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Signs that an INTJ likes you... relationship advice
Old 10-31-2009, 11:26 AM   #301
Udon
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I certainly would do the flwg if I like someone ...

* If it is obvious they googled you
* if they get you a present
* if they analyze you with a questionaire or a personality test or a microscope
* if you can make them act in a manner uncharacteristic of an INTJ (e.g. they share their emotions with you)
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Old 10-31-2009, 11:47 AM   #302
The Psyentist
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  Originally Posted by steerthestars
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An INTJ might like you if:
...they're ignoring you on purpose.
...they're noticing your existance.
...they're being particularly nice towards you.
...they're being particularly mean to you.
...they criticize you a little too much.
...they interrupt their reading/writing/drawing/studying to talk to you.
...they pretend to be interested in the intellectually inferior interests you non-INTJ might have.
...they ask to do the Myers-Briggs test on you.
...they tell you you're probably an INTJ (a compliment of the highest order.)

Hm...all this has happened to me (except maybe the first one and the non-INTJ one since I AM an INTJ). He is nice and mean to me, critical and complimentary, and we are constantly speaking of our superiority to non-narcissistic and non-INTJ people. But he has said that he is in love with someone else...so, he merely likes me as a fellow INTJ? (Also, different than some INTJs, he is very flirtatious.)

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Old 10-31-2009, 06:28 PM   #303
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  Originally Posted by The Psyentist
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Hm...all this has happened to me (except maybe the first one and the non-INTJ one since I AM an INTJ). He is nice and mean to me, critical and complimentary, and we are constantly speaking of our superiority to non-narcissistic and non-INTJ people. But he has said that he is in love with someone else...so, he merely likes me as a fellow INTJ? (Also, different than some INTJs, he is very flirtatious.)

I have found the same thing when dating another INTJ (only one true one to speak of). Its not about being nice/mean/critical/complimentary, its all about progression and improvement. I actually miss the freedom of just being able to act and to say... with her understanding.

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Old 10-31-2009, 07:19 PM   #304
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To get an INTJ female, you first have to get her to take you seriously as a human. Then, if she shows you signs of respect or admiration, get her to consider you a romantic interest.
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Old 11-03-2009, 09:39 PM   #305
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there is an intj that I am currently interested in, but I can't tell what hes thinking or feeling. we're not dating--we have a physically focused relationship. He's always so quiet and barley asks me anything. I have a hard time finding things to say to him because he seems like he has high standards, so im afraid of saying the "wrong" thing...so i feel like he thinks im stupid and doesnt want to talk to me...

but on the other hand he responds well when I am affectionate with him and i constantly feel like he's watching me. he makes fun of me, but in a much less mean way than the way he criticizes others around him. Does he like me and spending time with me or is it just only a physical thing?
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Old 11-03-2009, 09:45 PM   #306
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Speak your mind and see what he says and does. Don't be offended if he tries to correct you (assuming he thinks you're wrong). He seems to like you. He might not yet be willing to fully accept the feeling himself.

Going purely by myself, if I like you, your saying something stupid won't really hurt my feelings for you.
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Old 11-04-2009, 02:35 PM   #307
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Personally ...

If I like you, I spare you from the conclusions reached by my much more critical faculties that I apply to just about everything else (buffer zone ftw and probably more unhealthy in some ways). I'm also more protective, more outgoing, and have a tendency to initiate contact and conversations in ways I don't normally do so for other people.

I also have periods of insane emotional instability if terms aren't properly defined. If you inspire that feeling in me innately, I'm probably into you. I think. Maybe.

Fear works too.
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Old 11-04-2009, 04:02 PM   #308
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  Originally Posted by Bahama Mama
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there is an intj that I am currently interested in, but I can't tell what hes thinking or feeling. we're not dating--we have a physically focused relationship. He's always so quiet and barley asks me anything. I have a hard time finding things to say to him because he seems like he has high standards, so im afraid of saying the "wrong" thing...so i feel like he thinks im stupid and doesnt want to talk to me...

but on the other hand he responds well when I am affectionate with him and i constantly feel like he's watching me. he makes fun of me, but in a much less mean way than the way he criticizes others around him. Does he like me and spending time with me or is it just only a physical thing?

My advice, especially with this personality type, is to ask. Just say what you're thinking. They can handle bluntness. In fact, bluntness seems to work better with INTJs and ENFPs both.

Say..."is this purely physical or is there something more to it?" I suspect you can trust him to be brutally honest with you.

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Old 11-05-2009, 06:28 PM   #309
Nil Desperandum
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1.) Making eye contact
2.) Show emotions around you
3.) Tells you about their life
4.) Answers the phone
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Old 11-05-2009, 06:30 PM   #310
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  Originally Posted by catzmeow
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My advice, especially with this personality type, is to ask. Just say what you're thinking. They can handle bluntness. In fact, bluntness seems to work better with INTJs and ENFPs both.

Say..."is this purely physical or is there something more to it?" I suspect you can trust him to be brutally honest with you.

I would also say be careful... what they are thinking may not be what you want to hear, but you'll get it anyway.

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Old 11-10-2009, 06:48 PM   #311
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Would a male INTJ who trembles when you say nice things to him and can't sit next to you like you? How do two INTJs even form a relationship?
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Old 11-10-2009, 07:58 PM   #312
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  Originally Posted by castalia
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Would a male INTJ who trembles when you say nice things to him and can't sit next to you like you? How do two INTJs even form a relationship?



INTJ + INTJ can be a good pair, but since INTJs often ignore those around them, two INTJs can cross paths without even acknowledging eachother.

This may confuse you, but I'm an INTJ male, and I don't even respond when nice things are said to me, and I like to sit next to the person I'm interested in lol

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Old 11-10-2009, 08:07 PM   #313
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  Originally Posted by castalia
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Would a male INTJ who trembles when you say nice things to him and can't sit next to you like you? How do two INTJs even form a relationship?

We are rare, but I know an inordinate number of INTJ males (I work in IT), though I know others outside of the field.

I would say I'm attracted to INTJ males first of all by the confidence projected. Being able to carry on a conversation about just about anything (not small talk) is also a big turn on. Add our wacky sense of humour and vast intelligence and I'm hooked.

The problem for INTJs in general seems to be starting the relationship. We suck at picking up cues, verbal and otherwise, and get trapped in our own heads so much, we often remain woefully unaware of what is going on, who is attracted to us, etc.

Once we pull our heads out of our butts, the next step is collecting information about each other, finding common interests and discussing them at length. Time spent together is of course the main goal here.

Once trust is gained and returned, both INTJs will open up to reveal parts of their respective inner worlds, which comes with a significant amount of vulnerability. The progression from there is basically natural, though it may take longer for it to cement.

I think both INTJ parties would know to respect each others' need for space and time alone, as well as maintain interests separate from their partner.

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Old 11-10-2009, 09:14 PM   #314
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  Originally Posted by cereza
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To get an INTJ female, you first have to get her to take you seriously as a human. Then, if she shows you signs of respect or admiration, get her to consider you a romantic interest.

I conqur. I have had a few friends who expressed interest in me, however they hadn't passed the "take me seriously as a human" threshhold, so at that point romanit interest was out of the questoin.

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Old 11-12-2009, 09:26 AM   #315
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How to tell an INTJ loves you:

They trust you.
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Old 11-12-2009, 09:38 AM   #316
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If I smile around you, if I lose my usually stiff demeanor around you, if I debate you (I don't even bother debating those I don't respect; if we disagree, I just let it slide, because I'm not interested in what those people think), if I act like a child around you, if I tell you pretty personal details, if I stick around even when we're not talking, and not immerse myself in something else. None of these are tell-tale signs, however, as I tend to act like that around my friends as well; I don't give tell-tale signs of romantic interest, but it should be pretty obvious that I respect you immensely at that point, and for me, respect always comes before genuine attraction.
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Old 11-12-2009, 09:42 AM   #317
Lil
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  Originally Posted by catzmeow
we're not dating--we have a physically focused relationship

I'm an Old Person so I don't know what this means. Please explain. Does it mean you're having sex but you don't go out to eat or to the movies, etc.?

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Old 11-12-2009, 10:55 AM   #318
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  Originally Posted by Lil
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I'm an Old Person so I don't know what this means. Please explain. Does it mean you're having sex but you don't go out to eat or to the movies, etc.?

I think this is actually a Bahama-Mama quote. She would have to explain. Though, I suspect it is "friends with benefits," or FWB. People who have sex, but don't date romantically.

Personally, I've never been able to manage this, because I have zero desire to have sex without emotional connection and intimacy.

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Old 11-12-2009, 01:15 PM   #319
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I had an ongoing sexual R with someone I was not in love with but we really really liked each other and went out to eat and to the movies and to Borders and stuff. We just spent most of our time together in bed because that's where we had the MOST fun.

I don't have to be in love with someone, but I have to like and respect them and enjoy their company, etc.

I guess the word "dating" implies a future together?
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Old 11-13-2009, 07:39 PM   #320
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If he becomes an SP around you.
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:38 PM   #321
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If they run after you and ask you when you'll be back at the chapel to listen to you play the piano and when you finally do meet up again, just sits, quiet, for HOURS, falling asleep cause INTJ's NEVER sleep and ALWAYS have something to say.
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:44 AM   #322
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Need some help from fellow INTJs here!
In liking someonw, do you guys get excited and then uninterested easily? I'm confused about this INTJ guy who seem to have build the momentum for quite some time, who showed a lot of effort and then he just stopped. Things were going well, I don't know why he suddenly withdraw as if we have no emotional connection at all. Then I found out he is very into this other girl.

Do INTJ guys have the tendency to notify everyone about her existence and how great she is when they are in love or do they prefer to keep everything unknown until he's fully sure?

---------- Post added 12-18-2009 at 06:46 AM ----------

Need some help from fellow INTJs here!
In liking someonw, do you guys get excited and then uninterested easily? I'm confused about this INTJ guy who seem to have build the momentum for quite some time, who showed a lot of effort and then he just stopped. Things were going well, I don't know why he suddenly withdraw as if we have no emotional connection at all. Then I found out he is very into this other girl.

Do INTJ guys have the tendency to notify everyone about her existence and how great she is when they are in love or do they prefer to keep everything unknown until he's fully sure?
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Old 12-20-2009, 02:07 AM   #323
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If admit to any strong emotion around you, not only am I in love with you, we've probably been dating so long we've moved in together. If I *show* strong emotion around you, we'd better be married.
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Old 12-20-2009, 01:56 PM   #324
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-If they run away from you.
-If they seek you out to talk to you. (I know this contradicts the above comment, but we INTJs are nothing if not enigmatic).
-If you catch them staring at you when you aren't looking.
-If it's clear they did research on you (trust me, we INTJs don't waste our time looking up dirt on the other party unless we WANT to know).
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Old 12-30-2009, 01:12 AM   #325
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  Originally Posted by steerthestars
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I would have to be in love with somebody to answer the phone. And by "answer the phone," I mean "consider how telephones and mass communication affected both the speed of news and the increase of sohisticated in espionage in the two world wars while sitting quietly, ignoring the ringing phone."

Hehehe... I only got a cell phone so I could ignore people on two fronts.

Yes, I agree. If they answer the phone you're probably in the clear. For now. Hell, if they answer the door when you show up without an advance appointment, you might as well buy a ring because they are totally into you.

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