Female Inferiority Complex in Relationships

**Acextreme** · 04-03-2009, 07:30 AM

Ok, partly out of curiousity, would you ladies not likely to accept a guy whose qualities are way above yours as your partner? Qualities includes anything from intelligence, qualifications, achievements, etc...relationship experts suggest that the differences between partners should not be too far apart in terms of values, education, intelligence, etc, else difficulties in communication and understanding will arise, and hence romance sparks are unlikely to fly.

The reason I ask is because, generally speaking, when a guy meets a lady whose qualities are way above, most guys would feel that they cannot match up and likely to think that the lady would not consider them as well. Hence the inferiority complex and romance is likely not to happen. What about the girls? Would they feel and react this way too?

Please be honest with your heart (some might deny they ever have feelings but please recognize that you do) and imagine this really happening to you. How would you react?

**Prunesquallor** · 04-03-2009, 07:46 AM

Dunno, never found a guy like that.
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**More Tea** · 04-03-2009, 07:53 AM

Interesting question. I suppose if the discrepancy was wide and existed on multiple levels (education and intelligence and ___), I'd pretty much assume the guy would not be interested in me and behave accordingly. However, my husband is far more of a traditional achiever than I am: he owns and runs a very successful business, gives public speeches, and so forth. Then again, I met him before he'd gotten that far and encouraged him along the way. Hm.

**Valielen** · 04-03-2009, 08:04 AM

Mostly I would be at first attracted to a person who was superior than me in a field, suck him dry for knowledge/expertise then dump him when I got bored.

With my current bf, we both have strengths and I could never match up to his (he's on his way to doing a 11h mountain climb for fun at the moment...) and he sees me as the clever one (specially in languages). So we aim to be better by using each other as goals. This keeps us challenged and fresh. I'm still climbing mountains (just not at that extreme pace) and he is learning cantonese and portuguese with my help.
There are many other things we get from each other, but the constant learning is definitely a plus in keeping the relationship growing.

I do have the inferiority complex when I start doubting my own strengths. But that is usually a cycle of negativity.

**Acextreme** · 04-03-2009, 08:20 AM

	Originally Posted by More Tea To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Interesting question. I suppose if the discrepancy was wide and existed on multiple levels (education and intelligence and ___), I'd pretty much assume the guy would not be interested in me and behave accordingly.

What if that guy showed some interest in you? Let's assume this would be the case in the hypothetical scenerio above...

**Monte314** · 04-03-2009, 08:26 AM

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**Nemesis** · 04-03-2009, 08:37 AM

	Originally Posted by Monte314 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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I knew I heard the sound of canned worms opening.

**Adarasnow** · 04-03-2009, 09:02 AM

I feel I need a guy who is 'above' me in certain areas because I know I can be very hard to handle. It may not seem like it at first, but once I am comfortable around a person I am very set in my ways and a bit hard to live with. So he needs to be strong and be able to counter me or else I will run right over him. And then I feel bad for acting myself...

**Kellie** · 04-03-2009, 09:14 AM

	Originally Posted by Adarasnow To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I feel I need a guy who is 'above' me in certain areas because I know I can be very hard to handle. It may not seem like it at first, but once I am comfortable around a person I am very set in my ways and a bit hard to live with. So he needs to be strong and be able to counter me or else I will run right over him. And then I feel bad for acting myself...

I agree with that in relation to me.

If he's way above me, then I'm super attracted to him...at first, then I would get shy and totally back off because he is outta my league.

**NiteRider** · 04-03-2009, 09:23 AM

Insider story from a guy:

1) Big ego guys: Some guys with big egos would never recognize and admit that the girl has greater talents. Or he may reassure himself by stating his greater skills are in another area and logically explain his way out that each person has different strengths.

2) Regular / Small ego guys: He doesn't mind it. He's actually happy that he has someone who can take care of that area she is superior in. I have seen such guys.

3) Bad guys: They will not accept the talent of the girl and always try to put her down in a way to make themselves feel bigger. Types to avoid as they will eventually put a dent in your self-esteem.

It's upto the girl which one she likes more of the first two types, and should avoid the last kind.

**Prunesquallor** · 04-03-2009, 09:30 AM

They should avoid the first kind too. They're annoying pricks.

**Kellie** · 04-03-2009, 09:33 AM

Acextreme: This sounds like something you're going through right now. Is she intimidated by you?

**Adarasnow** · 04-03-2009, 09:34 AM

4. Balanced guys: one who knows what is his strenghts are and what they are not. He finds a partner who helps him with his weaknesses and hers with his strenghts. They get along, have good credit, make love five times a week and have two dogs.

**NiteRider** · 04-03-2009, 09:37 AM

Yeah, I was wondering which category to put myself in. Thanks for adding the 4th point. But why only 5 times? I don't take the weekends off!

**darynthe** · 04-03-2009, 09:42 AM

I would really love someone superior to me. The perfect partner. It is extremely difficult to connect with a man who doesn't know a 10th of what I do or is only interested in frigging hockey. /rant

**dalidaisy** · 04-03-2009, 09:42 AM

As long as his ego allows me room to wiggle in, I'll date a person who's smarter & has acheived more than me. I prefer someone who challenges me, someone I can learn from. Do I feel inferior? Heck no. I'm pretty sure of my own abilities in other areas & if they like me the way I am, then where's the problem?

Of course, I wouldn't want a large gap here. We still need to be able to relate to one another. We definitely need to have similar interests & values. I mean, those are really the basics for a healthy relationship...

**Adarasnow** · 04-03-2009, 09:46 AM

Niterider: Five times a week or else you'll get burned out, like working out...

**Kellie** · 04-03-2009, 09:49 AM

	Originally Posted by Adarasnow To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Niterider: Five times a week or else you'll get burned out, like working out...

Haha!
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Consult doctor or trainer before engaging in vigorous activity.

**graciela224** · 04-03-2009, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by Acextreme
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Ok, partly out of curiousity, would you ladies not likely to accept a guy whose qualities are way above yours as your partner? Qualities includes anything from intelligence, qualifications, achievements, etc...relationship experts suggest that the differences between partners should not be too far apart in terms of values, education, intelligence, etc, else difficulties in communication and understanding will arise, and hence romance sparks are unlikely to fly.

The reason I ask is because, generally speaking, when a guy meets a lady whose qualities are way above, most guys would feel that they cannot match up and likely to think that the lady would not consider them as well. Hence the inferiority complex and romance is likely not to happen. What about the girls? Would they feel and react this way too?

Please be honest with your heart (some might deny they ever have feelings but please recognize that you do) and imagine this really happening to you. How would you react?

I would definitely go for a guy that was more intelligent and/or had acheived more. That's very attractive to me. As long as he didn't have a huge ego, it sounds like it would be a great relationship if each person challenged each other to succeed and do their best. That is, so long as my relative stupidity weren't an impediment to the relationship, and our interests wouldn't incite an unhealthy competition (i.e. one would be an artist, the other a scientist, rather than two competing artists/scientists). But I've yet to meet a guy like this...

**NiteRider** · 04-03-2009, 10:03 AM

No comments... I am obviously outnumbered here...

Edit: Was referring to the previous posts.

**Acextreme** · 04-03-2009, 10:30 AM

	Originally Posted by Kellie To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Acextreme: This sounds like something you're going through right now. Is she intimidated by you?

Good intuition...well, I don't really quite know whether she is. But from our conversation so far, though we can communicate quite freely between both of us in the sense that we can freely express our views, opinions, and perspectives on general stuff with each other, I realized there might be quite a few potential problematic gaps of differences, for example, the vocabulary I used during speech seems a little higher than hers; like when I said I am indifferent, she don't understand until I tone down to more simple language use.

Also, from some other friends who casually mentioned about my academical achievements (much to my surprise) in front of her, I was just curious if that would cause her to feel the gap being too wide between the both of us, which might then be a barrier...in class, when she was in my discussion group, she was very quiet and did not participate much, seemingly due to nothing to contribute(?)...

I don't know, I always have this thought that if one were to surpass others too much, he/she would be alone up there; some bloody smart people like William James Sidis is very lonely with no one at his level to engage him in a good conversation.

EDIT: Right now, her image of me is I am intelligent, reads a lot, blah blah...don't know if she thinks that she's out of my league or what...

**Kellie** · 04-03-2009, 11:33 AM

Uncertainty can be exciting!...or horribly frustrating!

**Medicine Man** · 04-03-2009, 11:44 AM

What an interesting topic! Let me preface by stating that I am a humble person and don't like bragging. Thus, an anonymous message board is the perfect place for me to broach this topic. From an objective standpoint, I am an extremely high achiever in all areas of my life. I have had great success in everything I do. Athletics, academics, Music etc. etc. In addition to this, I also have a "traditionally attractive" appearance. So objectively, you would think that getting girls would be extremely easy for me. Nothing could be further from the truth.
1. The biggest problem is that I am extremely shy, my sexual encounters usually occur when "party" girls thrust themselves upon me for a quick fling. This was more of a college phenomenon, when I actually went to parties.
2. A secondary problem is that girls are extremely intimidated by me. The "shallow and hot" types are used to having men constantly approach them with stupid pick up lines. Since I don't do that, they probably end up thinking I am gay or mentally ill. The more intelligent girls pick up on the fact that I am an extremely intelligent person, but since I have a "jock" look, perhaps are more reticent to make contact for fear of rejection.
This creates kind of a strange situation in that I don't have any apparent "flaws" that allow for an opening. Its actually quite pathetic that this is even a problem for me. The girl I end up with will likely be extroverted/intuitive such that she can pick up on the reality of the situation and have the gumption to approach.

**Kellie** · 04-03-2009, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by Medicine Man
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What an interesting topic! Let me preface by stating that I am a humble person and don't like bragging. Thus, an anonymous message board is the perfect place for me to broach this topic. From an objective standpoint, I am an extremely high achiever in all areas of my life. I have had great success in everything I do. Athletics, academics, Music etc. etc. In addition to this, I also have a "traditionally attractive" appearance. So objectively, you would think that getting girls would be extremely easy for me. Nothing could be further from the truth.
1. The biggest problem is that I am extremely shy, my sexual encounters usually occur when "party" girls thrust themselves upon me for a quick fling. This was more of a college phenomenon, when I actually went to parties.
2. A secondary problem is that girls are extremely intimidated by me. The "shallow and hot" types are used to having men constantly approach them with stupid pick up lines. Since I don't do that, they probably end up thinking I am gay or mentally ill. The more intelligent girls pick up on the fact that I am an extremely intelligent person, but since I have a "jock" look, perhaps are more reticent to make contact for fear of rejection.
This creates kind of a strange situation in that I don't have any apparent "flaws" that allow for an opening. Its actually quite pathetic that this is even a problem for me. The girl I end up with will likely be extroverted/intuitive such that she can pick up on the reality of the situation and have the gumption to approach.

I don't know you but maybe you come off as having baggage? Seems to be the only thing I can think of that would scare off an EN.

**Medicine Man** · 04-03-2009, 12:06 PM

It is probably more the fact that the environment I am in has few NFs and lots of STJs, but perhaps I may seem strange or depressed to some.

04-03-2009, 07:30 AM	#1
Acextreme Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 234	Ok, partly out of curiousity, would you ladies not likely to accept a guy whose qualities are way above yours as your partner? Qualities includes anything from intelligence, qualifications, achievements, etc...relationship experts suggest that the differences between partners should not be too far apart in terms of values, education, intelligence, etc, else difficulties in communication and understanding will arise, and hence romance sparks are unlikely to fly. The reason I ask is because, generally speaking, when a guy meets a lady whose qualities are way above, most guys would feel that they cannot match up and likely to think that the lady would not consider them as well. Hence the inferiority complex and romance is likely not to happen. What about the girls? Would they feel and react this way too? Please be honest with your heart (some might deny they ever have feelings but please recognize that you do) and imagine this really happening to you. How would you react?
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04-03-2009, 07:46 AM	#2
Prunesquallor Veteran Member [66%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,647	Dunno, never found a guy like that. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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04-03-2009, 07:53 AM	#3
More Tea Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 204	Interesting question. I suppose if the discrepancy was wide and existed on multiple levels (education and intelligence and ___), I'd pretty much assume the guy would not be interested in me and behave accordingly. However, my husband is far more of a traditional achiever than I am: he owns and runs a very successful business, gives public speeches, and so forth. Then again, I met him before he'd gotten that far and encouraged him along the way. Hm.
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04-03-2009, 08:04 AM	#4
Valielen Member [13%] MBTI: InTj Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 539	Mostly I would be at first attracted to a person who was superior than me in a field, suck him dry for knowledge/expertise then dump him when I got bored. With my current bf, we both have strengths and I could never match up to his (he's on his way to doing a 11h mountain climb for fun at the moment...) and he sees me as the clever one (specially in languages). So we aim to be better by using each other as goals. This keeps us challenged and fresh. I'm still climbing mountains (just not at that extreme pace) and he is learning cantonese and portuguese with my help. There are many other things we get from each other, but the constant learning is definitely a plus in keeping the relationship growing. I do have the inferiority complex when I start doubting my own strengths. But that is usually a cycle of negativity.
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04-03-2009, 08:26 AM	#6
Monte314 Core Member [412%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 16,505	To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Hee! Hee!
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04-03-2009, 09:02 AM	#8
Adarasnow Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 103	I feel I need a guy who is 'above' me in certain areas because I know I can be very hard to handle. It may not seem like it at first, but once I am comfortable around a person I am very set in my ways and a bit hard to live with. So he needs to be strong and be able to counter me or else I will run right over him. And then I feel bad for acting myself...
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04-03-2009, 09:23 AM	#10
NiteRider Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 104	Insider story from a guy: 1) Big ego guys: Some guys with big egos would never recognize and admit that the girl has greater talents. Or he may reassure himself by stating his greater skills are in another area and logically explain his way out that each person has different strengths. 2) Regular / Small ego guys: He doesn't mind it. He's actually happy that he has someone who can take care of that area she is superior in. I have seen such guys. 3) Bad guys: They will not accept the talent of the girl and always try to put her down in a way to make themselves feel bigger. Types to avoid as they will eventually put a dent in your self-esteem. It's upto the girl which one she likes more of the first two types, and should avoid the last kind.
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04-03-2009, 09:30 AM	#11
Prunesquallor Veteran Member [66%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,647	They should avoid the first kind too. They're annoying pricks.
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04-03-2009, 09:33 AM	#12
Kellie Member [03%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 155	Acextreme: This sounds like something you're going through right now. Is she intimidated by you?
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04-03-2009, 09:34 AM	#13
Adarasnow Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 103	4. Balanced guys: one who knows what is his strenghts are and what they are not. He finds a partner who helps him with his weaknesses and hers with his strenghts. They get along, have good credit, make love five times a week and have two dogs.
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04-03-2009, 09:37 AM	#14
NiteRider Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 104	Yeah, I was wondering which category to put myself in. Thanks for adding the 4th point. But why only 5 times? I don't take the weekends off!
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04-03-2009, 09:42 AM	#15
darynthe Member [45%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,824	I would really love someone superior to me. The perfect partner. It is extremely difficult to connect with a man who doesn't know a 10th of what I do or is only interested in frigging hockey. /rant
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04-03-2009, 09:42 AM	#16
dalidaisy Core Member [136%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 5,479	As long as his ego allows me room to wiggle in, I'll date a person who's smarter & has acheived more than me. I prefer someone who challenges me, someone I can learn from. Do I feel inferior? Heck no. I'm pretty sure of my own abilities in other areas & if they like me the way I am, then where's the problem? Of course, I wouldn't want a large gap here. We still need to be able to relate to one another. We definitely need to have similar interests & values. I mean, those are really the basics for a healthy relationship...
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04-03-2009, 09:46 AM	#17
Adarasnow Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 103	Niterider: Five times a week or else you'll get burned out, like working out...
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04-03-2009, 10:03 AM	#20
NiteRider Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 104	No comments... I am obviously outnumbered here... Edit: Was referring to the previous posts.
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04-03-2009, 11:33 AM	#22
Kellie Member [03%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 155	Uncertainty can be exciting!...or horribly frustrating!
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04-03-2009, 11:44 AM	#23
Medicine Man Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 191	What an interesting topic! Let me preface by stating that I am a humble person and don't like bragging. Thus, an anonymous message board is the perfect place for me to broach this topic. From an objective standpoint, I am an extremely high achiever in all areas of my life. I have had great success in everything I do. Athletics, academics, Music etc. etc. In addition to this, I also have a "traditionally attractive" appearance. So objectively, you would think that getting girls would be extremely easy for me. Nothing could be further from the truth. 1. The biggest problem is that I am extremely shy, my sexual encounters usually occur when "party" girls thrust themselves upon me for a quick fling. This was more of a college phenomenon, when I actually went to parties. 2. A secondary problem is that girls are extremely intimidated by me. The "shallow and hot" types are used to having men constantly approach them with stupid pick up lines. Since I don't do that, they probably end up thinking I am gay or mentally ill. The more intelligent girls pick up on the fact that I am an extremely intelligent person, but since I have a "jock" look, perhaps are more reticent to make contact for fear of rejection. This creates kind of a strange situation in that I don't have any apparent "flaws" that allow for an opening. Its actually quite pathetic that this is even a problem for me. The girl I end up with will likely be extroverted/intuitive such that she can pick up on the reality of the situation and have the gumption to approach.
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04-03-2009, 12:06 PM	#25
Medicine Man Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 191	It is probably more the fact that the environment I am in has few NFs and lots of STJs, but perhaps I may seem strange or depressed to some.
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