[chillipilli]

	Originally Posted by Lolwut To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The guy starts walking towards you to initiate a conversation, how do you prefer he does it? Open with a joke? Compliments you on your looks? A debatable topic? General conversation?

Aussie guys are not very good on the approach. They'd rather wait till you've had a few more drinks, and by this time they are usually plastered, then they just go for the groping approach...lol. When I've travelled I've found men a lot more outgoing in these type of approaches.

If we'd already agreed to meet (having chatted online or met somewhere else through friends previously) it's best to be yourself but be thinking of the other person and forget about concentrating on yourself.

My intention with every meeting is to leave the other person a little richer for having known me. That doesn't mean I want to stun them into thinking that I'm something exceptional. It just means that I should make them feel as comfortable as possible, I should take a good interest in them (without being nosy but with genuine empathy or concern or enthusiasm), and that they go away having had a pleasant, friendly conversation, even if the spark isn't there to keep things going neyond that date. I go in without any expectations- that way neither of us can be disappointed.

I pretty much think this is a good approach no matter what the situation- even when approaching someone 'cold' as you have described. If the man is genuine, honest, able to hold a bit of an interesting conversation without sounding like a know-it-all, that's a good start. If he is actively listening to the other person (and not concentrating on whether he sounds/looks good), this is a good way to show that he values you as a person and is genuinely interested.

Compliments are always nice, as long as it sounds genuine, and these usually do if they come at the end of the conversation, not the beginning. But I think the greatest compliment is to show interest, not just go directly for flattery.

As a 'shy' introverted type, I've found it much easier to focus on the other person and what I can give to them. I've never had a problem with keeping the conversation flowing or with getting the other person to talk about themself through this method.

---------- Post added 07-25-2012 at 11:00 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by The Dan Keizer To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I just start talking to a bitch as if we were continuing a conversation from before about some shit.

O that's just charming! You're a really lady-killer... literally!

[catzmeow]

	Originally Posted by Lolwut To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So there's no such thing as the perfect approach that would work on 100% of women? Damn =/. Ok, In this context lets say you've met eachother in a good ol' coffee shop.

You are going to have to learn via trial and errror. Think of it as conducting field studies.

Yes, you may be rejected. It comes with the game. We could say that more women should approach men (and they probably should), but at present, most men who want to meet a woman have to initiate contact.

FWIW, I didn't ever respond in the affirmative when guys just hit on me and said it was because I'm attractive. It's flattering, but that's not what I was looking for. Approach me like I'm a human being sharing this human experience with you, like we are co-conspirators secretly amused by the absurdities of this world. (I'm married now, so all of this is moot).

[chillipilli]

	Originally Posted by no4225 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	State intentions clear To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I wouldn't recognize flirting if it hit me over the head.

Totally agree with you on this one.. I wouldn't know flirting even if it came with a flashing neon sign!

[Shadeylark]

	Originally Posted by seeyouatx To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	General conversation is good. If the guy is slightly awkward and nervous, that's even better, so I know I'm not the only awkward/nervous person. If someone is cocky about it, I get scared and shut down. Granted, I don't have this issue as I'm rarely approached, so I generally don't have to worry about it!

heh, gotta be careful on this one.

we all know that confidence is an aphrodisiac.

but there's a fine line between cocky and confident; one that shifts around depending on how the other person is looking at you.

[no4225]

However, I do know how I don't like to be aproached. Stupid & cheesy pick-up lines are only going to revoke your right to be on the same planet with me.

[sunitaishot]

	Originally Posted by no4225 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	State intentions clear To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I wouldn't recognize flirting if it hit me over the head.

Why does that make the man bad?

---------- Post added 07-25-2012 at 09:12 AM ----------

I thought women didn't like cheesy pick up lines.

[unchained]

Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

i had a guy who thought up the most absurd but really funny pick up line and deliver it with an absolutely strait face and he just looked me expectantly strait in the eyes until I broke and laughed. I was instantly charmed, bit lip, twirled hair and got all girly, when he laughed with me. it is a tiny bit risky, but done well is pretty great. Actually men often get my attention by making me laugh. I will be sitting with a group some I know and some I dont, and someone will say something brilliantly funny and suddenly the whole room shifts like I have never seen this person before and they have my attention.

This is the normal route guys should take. You just drives around the town and when you see someone you like, just says something to catch them off guard. You normally would have to be good at thinking on the fly. People who can't think on the fly would have to practice, and get prepared to be shut down plenty of times before you get the hang of it. I personally find it odd to date someone on just off being funny, but that seems to be the common trend. And it works 8 out of 10 times. lol This and option 1 also works on okcupid/pof. Just be careful of what you attract. You have to remember though just because you got her attention, you have to be ready to actually keep it, especially with online messaging.

[Midhiel]

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You do have a long-distance boyfriend though, right? Something must have happened to get you two together...?

Mutual acquaintance. In the form of a guy who now hates me for dating his friend.
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	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why not?

As I said, it makes me uncomfortable.

[UltraIncredible]

	Originally Posted by Midhiel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Mutual acquaintance. In the form of a guy who now hates me for dating his friend. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Ah, then that makes more sense. I think for many people this is the most effective and organic way to get together (the second sentence notwithstanding). No ridiculous pickup attempts or forced small talk, just hanging out and building gradual familiarity through someone you already know.
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[Midhiel]

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Ah, then that makes more sense. I think for many people this is the most effective and organic way to get together (the second sentence notwithstanding). No ridiculous pickup attempts or forced small talk, just hanging out and building gradual familiarity through someone you already know. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Exactly.
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There's a lot less awkwardness and no pressure at all.

[ElstonGunn]

	Originally Posted by Midhiel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Exactly. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. There's a lot less awkwardness and no pressure at all.

None? Doesn't someone have to say or do something to initiate the transitions from friend-of-a-friend to direct-friends to some kind of romantic situation?

[Midhiel]

	Originally Posted by ElstonGunn To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	None? Doesn't someone have to say or do something to initiate the transitions from friend-of-a-friend to direct-friends to some kind of romantic situation?

There's no pressure to. It progresses because it feels comfortable, not because "oh I walked up to this person to get her number, I have to do this right", or "he wants my number, better not fuck this up". Being around someone in that setting creates no expectations.

There's a difference in "no pressure to do something" and "not doing something".
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[Solitielor]

"hey there I just met you, and this is crazy. So here's my handgun. Your cellphone maybe."


Well to tell you the truth I don't know how to do approaches. I tried approaching someone once and I was like *silence*

[Moxiie]

	Originally Posted by chillipilli To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Totally agree with you on this one.. I wouldn't know flirting even if it came with a flashing neon sign!

^^ I'm thinking that approach deserves some field testing. I know I'd laugh pretty hard, which is the best way to approach someone like me.

[ummon]

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Ah, then that makes more sense. I think for many people this is the most effective and organic way to get together (the second sentence notwithstanding). No ridiculous pickup attempts or forced small talk, just hanging out and building gradual familiarity through someone you already know. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

But this is also the best way to get friend-zoned...

[Solitielor]

	Originally Posted by ummon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	But this is also the best way to get friend-zoned...

You can avoid being friend zoned by using body language to tell her that you're interested on her romantically i.e. smelling her hair, pinching her cheeks, etc.

[Midhiel]

	Originally Posted by ummon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	But this is also the best way to get friend-zoned...

No, it's not. The ways to get friend-zoned are

• be her friend without expressing romantic interest
• be her friend when she isn't attracted to you

[ummon]

	Originally Posted by Midhiel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	No, it's not. The ways to get friend-zoned are be her friend without expressing romantic interest be her friend when she isn't attracted to you

The point is that:

A) If you don't express romantic interest early, the chances of getting friend-zoned for either of those reasons is high.

B) Society expects men to express interest while women give ridiculously subtle body language signals.

As a result of this, the problem is that I as a male have to choose between what's natural for me (developing friendships and then expressing romantic interest when I actually have romantic interest, which may take months to happen) and what's more successful (expressing romantic interest whenever I meet an attractive girl and then evaluating her personality, compatibility with me, etc. to see if I want to continue pursuing a relationship).

[Midhiel]

Originally Posted by ummon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The point is that: A) If you don't express romantic interest early, the chances of getting friend-zoned for either of those reasons is high. B) Society expects men to express interest while women give ridiculously subtle body language signals. As a result of this, the problem is that I as a male have to choose between what's natural for me (developing friendships and then expressing romantic interest when I actually have romantic interest, which may take months to happen) and what's more successful (expressing romantic interest whenever I meet an attractive girl and then evaluating her personality, compatibility with me, etc. to see if I want to continue pursuing a relationship).

Well, if you feel that you have to change your style in order to achieve a higher success rate, go ahead, and good luck with it! But the sheer number of women who say that they prefer to be friends with someone before dating them (-raises hand-) makes me think that what feels natural to you would work, too. Maybe it won't get you a date as quickly, but eh. Whatever makes you most comfortable.

[IotaNull]

	Originally Posted by Midhiel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	But the sheer number of women who say that they prefer to be friends with someone before dating them (-raises hand-)

I think I found the problem. Yeah, you seem to be good enough at introspection to be sure of this, but you're very much in the minority.

[TenochAcampicht]

"Friendzoning" is a pop psychology term, for a situation where there isn't mutual attraction, which has led to loads of pop psychology and pseudo-evolutionary theory gimicks by PUAs.

The actual reasons someone is friendzoned is :

# Lack of attraction
# They are interested in someone else
# They assume you are not attracted to them

Most guys in the "friendzone" never tell the girl they like them in the first place, and if they do, it's often out of the blue without any prior flirting or something similar to show attraction. This applies to girls too.

Yes, in some situations, there are female friends that use guys (and vice versa) whether as a venting tool or just stringing them along for sex, or leading them on, but that's a completely diferent situation.

[Midhiel]

	Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think I found the problem. Yeah, you seem to be good enough at introspection to be sure of this, but you're very much in the minority.

Fair point. I think I must live on some island separate from the rest of you, most of my girl friends also need to be friends with a guy before dating him...

At any rate, I just thought it needed to be included in this thread, since it does work sometimes. I doubt the success rate is really any lower than the standard "a guy walks up to a girl in a bar" technique.

[Silverity]

	Originally Posted by Midhiel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Fair point. I think I must live on some island separate from the rest of you, most of my girl friends also need to be friends with a guy before dating him... At any rate, I just thought it needed to be included in this thread, since it does work sometimes. I doubt the success rate is really any lower than the standard "a guy walks up to a girl in a bar" technique.

Whether a guy expresses his affection for me straight away or ten months down the line is irrelevant.. if I feel nothing, I feel nothing. It has nothing to do with mentally shifting a guy from would-date to wouldn't-date, there is no shift, he was never in the 'would-date' category to begin with.

I'm attracted to intelligence, a guy who randomly walks up to me doesn't stand a very high chance of success because I don't know him at all. I prefer to befriend a guy first as well so I can actually discover the person he is and figure out of he is attractive to me or not.

[SirJamesIII]

You'd be surprised by the stuff you can get away with saying. I think you can pretty much open with any observation that is somewhat interesting. You'll score even more points if that observation is directly related to the girl in question. Clothes and jewelry are obvious examples. One time I went up to a girl who was wearing knee socks and I said, "I have a knee sock fetish. I'd be careful if I were you." That sounds pretty fucking weird but she laughed.

[Pcell]

Cat and mouse witticism. No obvious flirting.