[ppu6502]

I talk to all of your parents almost every day. You wouldn't believe the things they tell me.

[sunitaishot]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	What does the bolded mean and why does it matter if all things are relative?

"Good" as in not abusive.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	"Good" as in not abusive.

Is abuse 'bad'? Why?

[sunitaishot]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Is abuse 'bad'? Why?

People don't like to be abused. From a humane perspective, most deem abuse wrong.

So, if one was not abused by their parents, IMO a person who has no regular contact with his or her parents should be looked down on.

[INTJRyan]

I've "paid my own way" for 15 years and I love and respect my parents more and more as time goes by. I talk them at least once a week usually more.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	People don't like to be abused. From a humane perspective, most deem abuse wrong.

Then why is spanking so widely accepted as a form of discipline for children? And why does it matter what 'most' believe?

	So, if one was not abused by their parents, IMO a person who has no regular contact with his or her parents should be looked down on.

Why? Are you suggesting that people 'must' take actions because of other people's expectations and if they don't, should be societally ostracised?

None of this aligns with your perspectives in other threads about hitting women, etc.

[sunitaishot]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Then why is spanking so widely accepted as a form of discipline for children? And why does it matter what 'most' believe?

Whether spanking is abuse is moot. It's largely condemned due to contemporary morality, and any conclusive evidence that it is harmful is moot also. In past generations, people were spanked and did not grow up as mentally ill adults. This per se shows it's a moot case.

Abuse specifically can also relate to psychological attacks, lack of attentiveness, etc.

	Why? Are you suggesting that people 'must' take actions because of other people's expectations and if they don't, should be societally ostracised?

To some extent, yes. this is how human society operates. those who are, for instance, racist are ostracised, since contemporary society deems it wrong. If one's parents have been good/kind and raised one well, not to acknowledge that is sociopathic.

	None of this aligns with your perspectives in other threads about hitting women, etc.

And? people are complex and contradictory, get with it.

[Antares]

I guess my distaste for hearing from my parents, especially my mother, comes from their being helicopter parents. In my old high school (we were mostly Chinese American expats), our term for this is "Asian parent". I felt that they had full reign during my childhood and I didn't have much of a say in anything. They made me take piano and my mother would call home once every 3 hours or so to check that I did everything she said, like practice piano for 2 hours. She would also ask my nanny and my grandparents, to the point I felt she was spying on me and I remember conspiring with my nanny to let me get away with not practicing. They also had checks and limits on everything I did, including reading when I am unable to fall asleep and used to come into my room after I "went to bed" every fifteen minutes or so to check that I'm really asleep. Just hearing their voice and reading their e-mails makes me feel the spectre of their power over me is just looming over the horizon.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	mentally ill adults.

Irrelevant, according to you as defined below:

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Mental illness doesn't even exist, since normalcy is subjective

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot
	Abuse specifically can also relate to psychological attacks

Irrelevant, according to you, above.

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot
	To some extent, yes. this is how human society operates. those who are, for instance, racist are ostracised, since contemporary society deems it wrong. If one's parents have been good/kind and raised one well, not to acknowledge that is sociopathic.

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	lol.. I don't believe normalcy has an objective definition. In each of your aforementioned cases, who is to say this is not acceptable conduct? The beliefs of society mean little.

Answered using your answers.

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot
	And? people are complex and contradictory, get with it.

Cognitive dissonance much?

[sunitaishot]

mental illness doesn't exist, and psychiatry is a corrupt practice. and?

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	mental illness doesn't exist, and psychiatry is a corrupt practice. and?

How can you say mental illness and societal expectations don't exist/are meaningless on one hand and then use mental illness and societal expectations as part of your platform for arguing 'for' parental visiting?

[sunitaishot]

Mental illness doesn't exist, this is common fact.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Mental illness doesn't exist, this is common fact.

This thread begs to differ.

[sunitaishot]

Kindly state the contrary then.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	did not grow up as mentally ill adults.

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Kindly state the contrary then.

Done!

[Zsych]

	Originally Posted by Thrasymachus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't owe my parents anything. I didn't ask to be born, and I didn't get a say to whom. That being said I talk to the rents two to three times a week, but because it is pleasant to talk to them not because of any obligation i feel towards them.

	Originally Posted by katatonic To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Not everyone "owes" their parents. I don't owe mine jack shit. To the op...I think you know what my answer is.

Nobody asked to be born or had a choice in it, including your parents. They could as well have dumped you in a foster home rather than wasting their own money and time on you, and letting you drag down their ability to enjoy themselves.

... That said, most likely your parents weren't raised that well either. People can only do the best they can (which is often unimpressive). Nevertheless, they likely gave you a lot, even if it felt lacking. They likely weren't all that happy themselves either.

[Chameleon]

We are all busy people; generally every couple of months. We are all strong characters, not much is said during these interactions; but we enjoy each others presence.

[Jill Hives]

Originally Posted by Zsych To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Nobody asked to be born or had a choice in it, including your parents. They could as well have dumped you in a foster home rather than wasting their own money and time on you, and letting you drag down their ability to enjoy themselves. ... That said, most likely your parents weren't raised that well either. People can only do the best they can (which is often unimpressive). Nevertheless, they likely gave you a lot, even if it felt lacking. They likely weren't all that happy themselves either.

How does this equate to owing?

[Vocal]

Agreed.....It doesnt.

[Nicole1975]

Originally Posted by Antares To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I guess my distaste for hearing from my parents, especially my mother, comes from their being helicopter parents. In my old high school (we were mostly Chinese American expats), our term for this is "Asian parent". I felt that they had full reign during my childhood and I didn't have much of a say in anything. They made me take piano and my mother would call home once every 3 hours or so to check that I did everything she said, like practice piano for 2 hours. She would also ask my nanny and my grandparents, to the point I felt she was spying on me and I remember conspiring with my nanny to let me get away with not practicing. They also had checks and limits on everything I did, including reading when I am unable to fall asleep and used to come into my room after I "went to bed" every fifteen minutes or so to check that I'm really asleep. Just hearing their voice and reading their e-mails makes me feel the spectre of their power over me is just looming over the horizon.

It seems so odd to me that people have kids and then they pay someone else to watch them and love them. I mean this sounds like she didn't live with you even.

But if she's paying the bills then you aren't really an adult. I kinda don't see how this is different from high school for you. What you think that because you are over 18, you should have more freedom? Not if she's paying. If you REALLLY don't like it, go make it on your own. Some of us don't have parents so we're not sympathetic.

[katatonic]

Originally Posted by Zsych To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Nobody asked to be born or had a choice in it, including your parents. They could as well have dumped you in a foster home rather than wasting their own money and time on you, and letting you drag down their ability to enjoy themselves. ... That said, most likely your parents weren't raised that well either. People can only do the best they can (which is often unimpressive). Nevertheless, they likely gave you a lot, even if it felt lacking. They likely weren't all that happy themselves either.

I would have honestly rather been given up for adoption than lived with my mother. My mother did not waste time or money on me. She beat the shit out of me on a daily basis and basically made my sister and I take care of her. So maybe instead of saying that people owe their parents, you should realize that not everyone had such a sunny upbringing.

Not being happy with your own upbringing is not a reason to have children when all you know how to do is take your anger out on them with your fists. There is no excuse for that. And I am under no obligation to owe her anything.

[sircockburn]

I just wait for my adoptive father to call me and leave me a bitchy voicemail about "falling off the face of the Earth". Then I'll call him back later if I'm really bored somewhere, like in the dentist's waiting room, etc.

[PugC]

My parents and I went a couple of rounds before we agreed on how much contact is enough after i moved out. Generally we speak on the phone once every other month, we tend to meet in person about three times a year (we live about 8 hrs drive from each other) At least this is how often we have done it these 15 years since i moved away

[annaelizabeth]

I've let my "feeling like I owe my parents and grandmother" lead me down a very bad path of being emotionally abused, manipulated, lied to and controlled. I spent a good portion of my childhood avoiding my only grandparent, because of the constant guilt trips she laid on me. Growing up I kept trying to think of ways to divorce my parents and start with a new family. By around age 7 I knew my household was fucked up and not like others. I grew up in a house of misery, bitterness, and depression, with parents who didn't work and had no ambitions in life besides sitting around all day watching tv feeling sorry for themselves (still true to this day). I limit my contact with them to every other week, sometimes less. We live less than a mile from each other. I can't have a conversation with my mother because of her depression (she has literally nothing to say) and my father just complains constantly looking for sympathy. Neither one really gives a shit about what is going on in my life, and they hardly ever ask. It is what it is.
My grandmother demands more frequent contact with me so I used to talk to her every day, by her choice. Just recently I reduced this to every other day my choice. She's still adjusting.
My son was a freshman last year in college. It took some adjusting on my part when he didn't call me every day, because I was used to talking to him every day, but I'm not going to guilt him into calling me all the time like my grandmother has done to me, because it only leads to resentment. I know he's busy so I let him call me when he's free and he wants to, not when I force him to. We probably talk 3 times a week when he's in school. I'm trying really hard not to make the mistakes that were made on me.

[DroppedG7]

Question should be, "If your parents died tomorrow, how much would you wish you had visited them?"

1-2 times a month. Drive an hour and work on cars , computers hang out run errands. I did the hide and seek thing for several years until the above happened.