I guess we bond out of my sympathy for her bad taste in men. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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06-07-2009, 03:00 AM	#54
Obsidean Member [03%] MBTI: INTp Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 136	I don't believe in leagues but picked the first option, I'm guessing self-esteem problems and also I don't see the point in those kind of relationships lol
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06-09-2009, 04:34 AM	#55
pip Veteran Member [55%] MBTI: INTj Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 2,229	sigh I picked the top option to make it three.... This is a huge source of unhappiness I might add. Asked a total of 28 peoples either in person or electronically over approx 16 years (which is pretty good going for someone with a very strong I). Of those 2 expressed some mild interest, but one was too far away and neither of us could move or cope with travelling (we tried), and the other was just plain strange what with insisting on calling every single day, sometimes more. And having some pretty mixed up expectations. Ugh... NEVER been asked by anyone myself though. If it were possible to have negative self-esteem, I'd probably be a good candidate.
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06-09-2009, 06:50 PM	#57
gedreosan Member [08%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 341	I don't get the league thing either. I live in Las Vegas, it's all about who you know and showing off how much money you have. I'm an introvert and not materialistic, so it's not so much a league thing as a different sport, lol.
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06-09-2009, 07:15 PM	#58
Tsukasa Member [05%] MBTI: INXX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 200	I don't place importance on how I stack up against others. You can pick any arbitrary criteria, and eventually someone will be better than you in some way. I don't see how placing people in leagues makes them better or worse in an absolute sense. Watch Gattaca; great movie about how focusing on something like genetics can really screw a society up.
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06-09-2009, 07:19 PM	#59
jca23 Member [03%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 147	I will admit to being intimidated by by certain aspects of a person's "place" in society. I'm aware though that it has more to do with my own level of confidence and/or self-esteem than anything else. For that reason I do not beleive in "leagues". If you are comfortable enough in your own skin you should not even be thinking in those terms. It's all about the person that will love you for who you are. That's the only league I want to play in.
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06-10-2009, 10:35 AM	#63
Tabemashoo Member [03%] MBTI: INTj Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 121	Hn, I chose the second option. I'm not that attractive, and no one has ever expressed any interest in me, so it was the logical conclusion. Guess it's a good thing I'm an introvert then. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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06-13-2009, 11:14 AM	#64
Dragontongue Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 176	Mph. Personality is more important than looks, I think.
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06-14-2009, 03:18 PM	#66
Deliberator Core Member [122%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 4,884	The first guy who asked me out was a real fugly one, and I remember thinking I was out of his league. But since he was the first guy who'd asked me out I started to feel like maybe I was ugly or something... then the next semester a very handsome guy asked me out and I felt much better. But then I realized he was terribly stupid. Eventually I came to realize that I had to be fairly picky to find someone worth staying with... so I guess even though I voted on "I don't pay attention to leagues" the truth is, there are very few men who could fit the bill. That does sound awfully vain doesn't it...
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06-14-2009, 03:32 PM	#67
MikeC Member [17%] MBTI: INTp Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 680	Those that outwardly judge me, and think their league are waaaaay out and beyond mine, do not know what they are missing out on. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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06-14-2009, 07:43 PM	#68
LionsPride Core Member [225%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 9,029	As much as I'd love to say that leagues don't exist and anyone has a fair and equal chance of dating everyone else, I don't believe that. Anyone who has sat down and done a fair amount of people watching will notice that like attracts like. Sure, they may not consciously adhere to a league system, but when you look at them as a couple, they usually look to be in the same league. I'm not just talking attractiveness either, you don't usually see a dating couple where one is a slob and the other is high maintenance and if you see a fat balding man with a supermodel, you don't think "I bet he just has a winning personality"... Do I think it's impossible for "5" to date a "10"? No, but I don't think 5's date 10's often enough to declare the concept of leagues to be nonsense. Not everyone has the same opinion of what a 10 is and there are some huge differences between one culture and the next, but in the end, the person you are approaching for a date has a scale that means something to them, they will assess you on it (whether they know it or not) and if they don't think you are in their league, they won't be handing you a phone number. Leagues are just a more callous way of saying "compatibility". Am I influenced by leagues? Of course I am. There are people I don't bother with on both ends of the scale. I don't really judge "this person is worth less than me" because I don't think of people as being less than I am, but despite my thoughts, my body has other ideals. People that would be gauged as "below my league" by others also happen to be people I am never physically attracted to. On the other side of the scale, there are people that don't consider me in their dating pool and I can usually tell. They give me the same platonic expressions that I give the people that I'm not interested in dating. Sure I could go make a play for them anyway, but why should I when I could be putting my energy into to someone that finds me as desirable as I find them? You know, someone in my league...
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07-04-2009, 03:31 AM	#69
orsorum New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 14	To a certain extent. I have a tendency to build people up in my own mind to an extent that is independent from reality. In my mind, I've built them up to be out of my league, or below. I've spent most of my life defining my self-worth and reaching a point where I'm able to give a sober assessment of my efficacy in any given situation. The more I gain confidence in myself as an adult, the more I stop believing that any particular person is above me or beneath me. It's also helped that I regularly deal with people from almost every conceivable strata of society and have friends from multiple strata. It's much easier, with that perspective, to understand that "leagues" are artificial constructs.
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07-04-2009, 04:04 AM	#70
jcb Member [08%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 338	i would think leagues only exist in the realm of self-esteem. this appears to be the basis for any higher leagues in the league hierarchy. the person of high self-esteem would appear out of the league of pretty much anyone who doesn't value themselves as highly. of course, i understand that often self-esteem is a product of the way a person perceives their physical appearance, the environment they've developed within etc etc. having said this, when i met my wife (as a younger man) i felt that she was somewhat out of my league. i later found out she felt the same hehe. what a fun little anecdote that was eh...
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07-04-2009, 10:06 AM	#71
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,372	I'd say I can tell when I don't meet someone's criteria for what they're looking for. If you're getting the cold shoulder from the start, things are not looking good, and turning the situation around might require far more effort than you want to put in - if it can be done.
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07-04-2009, 06:21 PM	#72
Arex Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 116	I once dated a guy (INTJ or ISTJ, not sure) who I thought was out of my league, but only in a physical sense. He was very good-looking, caught between Christian Bale and James Franco, and I suppose I was a little intimidated by it, not to mention surprised that he would pay me any attention. But the more I got to know him, the more I realized that I was giving physical appearance more weight than it deserved, and the concept of being in a 'league' was ridiculous and insulting. I also found out that he and I had very similar personalities, and that's why we were attracted to each other in the first place, and why we're still friends today. Everyone has standards, so I'm sure everyone, whether they realize it or not, categorizes who is 'good enough' or not. And believing that someone is out of your league indicates that they exceed your standards, not necessarily that they're too good for you. I think that if two people are genuinely attracted to each other and can make the relationship work, then they're in a league all their own. All of the trivial things - social status, income, physical appearance - shouldn't matter.
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07-04-2009, 06:30 PM	#73
blatant Member [10%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 435	Lol. You can say that you'd feel like everyone in theory is in your league. But then one day you bump into the multimillionaire model and then you're like "....oh."
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07-04-2009, 08:23 PM	#74
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,372	Its more a matter of whether you think you could talk to her, whether you think the conversation could be meaningful, and that you would actually like her, and she you. Good looks, do not a great person make. If she was the right kind of person, then her being a multi-millionaire model.. would give me some pause, but not stop me.
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07-04-2009, 08:57 PM	#75
Professor Bard New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 22	The poll options are incomplete. I'd like to respond "I've met someone I considered out of my league, once" but there's no love-of-my-life option available. Is nobody else here a romantic?
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