"Cold Feet" Experiences?

**BostonIan** · 04-01-2009, 10:26 PM

Background, marriage and family, the traditional lifestyle is what I've decided on, the path I've set for myself. It colors much of my future plans, the goal of any dating, all that.

Funny thing, though. I've been talking with a woman for the past while, talking about marriage, and the subject became real, something that could really happen. All of a sudden it was like, "Whoa. Daddy BostonIan? Hubby BostonIan?" It just seemed so weird. I grew up on the harbor, and in the Summer, as kids, we used to jump off bridges and warehouses into the water. That was the "whoa" it reminded me of, high-up looking down at the water - "Whoa."

I'll jump anyway, and the marriage isn't as imminent as I may be making it seem, but my reaction was completely unexpected. Got me curious about the subject; any of you had the "cold feet" experience? Care to share the details?

**zudusu** · 04-06-2009, 04:28 AM

I was 27, happily married for several years, had recently gotten my college degree and was actively seeking my dream job when Wham! I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. We had never planned on having children. Birth control failed. I was totally freaked out! I finally finished school and wanted to work, not have a baby! My husband was thrilled from the second I told him, but it took me about three months to accept my new fate.

Everything worked out. We liked being parents so much we had a second child. The kids are now 8 and 6. While I lost some of my freedom and currently lack the ability to move to a larger city to find my "dream job," I did find the closest thing to it here in town. I look back and laugh at my reaction to that plus sign on the pregnancy test stick
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I certainly have no regrets.

**gestalt** · 04-07-2009, 04:05 PM

Yeah definitely. I made the mistake of proposing while making love. Which as anyone knows is the biggest copout of all. I thought it just "felt right" - big mistake. She latched onto me and we were going to get married at a judge (DANGER DANGER). I suggested a pre-nuptial and she freaked so I called it off because to me that was a good warning sign that both of us were too unstable/immature at that point. And sure enough it carried over throughout the rest of our disfunctional addictive relationship, ultimately culminating in total destruction.

The two of you have to think it all the way through, together. In my opinion marrying for "love" is the biggest mistake a lot of people make in their entire lives. But love is different for everyone. Marriage is a financial and social institution, never forget it.

If you're not prepared to give unconditional kindness and not try to change somebody even if it is for the better, don't bother. Keep those standards high!

04-01-2009, 10:26 PM	#1
BostonIan Member [31%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1,242	Background, marriage and family, the traditional lifestyle is what I've decided on, the path I've set for myself. It colors much of my future plans, the goal of any dating, all that. Funny thing, though. I've been talking with a woman for the past while, talking about marriage, and the subject became real, something that could really happen. All of a sudden it was like, "Whoa. Daddy BostonIan? Hubby BostonIan?" It just seemed so weird. I grew up on the harbor, and in the Summer, as kids, we used to jump off bridges and warehouses into the water. That was the "whoa" it reminded me of, high-up looking down at the water - "Whoa." I'll jump anyway, and the marriage isn't as imminent as I may be making it seem, but my reaction was completely unexpected. Got me curious about the subject; any of you had the "cold feet" experience? Care to share the details?
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04-06-2009, 04:28 AM	#2
zudusu Member [02%] MBTI: ISTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 98	I was 27, happily married for several years, had recently gotten my college degree and was actively seeking my dream job when Wham! I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. We had never planned on having children. Birth control failed. I was totally freaked out! I finally finished school and wanted to work, not have a baby! My husband was thrilled from the second I told him, but it took me about three months to accept my new fate. Everything worked out. We liked being parents so much we had a second child. The kids are now 8 and 6. While I lost some of my freedom and currently lack the ability to move to a larger city to find my "dream job," I did find the closest thing to it here in town. I look back and laugh at my reaction to that plus sign on the pregnancy test stick To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I certainly have no regrets.
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04-07-2009, 04:05 PM	#3
gestalt Veteran Member [84%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 3,374	Yeah definitely. I made the mistake of proposing while making love. Which as anyone knows is the biggest copout of all. I thought it just "felt right" - big mistake. She latched onto me and we were going to get married at a judge (DANGER DANGER). I suggested a pre-nuptial and she freaked so I called it off because to me that was a good warning sign that both of us were too unstable/immature at that point. And sure enough it carried over throughout the rest of our disfunctional addictive relationship, ultimately culminating in total destruction. The two of you have to think it all the way through, together. In my opinion marrying for "love" is the biggest mistake a lot of people make in their entire lives. But love is different for everyone. Marriage is a financial and social institution, never forget it. If you're not prepared to give unconditional kindness and not try to change somebody even if it is for the better, don't bother. Keep those standards high!
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