[JustMel]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Many of nowt's posts are content rich, condensing the normal INTJ tl;dr posts, into a few words.

True. There's even a support thread somewhere that explains why Jez and Stasis accept his posting style.

I'll send him an email to make sure he's still breathing... and copy Imp's post above.
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[deconspire]

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bye!

[INTJRyan]

	Originally Posted by deconspire To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	( Show Spoiler ) To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. bye!

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[Simurgh]

Day 5—post impy era

The Imperator has disappeared from the nowtish thread. What happened to the chronicler of past glories and teller of truths few wanted to face???

I want the glory days of sharp wit, nefarious puns, and critical overthinking to return. Since the imp’s musings did not bring the nothingness he bemoaned back, I shall try another venue.
To that end I will practice the art of ritual dance in the hopes that the goddess returns naught to us. We who want to benefit from his endless supply of minimalistic retorts and countless insults to our assumed wisdom are in desperate need of the much lamented master of words.

First, I need to clear the ritual space and prepare it for the dance. A sharply spoken command makes the dog remove himself from the center of the room where he lay in blissful sleep with his cat curled between his legs. He resettles on the couch, keeping a bleary eye open to assure he did not miss his opportunity for a biscuit. Little does he know that Kali has already absconded with the loot while he napped. That bitch is so much more astute than the two male dogs.

I am collecting the necessary accoutrements and prepare the circle as two of the cats streak across the floor in their frenzy to catch their hapless victim—Demonchild before he can steal the catnip out of the box I just opened. A loud crash alerts me to the fact that Demonchild, Shtupid, and Terminator Kitty just landed on the floor with the box. That ought to be interesting. But back to my preparations, I can worry about the cats later.

Catnip is much sought after ingredient for the potion needed for the ritual. Contacting the goddess is a bit of a chore, given that she does not usually grant divine inspiration easily. But the goddess can be bribed. Hence, the preparation of the sacred space and the selection of offerings to put her in a receptive mood.

Ah, what to use for a burnt offering. I think that my first born is already too old for him to serve as a proper sacrifice, and trying to reconstruct his virginal state is sort of out of reach too. The second born? Perish the thought; I will not even contemplate the logistical problems here.
It is late, I think I’ll eat a pound of chocolate and contemplate the feasibility of my project further.

[hi5yourface]

Mmmmmmm chocolate.......

[Simurgh]

Day 6—post impy era

Oh horror, someone absconded with my godivas. How could this have happened? I left the wards I had so laboriously constructed in their appointed spaces flanking the litter boxes and the dog food container. I made sure that they were fully charged by applying a liberal dose of wolf’s bane and sprinkling them with belladonna. How could someone have simply taken them without the guard cats on duty noticing anything?

Yes, of course nowt would have snipped the whole thing already made a snarky comment to keep me on track and get on with the dancing, but I need to explore the failure of my security system in great depth. This cannot happen again.

What if next time the despicable thief steals my prized voodoo doll collection, or even worse, makes off with my silver samovar? How will I make chai? How will I succeed in causing dogs to roll over in pain and acquiescing to my demands?

I will try to question my guardians of the here and now and see what happened to their vigilance. I am too distraught over the loss still. Maybe I should just take a long bath, soak in a lavender infusion and paint my toe nails as a treat.

The dance must wait for yet another day. I have to bath, it will serve as a ritual cleansing in any event and save me time later. Ritual purity is a prerequisite for the dance of the seven cats. I shall begin and..
What is that noise? Has the thief returned?

[Imperator]

Day 1:

Today starts a new era. Since the last update, I failed in my duties. I forgot to hit F5 one day. Wracked by guilt, by a total loss of self-worth, self-value, I wandered the empty plains without a care for whether I lived or died. How could I forget? How could I fail my duty? How could I betray his memory?

Yet something happened on that aimless journey. I realized it didn't matter. He was gone, and whether he will come back to us remains to be seen. But just what would be come back to? A world devastated by loss? A hollow shell of organized society? A corrupt culture, where the prize is not intellectual stimulation, but e-points?

No, to such a world he would not, could not, come back. As the chaos is my soul, so too shall the redemption be by my own hand. No longer will I sit idly hitting F5, awaiting a savior. No longer will the time remaining be spent in mourning. No more.

Today starts a new era. An era where we build, where we grow, where we thrive. An era where past mistakes and transgressions can be remembered, and avoided. An era we can create. Then, maybe then, if he returns, he shall see how we kept his name, his memory, his spirit alive. He shall see how we have grown, how we have built, and rejuvenated humanity.

I went to the Order of the Ponies to join them and help. Not in rebuilding our old society, but in creating a new one, without the imperfections of the past, without the problems that led to our current dilemma. Their order is small, but focused. I was welcomed. Now I shall earn their kindness. Love and tolerance shall sweep across the lands in due time, and from the seed of civilization they have preserved, a new tree will grow. We shall mold this tree, nurture it, and remember all he taught us. We will not wait for him any longer. I will not wait any longer. The record on F5 has closed. What we create now will be the record of F5. What we build will act as the reminder of his lessons. What we love will be recorded memory. Let it start now. This very moment. This is now our duty. This is now my discipline.

Today starts a new era.

[Kisai]

	I went to the Order of the Ponies to join them and help. Not in rebuilding our old society, but in creating a new one, without the imperfections of the past, without the problems that led to our current dilemma.

The Order of the Ponies is a bunch of wild-eyed junkies scratching their arms and asking passerby "Do you know when season 3 is coming out?" and if you say anything like "only 13 episodes" to them, they scream and curl up into a ball.

[loveoff]

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[hi5yourface]

*The note left on your newly polished sandovar*

Dear Simurgh,

I hope you don't mind that I let myself into your abode while you were away. I escaped the Order of Ponies briefly whilst they had cartwheeled themselves into oblivion....they may notice my disappearance soon and send the carnival taskforce for my retrieval. Your home looked so quaint and irresistible to a tired soul and while climbing through a window ledge I chanced upon one of your guardian cats. He briefly opened an eyelid but was so comfortable in deep sleep that he just gently rolled over and purred passively to himself. I gently massaged behind his ears to fully relax him and kept on to the kitchen. The rumbling of my stomach could not be ignored and imagine my delight at finding a kings ransom worth of chocolate. I promise I only took what I needed to nourish me in my travels and perhaps a small bit more for later. The other cats and I came to an understanding that so long as I only took what was needed and wasn't greedy they promised not to report me. I thanked them graciously and I hope that they won't be punished too severely for lack of vigilance as my leaving of this note is proof of my most humble guilt in this matter.

On the way out however I came across a dog guarding the door. He looked deep into my eyes and when I didn't back down the hair on his neck raised and he hunched down in an attack stance his teeth beared and drool streaming down to his paws. I knew I couldn't make my escape out the door as intended so to distract him I fed him a few precious bars of the chocolate the cats so graciously allowed me to take. (In fact they confided in me that they had really been keeping the chocolate safe from the hound in general since he was so greedy for that which he shouldn't eat.) While he gorged himself on the chocolate I cautiously stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. To make my presence all the more pleasant I hope you don't mind I prepared your bath water then wandered back into the kitchen to leave this note....I think it may still be running.

Trepidatiously,

Hi5

[Simurgh]

Dearest Absconder with the Victuals of Renown,


While I thank you for your help with the bath—it was most gracious of you to light the candles and turn on soothing music (Led Zeppelin is just so calming)—I am quite perturbed that the cats have shown to be such feckless little ingrates. I have raised them since they were abandoned little kittens and thought that some loyalty might accrue from that.

But alas, they are cats and none of my efforts to train them as the true guardians of Goddess have taken root. In my despair over their dereliction of duty, I almost sat down to have a bite of chocolate to assuage my bleeding soul. Lo and behold, you had taken all five pounds of the creamy concoctions and I was left bereft of my comfort food. You must have been stressed beyond reason when you visited me that time.

In my despair I made some catnip tea. I am still feeling a bit funny right now but wisdom prevailed and I deleted the scathing epistle addressed to you concerning my Godiva stash. I am a ritual dancer after all and need to be kind and forgiving in all matters. Yeah, it’s a stupid rule, but what in Hel’s name can I do.

I will have a heart to heart with the dogs, which are not entirely blameless either and see what I need to do to safeguard my possessions in view of the glaring failure of my security system. Maybe the mine field and/or the drawbridge over a crocodile infested moat plan does have some merit given my circumstances.

I wonder what nowt would say. Would it be –snip this inane blather?

Oh, I cannot dwell on that now, I need to lead the communal prayer for the atheist feminists. They do expect a lot of ritual intervention. Although, given their proclivities to denounce me every Friday after work hours I wonder just what they actually want from me.
And so I thank you for your note, but shall I ever catch you messing with Godiva again, you might end up a burnt offering

May the goddess keep you from harm and out of my chocolate—try the cat food next time. The dogs would be alright with that.

Simurgh

[UltraIncredible]

	Originally Posted by deconspire To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	( Show Spoiler ) To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. bye!

Sweet fucking holy Jesus what is that

[Simurgh]

The repeated appearance of the goat is a bad omen indeed. Hence, I decided to shift my focus from what once was to what will eventually be.

Therefore, I shall refer to my journal entries in the following manner “Day 1 of X until SNIP returns”.

The samovar is polished, thanks to a miscreant with a conscience, and my stash has been replenished and securely placed in the vault with other indispensable ritual items, such as hazelwood wands, saffron, rosewater, pistachios, dog biscuits and of course, greenies for felines and canines alike.

Now it is time to address the sanctification of the ritual space. As burnt offering I shall use the latest writings of Henry Makow. Writings such as his should serve another purpose besides the obvious one, to provide a few minutes of mirth to those who seek entertainment without adding unduly to their thought processes.

Of course, the space also needs to be devoid of fur balls and the occasional hair bunny—oh how they multiply in the dark of night. Time to draw the sacred symbols on the floor with the sacred sharpie.

What ….. again? Goddess endow me with patience and forbearance. Kali, aptly named it seems, is still chewing on the sacred implement. I need to secure more thereof it seems as she just destroyed the last one. Well, off to the supply store. I will need to assure a complete set of sanctifying implements before I get started.

It might not have been the most lucid thing to do, expecting the canines to safeguard my ritual spaces and tools. I think I shall call a meeting with the felines instead. More catnip is needed then, as well as items that entertain and soft, plush cushions for their perusal after a strenuous day of strategic planning, napping, eating, indulging in the occasional dose of nip, and trips to the litter box.

Ah, being prepared is half the battle. I better fortify myself with a bit of chocolate cake first; I cannot succumb to weakness whilst engaged in procuring the tools of the trade. Maybe a nap is in order….

[hi5yourface]

I think someone answered me with this name the other day and I really don't know what that means or really what anything means anymore....the days they're all just blending together.

[Simurgh]

Day 6 of X

The Godiva thief has fallen victim to my ritual of forgetfulness. I might have added a bit too much extract of nowtish newt to the potion, since it appears that the forgetfulness is a bit to pervasive. Never mind, that now; although revenge does provide a sweet lingering taste in my mouth.

My samovar is polished, the rose petal tea is steeping and it is time for the daily ritual dance in honor day of remembrance. I wonder what the object of the ritual is doing instead of regaling us with his cutting prose and/or poetry. First, the sacred space needs to be cleaned.

I already removed Cupcake’s latest addition to my hair-ball collection and sprinkled the sacred concoction of baking-soda, rosemary, salt, pepper, cinnamon, and of course my cherished snips of nowtish messages, artfully clipped and mixed into the sacred concoction.

What? The feline sycophants are converging on my laboriously cleansed space. They are rolling on the floor and committing ludicrous undulations….they are sullying the space……..
Rats, I mistakenly used catnip instead of rosemary for my cleansing potion. The damn tribe is rolling around like they were all stoned out of their little minds. So much for my guardians and defenders of the realm. Even the dogs are a better choice now-if I can get them away from the treats the cats ever so conveniently spilled on the floor.

I better retreat to my chambers and meditate for the next few hours; else I’m going to strangle the little beasts. Nowt won’t care—I am sure he is plotting and scheming as we speak. Or maybe he just moved on and does more interesting things with his life than honing his rapier wit on the likes of us in INTJ space.

[Monte314]

Criminy, it's been TWO MONTHS. Will this madness never end!?

[Simurgh]

Oh horror, the poster’s remark is too short to SNIP; furthermore the message reflects my sentiments. What to do…..

	Originally Posted by Monte314 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Criminy, it's been TWO MONTHS. Will this madness never end!?

I just let it stand this 8th of X day.
After all, the ritual preparations for the dance need to take precedence. The guardians have been inveigled to remain at their posts. The judicious use of catnip, fresh salmon, and some utterly disgusting smelly treats the felines seem to adore has had the fortuitous side-effect of laying them out in a stupor.

The canines are currently hiding under the bed—they do not tolerate the barbarous ministrations meted out by the only sober cat in residence—Demonchild. He wants to play, but the dogs do not understand that a little pain needs to be involved on occasion. My dark prince has to securely fasten himself onto the back of said canines if he wants to go for a ride. As to his raking his claws across their faces, well, he has yet to blind them or cause them serious harm.

Back to the ritual event that will happen two nights hence. I am already in possession of the diaphanous garments that need to be donned, the elixir is simmering on the stove as I write this, and all ritual offerings have been procured.

The question that remains is, which one of the various deities would make the most amenable recipient of such an honor.

I shall go and consult one of my grimoires. YECCH, what is this hairball doing here? I better…..

[Monte314]

Sorry I asked...

[ppu6502]

I remember when this thread was entertaining, before whatever those walls of text are.

[JC22]

you guys are all boring

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everyone

[UltraIncredible]

	Originally Posted by JC22 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	you guys are all boring ( Show Spoiler ) everyone

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[Simurgh]

Snip—on principle

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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	Originally Posted by JC22 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	you guys are all boring ( Show Spoiler ) everyone

	Originally Posted by ppu6502 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I remember when this thread was entertaining, before whatever those walls of text are.

	Originally Posted by Monte314 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Sorry I asked...

[SelfMadeBum]

	Originally Posted by JC22 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	you guys are all boring ( Show Spoiler ) everyone

I think it's all the pee-pees.

[hi5yourface]

	Originally Posted by ppu6502 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I remember when this thread was entertaining, before whatever those walls of text are.

Start dancing....

	Originally Posted by Monte314 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Sorry I asked...

Probably not really though...

	Originally Posted by JC22 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	you guys are all boring ( Show Spoiler ) everyone

Toss on your pied piper clothes and show us the way...


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[Nemesis]

	Originally Posted by Monte314 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Criminy

I just like this word.

Carry on.