[SilasGTBronte]

When I truly care about someone, I would do favors or at least something nice unconditionally and out of true love.

[Thoughtwaves]

Originally Posted by DrEast To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Initial Romance/Crush: By freezing up utterly around them. By avoiding them actively to avoid the freezing up. By going from fully confident to zero self-confidence in three seconds flat around them. General stiffness and awkwardness. Actual love/affection By becoming experts in the person so loved, to the point of accurate prediction of that person's actions and thoughts from observed data. By yielding some of the precious autonomy to put that person's interests first. By careful study of sexual technique to transfer to passion in the bedroom. By extreme thoughtfulness in interaction, in marked contrast to thoughtlessness normally characterizing INTJ social interactions. These are just a few indicators I've observed or come across in research. Hope this helps!

I totally agree!!!

---------- Post added 09-21-2012 at 11:40 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by Thoughtwaves To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I totally agree!!!

And when we have gone to such lengths to research and study, to perfection, our love interest, they better notice and value it!

---------- Post added 09-21-2012 at 11:42 AM ----------

I think the most detached and cold I have ever felt has been when someone I have invested my thoughts and time into totally ignores me or belittles my efforts. I become so controlled in my responses that I might as well be a robot.

[DesertKnight]

I tell them.

[The Dan Keizer]

I bless the people I love with my time and attention.

[restless]

I have learned to listen and encourage the enthusiasm of friends even when they're excited about something while I could care less. It's a lot of smiles and nodding. It can be quite exhausting.

[Coffeebean]

When I got back from vacation once, I drew my INTJ friend a picture of one of the otters I saw to compensate for the fact that I lost my camera and showed it to him over Skype. He drew me a picture of a snake killing my otter.

I told him I loved it so much that I would hang it on my fridge, but he forgot to give it to me.

[Status]

Most of the time, if I love someone, I show it through my loyalty to them. I also prefer the same in exchange. More than any verbal expression or gesture, I'd rather people just expressed it in subtle, but clear ways.

[Megalomania]

I do things solely for their sake.

[mosfet]

Behaving and talking stupid... love and feelings confuse me. So if I behave and talk stupidly with you - I'm in love with you.

[PhilipJFry]

What a fantastic thread. My wife gets pretty frustrated with me and after going through some of the posts here last night she's gotten a better sense of why I'm not - and not going to be - the marshmallowy gooey guy she'd like to see. It must have clicked because this morning she told me that I really do so many things for her and that she loves me.

Thanks to the contributors in this thread and the OP for getting it started.

[Dewi]

my answer might sounded so funny but you know i don't know how LOL.
I don't know how to tell them in a nice way that i care about them.
when it comes to family you just don't need to tell them. they're the ones you see when you wake up and when you're going to sleep. when you're at your best and at your worst.

once, a new friend in college were getting closer to me. we're just maybe destined to be bff. i have this ability to know that someone's in depress or about to be or have been depressedd (i don't even know how). so my friend were in some depression mentality and i told her,
"well if you wanna talk to me just say it cause i won't ask you what's the matter".
can you categorize this as an expression of caring or loving?

for me i just do things. it's small things but i prefer that they realized it themselves rather than having me boasting around for what i've done for them. Lately i'm getting better in expressing myself. sometimes in a way that's harsh when i need to be but somehow in a lovely way that people can get what i mean easily.

[Chaerolis]

Words showing I LIKE a person

• Avoidance
  Self-conscious
  Sensitivity develops rapidly
  Curiosity
  Pretentious Ignorant ... Well sometimes its really is Ignorant ...

Words showing I TRULY have that someone on my mind

• Caring
  Keeping an Observance Diary
  Loving from a distance
  Accomplish Intellectual research
  Spending times investigating

When I finally get to the last stage of these complex within me, I'll probably draw their attentions toward me and play with those feelings a little, not that I'm being unfaithful but teasing the one you love is quite relaxing. I'm still pretty new to those stuff because I've never really been able to convince myself in giving my all to someone, it's a difficult task ...

[Dancingqueen]

• I will do what is beneficial to him even if it is detrimental me. (monogamy)
• I give up a bit of my independence.
• Become an expert in what he likes/enjoys and provide that.
• I tell him why I love him but of course this counts for nothing...(show me don't tell me).
• I do not battle to win, as a matter of fact, I will not even battle him to first blood (intellectually).
• I give him my full attention when he speaks. Laptop down, eyes on his face, brain activated.
• I do not judge him or find parts of his personality deficient, ie. I love him "as is"...no criticizing.

[Freeburgh]

	Originally Posted by pensivemuse7 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Straightforward question: How does an INTJ show they care for or love someone? I know that there is not right or wrong answer. I just want to know your thoughts and/or opinions.

Using their preferred love language. Initially. Or the other person's, if they have deduced it. For me that's something physical, like a hug, kiss, hand holding, pat on the back, etc.

[DeadIdealist]

Meh. I do a bunch of random things, but I did get reports that people find me difficult to read sometimes.

I will generally tell you that I care.

I'll probably try to buy you things and do nice things for you.

I'll want to spend time with you a lot.

[NanaEllis]

• Give up some of my independence.
• Spend a lot of time with them.
• Learn their love language.
• Learn what makes them tick.
• Buy them things that they like.
• Share my feelings with them.
• Their concerns are my concerns.

[Mohammad]

Quiet things. I for one, absolutely dislike making a public show of my appreciation. I really do not see why others need to see how I feel about that someone special.

The same goes with giving gifts to others besides an SO. For example, one of my best friends is getting married this month, and I took him to Nordstrom to shop for a tie and silk square to go with his Hugo Boss suit. The set was pricey but sublimely elegant as denoted by everyone who noticed it, and he was highly appreciative, but I did not at all think of giving him a boxed-up wedding gift to be piled onto a table.

Publicity and me do not get alone too well. I prefer not to, but when I do, it is worth holding one's breath for.

[Looksupordown]

	Originally Posted by pensivemuse7 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	See, we're kind of already pass these events already. Does anyone actually verbally express care and affection? And if not, why?

Plausible deniability, uncertainty, and the risk of being misinterpreted.

[24601]

	Originally Posted by The Dan Keizer To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I bless the people I love with my time and attention.

That's not a real gift, goddamn it!

I talk to them earnestly, as opposed to humoring them. Also I do stuff for them.

[DeadIdealist]

	Originally Posted by 24601 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That's not a real gift, goddamn it!

Err, why not?

[24601]

	Originally Posted by DeadIdealist To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Err, why not?

I can't return love for cash or store credit, now can I?

[whitepine]

I show people I care for them by cooking them meals. I don't think a lot of people realize that it is my way of saying, I care about you and you are a good friend or a lover or whatever.

[suzier444]

	Originally Posted by pensivemuse7 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	See, we're kind of already pass these events already. Does anyone actually verbally express care and affection? And if not, why?

Verbally? No, unless somebody prompts me to do so (or makes me, more like). It just honestly doesn't occur to me to express myself in that manner. To me, having fun with somebody, spending time with them, etc. speaks for itself.

Also, I'm a gift-giver. Whether on a friendship level or a romantic level, I express love/caring through gifts.

[Aleks]

I try to optimize the lives of my loved ones, and give them unsolicited advice on how they could achieve their goals.

Needless to say, it doesn't usually go very well. ha!
So I have stopped doing that in recent years.

[aliceinintjland]

Originally Posted by DrEast To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Initial Romance/Crush: By freezing up utterly around them. By avoiding them actively to avoid the freezing up. By going from fully confident to zero self-confidence in three seconds flat around them. General stiffness and awkwardness. Actual love/affection By becoming experts in the person so loved, to the point of accurate prediction of that person's actions and thoughts from observed data. By yielding some of the precious autonomy to put that person's interests first. By careful study of sexual technique to transfer to passion in the bedroom. By extreme thoughtfulness in interaction, in marked contrast to thoughtlessness normally characterizing INTJ social interactions. These are just a few indicators I've observed or come across in research. Hope this helps!

This is so accurate !