[AnnaMolly]

	Originally Posted by Tactical Panda To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Assuming I'm only looking for the dead honest truth: From your perspective what do you suspect is the hardest thing about being an INFP?

For me, it's definitely the overarching conflict between my own sensitivity and the lack of sensitivity in the outside world.
I'm a hypersensitive person, which probably exarcerbates the problem, but I think many of the typical HSP traits are INFP traits as well.


I have two huge problems with my fellow humans:


1) Lack of consideration, compassion, empathy from them.

Other people may hear about a rape or a serial killing and think "oh, yeah, that's pretty bad". I however break down crying. I can't fathom evil, or why some people are like that, and it's a serious problem for my overall well-being that I distrust pretty much everyone I meet. Not because I think everyone's a rapist or serial killer, of course, but because most people are pretty shitty and unconsiderate regardless. They cheat, they lie, they care more for their own pleasure than for the well-being of their fellow humans, or animals, or the environment. It kills me, it really does.



2) Lack of insight about what's good (from them), and me feeling holier-than-thou:

This correlates a bit with the above point, but not entirely. If people are genuinely evil or inconsiderate, I don't even want to help them. I just want them to go away and stop hurting others. But many people are not really evil, they're just short-sighted, they don't think about the consequences of their actions, or they know that what they're doing is wrong but they still go for it, etc. Or they genuinely don't know what's good for them (like a woman falling in love with an asshole, or a guy letting himself be manipulated by an attractive woman, etc.).

In these cases, I do want to help them and help them see "the error of their ways" and all that. The problem is, most people don't want to be helped, and another problem is, that by having this attitude, I put myself in a position where I think I'm better and wiser and more empathetic and "deep" etc than other people. Which I guess is partially true (... you may slap me now), but not always, and I know it's a fault of mine that I sometimes can get quite radical with my "holier than thou" thing. I'm trying to work on this, but it's definitely another big problem area in my interaction with other people --

Their short-sightedness and lack of values, insight etc. freaks me out, then I try to help them, then they get annoyed at me for thinking I know better. And admittedly, I do not always know better. Happens *all* the time.



A quote from another forum about INFP's, that is very very true for me and has to do with what I just described:

I think you have an incomplete understanding of what it means to be an Fi dom. It’s not just having high-minded imaginings. We get a whole kit of tools and perks that go with this package. One of them being, Fi is very attuned to Fi. We constantly have our feelers out, searching and scanning for a match and congruency between our values and the values of others. In addition, we run analysis on an individual’s values and their actual behavior. Enter Ne as the helping function, and INFPs are natural lie detectors. This includes when someone is lying to themselves as well. Often we won’t say anything about it, but just assimilate the information into the matrix. But if the bullshit threshold is reached, or we see someone we love harming themselves or getting frustrated and going in circles, we will engage on this. How an INFP does it will depend on their own preferences and development. With me, it tends to be very Te, albeit gentle and patient, with a desire not to go there if it is truly not welcome. Ne (being an NF) also helps us - in conjunction with the individual - brainstorm a roadmap for troubleshooting and creative solutions to the problem.

This describes the good side of it (which is obviously there and which I'm proud of and is most integral to my being), whereas I previously focused on the bad side / potential negative consequences of it.

[ModernLit]

i like to date them. they are good for cuddling. probably easier to work with than ES types for sure. neither of my parents have any F bones in their body. siblings do not exist. i think that's everything...

my partner in crime is an INFJ; we share the weird very well. we are seeking cuddle buddies and we go on the prowl, and when ugly boys try to talk to us i say mean things to them and she laughs because she's too nice to outright reject anyone
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oh, i have an INFP friend and she is an artist. we have similar taste in guys and sometimes this causes tension. but she's nice too so... cannot stay mad at her for long.

i made an INFP ex cry once or twice. he needed to be kicked in the crotch
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we didn't really get along all the time.
the most recent INFP and i would stay indoors a lot and watch movies
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[Straynger]

I'm really curious about this infp sensitivity thing. I just read a book that tried to explain it scientifically, but it was more an origin story than a 'what it means' thing (apparently babies that cry in response to large amounts of stimulation turn out, on avg, to be "hyper-sensitives" and introverts).

To be vague, my question is how does sensitivity affect your interests? For example, a lot of MBTI websites say the historically greatest authors and actors have been infp...a coincidence?

If that question leads nowhere, what's something rich and positive about sensitivity?

The reason I'm so fascinated with this is that there's something called the orchid hypothesis, which states that some people are like dandelions and some people are like orchids. The dandelion people are slow to get their feelings hurt, generally are tough and resilient, but are not quite so beautiful ie creative, as companions, etc (after all they are weeds). The Orchid on the other hand, is incredibly (frail's not the right word I don't think) ... sensitive ... and requires vary particular circumstances to flourish, but when it does, the results are exquisite. A flower among flowers.

This is why I think hyper-sensitivity has vast implications and I'm hoping some infp can illuminate some of them.

[Malkavia]

Ugh I dont even know if I should reply...

I guess I'm going to go off the beaten path a little bit here. I haven't met an INFP in real life that I've liked a lot. I find them to be completely over the top and hypersensitive. Coming from an ENFP that should mean a lot.
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I know 3 INFPs (tested and verified). One male and two females. We're all about 23 and I've known them all since I was 17.

AnnaMolly actually described them very well. It seems easy for many INFPs to fall into a "martyrdom complex".

In general they are way too much for me. The amount of emotion they have is hard to handle. I thought I was intense? False. This male INFP I used to travel in the Middle East with was like a waterfall of emotion hitting you in the face.

I find the energy they put into some of their lifestyle choices to "align with their values" to be inefficient, useless and (as a fellow NF) think that energy could put into more useful choices or actions.

I hesitated posting because I do like a lot of INFPs on this forum who don't fit this description (I think Davai is a bad ass). Maybe its the age?

I do disagree with AnnaMolly on one thing - I dont find them to have a " holier-than-thou" issue. They're actually pretty live and let live and "I'm going to lead by example" instead of letting people know whats best for them. I've see the "I know whats best for you" is the biggest problem for ENFJs out of the NF clan. This could be because the INFPs I know are too afraid to speak up. /shrug

[hi5yourface]

I found this stuff so I thought I would share....don't know if it's the absolute truth of thinking with regards to NFs and NTs but it would seem principally true with regards the disconnect between a feelers "sensitivity" and a thinkers "cold" way of thought.

Intuition and Feeling


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Matrix | component | enhacement | connections
Ni Fe .... Motion ......... Local ........... Holistic
Ne Fi .... Motion ......... Wide ........... Holistic

Intuition and Thinking


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Matrix | component | enhacement | connections
Ni Te .... Motion ......... Local ........... Linear
Ne Ti .... Motion ......... Wide ........... Linear

IF it is true that an Intuitive Feelers way of thought can be said to be holistic of nature and an Intuitive Thinkers way of thought to be linear of fashion then it would make sense that at times a Feelers reaction to value judgments would deem them sensitive and a Thinkers mode of moving on and upward would seem cold and aloof....just makes sense to me.

Personally, I don't become sensitive to what a person thinks of me UNLESS I like them or am invested in their opinion, which just translates to liking them. If I think your opinion of me matters because I like you then it does and I will have a tendency in those rare instances to be sensitive to your feelings and your thoughts and internalize them (which is irritating I know).....if your opinion of me does not matter however (I don't like you for whatever reason) or worse your opinion of me is wrong and I'm likely to know when it is then I will usually respond with an abrupt walk off from the discussion and not even attempt to correct. I would like to think of emotional sensitivity as the dark side of emotional intelligence of which I think feelers on the whole can excel in.

Four markers of emotional intelligence

1) Perceiving Emotions: The first step in understanding emotions is to accurately perceive them. In many cases, this might involve understanding nonverbal signals such as body language and facial expressions.

2) Reasoning With Emotions: The next step involves using emotions to promote thinking and cognitive activity. Emotions help prioritize what we pay attention and react to; we respond emotionally to things that garner our attention.

3) Understanding Emotions: The emotions that we perceive can carry a wide variety of meanings. If someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of their anger and what it might mean. For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might mean that he is dissatisfied with your work; or it could be because he got a speeding ticket on his way to work that morning or that he's been fighting with his wife.

4) Managing Emotions: The ability to manage emotions effectively is a key part of emotional intelligence. Regulating emotions, responding appropriately and responding to the emotions of others are all important aspect of emotional management.

I would tend to think that a glitch in getting along with others would primarily result from misunderstandings in steps 3 and 4 that cascade into further problems if not worked with.

[Sprelious]

The world is much more interesting with INFP's in it.

[WindUp]

I've met two confirmed INFPs. Both were nice, laid-back, and had various interesting (to me) interests. They can be a bit mysterious. Ahead of their time when it comes to fair treatment of others. Very open minded.

The female INFP that I met was totally fragile both physically and emotionally. My guess is she was HSP, which doesn't really have anything to do with her type.