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How do you guys deal with anger? None
Old 05-05-2009, 04:18 PM   #1
BrittanyBoop
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When someone is annoying or (God forbid) makes me angry, I can't handle it. I think it has something to do with me being an introvert and always revhersing things in my head. For example, my roommate pissed me off one night and I couldn't go to sleep. And all the next day, I kept replaying the situation I'm my head, which only made me angrier. I couldn't talk to her for almost 2 days. Am I the only one like this?
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:36 PM   #2
rara avis
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I usually sit really still, literally or figuratively, and swallow it down as best I can by reasoning out what can actually be done about the problem causing the emotion, and trying to own the fact that breaking things won't fix anything. Often what's making me angry is that there isn't anything to be done, though, it just is what it is. Really bad things get me off-kilter and oversensitive to misfortune for quite a awhile; I can feel it weighing on me while I try to go about my business.

At some point, I can usually find amusement in it, or at least in making a story of it. (I'm not really 100% I - I do like to tell stories to people, if I find them entertaining- the stories or the people.) Happily, I've only ever had a few things happen in my life that were so bad that I absolutely never found funny in any way.

I'm probably going to have health problems from not properly releasing the bad chi. It'd probably be healthier for me to do some assault & battery now and then.
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I'm trying to think of a time when I've really snapped. I can't seem to think of one in my adult life. Well - I dropped my breakfast face down on the kitchen floor first thing the other morning, and I admit I was swearing and jumping up and down a little bit for a few seconds, there. I had the urge to leave it on the floor for a while, just to teach it a lesson.
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:38 PM   #3
Night Runner
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I write. Expressing my anger on paper puts things in perspective.
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:42 PM   #4
MaleVolentworld
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I think it's best to do some sort of exercise to let out some anger physically. Although I wish I had a sound proof room to go to and shout as loud and as long as possible, with a punch bag, I've never done it...I even feel uncomfortable just talking out loud while alone, as if someone is listening.
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:43 PM   #5
jazziejazzay
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I hate to brood or cry about things. ( Being sad or crying doesn't change anything, in my opinion. ) I'd rather fix it or forget about it. Most of the time the things that make me angry are fixable, but I just need a moment to cool down. So I clean and read like a mad woman and by then... I've used up all my angry energy and I have a clear, calm head to think about how to fix my problem.

Only recently have I run into people that make me so angry that I can't talk to them. And it's not entirely because I don't want to talk to them... it's just that I can't think of anything to say. I'm much too angry or frustrated to say a positive thing. I don't hate the person... but I'm not going to quickly dismiss something that crossed my line.

To avoid saying something hurtful, I have to gather myself. I make a mental plan and then pick a good time to execute it. ( When they are happy and when I'm happy.) I distance myself from them for some time and take a moment to think what to say and do. Then I confront. Most likely I present my commendations, complaints, and suggestions, and reconcile. ( In that order.)

But I hate being angry.. so I do everything I can to reason the anger out and take corrective action to avoid this sort of anger from surfacing again.
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:50 PM   #6
Polymath
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I usually don't get angry, just mildly disgusted, which luckily isn't something that gets pent up or builds up. If something actually gets me angry, the only way to immediately feel better is to take it out on the source, which will either cause the offense to stop or make it clear that the person isn't someone you should have anything to do with.
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Old 05-05-2009, 05:15 PM   #7
SelfInflected
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  Originally Posted by BrittanyBoop
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When someone is annoying or (God forbid) makes me angry, I can't handle it. I think it has something to do with me being an introvert and always revhersing things in my head. For example, my roommate pissed me off one night and I couldn't go to sleep. And all the next day, I kept replaying the situation I'm my head, which only made me angrier. I couldn't talk to her for almost 2 days. Am I the only one like this?

I do exactly this, and all of the time. I've tried ways around it, but I guess I'm weak in this field. As a matter of fact, I was rehearsing the things my roommates were doing before, and as I was reading your post.

I know that it is illogical (insert the Spock look here), but I can't get away from it. I'm embarrassed to even bring it up, but my anger is slowly killing me.

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Old 05-05-2009, 05:27 PM   #8
Sequoia
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Two things I don't do is swallow anger or use it to inflict harm. It takes a lot to anger me and if something does, I either deal with it rationally if anything can be done, using the anger to propel me, or I talk it out with friends until the anger is spent.

I don't take my anger out on people, pets or things; I don't let it get destructive. And most of all, I don't take my anger out on myself or damage myself by suppressing it.
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Old 05-05-2009, 05:58 PM   #9
Prunesquallor
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I try very, very hard to fix things, even if the other person does not want to. Until, eventually, sometimes I have to give up, but I don't like it. Resolution. Closure. These are good.

Except with my parents. Then it's just sheer screaming and nastiness. One would think I'd have gotten over that by now, but it's hardly just me, and they're...tiring.
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Old 05-05-2009, 06:54 PM   #10
ATCGs
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stop, sigh, fix the problem.

If I'm really, really, really angry (I can count twice this has happened), I usually go away from the world for about 12 hours to calm down.
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Old 05-05-2009, 07:12 PM   #11
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I ignore whatever is making me angry and spend my energies elsewhere until I can figure out how to address the problem.
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:34 PM   #12
BrittanyBoop
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  Originally Posted by jazziejazzay
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Only recently have I run into people that make me so angry that I can't talk to them. And it's not entirely because I don't want to talk to them... it's just that I can't think of anything to say. I'm much too angry or frustrated to say a positive thing. I don't hate the person... but I'm not going to quickly dismiss something that crossed my line.

To avoid saying something hurtful, I have to gather myself. I make a mental plan and then pick a good time to execute it. ( When they are happy and when I'm happy.) I distance myself from them for some time and take a moment to think what to say and do. Then I confront. Most likely I present my commendations, complaints, and suggestions, and reconcile. ( In that order.)



That's EXACTLY how I handle things! It wasn't the fact that I was mad at her the next day, I just didn't know what to say and I didn't feel like being "nice" to her, if that makes any sense. And I spent the morning I confronted her in the shower rehearsing exactly what I was going to say and how I would say it. One thing that I've recently found out about myself is that I can be very blunt and mean without knowing it. So I try to cut down on lashing out at anyone and hurting their feelings permanently.

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Old 05-05-2009, 09:36 PM   #13
BostonIan
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Play "
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" - as soon as something comes up, deal with it in the moment, and it won't rattle around in you later.

Also, there's a thought-loop people can get in where thoughts make you feel, feelings make you think, and thoughts make you feel again, and so on. Later, something reminds you back about it, and thoughts make you feel, feelings make you think. An exercise: just stop, close your eyes, and feel your body sensations for a while, that might pull you out. It's worked for me, and another poster mentioned something similar working for him/her.
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Old 05-05-2009, 11:46 PM   #14
Brittle
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I usually go for a really long hard walk and rant in my head until I have calmed down... or I clean my house like a someone possessed... or something else equally physical until I am too exhausted to feel angry. During this process I also look for ways to resolve the problem, so once I've calmed down I can get things sorted out.
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Old 05-06-2009, 12:55 AM   #15
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I rarely, if ever, get angry. However, if I do get angry, I tend to hold on to it until later, when I can rationally deal with it. I understand this can be unhealthy, but it's the only thing that keeps me from lashing out, either verbally or physically. When I do experience anger, it is extremely powerful, closer to rage than frustration. And, if I let it out and go into a rage, I could kill someone, or, at least, seriously injure them. Seriously. Once, when I was younger, I nearly broke a kid's arm when I let my anger out. Some friends had to pull me off him, otherwise, I would have done more than break his arm. I control my anger like this because I have to. Otherwise, I become nearly homicidal.

EDIT: To expand, I have a very high threshold for anger, like pain. If the anger is mild, I don't experience it at all. When I get angry, it's all or nothing. I don't think I've ever experienced "mild disgust."
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Old 05-06-2009, 02:07 AM   #16
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I'm very angry, I'll shut down.

If I'm mildly angry or annoyed, I'll say something.
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Old 05-06-2009, 02:34 AM   #17
Azen
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Wow I have major problems dealing with anger as well. Like most I never get angry for the most part and am in control until something disrespects me in a way that I never anticipated.

Work is the hardest for me because I can't just GO. Like today, working in this new mindless clerk job, I was asking my daily questions about why things changed so arbitrarily and if anyone actually thought about efficiency of the setup and was met with the old "that's just the way it is". Now that alone would have been fine, I'm used to hearing that excuse from everyone, but then she threw in "Because we don't want to confuse you guys", all while doing the 'I'm looking around across the production floor because I'm so busy busy middle management and am too good for you ' look.

I fuckin flipped. My hands start shaking, I feel my face flushing and I'm speechless. If I finally gain control enough to speak my voice is shaky with bottled rage, so much so I swear I don't know whether to run, laugh, scream or cry.

Also happens when I start talking about topics that I feel strongly about and people dismiss me...ZIP i shut up, simmer, thought loop, replay, replay, REPLAY, REPLAY, I'm gonna quit, I'm gonna scream, replay, let time cool me down to where reason comes back, confront using humour and an ironic shit eating grin, understanding, acceptance, move on.
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Old 05-06-2009, 09:26 AM   #18
kzin1x
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  Originally Posted by Orpheus
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I rarely, if ever, get angry. However, if I do get angry, I tend to hold on to it until later, when I can rationally deal with it. I understand this can be unhealthy, but it's the only thing that keeps me from lashing out, either verbally or physically. When I do experience anger, it is extremely powerful, closer to rage than frustration. And, if I let it out and go into a rage, I could kill someone, or, at least, seriously injure them. Seriously. Once, when I was younger, I nearly broke a kid's arm when I let my anger out. Some friends had to pull me off him, otherwise, I would have done more than break his arm. I control my anger like this because I have to. Otherwise, I become nearly homicidal.

EDIT: To expand, I have a very high threshold for anger, like pain. If the anger is mild, I don't experience it at all. When I get angry, it's all or nothing. I don't think I've ever experienced "mild disgust."

Same as
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One of the reasons I don't like getting drunk , since it lessens the ability to control certain 'instincts'...


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Old 05-06-2009, 11:26 PM   #19
HarleyQuinn
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Depends on what's causing the anger. I'm really good about rarely ever getting angry. Usually I'll snap and say some things verbally (I'm quick to snap verbally and struggle to control my tongue when initially angry) before walking away to disappear for a while. I'll brood for a bit (or if super angry, take a walk if possible) and cool down by thinking of solutions, then rationally talk it out with the other party about why I got angry.

The only times I get that "homicidal" rage is if somebody is physically picking on my sister or verbally/physically picking on friends.
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Old 05-07-2009, 02:01 AM   #20
Henry
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  Originally Posted by BrittanyBoop
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When someone is annoying or (God forbid) makes me angry, I can't handle it. I think it has something to do with me being an introvert and always revhersing things in my head. For example, my roommate pissed me off one night and I couldn't go to sleep. And all the next day, I kept replaying the situation I'm my head, which only made me angrier. I couldn't talk to her for almost 2 days. Am I the only one like this?

There are a lot of ways to get rid of excess libidinal energy:

Play violent video games, especially ones where you can negatively influence other players.

Lift weights or exercise vigorously.

Run over stuff.

Argue vehemently on forums over pointless issues.

Drive like a total prick.

Yell at someone in public because they are pissing you off.

Hit a punching bag.

Hit an annoying teenager.

Box or play tackle football.

Shoot guns.

And of course, the most common way is to masturbate, but I won't advise that anyone masturbate. Its BAD.

...there are a thousand ways.

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Old 05-07-2009, 08:44 AM   #21
Kian
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Once you realize how futile it is to get angry about things of insignificance, you will never be angry again. At least that's how I dealt with it. I seriously don't remember when was the last time I was angry, most likely years ago.
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Old 05-07-2009, 09:42 AM   #22
Tough Love
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I find classical music in a dark room takes the sharpness off my anger. I find it also helps me concentrate on the real issue rather than the feelings that have been provoked in me. Quite often i find i was being irrationally angry.
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Old 05-07-2009, 10:35 PM   #23
Krazy P
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I do have the same response you describe - almost exactly.

What I have tried to learn to realize this...

The anger that I feel is really an anger with myself. That is the key. If someone does something that makes you angry, it's your issue, not the other persons.

So, by flipping it around and saying, "Why am I angry with myself?" it helps me to resolve the issue.

Example: A person leaves a dirty kitchen and goes out to party. You are sitting there upset. You are upset because you want a clean kitchen. So, clean it!
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:26 PM   #24
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Usually I am silent when it happens, and then I brood for a long time about it.

One example would be last week when my mother-in-law said that I would have to exercise or else I couldn't have my baby at home. The words aren't what made me angry was the motherly, condescending tone of voice she used: she's telling me I can't do something, telling me I'm a wimp, and trying to wield authority over me to boot.

Fortunately, dead silence is a very effective way to communicate to a person that their remark was not well-received, and usually makes them feel uncomfortable; since you're not acting angry with them they can't feel victimized or defensive.

I can remember a few times where I've lashed out, yelled, said something mean, but it is so rare and violent it usually traumatizes me and I endeavor to never do it again.
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:55 PM   #25
curiousgeorge01
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I'm shocked that so many of you have the same response. I too, when I get angry have trouble holding it in. Usually people have to anger me several times before I left out a curt and cutting remark at them. I guess part of the anger has to do with the fact that if you dont say something youll let them get away with it but if you do, it'll come out so angry that itll escalate the situation.
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