question about interactions between INTJ and INFJ

**kamelot** · 12-29-2009, 12:59 PM

First, let me explain my present situation. I am currently a college sophomore, and I have decided that it is time to start looking for an individual who appears to be compatible with me for a long term relationship. I take preference towards INTJ (and I must add that I am a healthy INTJ), and I have known an individual who takes preference towards INFJ for about a year now, and I find her to be quite interesting. She and I both go to the same college, so there obviously will not be a problem when it comes to distance.

Either way, I will attempt to have a relationship with this character, and that is why I have come to post this thread. Also, I am well aware that just because someone takes preference towards a certain personality type, that he or she doesn’t posses all of the characteristics associated with his or her preferred type, so one cannot determine if another will be compatible simply because of the other’s preferred type.

What I am asking is what should a healthy generic INTJ try to look for and put more effort in when it comes to meeting the needs of an intelligent and healthy INFJ? Obviously, as one who takes preference towards INTJ, I have already researched this topic as much as possible, but I am still unsatisfied with the knowledge of which I have acquired through my independent research. Posts from INTJs or INFJs who have had first hand experience with a relationship with the other type are preferred.

**Synamon** · 12-29-2009, 01:07 PM

If you do a
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
for "intj and infj" you will find a list of threads that might give you some insight.

**kamelot** · 12-29-2009, 05:39 PM

I have already looked throughout most of the threads on the "relationships and dating" topic, and did not find "exactly" what I was looking to find. However, I am human, so I may have overlooked a thread which completely answers my question.

**blatant** · 12-29-2009, 05:45 PM

I've never dated them but I have 2 pretty decent INFJ friends and they are adorable! Very fun to talk to and they're just so caring and can turn you into mush.

On the other hand, they can get emotional and a little bratty at times when they're angry.

As for what you can do... honestly, I don't know. I always say though that a good rule of thumb is to be yourself, because if you try to do something to appease others, you'll end up resenting them in the long run.

**fiver** · 12-30-2009, 01:11 AM

I'm unclear on exactly what you are looking for, but I'm an INFJ in a 20 something year relationship with and INTJ and it works very well most of the time. If you are trying to figure out how to communicate better with an INFJ, I would suggest trying to focus on the differences in your perspectives - ie: that INFJ's come from feelings first - and when we feel INTJ's are missing the point, it is sometimes because the NT is trying to problem solve or lecture instead of validating feelings or acknowledging them. The vast difference in approach to the world - feelings vs. thinking - is a strength and a weakness. Each person has to remember the other's point of view. Also, realize that you aren't always right and be willing to admit that you might be wrong, and apologize sometimes. In my experience, that's hard for many INTJ's. Also, INFJ's are bratty when they are angry - so are INTJ's, though usually in different ways - but both types get fed up and close up - (ie: The INTJ dismissal and the INFJ doorslam). You have to figure out ways around that. Stop before it gets too intense and try again later, or whatever works. It's a great combo if you can overcome those roadblocks.

**kamelot** · 12-30-2009, 10:09 AM

Thanks for the advice, fiver and blatant. I especially appreciate your advice fiver because of your first hand experience with the matter. What has been said so far is pretty much what I already knew, but at least seeing the same material again from different sources does better validate the information.

Fiver, if you can think of anything else that may be useful then I would greatly value it.

Blatant, I am aware that one should act in his or her true nature while in a relationship, but at least from what I have heard, one should also at the same time attempt to meet the needs of the other individual by meeting them “half way”, kind of a paradox isn’t it = ). However, if one must act more than, I am just throwing out a ruff estimate, say 5-6% different in order to meet another “half way”, then it obviously will make the one who is altering his or her natural personality uncomfortable. Also, I would say that I have a more developed emotional side than the average INTJ, so I actual understand and know how to react to a person who is emotionally distressed.

Yet again, thank you for the comments. Keep rolling them in =P.

12-29-2009, 12:59 PM	#1
kamelot New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 23	First, let me explain my present situation. I am currently a college sophomore, and I have decided that it is time to start looking for an individual who appears to be compatible with me for a long term relationship. I take preference towards INTJ (and I must add that I am a healthy INTJ), and I have known an individual who takes preference towards INFJ for about a year now, and I find her to be quite interesting. She and I both go to the same college, so there obviously will not be a problem when it comes to distance. Either way, I will attempt to have a relationship with this character, and that is why I have come to post this thread. Also, I am well aware that just because someone takes preference towards a certain personality type, that he or she doesn’t posses all of the characteristics associated with his or her preferred type, so one cannot determine if another will be compatible simply because of the other’s preferred type. What I am asking is what should a healthy generic INTJ try to look for and put more effort in when it comes to meeting the needs of an intelligent and healthy INFJ? Obviously, as one who takes preference towards INTJ, I have already researched this topic as much as possible, but I am still unsatisfied with the knowledge of which I have acquired through my independent research. Posts from INTJs or INFJs who have had first hand experience with a relationship with the other type are preferred. Last edited by kamelot; 12-29-2009 at 01:03 PM. Reason: wanting the opinions and advice of INTJs and INFJs about my question
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12-29-2009, 01:07 PM	#2
Synamon Core Member [465%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 18,616	If you do a To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. for "intj and infj" you will find a list of threads that might give you some insight.
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12-29-2009, 05:39 PM	#3
kamelot New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 23	I have already looked throughout most of the threads on the "relationships and dating" topic, and did not find "exactly" what I was looking to find. However, I am human, so I may have overlooked a thread which completely answers my question.
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12-29-2009, 05:45 PM	#4
blatant Member [10%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 435	I've never dated them but I have 2 pretty decent INFJ friends and they are adorable! Very fun to talk to and they're just so caring and can turn you into mush. On the other hand, they can get emotional and a little bratty at times when they're angry. As for what you can do... honestly, I don't know. I always say though that a good rule of thumb is to be yourself, because if you try to do something to appease others, you'll end up resenting them in the long run.
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12-30-2009, 01:11 AM	#5
fiver Member [11%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 450	I'm unclear on exactly what you are looking for, but I'm an INFJ in a 20 something year relationship with and INTJ and it works very well most of the time. If you are trying to figure out how to communicate better with an INFJ, I would suggest trying to focus on the differences in your perspectives - ie: that INFJ's come from feelings first - and when we feel INTJ's are missing the point, it is sometimes because the NT is trying to problem solve or lecture instead of validating feelings or acknowledging them. The vast difference in approach to the world - feelings vs. thinking - is a strength and a weakness. Each person has to remember the other's point of view. Also, realize that you aren't always right and be willing to admit that you might be wrong, and apologize sometimes. In my experience, that's hard for many INTJ's. Also, INFJ's are bratty when they are angry - so are INTJ's, though usually in different ways - but both types get fed up and close up - (ie: The INTJ dismissal and the INFJ doorslam). You have to figure out ways around that. Stop before it gets too intense and try again later, or whatever works. It's a great combo if you can overcome those roadblocks.
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12-30-2009, 10:09 AM	#6
kamelot New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 23	Thanks for the advice, fiver and blatant. I especially appreciate your advice fiver because of your first hand experience with the matter. What has been said so far is pretty much what I already knew, but at least seeing the same material again from different sources does better validate the information. Fiver, if you can think of anything else that may be useful then I would greatly value it. Blatant, I am aware that one should act in his or her true nature while in a relationship, but at least from what I have heard, one should also at the same time attempt to meet the needs of the other individual by meeting them “half way”, kind of a paradox isn’t it = ). However, if one must act more than, I am just throwing out a ruff estimate, say 5-6% different in order to meet another “half way”, then it obviously will make the one who is altering his or her natural personality uncomfortable. Also, I would say that I have a more developed emotional side than the average INTJ, so I actual understand and know how to react to a person who is emotionally distressed. Yet again, thank you for the comments. Keep rolling them in =P.
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