[porousshield]

We are judged by our looks whether we like it or not. Within the first few seconds that we see someone we make some pretty big assumptions about them in our brain. I don't see how it would be wrong to use your looks to get your foot in the door but if you're doing any more than that it's wrong.

On a side note, don't male brains work differently when around attractive females?

[Distance]

As a guess, there are some good looking guys who use their looks to get a-little-head.
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[SarcasticVlad]

Nothing wrong with using your looks. If you have it you'd be a fool not to use it. Consider it a part of your arsenal.

[LiamN]

	Originally Posted by SarcasticVlad To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Nothing wrong with using your looks. If you have it you'd be a fool not to use it. Consider it a part of your arsenal.

Exactly!

[Chameleon]

I do not think I have ever used my looks on purpose?!
But, this is coming from a guy that had no idea girls were flirting with him until he was 24, and it was pointed out to him by others. Heck I did not even believe them when they pointed it out. I realized I never considered it flirting because that is how girls talked to me the majority of the time. So I guess it is as others have stated, just because you are good looking does not mean you should feel guilty for being so. However, I do feel guilty talking about it, or perceiving myself as such. I still do not know how I would purposefully use it. Anything I need to accomplish is done through words or actions. Or do you guys mean seducing? If that is the case, I still have no idea how I would do that...I guess just being myself will do.

[Lolwut]

There's nothing wrong with it, unless you sleep with the employee to get the job which is highly unethical.
I find that people will treat you better if you're attractive, so you don't have to actively use your looks to get an advantage.

[Rsquared]

	Originally Posted by Apex To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Nope I don't think so, if people are dumb enough to make decisions based on how they feel (attraction towards you) that's their fault.

pretty much how I see it... But like others have said, looks aren't consistently enough anyway. Unless your job is modeling I guess.

[Silence]

How strange.

I think I understand where the OP meant to go with the question, but I "use my looks" to get ahead in my job. I'm quite plain, which means I blend into whichever role I need in order to fit the situation. Is that wrong of me? No. It is using what I have available to me. Is it wrong to use both eyes?

[KeepItReal]

I doubt looks get you very far unless you actually flirt and eventually sleep around.

Looks do play a part if for example you are a secretary as most male bosses would prefer to have beautiful women working for them, not just for the eye candy but also the prestige it brings amongst peers.

It can also work the other way as people can sometimes feel jealous of a very attractive person and not want to hire them.

[LifesEcstasy]

	Originally Posted by Zsych To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	On a basic level, humans treat more attractive ones with more respect (at least in direct inter-personal dealings). You can leverage that and develop habits that use it more to your advantage... and showing favor is often all you need... no need to sleep with people.

I take it you're not part of the 'beautiful people' set then. My husband is and his looks don't get him anywhere except in the eyes of hormonal teens\twenty-something boys and girls. They just think he's cute and make puppy dog eyes at him. HHe finds it hard to get a job because others are threatened by him and often becomes the target of snide remarks and gossip in the workplace. Jealousy unfortunately is a powerful motivation for people to dispatch each other in one way or another. No he's not got the right looks to trade on them in a profession such as modelling or acting. He is just an unhappy combination of great looking in person and photographs poorly.

He has never used his looks for advancement in the world, or if he has, he's spectacularly unsuccessful at it. Which would tend to indicate that extra respect out of homage to his excellent genes is a bit of a myth.

[Radamisto]

Not that I'm aware of. Nothing wrong with it in any case.

[Berserker]

People use their looks to get ahead without intending it, so this thread is actually asking is if it morally acceptable to consciously use one's looks for advancement. I believe it is an individual decision, and because the justifications can be extremely variable, it depends on the person.

[LadySpock]

	Originally Posted by 24601 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My looks get me noticed. The rest is on me.

This.

Looks can ony get you so far...and sometimes as a Black female, being good looking can actually hurt you. It seems better to be average looking. I defy too many stereotypes...it makes some people very uncomfortable.

[KeepItReal]

	Originally Posted by LadySpock To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This. Looks can ony get you so far...and sometimes as a Black female, being good looking can actually hurt you. It seems better to be average looking. I defy too many stereotypes...it makes some people very uncomfortable.

Are you saying there is a stereotype that black women are not good looking?

[LadySpock]

KeepItReal,

The stereotypes for Black Women are:

single mom
low wage earner
uneducated
unattractive
inarticulate
unintelligent

Yes - you can make people uncomfortable if you defy too many stereotypes because you are challenging their view of reality....but with enough exposure it is possible for people to get comfy with you. Usually the process for that is - they place you in another category...ie "You're not like the rest of the Black people I know."

[KeepItReal]

Originally Posted by LadySpock To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

KeepItReal, The stereotypes for Black Women are: single mom low wage earner uneducated unattractive inarticulate unintelligent Yes - you can make people uncomfortable if you defy too many stereotypes because you are challenging their view of reality....but with enough exposure it is possible for people to get comfy with you. Usually the process for that is - they place you in another category...ie "You're not like the rest of the Black people I know."

I disagree, I think you're basing your opinion on the general stereotype of black people being on welfare, which covers everything you mention. To an extent what you are saying is true, but its true of all welfare recipients no matter what colour.

My own stereotype of black women, is that they have a beautiful smile, can sing and dance, have a large bust and booty and are great in bed. Am I close?

[LadySpock]

Originally Posted by KeepItReal To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I disagree, I think you're basing your opinion on the general stereotype of black people being on welfare, which covers everything you mention. To an extent what you are saying is true, but its true of all welfare recipients no matter what colour. My own stereotype of black women, is that they have a beautiful smile, can sing and dance, have a large bust and booty and are great in bed. Am I close?

It's up to you to believe what you want, but society at large has nothing positive to say about Black people - men or women...

[KeepItReal]

	Originally Posted by LadySpock To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It's up to you to believe what you want, but society at large has nothing positive to say about Black people - men or women...

I just said you have a hot bod and are great in bed. I may not represent society as a whole, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't being negative.


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Perhaps you are suffering from some sort of persecution complex? Is that sterotypical of black women too?

[awalkingcliche]

I don't see the problem with using it, if you've got it, flaunt it. However, you best have some brains to back it up. If not then you're pretty much screwed. Just sayin'.

[LadySpock]

Originally Posted by KeepItReal To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I just said you have a hot bod and are great in bed. I may not represent society as a whole, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't being negative. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Perhaps you are suffering from some sort of persecution complex? Is that sterotypical of black women too?

Are you able to comprehend the difference when someone is describing what they observe from other people versus what they believe?

[KeepItReal]

	Originally Posted by LadySpock To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you able to comprehend the difference when someone is describing what they observe from other people versus what they believe?

My point is that what you think you observe may not be the reality, and is most likely based on personal issues.

[teri]

Sometimes...to be honest, at first, I did not realize that looks were important, or could even be something positive. As a child, intelligence and responsibility was always stressed as being important. I never heard "oh, you look pretty" or anything. In School, I was a late bloomer, I came from a different background than everyone else, and I stuck with the first guy I went out with-so again, I never heard anything about my looks. After school, I started working in an industry that had few females or even young people, so looks were not helpful at all-I always had to work harder and be tougher than I wanted to be just to get ahead. Some people hated Mr because of my success, and others respected me-looks were never involved.

THEN-twelve years later, I got out of my business and was surrounded by different people. Without my ex husband around me 24/7, people were always complimenting how I looked (I was surprised). I did use my looks somewhat-I worked as a model, was easily hired at sales jobs, restarted my business (and I know that some male customers mainly shop because they are attracted to me), guys often offer to help me with the business (though that makes me uncomfortable, so I turn them down), some vendors offer me better service because of attraction. So, at first it was helpful, but now I am getting tired of it-maybe it would be different if I grew up using my looks. Anyway, I am now uncomfortable. I am now usually trying to look my worse- no makeup, hair tucked up, baggy clothes. Some days I avoid certain vendors and salesmen because they are a little too attracted to me, I avoid certain customers for the same reason. Guys who I do go out with seem to only want to show me off and only compliment my looks. I have wealthy guys ask Mr out, but due to the fact that I come from a poor background and work physically hard in my business, I just cannot be attracted to someone who would look down on other people like me.

So, all in all, I have used my looks. However, due to the fact that I am introverted and did not grow up knowing the importance of looks to some people (men, haha...), I did not use my looks to the full advantage that I could have/ should have.

[Vocal]

Agreed.

[teri]

	Originally Posted by KeepItReal To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I doubt looks get you very far unless you actually flirt and eventually sleep around..

Not true. Some jobs are based on looks. Also, most people hiring for sales or jobs interacting with the public prefer to hire attractive people (who are friendly as well). Sometimes looks can get your foot in the door-no flirting or sleeping around required. Though in some industries, attractive people may not be taken as.seriously.

[Nemesis]

No.

Use whatever you have.