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What are your perceptions of INFPs? None
Old 07-13-2012, 05:48 PM   #1
ntwady
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I'd selfishly like to designate this space for discussion on the INFP archetype. Speak from experience or from a theoretical standpoint.

What do you think about them as:
  • friends
  • co-workers
  • siblings
  • parents
  • children
  • lovers
Maybe you have a question you'd like to ask forum INFPs? Or maybe you just want to vent. Here is the place.
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Old 07-13-2012, 06:31 PM   #2
Antares
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  Originally Posted by ntwady
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I'd selfishly like to designate this space for discussion on the INFP archetype. Speak from experience or from a theoretical standpoint.

What do you think about them as:
  • friends
  • co-workers
  • siblings
  • parents
  • children
  • lovers
Maybe you have a question you'd like to ask forum INFPs? Or maybe you just want to vent. Here is the place.

I haven't met the INFP archetype. Maybe this person doesn't exist. I have met INFPs, sure, and I have opinions about them. But to make a blanket statement? That's harder. I wanted INFP(1) as a friend, nothing to do with INFP(2), a restraining order against INFP(3) and a life partner in INFP(4).

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Old 07-13-2012, 07:47 PM   #3
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I know someone who I've sometimes suspected is an INFP (at his core) but for whatever reason - I won't go into my theories as to why because they could get somewhat personal - he has quite a few different personas that he uses, which makes it difficult for me to type him - at least that is how it appears to me.

Does that sound INFP at all, taking the person into account as potentially damaged? Or would I need to provide more information about what the personas look like?
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Old 07-13-2012, 08:22 PM   #4
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People read into what NFPs say about their beliefs and try to find meaning in it. This never works because what the NFPs believe only makes sense in their own minds.
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Old 07-13-2012, 08:34 PM   #5
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  Originally Posted by TheObserver
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People read into what NFPs say about their beliefs and try to find meaning in it. This never works because what the NFPs believe only makes sense in their own minds.

You could say the same about your logic. NFs are more likely to try to communicate for understanding; sometimes you can feel it, but we haven't learned to value feeling in a concrete form. Logic has found itself in numbers.

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Old 07-13-2012, 08:50 PM   #6
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Personally for me, and not too seriously in terms of archetype debate:

friends
Welcome.

co-workers
Welcome as company, but questionable in terms of quality reliable delivery of work. It may depend on their long term resolve and values.

siblings
Welcome as company, but questionable in terms of quality reliable delivery of work. It may depend on their long term resolve and values.

parents
Welcome as company, but questionable in terms of quality reliable delivery of work. It may depend on their long term resolve and values.

children
Someone easy to get along with and listen to, but is worrisome about how they will survive life and the tougher competition and challenges that tend to be faced. A strange mix of those two aspects - the person and the heart vs the ability to overcome.

lovers
Easy to get along with, but sometimes scary in terms of outlandish dreams they hope to achieve as partners perhaps without the partner having input. But perhaps that is minor, if one is happy to dash dreams
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Old 07-13-2012, 08:51 PM   #7
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A beautiful mind. Dark. Mystical. Sincere. Self-absorbed.

I've only known one person I can positively type as INFP, so this describes her specifically.
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Old 07-13-2012, 08:56 PM   #8
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  Originally Posted by ntwady
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Maybe you have a question you'd like to ask forum INFPs?

I'm game for questions (friendly ones, please, it's been a long week).

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Old 07-13-2012, 10:04 PM   #9
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  Originally Posted by Fecal McAngry
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I'm game for questions (friendly ones, please, it's been a long week).

Assuming I'm only looking for the dead honest truth:

From your perspective what do you suspect is the hardest thing about being an INFP?

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Old 07-13-2012, 10:09 PM   #10
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Old 07-13-2012, 10:45 PM   #11
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All the INFPs I know are pretty awesome and creative individuals, though I've found our mutual lack of identical functions to cause a little friction from time to time.

For some reason I get along better with INFP men than women.

 

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Old 07-13-2012, 10:58 PM   #12
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  Originally Posted by Tactical Panda
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Assuming I'm only looking for the dead honest truth:

From your perspective what do you suspect is the hardest thing about being an INFP?

I think much of the aforementioned self-absorption comes in the form of self-criticism, defeatism, and inadequacy. I'd venture most INFPs [experiencing difficulties] aren't content with the way they've reconciled their actions with their beliefs.

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Old 07-13-2012, 11:15 PM   #13
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Well...eh, I have two male INFP friends and...while I do appreciate their friendship, something about their emotional presence makes me feel uncomfortable.

Both of them are very much into history (Tert Si, I think) and philosophy, and their knowledge and fresh insights have proven them to be very interesting when engaged in discussion. They also initially seem very laid back and accepting, but I personally see shades of moral stubbornness showing through.

For instance, both of these INFP friends have confessed that they're infatuated with me, and continue express their love for me in words bordering on waxing poetic (Fi). I try to be polite yet honest, explaining that "I'm not interested in guys right now." as a means of suggesting "Hey, I'm not interested right now. Period." But my plan ultimately backfires, since they seem to take this as a possibility that I may be available in the future (Ne). They seriously CANNOT ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I'LL LIKELY NEVER BE ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN THEM.

It's very emotionally taxing for us in both relationships, since they're confused by the conclusions I jump to, yet are so conflict-avoidant that they're more likely to assume I'm right and start berating themselves. Oh yeah, and seeing them berating themselves? Being an Aux Fe and a Dom Ni causes me to feel their pain as they drive emotional daggers into themselves, as well as see the unfortunate consequences of their negative self-confidence in the bigger picture of their lives.

It's like...I can't help but take on the emotional burdens of others, even total strangers; most times I'm okay with it, but the Dom Fi aspect seems to make their emotional burdens SO HEAVY that I just can't stand under that weight. I used to 'disappear' from them, assuming they would understand that I just needed time to myself and that they could detect when I was emotionally drained. But instead they took my retreats as a call for help, and started intruding upon my personal life and bombarding me with messages asking if I was "okay" and everything, which is the COMPLETE opposite of what I wanted (I was naive enough to assume that they thought the same way I did and KNEW that I was retreating from them to recover, not because I hated them).

I ended up projecting my internal conflict back at them by snapping at them and telling them to leave me the he<< alone and that they were making me miserable. But eventually I came back in contact with them and started being more honest about how I felt and such, realizing that, despite initial appearances, we were on very different wavelengths...

*pant pant pant* Sorry...I've needed to get this off my chest for a while... ._.;;
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Old 07-13-2012, 11:19 PM   #14
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  Originally Posted by Tactical Panda
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Assuming I'm only looking for the dead honest truth:

From your perspective what do you suspect is the hardest thing about being an INFP?

This would very a great deal from INFP to INFP.

What is most challenging for Sinéad O'Connor is not necessarily what is most challenging for Meryl Streep.

But broadly speaking, _extreme_ emotional sensitivity that is always "on" is a trait that makes navigating this often brutal and uncaring "sketchy 3D world" (as an INTJ friend once described it) much more trying for INFPs than for other types.
Obviously, this is accentuated for INFPs who hail from a less than happy, stable background.

"I put on an act sometimes and people think I'm insensitive"..."Really, it's like a kind of armor because I'm too sensitive"..."If there are 200 people in a room and one of them doesn't like me, I've got to get out."
--INFP Marlon Brando--

"It must be nice to be normal
It must be nice to be cold
It must be nice not to have to go
Oh up or down
But me I'm all emotional
No matter how I try..."
--INFP Lou Reed, "No Chance--Regret"--
(
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---------- Post added 07-13-2012 at 11:51 PM ----------

  Originally Posted by Ribonuke
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Well...eh, I have two male INFP friends and...while I do appreciate their friendship, something about their emotional presence makes me feel uncomfortable.

Both of them are very much into history (Tert Si, I think) and philosophy, and their knowledge and fresh insights have proven them to be very interesting when engaged in discussion. They also initially seem very laid back and accepting, but I personally see shades of moral stubbornness showing through.

For instance, both of these INFP friends have confessed that they're infatuated with me, and continue express their love for me in words bordering on waxing poetic (Fi). I try to be polite yet honest, explaining that "I'm not interested in guys right now." as a means of suggesting "Hey, I'm not interested right now. Period." But my plan ultimately backfires, since they seem to take this as a possibility that I may be available in the future (Ne). They seriously CANNOT ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I'LL LIKELY NEVER BE ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN THEM.

You might wish to tell them this, no?

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Old 07-14-2012, 01:26 AM   #15
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From experience, I've personally known INFPs as
1. friends: They were all interesting conversationalists, but only in small doses. I have a tendency to hurt their feelings with my candor, and conversely found their emotional sensitivity to be quite frustrating at times. Nevertheless, I find their moral purity charming, and generally get along with INFPs in this capacity.
2. co-workers: Although he was brilliant when it came to brainstorming, the INFP I worked with several years ago in a small start-up company always wanted to take everything back to the drawing board whenever it came time to start production. I eventually blew up at him one day, and ended up quitting the job for a better one before there was enough time to pluck the shrapnel out of the walls.
3. lovers: Only one experience here, and it didn't last very long. Mind you, this was a rebound relationship on my part, so I feel a little guilty for even bringing it up and don't want to go into too much detail. But just let me note that it was quite frustrating.

From a theoretical perspective I'd expect INFPs to be:
Supportive and appreciative as siblings, but prone to being hypersensitive to others in the household. In fact, I could easily imagine an INFP getting more upset about one person in the family doing something to hurt another than the person who was actually wronged. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. As a parent, I would expect an INFP to be very gentle, loving, and supportive, but unreliable as far as practical matters are concerned. If I were Match Maker of the Universe, I'd be sure the other parent were a bit more down-to-earth to balance things out. As for INFPs as children, I can't really say with any certainty since I've never been through the trials and tribulations of being a parent. Let me just say that I'd rather raise an INFP than an ESXP.
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Old 07-14-2012, 07:06 AM   #16
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Probably won't say anything and then one day you come home to find broken stuff everywhere and blood on the walls or something. Other than that they're ok i guess.
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Old 07-14-2012, 11:17 AM   #17
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@Fecal McAngry

You mean tell them literally "Not interested in you. Period."? I worry if I say that and in the freak event that I DO end up feeling for any of them in the future then they might believe I was lying to them. But I guess I should stop worrying about the future and focus on the current situation? Sounds about right.

But I also worry if I say that, then I'll only be worsening their feeling of being cosmically conspired against...but I also guess I should stop feeling so ridiculously responsible for their feelings?
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Old 07-14-2012, 11:23 AM   #18
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INFPs who have developed a healthy Te are fantastic. The conversations with them flow and there seems to be some kind of deep understanding between our two personalities.

Unhealthy INFPs who are stuck in existential loops are frustrating and completely exhausting.
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Old 07-14-2012, 11:36 AM   #19
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  Originally Posted by Ribonuke
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@Fecal McAngry

You mean tell them literally "Not interested in you. Period."? I worry if I say that and in the freak event that I DO end up feeling for any of them in the future then they might believe I was lying to them. But I guess I should stop worrying about the future and focus on the current situation? Sounds about right.

But I also worry if I say that, then I'll only be worsening their feeling of being cosmically conspired against...but I also guess I should stop feeling so ridiculously responsible for their feelings?

They will continue to believe they have a chance unless you make it clear that they have no chance. They will pretend like they don't care while they are around you. You will then find out whether they were really your friend or not. You need to rip them off like you rip off a band aid.

If they aren't like the red haired kid in this video them later on that day, you are doing it wrong:

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Old 07-14-2012, 01:58 PM   #20
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  Originally Posted by Ribonuke
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@Fecal McAngry

You mean tell them literally "Not interested in you. Period."? I worry if I say that and in the freak event that I DO end up feeling for any of them in the future then they might believe I was lying to them. But I guess I should stop worrying about the future and focus on the current situation? Sounds about right.

But I also worry if I say that, then I'll only be worsening their feeling of being cosmically conspired against...but I also guess I should stop feeling so ridiculously responsible for their feelings?

We do have Te as our 4th function. In situations like this, a simple "I'm not interested and never will be; I'm attracted to people quite unlike you" might be warranted.

INFPs + INFJs is much like INTPs + INTJs--not one of the best romantic pairings, IMHO.

---------- Post added 07-14-2012 at 02:00 PM ----------

  Originally Posted by Ambra
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INFPs who have developed a healthy Te are fantastic. The conversations with them flow and there seems to be some kind of deep understanding between our two personalities.

Unhealthy INFPs who are stuck in existential loops are frustrating and completely exhausting.

I agree; of course the same can be said about INTJs and other types. INTJs with little Fi developed are some of the most heartless, selfish and least generous bastards around.

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Old 07-14-2012, 06:41 PM   #21
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  Originally Posted by Apricots
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A beautiful mind. Dark. Mystical. Sincere. Self-absorbed.

I've only known one person I can positively type as INFP, so this describes her specifically.

I know an INFP, and I could the say the same than above. Someone hard to find, even when he is in front of you, but if you give him the space, he can show you amazing thoughts, very creative and perceptive.

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Old 07-15-2012, 06:53 AM   #22
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  Originally Posted by Ribonuke
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@Fecal McAngry

You mean tell them literally "Not interested in you. Period."? I worry if I say that and in the freak event that I DO end up feeling for any of them in the future then they might believe I was lying to them. But I guess I should stop worrying about the future and focus on the current situation? Sounds about right.

But I also worry if I say that, then I'll only be worsening their feeling of being cosmically conspired against...but I also guess I should stop feeling so ridiculously responsible for their feelings?

They should have forgotten you by now. You shouldn't have got back in touch. They need to get more self-respect and you need to be more direct.

  Originally Posted by TheObserver
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They will continue to believe they have a chance unless you make it clear that they have no chance. They will pretend like they don't care while they are around you. You will then find out whether they were really your friend or not. You need to rip them off like you rip off a band aid.

If they aren't like the red haired kid in this video them later on that day, you are doing it wrong:

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This is quite harsh, to an Fi user, Fe users can seem very indirect. You shouldn't necessarily blame them for not having understood the "hint".

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Old 07-15-2012, 08:47 AM   #23
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  Originally Posted by Arbosis
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I know an INFP, and I could the say the same than above. Someone hard to find, even when he is in front of you, but if you give him the space, he can show you amazing thoughts, very creative and perceptive.

I'd like to meet an INFP guy. I don't think we'd be ultimately compatible (both of us might be too self-absorbed), but I'm certain he'd be a fascinating flame to my moth.

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Old 07-15-2012, 09:28 AM   #24
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What is an INFP like?
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Old 07-15-2012, 09:59 AM   #25
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One of my friends is INFP but thinks he's INFJ.

He's so self-absorbed and thinks that sitting around for hours just saying "yay" to me is having a conversation with me. (We've had so many arguments over this) He's scary when something I say challenge one of his ideals...Especially when he can't even muster up courage to say something is one of his ideals, and why.

Sometimes I just want to punch him.

Good, loyal friend though.
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