Why do I always attract ISTJs?

**Colette** · 11-05-2008, 07:03 PM

Well after a brief foray into the world of internet dating (which you all know about because I started a thread on the subject), I've "ended up" (sort of, although we haven't officially met in the flesh yet) with yet another ISTJ guy.

Although he hasn't done the test (yet), I've asked him to, but am almost convinced from the nature of our correspondence, his ideas and values, and what we talk about, that he's ISTJ (possibly borderline I/E).

Now why, why, do I always end up with ISTJs despite my best efforts not to, and how can I get this guy off the 'things, people and places' dimension, and onto the 'ideas and theories' plane?

Any ideas and suggestions will be greatly appreciated!

**PeterIMC** · 11-05-2008, 07:11 PM

Why do you want to change him?

Reading this:
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And a quote:


	In their quiet way, Inspectors see to it that rules are followed, laws are respected, and standards are upheld.

Reading that and you can forget about "ideas and theories" because those are like the worse thing to him. Ideas and Theories usually don't go very well with Rules, Laws and Standards. They are opposites.

Opposites attract, don't they? Maybe there's the answer to your big "why" question.

**Colette** · 11-05-2008, 07:12 PM

	Originally Posted by PeterIMC To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why do you want to change him? Opposites attract, don't they? Maybe there's the answer to your big "why" question.

I don't necessarily want to change him...I want to draw out his ability (whatever that might be) to discuss ideas. I'm not familiar enough with the mind of a sensor to know what those abilities and limitations might be.

**Josephine1012** · 11-05-2008, 07:15 PM

My best friend is ISTJ. She is very intelligent, so it's not hard to get her talking about ideas, but those conversations always start with discussing a practical situation (facts, things, people, rules, etc). Once the discussion on that specific situation is exhausted we move on to generalizations and discussing how things work in general, which takes her into more of an idea realm.

**Colette** · 11-05-2008, 07:20 PM

	Originally Posted by Josephine1012 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My best friend is ISTJ. She is very intelligent, so it's not hard to get her talking about ideas, but those conversations always start with discussing a practical situation (facts, things, people, rules, etc). Once the discussion on that specific situation is exhausted we move on to generalizations and discussing how things work in general, which takes her into more of an idea realm.

So I have to go through all that first? Heck...I'd be hard pressed to find a practical example from my own life 5 minutes ago
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**Josephine1012** · 11-05-2008, 09:57 PM

hehe, but I guarantee you he has a practical example (or 10) of his own to talk about, from there you can always steer the way you like
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**Vagrant** · 11-06-2008, 09:02 AM

I think that's possibly why I sometimes test ISTJ -- I'm always concerned with the practical. Ideas are absolutely wonderful, but they also need an application. Or at least some method of testing them and employing them in daily life.

Josephine hit the nail on the head -- talk about practical situations, then abstract them into the idea realm. It doesn't take too much effort in my case, because I slightly prefer my N over my S, but it depends on how strong their S is.

**jikin** · 11-06-2008, 09:30 AM

Let me first say don't jump to conclusions about his type. I've done some internet dating in the past and have found out that people can come across very differently in person than they do over the computer or phone. Thankfully some people are exactly what they seem to be.

There is something to saying that opposites attract. I think that on some level a lot of people are just trying to balance themselves. That's not a bad thing. If this were to end up a long term relationship you may find your N tendancies lowering a bit and his S tendancies doing the same. As long as you learn how to communicate with each other it shouldn't be a big problem. I think that if you were always finding yourself attracting ESFPs it might be more of an issue.

**True Rune** · 11-06-2008, 10:35 AM

From my experiences, it'll always go back to the concrete. And that's when I lose interest. Other than that, I don't know. I wonder if the way you type gives yourself a certain image that attracts someone like that? Like a "loudness"?

	Originally Posted by Vagrant
	I think that's possibly why I sometimes test ISTJ -- I'm always concerned with the practical. Ideas are absolutely wonderful, but they also need an application. Or at least some method of testing them and employing them in daily life.

Isn't that more of an INTJ trait? Wanting to see the fruit of your ideas in the real world? While INTPs just like the ideas?

**Henry** · 11-06-2008, 12:08 PM

	Originally Posted by Colette To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Well after a brief foray into the world of internet dating Now why, why, do I always end up with ISTJs despite my best efforts not to

ISTJ is going to be one of the least ballsy type of personality. They're also going to work a ton. And have few social skills. And generally have a very uninteresting personality. Sheepishness+little free time+zero social skills = preference for meeting people online over other venues.

The internet is a terrible, terrible place to meet potential mates, particularly for females where the confidence of the man is a significant part of overall attraction. You get no sense for how attractive the other person is. You get no sense for natural rapport with the other person. You get no sense for whether they have high self-esteem or low.

Do it if you must, but honestly I think you'd have better luck at bars, bookstores, classes, or religious gatherings. Each has its drawbacks, but none so vicious as spending 3 weeks talking to someone, making a date with them, and then learning that they've gained 100 pounds since taking the photograph they sent you.

**Lagawrd** · 11-06-2008, 01:53 PM

I like ISTJs, or rather the supposed ISTJ mentality proposed through the MBTI. When I speak to my friend (ISTJ), she usually, without being offensive, corrects my ideas and theories with her idea of correct, which heavily relies on standards. She usually brings up points I have never thought about, or have but never worked to dissect them. Sometimes, she is just not catching up, but then I think, maybe it is something I am overlooking.

So, there is no use asking yourself why you attract alleged ISTJs, if you really like the guy, work with what you have for relationship purposes. INTJs and ISTJs are very common in alot of things (countless threads about that), the answer might be there. He might have found you appealing with some common traits, but with a twist (the N part).

**Colette** · 11-07-2008, 01:23 AM

Originally Posted by Henry
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ISTJ is going to be one of the least ballsy type of personality. They're also going to work a ton. And have few social skills. And generally have a very uninteresting personality. Sheepishness+little free time+zero social skills = preference for meeting people online over other venues.

The internet is a terrible, terrible place to meet potential mates, particularly for females where the confidence of the man is a significant part of overall attraction. You get no sense for how attractive the other person is. You get no sense for natural rapport with the other person. You get no sense for whether they have high self-esteem or low.

Do it if you must, but honestly I think you'd have better luck at bars, bookstores, classes, or religious gatherings. Each has its drawbacks, but none so vicious as spending 3 weeks talking to someone, making a date with them, and then learning that they've gained 100 pounds since taking the photograph they sent you.

Or you could look at things from another angle and say that in many ways the net is a better place to 'meet', because those intangibles like attraction and charisma don't get in the way of being able to genuinely assess a potential mate in terms of compatibility. Oftentimes a 'chance' meeting in a bar or whatever leads to a whirlwind relationship with a person we're not really suited to on any level other than physical. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, pen and mug
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**Vagrant** · 11-07-2008, 09:41 AM


	Isn't that more of an INTJ trait? Wanting to see the fruit of your ideas in the real world? While INTPs just like the ideas?

Maybe.

Then why the hell do I sometimes test ISTJ? Hmm...

**PHS Philip** · 11-07-2008, 09:51 AM

	Originally Posted by Vagrant To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Maybe. Then why the hell do I sometimes test ISTJ? Hmm...

It's more ISTJ than INTJ, and more INTJ than INTP, perhaps?

I think that part of what you said is ISTJ, part INTJ. Caring more about practical applications is more ISTJ, while wanting to try to find ways to apply things is more INTJ, if you see what I mean.

**True Rune** · 11-07-2008, 11:04 AM

Guess I twisted the descriptions then. Sorry bout that.

**PHS Philip** · 11-07-2008, 11:18 AM

	Originally Posted by Ishida To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Guess I twisted the descriptions then. Sorry bout that.

No, you've got it right I think. The difference between the two is subtle.

I'll take another shot at what I mean, I guess. An ISTJ would view the only important part of it as being the practical applications for an idea. An INTJ would worry about the application, but would enjoy the applying more than the final application. Hence why INTJs like to tinker with stuff to see what we can do with it, and then do it. An INTP would just tinker with it to see what happens.

**normanajn** · 11-07-2008, 02:24 PM

Getting back to your original question, there a number of factors that would lead you to disproportionately end up in relationships with those STJ types. The obvious one is the simple statistics of it. Combining the xSTJ's together, you have roughly a 23% of the population accounted for. In contrast, the xNTJ's together only make up about 4% of the population.

Now in all honesty it's fairly easy to select on the "T" and "J" when dating. So if you are screening potential relationships for people who are similar to you in interests, you will almost naturally end up with a mix of NTJ's and STJ's where the signal to noise ratio (N's to S's) is almost 1:6. Hence we tend to pick up the "noise" more often simply due to the overall population.

That being said, the other reason we to find ourselves in relationships with STJ's is that at some levels they express traits that we like. They tend to be A) organized B) reliable C) not completely intellectually inept D) able to follow orders. In essence they make good minions, and frankly an INTJ likes minions (okay *this* INTJ appreciates good minons) But....

They are minions. They are concrete thinkers. They view the world through their concrete interactions and experience, and are uncomfortable with abstractions and extrapolations. This is just an artifact of who they are, and nothing we can say or do can change that manner by which their brains naturally operate.

What we can do is share our ideas with them, as long as we tie them to more concrete or accessible examples that they can relate to.

11-05-2008, 07:03 PM	#1
Colette Member [27%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,088	Well after a brief foray into the world of internet dating (which you all know about because I started a thread on the subject), I've "ended up" (sort of, although we haven't officially met in the flesh yet) with yet another ISTJ guy. Although he hasn't done the test (yet), I've asked him to, but am almost convinced from the nature of our correspondence, his ideas and values, and what we talk about, that he's ISTJ (possibly borderline I/E). Now why, why, do I always end up with ISTJs despite my best efforts not to, and how can I get this guy off the 'things, people and places' dimension, and onto the 'ideas and theories' plane? Any ideas and suggestions will be greatly appreciated!
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11-05-2008, 07:15 PM	#4
Josephine1012 Veteran Member [78%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 3,144	My best friend is ISTJ. She is very intelligent, so it's not hard to get her talking about ideas, but those conversations always start with discussing a practical situation (facts, things, people, rules, etc). Once the discussion on that specific situation is exhausted we move on to generalizations and discussing how things work in general, which takes her into more of an idea realm.
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11-05-2008, 09:57 PM	#6
Josephine1012 Veteran Member [78%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 3,144	hehe, but I guarantee you he has a practical example (or 10) of his own to talk about, from there you can always steer the way you like To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by Josephine1012; 11-05-2008 at 10:47 PM.
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11-06-2008, 09:02 AM	#7
Vagrant Core Member [155%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,223	I think that's possibly why I sometimes test ISTJ -- I'm always concerned with the practical. Ideas are absolutely wonderful, but they also need an application. Or at least some method of testing them and employing them in daily life. Josephine hit the nail on the head -- talk about practical situations, then abstract them into the idea realm. It doesn't take too much effort in my case, because I slightly prefer my N over my S, but it depends on how strong their S is.
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11-06-2008, 09:30 AM	#8
jikin Member [26%] MBTI: ENFJ Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,079	Let me first say don't jump to conclusions about his type. I've done some internet dating in the past and have found out that people can come across very differently in person than they do over the computer or phone. Thankfully some people are exactly what they seem to be. There is something to saying that opposites attract. I think that on some level a lot of people are just trying to balance themselves. That's not a bad thing. If this were to end up a long term relationship you may find your N tendancies lowering a bit and his S tendancies doing the same. As long as you learn how to communicate with each other it shouldn't be a big problem. I think that if you were always finding yourself attracting ESFPs it might be more of an issue.
jikin is offline post a comment

11-06-2008, 01:53 PM	#11
Lagawrd Member [08%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 345	I like ISTJs, or rather the supposed ISTJ mentality proposed through the MBTI. When I speak to my friend (ISTJ), she usually, without being offensive, corrects my ideas and theories with her idea of correct, which heavily relies on standards. She usually brings up points I have never thought about, or have but never worked to dissect them. Sometimes, she is just not catching up, but then I think, maybe it is something I am overlooking. So, there is no use asking yourself why you attract alleged ISTJs, if you really like the guy, work with what you have for relationship purposes. INTJs and ISTJs are very common in alot of things (countless threads about that), the answer might be there. He might have found you appealing with some common traits, but with a twist (the N part).
Lagawrd is offline post a comment

11-07-2008, 11:04 AM	#15
True Rune Core Member [200%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 8,022	Guess I twisted the descriptions then. Sorry bout that.
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11-07-2008, 02:24 PM	#17
normanajn New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 18	Getting back to your original question, there a number of factors that would lead you to disproportionately end up in relationships with those STJ types. The obvious one is the simple statistics of it. Combining the xSTJ's together, you have roughly a 23% of the population accounted for. In contrast, the xNTJ's together only make up about 4% of the population. Now in all honesty it's fairly easy to select on the "T" and "J" when dating. So if you are screening potential relationships for people who are similar to you in interests, you will almost naturally end up with a mix of NTJ's and STJ's where the signal to noise ratio (N's to S's) is almost 1:6. Hence we tend to pick up the "noise" more often simply due to the overall population. That being said, the other reason we to find ourselves in relationships with STJ's is that at some levels they express traits that we like. They tend to be A) organized B) reliable C) not completely intellectually inept D) able to follow orders. In essence they make good minions, and frankly an INTJ likes minions (okay this INTJ appreciates good minons) But.... They are minions. They are concrete thinkers. They view the world through their concrete interactions and experience, and are uncomfortable with abstractions and extrapolations. This is just an artifact of who they are, and nothing we can say or do can change that manner by which their brains naturally operate. What we can do is share our ideas with them, as long as we tie them to more concrete or accessible examples that they can relate to.
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