How do you define a best friend?

**LvHmBirth** · 02-06-2009, 09:00 PM

I was going to go answer the poll, but then realized I don't have a good working definition on what, exactly, a best friend is.

Is it someone who I've known for years, don't talk to often, but when I do talk to them, it's like our conversation never stopped? Even if there are years in between conversations?

Is it the person that I trust enough to discuss an actual personal problem? Who, if I were to be some other personality type, I'd call, but instead, is the one to call me?

Is it the person that consistently makes me laugh, and follows my train of thought more closely than anyone else?

Is it the person who accepts me for what I am, even though they don't usually understand me?

How are you deciding who your best friend is? Are there specific qualities that people use to determine this? I'm thinking that all of the above people (all different people in my life) may qualify, but then, it's not really "best", is it?

**auriga vega** · 02-06-2009, 09:02 PM

The one person I can trust and count on almost completely. I don't necessarily have to love him/her though.

**True Rune** · 02-06-2009, 09:04 PM

It's a mutual thing. You both have to recognize each other as holding the title "Best Friend." It is someone you genuinely like and enjoy spending time with. (More than normal) and a certain degree of trust is necessary as well.

**LvHmBirth** · 02-06-2009, 09:09 PM

	Originally Posted by True Rune To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It's a mutual thing. You both have to recognize each other as holding the title "Best Friend."

Oh, well, that would knock everyone out of the running. I have had no reason to ask any of them how they regard our relationship.

**True Rune** · 02-06-2009, 09:12 PM

It's something you can know, I guess.
Maybe it's why I don't have many friends. I won't acknowledge someone as that unless they call me one first.

**Ender** · 02-06-2009, 09:19 PM

	Originally Posted by True Rune To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It's something you can know, I guess. Maybe it's why I don't have many friends. I won't acknowledge someone as that unless they call me one first.

Going more into general friends and not just best friends for a minute, I have a fair few people who I sort of know, but I don't really consider them "friends". I don't really know if they consider me a friend, but I agree that it's more of a mutual thing. Plus I'm probably not going to consider someone a friend unless a) I spend a lot of time with them, b) they actually care about me and vice-versa, and c) we actually "know" each other to some extent.

Best friends would basically be a more advanced, specialized version of that.

**mikebob** · 02-06-2009, 09:50 PM

In my experience the people I trust the most are also the ones I can talk to for hours and are also the ones who are most accepting of the way I do life. I know maybe two or three people like that. I trust these people even more than my own family in some things too. I don't think that there's any way I could ever say which one is my "best friend" though. I'd risk my skin for an acquaintance, or even a stranger if I thought it would actually do some good, but for a friend I'd go very much farther.

**lambpox** · 02-06-2009, 09:57 PM

For some sort of reason, my "best friends" are the ones I punch playfully in the shoulder, or act like a crazed, goofy nutter around...that basically shows how comfortable I am with a certain individual.

Someone I can be comfortable around more than anyone else, someone I can talk to about anything, no matter how silly or deep, is a best friend.

Storm · 02-06-2009, 10:38 PM

I have never liked to categorize my friends as "best." It just seems very elementary school to me. I guess because I don't like the implication that friendship is some kind of contest. I do have "good" friends though. And "old friends." Good friends are people you can tell most anything to, people who would come pick you up if your car broke down an hour out of town.
Old friends are good friends who you've known for a number of years.

**Vagrant** · 02-06-2009, 11:30 PM

The ones I don't have to put on a mask around.

**AliTree** · 02-06-2009, 11:34 PM

i have four "besties", no one best friend.
i have two girl besties and two guy besties.
the girls are INTP and ESFJ.
the boys are ESTJ and ENFP.

i consider them my besties because i feel most comfortable with them then with anyone else, i trust them more then anyone else, and i like being with them more than anyone else.

**probity** · 02-07-2009, 12:10 AM

My best friend is the person I have the deepest connection with. She understands my behaviors and motives better than anyone. Everything about our relationship falls into place because we have a deep understanding of who the other is and how they comprehend and react to the world. We can talk about anything for any amount of time, she accepts me for who I am and pushes me to overcome my faults, she makes me laugh, and even though we don't always follow each others train of thought very well we're both very intuitive and quick to feed off each others energy or mood.

**Freedom Geek** · 02-07-2009, 05:50 AM

Whatever friend has the highest ratio of positive to negative attributes.

**brainysmurf** · 02-07-2009, 11:42 AM

	Originally Posted by Freedom Geek To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Whatever friend has the highest ratio of positive to negative attributes.

Very pragmatic! "Best" friend is hard to define. For me it would be the first person I'd call if I'd locked myself out at 3 a.m., the person I'd share personal information with, the person I trust the most...

**alphawolf** · 02-08-2009, 07:23 AM

Everybody hears what you say.

Friends listen to what you say.

Best friends listen to what you don't say.

**Samoan Corleone** · 02-08-2009, 07:30 AM

My best friend and I are almost complete opposites (he's tall, I'm short, he's ESxP, I'm INxJ, he's a top athlete, I'm a top scholar), but throughout the years we still got along. Despite everything, I think there's an unseen quality, an "aura," that you'll find you have with your best friend, and that "aura" will be detectable to others as well (people often asked my best friend and I if we were brothers, although we were in the same year level and didn't look alike). You'll also be able to communicate without speaking, your best friend will just "know." My best friend and I have known each other since kindergarten and church, so that might have something to do with it.

**Zhen** · 02-08-2009, 07:36 AM

They kind of feel like family and they're always the person you can turn to when the shit hits the fan when everyone else runs away, you'd do pretty well anything for them and when they're miserable you can't be completely happy either. You are equally comfortable in silence together but can also have great satisfying conversations as well...you don't ever need to keep explaining yourself because they should know you almost inside out...

**Kisai** · 02-08-2009, 04:21 PM

A best friend will help you bury a body.

**iseesound** · 02-08-2009, 04:57 PM

Someone you can have a farting contest with and laugh about it afterwards.
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When you can say something so ambiguous and weird and yer friend knows exactly what yer talking about..and replies in the same ambiguous manner.
An immense amount of trust needs to be earned over years of interaction though.

I have two really great friends that rise above the rest of my mates
a male INTP
and a female ENFP

best. matches. EVAR.

**brainysmurf** · 02-09-2009, 01:50 PM

	Originally Posted by alphawolf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Everybody hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

Very poetic!

**SeaCzar** · 02-09-2009, 05:51 PM

	Originally Posted by alphawolf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Everybody hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

Agreed. I will add, as others have, that trust plays a big part. My best friend has power of attorney for everything I own, bank accounts, stocks, property, the whole smack. She trusts me implicity with her kids. She is family, in every since of the word, only better. It is said that you can pick your friends, but you cannot pick your family. In this case, I would disagree with that statement.

**ZzyzxRd** · 02-09-2009, 05:57 PM

Is it necessary to figure out a definition?
I don't have a best friend (or in general, friends that I can really relate to),
neither do I want one.

**rewhu** · 02-09-2009, 06:13 PM

Someone who:

-consistantly makes me laugh without really trying
-understands me without having to agree with me
-I can not talk to for an extended period and then pick up right where we left off
-understands how to debate without arguing
-I can confide in without too much reservation
-feels the aforementioned things about me

A sense of humor is by far the most important thing to me. I can go for quite awhile without debating or confiding in someone, but a day without laughter is a long a$$ day.

**sagewolf** · 02-09-2009, 06:20 PM

I don't know if I really have a best friend, but if I did, I would have to know that I could trust them with anything: any responsibility, any secret, anything. It would have to be a person who I could talk to-- really open my heart up to-- and know that they would take me seriously (even taking seriously the fact that I didn't want to be taken seriously) and be completely accepting of who I am and the way I think. In return, I would have to be capable of returning that loyalty and trustworthiness for them. If I ever manage to have such a friend, without scaring them off as the freakish person I am, I will count myself VERY lucky.

02-06-2009, 09:00 PM	#1
LvHmBirth Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 169	I was going to go answer the poll, but then realized I don't have a good working definition on what, exactly, a best friend is. Is it someone who I've known for years, don't talk to often, but when I do talk to them, it's like our conversation never stopped? Even if there are years in between conversations? Is it the person that I trust enough to discuss an actual personal problem? Who, if I were to be some other personality type, I'd call, but instead, is the one to call me? Is it the person that consistently makes me laugh, and follows my train of thought more closely than anyone else? Is it the person who accepts me for what I am, even though they don't usually understand me? How are you deciding who your best friend is? Are there specific qualities that people use to determine this? I'm thinking that all of the above people (all different people in my life) may qualify, but then, it's not really "best", is it?
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02-06-2009, 09:02 PM	#2
auriga vega Member [10%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 425	The one person I can trust and count on almost completely. I don't necessarily have to love him/her though.
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02-06-2009, 09:04 PM	#3
True Rune Core Member [200%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 8,028	It's a mutual thing. You both have to recognize each other as holding the title "Best Friend." It is someone you genuinely like and enjoy spending time with. (More than normal) and a certain degree of trust is necessary as well.
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02-06-2009, 09:12 PM	#5
True Rune Core Member [200%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 8,028	It's something you can know, I guess. Maybe it's why I don't have many friends. I won't acknowledge someone as that unless they call me one first.
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02-06-2009, 09:50 PM	#7
mikebob New Member [01%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 64	In my experience the people I trust the most are also the ones I can talk to for hours and are also the ones who are most accepting of the way I do life. I know maybe two or three people like that. I trust these people even more than my own family in some things too. I don't think that there's any way I could ever say which one is my "best friend" though. I'd risk my skin for an acquaintance, or even a stranger if I thought it would actually do some good, but for a friend I'd go very much farther.
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02-06-2009, 09:57 PM	#8
lambpox Member [12%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 511	For some sort of reason, my "best friends" are the ones I punch playfully in the shoulder, or act like a crazed, goofy nutter around...that basically shows how comfortable I am with a certain individual. Someone I can be comfortable around more than anyone else, someone I can talk to about anything, no matter how silly or deep, is a best friend.
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02-06-2009, 10:38 PM	#9
Storm Administrator MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 14,681	I have never liked to categorize my friends as "best." It just seems very elementary school to me. I guess because I don't like the implication that friendship is some kind of contest. I do have "good" friends though. And "old friends." Good friends are people you can tell most anything to, people who would come pick you up if your car broke down an hour out of town. Old friends are good friends who you've known for a number of years.
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02-06-2009, 11:30 PM	#10
Vagrant Core Member [155%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,225	The ones I don't have to put on a mask around.
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02-06-2009, 11:34 PM	#11
AliTree Member [39%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,573	i have four "besties", no one best friend. i have two girl besties and two guy besties. the girls are INTP and ESFJ. the boys are ESTJ and ENFP. i consider them my besties because i feel most comfortable with them then with anyone else, i trust them more then anyone else, and i like being with them more than anyone else.
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02-07-2009, 12:10 AM	#12
probity Member [21%] MBTI: ISTP Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 857	My best friend is the person I have the deepest connection with. She understands my behaviors and motives better than anyone. Everything about our relationship falls into place because we have a deep understanding of who the other is and how they comprehend and react to the world. We can talk about anything for any amount of time, she accepts me for who I am and pushes me to overcome my faults, she makes me laugh, and even though we don't always follow each others train of thought very well we're both very intuitive and quick to feed off each others energy or mood.
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02-07-2009, 05:50 AM	#13
Freedom Geek Member [30%] MBTI: INTx Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 1,228	Whatever friend has the highest ratio of positive to negative attributes.
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02-08-2009, 07:23 AM	#15
alphawolf Veteran Member [59%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 2,361	Everybody hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.
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02-08-2009, 07:30 AM	#16
Samoan Corleone Core Member [151%] MBTI: INxJ Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 6,078	My best friend and I are almost complete opposites (he's tall, I'm short, he's ESxP, I'm INxJ, he's a top athlete, I'm a top scholar), but throughout the years we still got along. Despite everything, I think there's an unseen quality, an "aura," that you'll find you have with your best friend, and that "aura" will be detectable to others as well (people often asked my best friend and I if we were brothers, although we were in the same year level and didn't look alike). You'll also be able to communicate without speaking, your best friend will just "know." My best friend and I have known each other since kindergarten and church, so that might have something to do with it.
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02-08-2009, 07:36 AM	#17
Zhen Veteran Member [66%] MBTI: INfx Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,641	They kind of feel like family and they're always the person you can turn to when the shit hits the fan when everyone else runs away, you'd do pretty well anything for them and when they're miserable you can't be completely happy either. You are equally comfortable in silence together but can also have great satisfying conversations as well...you don't ever need to keep explaining yourself because they should know you almost inside out...
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02-08-2009, 04:21 PM	#18
Kisai Core Member [354%] MBTI: XXXX Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 14,165	A best friend will help you bury a body.
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02-08-2009, 04:57 PM	#19
iseesound New Member [01%] MBTI: INTp Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 30	Someone you can have a farting contest with and laugh about it afterwards. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. When you can say something so ambiguous and weird and yer friend knows exactly what yer talking about..and replies in the same ambiguous manner. An immense amount of trust needs to be earned over years of interaction though. I have two really great friends that rise above the rest of my mates a male INTP and a female ENFP best. matches. EVAR.
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02-09-2009, 05:57 PM	#22
ZzyzxRd New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 63	Is it necessary to figure out a definition? I don't have a best friend (or in general, friends that I can really relate to), neither do I want one. Last edited by ZzyzxRd; 02-09-2009 at 06:15 PM.
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02-09-2009, 06:13 PM	#23
rewhu Veteran Member [55%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,220	Someone who: -consistantly makes me laugh without really trying -understands me without having to agree with me -I can not talk to for an extended period and then pick up right where we left off -understands how to debate without arguing -I can confide in without too much reservation -feels the aforementioned things about me A sense of humor is by far the most important thing to me. I can go for quite awhile without debating or confiding in someone, but a day without laughter is a long a$$ day.
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02-09-2009, 06:20 PM	#24
sagewolf Member [02%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 115	I don't know if I really have a best friend, but if I did, I would have to know that I could trust them with anything: any responsibility, any secret, anything. It would have to be a person who I could talk to-- really open my heart up to-- and know that they would take me seriously (even taking seriously the fact that I didn't want to be taken seriously) and be completely accepting of who I am and the way I think. In return, I would have to be capable of returning that loyalty and trustworthiness for them. If I ever manage to have such a friend, without scaring them off as the freakish person I am, I will count myself VERY lucky.
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