What Does An Extrovert See In An Introvert?

**this is my name** · 04-01-2009, 10:54 PM

I know that I see in extroverts a personality trait that I do not have, and that is what I like about them. Only for girls though, and only in moderation. I really cannot stand extroverted guys. But, are extroverts attracted to our silence and contemplation or is it something else.

**eternaltriangle** · 04-01-2009, 11:21 PM

Are introverts necessarily silent? I'm not silent when I am in a conversation, but I try to limit the degree to which I "go out" because I find it tiring. Even if I am an aberration a lot of people do appreciate good listeners too (I am not a good listener, but I appreciate them).

I would suggest social network theory offers a good explanation. Lets imagine a group of individuals that are connected to other individuals based on whether they share information about movies. Extroverts will tend to have many connections, and form central points within the matrix. Introverts, by contrast, will tend to be on the fringes, having fewer connections to the rest of the group.

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However, while disconnected introverts will have fewer connections, and probably won't have the generally shared information (for instance, the word of mouth campaign that made Juno or Blair Witch Project big hits), they may have unique information (say they are the only person in the network to have heard of Six String Samurai). Their disconnect from the rest is what is called, in the SNA network a "social hole". By linking the introvert to the network writ large, the extrovert gains leverage vis-a-vis the introvert. AND it can spread the introvert's information abroad, gaining credit for being so very unique, when really, they are just well-connected. Ronwalf (I don't know what that network was actually for), in the graph above, for instance, is well positioned. He is the only source of information for bijan, mike-dinner and mhgrove, and can take credit among others for their unique collective knowledge.

**Jayfield1** · 04-01-2009, 11:55 PM

Perhaps extroverts are jealous of our ability to think without invoking the vocal chords?

On a more serious note, I do appreciate it when I fall into the occasional extroverted mood. I'm sure there's an analogous phenomenon for extroverts.

**demaugustus** · 04-02-2009, 12:12 AM

	Originally Posted by this is my name To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I know that I see in extroverts a personality trait that I do not have, and that is what I like about them. Only for girls though, and only in moderation. I really cannot stand extroverted guys. But, are extroverts attracted to our silence and contemplation or is it something else.

For me, absolutely nothing...I care more about the next 3 functions. I hope you aren't confusing the E/I dichotomy with the differences between intuitives and sensors.

EDIT: I MADE A STUPID SPELLING ERROR FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO SAW AND COMMENTED...SO SUE ME
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**True Rune** · 04-02-2009, 12:20 AM

Sometimes they will see us as interesting specimens. Guys or girls I guess, someone with a little depth may have something interesting to offer them. In my experience, typically they just want to know why you're not talky though. Of course, my sample isn't much and we'd probably need many non INTJ conversion extrovert opinions. Ask your extrovert friends.

**Vagrant** · 04-02-2009, 12:39 AM

From what I understand of the ENFP's who come here...

Is that they enjoy the mystery of opening us up. We're not as easy to read as most extroverts.

**Homini Lupus** · 04-02-2009, 03:16 AM

About the social network, you may also notice that the introvert may spread its views by having a good connection with a central extrovert. I was a persona friend of a very extraverted and popular person in high school and often jokes made by me ended up being heard by the whole classroom through him (who got the credit, but I didn't care). I presume this model may work with something more interesting than jokes.

**Samoan Corleone** · 04-02-2009, 04:04 AM

	Originally Posted by this is my name To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I really cannot stand extroverted guys.

Huh? You serious? My best friend's an extroverted guy. I'm the brains, he's the brawn. That's an example of Es and Is coexisting, though that's not to say that Es can't be smart and Is can't be tough.

**tntblaster** · 04-02-2009, 04:31 AM

It's the whole.. you don't say much, you're hard to read, you say what you mean.... that just tells me.. you want to change me or try and dig really deep before i'm ready. I usually last one or two dates with women like that.. and i'm gone.

**Samoan Corleone** · 04-02-2009, 05:43 AM

	Originally Posted by tntblaster To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It's the whole.. you don't say much, you're hard to read, you say what you mean.... that just tells me.. you want to change me or try and dig really deep before i'm ready. I usually last one or two dates with women like that.. and i'm gone.

LOL, I envy your Introversion-maintining abilities. On dates I've always feigned Extroversion and had a smirk on my face the whole time. If I genuinely liked the girl then the smirk would be genuine, of course. I'm weird though. I'm only comfotable being my true I self around close friends and family, whereas they're who most other I's choose to let loose in front of. My Extroversion facade is a safeguard, so if I'm being an I it means I've let down my guard and I'm comfortable in the presense of whoever's there.

**floramacivor** · 04-02-2009, 06:11 AM

It seems like pairs are often that way - there will be one who's outgoing, and the other is like the straight guy. Maybe an extrovert needs a good listener?

**tntblaster** · 04-02-2009, 06:15 AM

Yea, they do. I find it hard not to interrupt people though..

**Samoan Corleone** · 04-02-2009, 06:16 AM

	Originally Posted by floramacivor To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It seems like pairs are often that way - there will be one who's outgoing, and the other is like the straight guy. Maybe an extrovert needs a good listener?

Yes, and an introvert needs an entertainer. They entertain us, we listen to them.

**Ace1337** · 04-02-2009, 06:21 AM

Extroverts are a big group. Introverted people may like some extroverts or they may hate some extroverts. As demvesalius said it's about the next 3 functions.

@Jayfield1, extroverts are not retarded you know. They can think whenever they want to.

**raz1337** · 04-02-2009, 09:08 AM

I can find good listeners easily for my own problems. When I'm with an Extravert, my problem with them is I'm constantly thinking, "Please talk about something other than the immediate external situation."

**MichaelH** · 04-02-2009, 09:23 AM

	Originally Posted by Samoan Corleone To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yes, and an introvert needs an entertainer. They entertain us, we listen to them.

This can be a fundamental dynamic in E-I relationships.

My spouse is an ESFP: he wants to be the center of attention. When he's with other extroverts, he enjoys himself, but he has to compete. (One very ESFP friend in particular is brutal about bringing every conversation back to himself.) With me, my spouse has my whole attention for as long as he can hold it.

I think the spouse also enjoys being the social buffer for me. He knows extroversion is awkward for me, so he is always needed. When the need is sincere and not overbearing, most people enjoy being needed.

**ElstonGunn** · 04-02-2009, 11:54 AM

	Originally Posted by Vagrant To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	From what I understand of the ENFP's who come here... Is that they enjoy the mystery of opening us up.

I resent that when it happens to me. The exception is if they can do it in a way that isn't pushy, which is rare, or if I want them to figure me out, which is at least ten times more rare. Usually it's like they kick open the door while I'm on the sitting can, and refuse to leave. I'm not here to entertain people. I don't want to be on display.

**OnionKnight** · 04-02-2009, 12:36 PM

Having an extroverted friend is helpful, they show you around their social network and can bring you stories from all walks of life. All judging by my pretty much only extroverted friend who seems to be an ESTP. He seems to enjoy our company because he can kick back and relax around us. Talks very little about it all though, and it's hard to analyze him so I can't say much how he perceives us.

**Jayfield1** · 04-02-2009, 12:39 PM

	Originally Posted by Ace1337 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	@Jayfield1, extroverts are not retarded you know. They can think whenever they want to.

You might want to re-read my post with this handy guide in mind:

[SARCASM]Perhaps extroverts are jealous of our ability to think without invoking the vocal chord[/SARCASM]

The clue was my lead-in to my next sentence, "On a more serious note..." If I had said it out loud, you would have immediately realized I was being facetious. It's ironic, considering the subject of my joke (and your extroversion), that you missed it completely because it was written down and not conveyed through auditory means.

**darynthe** · 04-02-2009, 12:41 PM

I don't think Extros think in general very highly of intros. I can imagine that the main attraction could be sex.

**raz1337** · 04-02-2009, 02:04 PM

	Originally Posted by darynthe To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't think Extros think in general very highly of intros. I can imagine that the main attraction could be sex.

Last time I checked, I don't think ISTJ was high ranked on the list of sexually appealing types.

**this is my name** · 04-02-2009, 03:19 PM

	Originally Posted by Samoan Corleone To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Huh? You serious? My best friend's an extroverted guy. I'm the brains, he's the brawn. That's an example of Es and Is coexisting, though that's not to say that Es can't be smart and Is can't be tough.

If I know them I tend to be more tolerant, but the ones who just talk for no reason drive me nuts.

**Dreamshaper** · 04-02-2009, 04:02 PM

From personal experience, extroverts have been interested in me because I:

a) seem very mysterious, and give them something to figure out,
b) am a deep thinker, which, for some reason, makes them feel safe to share their ideas with me,
c) have traits that they may not see in themselves.

But this is only something I've observed with the many extroverts I've interacted with. I'm no extrovert, so I couldn't speak for them. Not that they would all have the same opinion.

**Harmony** · 04-02-2009, 04:17 PM

If I'm seeking advice and want someone who I know will listen to everything I have to say without interrupting me... I will seek out an introvert... Most extroverts I know interrupt me in the middle of my issue... So they are offering up advice before they know the whole situation... Very annoying. I broke myself of doing that. Actually, I think my job broke me of doing that!

Introverts are also great for providing a different perspective on things. Sometimes I forget that everyone needs a little me time, and my introverted friends remind me that it's okay to stay home and just chill alone for a few hours.

For me it has nothing to do with I/E being mysterious... It's the other traits that make up the mystery for me.
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**floramacivor** · 04-03-2009, 06:20 PM

	Originally Posted by raz1337 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	When I'm with an Extravert, my problem with them is I'm constantly thinking, "Please talk about something other than the immediate external situation."

It depends on the extrovert. I love being with extroverts who are the life of the party types, always joking - it must be the entertainment factor. But when someone is constantly complaining, or seems obsessed with their own personal self or their own narrow set of circumstances, then I find them wearing on my patience.

If small minds talk about people, average minds talk about events, and great minds talk about ideas. - then what can you say about a person who only seems talk about himself and the crises and emotional details of his own life?

04-01-2009, 10:54 PM	#1
this is my name New Member [01%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 28	I know that I see in extroverts a personality trait that I do not have, and that is what I like about them. Only for girls though, and only in moderation. I really cannot stand extroverted guys. But, are extroverts attracted to our silence and contemplation or is it something else.
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04-01-2009, 11:21 PM	#2
eternaltriangle Member [31%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,253	Are introverts necessarily silent? I'm not silent when I am in a conversation, but I try to limit the degree to which I "go out" because I find it tiring. Even if I am an aberration a lot of people do appreciate good listeners too (I am not a good listener, but I appreciate them). I would suggest social network theory offers a good explanation. Lets imagine a group of individuals that are connected to other individuals based on whether they share information about movies. Extroverts will tend to have many connections, and form central points within the matrix. Introverts, by contrast, will tend to be on the fringes, having fewer connections to the rest of the group. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. However, while disconnected introverts will have fewer connections, and probably won't have the generally shared information (for instance, the word of mouth campaign that made Juno or Blair Witch Project big hits), they may have unique information (say they are the only person in the network to have heard of Six String Samurai). Their disconnect from the rest is what is called, in the SNA network a "social hole". By linking the introvert to the network writ large, the extrovert gains leverage vis-a-vis the introvert. AND it can spread the introvert's information abroad, gaining credit for being so very unique, when really, they are just well-connected. Ronwalf (I don't know what that network was actually for), in the graph above, for instance, is well positioned. He is the only source of information for bijan, mike-dinner and mhgrove, and can take credit among others for their unique collective knowledge.
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04-01-2009, 11:55 PM	#3
Jayfield1 New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 17	Perhaps extroverts are jealous of our ability to think without invoking the vocal chords? On a more serious note, I do appreciate it when I fall into the occasional extroverted mood. I'm sure there's an analogous phenomenon for extroverts.
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04-02-2009, 12:20 AM	#5
True Rune Core Member [200%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 8,028	Sometimes they will see us as interesting specimens. Guys or girls I guess, someone with a little depth may have something interesting to offer them. In my experience, typically they just want to know why you're not talky though. Of course, my sample isn't much and we'd probably need many non INTJ conversion extrovert opinions. Ask your extrovert friends.
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04-02-2009, 12:39 AM	#6
Vagrant Core Member [155%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,225	From what I understand of the ENFP's who come here... Is that they enjoy the mystery of opening us up. We're not as easy to read as most extroverts.
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04-02-2009, 03:16 AM	#7
Homini Lupus Member [30%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,228	About the social network, you may also notice that the introvert may spread its views by having a good connection with a central extrovert. I was a persona friend of a very extraverted and popular person in high school and often jokes made by me ended up being heard by the whole classroom through him (who got the credit, but I didn't care). I presume this model may work with something more interesting than jokes.
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04-02-2009, 04:31 AM	#9
tntblaster Member [03%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 148	It's the whole.. you don't say much, you're hard to read, you say what you mean.... that just tells me.. you want to change me or try and dig really deep before i'm ready. I usually last one or two dates with women like that.. and i'm gone.
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04-02-2009, 06:11 AM	#11
floramacivor Member [42%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,714	It seems like pairs are often that way - there will be one who's outgoing, and the other is like the straight guy. Maybe an extrovert needs a good listener?
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04-02-2009, 06:15 AM	#12
tntblaster Member [03%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 148	Yea, they do. I find it hard not to interrupt people though..
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04-02-2009, 06:21 AM	#14
Ace1337 Member [10%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 402	Extroverts are a big group. Introverted people may like some extroverts or they may hate some extroverts. As demvesalius said it's about the next 3 functions. @Jayfield1, extroverts are not retarded you know. They can think whenever they want to.
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04-02-2009, 09:08 AM	#15
raz1337 Member [05%] MBTI: ISTJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 201	I can find good listeners easily for my own problems. When I'm with an Extravert, my problem with them is I'm constantly thinking, "Please talk about something other than the immediate external situation."
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04-02-2009, 12:36 PM	#18
OnionKnight Member [03%] MBTI: INtj Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 130	Having an extroverted friend is helpful, they show you around their social network and can bring you stories from all walks of life. All judging by my pretty much only extroverted friend who seems to be an ESTP. He seems to enjoy our company because he can kick back and relax around us. Talks very little about it all though, and it's hard to analyze him so I can't say much how he perceives us.
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04-02-2009, 12:41 PM	#20
darynthe Member [45%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,824	I don't think Extros think in general very highly of intros. I can imagine that the main attraction could be sex.
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04-02-2009, 04:02 PM	#23
Dreamshaper New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 34	From personal experience, extroverts have been interested in me because I: a) seem very mysterious, and give them something to figure out, b) am a deep thinker, which, for some reason, makes them feel safe to share their ideas with me, c) have traits that they may not see in themselves. But this is only something I've observed with the many extroverts I've interacted with. I'm no extrovert, so I couldn't speak for them. Not that they would all have the same opinion.
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04-02-2009, 04:17 PM	#24
Harmony Core Member [172%] MBTI: ISFP Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 6,912	If I'm seeking advice and want someone who I know will listen to everything I have to say without interrupting me... I will seek out an introvert... Most extroverts I know interrupt me in the middle of my issue... So they are offering up advice before they know the whole situation... Very annoying. I broke myself of doing that. Actually, I think my job broke me of doing that! Introverts are also great for providing a different perspective on things. Sometimes I forget that everyone needs a little me time, and my introverted friends remind me that it's okay to stay home and just chill alone for a few hours. For me it has nothing to do with I/E being mysterious... It's the other traits that make up the mystery for me. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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