[vampyroteuthis]

	Originally Posted by Lilie To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I was just going off the sex metaphor, but I really did think it was an attempt to build some kind of relationship rather than just an attempt to get some stimulation.

You're reading this through J. It meant neither a yes nor a no, only possibility. A rare chance at mental connection quickly recognised, trusted, and acted upon. The invitation into the gentle hot tub acid bath (thanks, Indubitably!) isn't just flung out at anyone, you know.

Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

If pressured and trapped in emotional circumstances, into not being alowed (or sometimes forced to if riled up) to quietly retreat and think, an INTP will ( Show Spoiler ) shut everything down, burn the bridge, poison the water so you can't even swim back, destroy all maps to original place, kill the map makers and family, take the dog with them, burn your photos and sell everything you gave them and buy something with that money they KNOW you will loathe and cement that thing in their front yard as the final FUCK YOU I NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY. then he or she will wake up a week later and think, oh shit that wasn't what he meant by that and fuck me because I suddenly remember where I left my missing laptop.....at his house...... they do this (we do this in the face of unexpected criticism by someone when we are vulnerable too) to feel safe. The detachment is a service to keep the rape and pillage under control. As we mature the rage of our emotions has been analyzed and enough consequences have been suffered that we now know how to take deep breaths and not feel forced. We also have tricks we have set up to run our lives and avoid pitfalls of our personality. But as a pressured emotionally INTP will be a self and all destructive dragon, the emotionally stimulated trusting INTP will build you an exact replica of the Taj mahal out of gorilla glue, eyelashes, and their own teeth. [collapsed for brevity]

This just doesn't sound INTP to me at all. Maybe some other INTPs or people who have had relationships with us can jump in, but my experience is we have two modes of emotional engagement with difficult issues in relationships:
1. long period of quiet rumination and near-constant analysis, and
2. Fe-explosion.
Fe-explosions aren't quite targeted, though. Not cold and vengeful but indignant and teary. And very very eloquent. *reminiscent groan* When I've burned bridges, it's typically been quiet and preceded by a lot of thought. Not dramatic, and done when it seemed like there was no other recourse. But I will salvage a friendship whenever I can as I value the mental connections I make with people.

I also don't get the "I never liked you anyway" bit. Sounds like covering up truth, devaluing the other and oneself. What's the point?

[Kryptonite]

Originally Posted by vampyroteuthis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

You're reading this through J. It meant neither a yes nor a no, only possibility. A rare chance at mental connection quickly recognised, trusted, and acted upon. The invitation into the gentle hot tub acid bath (thanks, Indubitably!) isn't just flung out at anyone, you know. This just doesn't sound INTP to me at all. Maybe some other INTPs or people who have had relationships with us can jump in, but my experience is we have two modes of emotional engagement with difficult issues in relationships: 1. long period of quiet rumination and near-constant analysis, and 2. Fe-explosion. Fe-explosions aren't quite targeted, though. Not cold and vengeful but indignant and teary. And very very eloquent. *reminiscent groan* When I've burned bridges, it's typically been quiet and preceded by a lot of thought. Not dramatic, and done when it seemed like there was no other recourse. But I will salvage a friendship whenever I can as I value the mental connections I make with people. I also don't get the "I never liked you anyway" bit. Sounds like covering up truth, devaluing the other and oneself. What's the point?

Fe explosion.....I guess there are different explosions. what I meant in reality, the before being a metaphor AND BASED ON A YOUNGER LESS EXPERIENCED self, and observation of other INTPs (I am a Scientist and in my world INTPs and INTJs are everywhere, its great) the metaphor is that the distance others sense is a cover to keep out pressured decisions. the discomfort at being forced to make one in an uncomfortable zone (i.e. not thought out) can ignite passion that is unexpected and unnecessary. The outside world would only probably see the lash out that gave my answer (which may to the observer seem calm actually). The pillage is internal! Walls built against such egregious vulnerability. I am not suggesting that we go on a literal revenge rampage, we leave that to the unhealthy (READ UNHEALTHY!!!!! NOT ALL) ENFP.
Fe-implosion that can really lead to explosion if super pinned down.

The "i never liked you anyway" is an absolute cover! it is immature and sad but, after perceived rejection cover is what is sought at first, cover then clarity....you have to feel safe in order to thoroughly think.

Although if you want to have the most devastating thorough revenge plot of all time find an INTP to cook it up for you....not implement...we are so benign quite by virtue of being introverted and too lazy to implement. Revenge is too showy and too much work.

[anticlimatic]

Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Okay one difference you might find is that when pressured an INTJ will shut down and do so it your face, close up and stay locked until they are ready. If pressured and trapped in emotional circumstances, into not being alowed (or sometimes forced to if riled up) to quietly retreat and think, an INTP will shut everything down, burn the bridge, poison the water so you can't even swim back... then he or she will wake up a week later and think, oh shit that wasn't what he meant by that and fuck me because I suddenly remember where I left my missing laptop.....at his house......

Can't speak for all INTPs, especially since there have been a couple dissenters in this already, but...yeah, I do this. Have done this. And typically regret doing it, as you mentioned. It's usually brought on by a blow to my expectations, that feels a bit more like a knife through the ribs, after inadvertently stepping on someone I trust's toes. They get hurt somehow, lash out in anger to a degree I didn't even know they were capable, and suddenly I'm back peddling with wide shocked eyes (Since P types tend to deal more in the present, I don't think they can see beyond someone in a bad mood sometimes-- stupid and illogical as that sounds, sometimes I think that someone who is in a bad mood will be that way forrreeverr). Cue INTP disco-switch flip. Fe says to me, "We can't handle this, captain," And Ti says, "Eviscerate the problem, STAT-- GET SI ON THE LINE" And Si sends up every possible means of connection between me and the person, which Ti begins throwing into the incinerator-- cell phone number, photos, anything and everything that would connect me to the person....finally, all is calm again, and I sleep on it.

Then the next morning they send me a message, and lo and behold they're not the monsters trying to gut us that we thought they were, and heck, they even feel bad a little for their part in the squabble. Guard gets let back down, amends are made. The bridges I've burned that I've managed to keep burned have been dependent on the other person not making any kind of friendly contact with me-- not that I'm passive aggressively waiting for contact. I'll test the waters with an olive branch or two here and there, but if they go without response, or if the response is brief, cold, and terse...that's it for that person.

I think this might only be common with obnoxious INTPs, who use a lot of misguided Ne, and draw out these stabbings in the first place. (guilty as charged). The more even keel, less naturally-offensive INTPs might have a better chance at avoiding this all together.

[Kryptonite]

Originally Posted by anticlimatic To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Can't speak for all INTPs, especially since there have been a couple dissenters in this already, but...yeah, I do this. Have done this. And typically regret doing it, as you mentioned. It's usually brought on by a blow to my expectations, that feels a bit more like a knife through the ribs, after inadvertently stepping on someone I trust's toes. They get hurt somehow, lash out in anger to a degree I didn't even know they were capable, and suddenly I'm back peddling with wide shocked eyes (Since P types tend to deal more in the present, I don't think they can see beyond someone in a bad mood sometimes-- stupid and illogical as that sounds, sometimes I think that someone who is in a bad mood will be that way forrreeverr). Cue INTP disco-switch flip. Fe says to me, "We can't handle this, captain," And Ti says, "Eviscerate the problem, STAT-- GET SI ON THE LINE" And Si sends up every possible means of connection between me and the person, which Ti begins throwing into the incinerator-- cell phone number, photos, anything and everything that would connect me to the person....finally, all is calm again, and I sleep on it. Then the next morning they send me a message, and lo and behold they're not the monsters trying to gut us that we thought they were, and heck, they even feel bad a little for their part in the squabble. Guard gets let back down, amends are made. The bridges I've burned that I've managed to keep burned have been dependent on the other person not making any kind of friendly contact with me-- not that I'm passive aggressively waiting for contact. I'll test the waters with an olive branch or two here and there, but if they go without response, or if the response is brief, cold, and terse...that's it for that person.

THIS IS Exactly what I mean and why I said dont shut down before making it clear you will be back because those olive branches are delicate and loaded with a time and attitude self destruct device. You are hilarious. I cracked up at INTP disco switch. I am going to laugh at that all day.

Obnoxious INTP's (also guilty) I have no idea what you are talking about. I am as delightful as FUck.

[cheshirecat]

I'm a female INTJ and been dating a male INTP for almost 2 years.
The chemistry is spectacular. The biggest problem for us is when we have an argument, every time we argue about some problems, in the end it's not the problem at all that we argued about. We always end up arguing about the way we argue *sigh
I quote this one from something I read on tumblr and it really sum up everything about it.

When an INTJ has an emotional argument, they want to figure out what happened, decide if they can live with what happened, and figure out how to keep it from happening again. They’re not particularly interested in fault finding and aren’t likely to hold grudges once an issue is resolved. INTPs want to figure out why something happened and how it could have been avoided. This may come off as accusatory to an INTJ, or make them feel like their partner won’t let an issue go.

[WaterClub]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	One curious issue with INTPs is their quizzical relationship with anger, where they're sometimes uncertain of whether they should be angry or not. So they retreat, to mull it over. Can't decide why this is endearing but it is.

This is SO incredibly true. I didn't always find it endearing but tried to respect it.

---------- Post added 08-15-2012 at 07:48 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by cheshirecat To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm a female INTJ and been dating a male INTP for almost 2 years. The chemistry is spectacular. The biggest problem for us is when we have an argument, every time we argue about some problems, in the end it's not the problem at all that we argued about. We always end up arguing about the way we argue *sigh I quote this one from something I read on tumblr and it really sum up everything about it.

THANK you very very much for the included quote. I was searching for this type of advice several months ago because I'm in same relationship boat as you, and this is true and useful. Our arguments seemed to go NOWHERE for 3 years, and now I feel like I could have a better understanding of how our differing goals. So if you're still reading this thread, please tell how you two deal with this problem... Is your INTP mature (relationship-wise)?

[Kryptonite]

	Originally Posted by vampyroteuthis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Is that not usual?

Seriously, it doesn't make sense to be
mad if there is not a good reason for it. Being and stayin mad demands a lot of energy an is distracting from things that do or can make sense. Of course I should decide if mad is worth it before I let it have any energy.

Preventing me from thinking about it though, results in not so endearing.

[WaterClub]

Does anyone agree that a large number of the INTP- INTJ relationships being referred to in this thread are ones that are lingering posthumously? I haven't gone back to check, but I seem to remember one person posting about a relationship turned best friend situation (that's not THAT common) and then several people who are speaking in the past tense, but admitting they're still hopeful it can work, still invested quite a bit. Maybe it's normal for these types of posts to attract people who haven't let go yet, regardless of type combo, but...

I'm wondering if INTP-INTJ couples have a propensity for not giving up... really wanting it to work because they can feel it will be grand if it can. just. fit. dammit. This relates to what others are saying about INTP holding back until sure... and how INTJ gets suspicious of this behavior, delaying the INTP's potential opening up of self, inner core, whatever.

[Nomadic]

Yes, my spouse of nearly 12 years and I fit this combination. I've found that we've respectively become more P and J in an effort to compensate. We'd met on intp.org, when I was better identifying with InTx. Personally I've not experienced any Fe explosions that's been discussed so far.

[INTJNINJA]

I have been married to my INTP husband for 10 years.

Yes, it was difficult in many respects because he would withdraw the instant a demand was placed on him for affection or romantic affirmation. Then I learned to not take offense at anything, ever, and focus on the practicality of making the relationship work without worrying about emotional romantic attachment. Basically I focused on our partnership and friendship and was careful to consistently affirm my affection for him and only push him slowly and with great care. (Please do not assume we did/do not have sex often, that couldn't be further from the truth, I just chose not attach any emotional significance to it) Right before our tenth anniversary he told me he loved me. For the first time. It's not that he did not hold me in high regard, or appreciate my efforts, or value me before then, it is just that it took that long for him to be able to A.) realize it was love B.) feel comfortable enough to express it verbally.

This may sound bad to some but consider this, as long I held him to no expectations other than basic day-to-day functions of a friend/partner and father without the pressure to have romantic attachments with me, we rarely argued and got along quite well, laughed all the time. Happy even. (still are) You can do it if you are secure enough to not have the emotional need of romanticism and lots of patience. Essentially treat/view them as a child that you only expect to be respected by, and that they are incapable of meeting an emotional need for you. But if you love them anyhow and work to help them while you let go of your preconceived emotional expectations , you can actually work very well together.

[deconspire]

	Originally Posted by Knighthkm To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	But let me tell you, what grabbed his attention right away was that I showed interest in his interests.

YES. 100%. If you don't do this, I don't think you care about my shit. Deal-breaker.

	Originally Posted by superflax To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	But like mentioned above, you have to make the first move on everything....... literally.

Granted. It's a pain in the ass I know. After the intial courtship phase we get better at that.

Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

When they finally lose it, they have a Fe-Ne freakout where the initial subject of the argument disappears and they're bouncing all over the place, totally unfocused. The first thought that pops into my mind during the Fe-Ne freakout is 'WTF? What the hell are you talking about? How does the air conditioner setting, relate to dinner, relate to Berlusconi's bang-bang parties?'. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Yeah, we flip out and become crazy people sometimes. It is easy to shut us up though - stay logical and calm and we'll realize we're being idiots, usually pretty quickly. If you get emotional or loud trust me, it's fucking ON.

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	One curious issue with INTPs is their quizzical relationship with anger, where they're sometimes uncertain of whether they should be angry or not. So they retreat, to mull it over.

Perhaps I am different in this respect, because I'm a fucking bomb and if I get set off I'll blow up in your face. 0-60 in two seconds. However, 60-0 just as fast. I'm either mad or I'm not, although I don't get mad often.

	Originally Posted by Ambra To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Great sex though. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

	Originally Posted by Dancingqueen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And yes, the sexual chemistry is ridiculous. <-----There.are.no.words.

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Affirmative!

O.M.G. It's fucking incredible sex. Like, this is how sex is supposed to be.

	Originally Posted by thod To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	We are not going to tie ourselves down saying "I am this" and "I am that". We may want to change. Heck, I am not sure "I" even exist. I am not what I used to be and will be something else in the future.

*nods* We're not wishy-washy, don't ever call us that. We're mentally flexible like no one else.

	Originally Posted by Dancingqueen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	After that trust is achieved though, when those walls come down, they really come down. They seem to have only two settings: complete trust and complete mistrust.

Very true. And god-forbid you ever break our trust after we've given it to you, you become either invisible or dead.

	Originally Posted by Rhea8649 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	He encourages me to be me.

In my opinion, our best quality in a relationship. We don't see it as two halves making a whole, we see it as two kickass wholes making it rain, nigga.

[Ambra]

	Originally Posted by deconspire To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	In my opinion, our best quality in a relationship. We don't see it as two halves making a whole, we see it as two kickass wholes making it rain, nigga.

Lol, that's awesome!