[INTJalexander]

I am around 30 years old now, and reflecting (planning/mapping out) on what I think I want the next 10 years to bring. There are so many things today that I wish I had known about when I was 20, and things I wish I had done differently. To avoid wasting opportunities I'll never get back, please tell me as a 40 (or over) person, what do you wish you'd done while you were in your 30's?

[jkatra]

I think it can vary significantly based on the specific person. I'm not 40 or over, but I'm getting close. I would like to mention these things:

I wish I had developed a firm investment strategy and started using it. Most people also need to learn to save and invest, but for me it took awhile before I developed the right investment approach.

I wish I had taken at least 1 vacation per year around the country and the world.

I wish I had found someone to be with in a long-term relationship.

I wish I had developed more technical skills for my specific career path.

I wish I had moved to a city with a bigger job market, but this is easily solved.

[The Dan Keizer]

I saw that movie Safe House last night, Ruben Blades was like, "You got more past than future." I already feel that way.

[Quipper]

It's funny that you write this, b/c it once again amazes me just how much INTJs can be alike. I turn 40 (God willing) in 2 months, so I've been reflecting on this topic from the perspective of one looking back in order to do exactly what you're doing--maybe change things going forward; but also to assess my 30s, b/c I was starting to feel like they might have been dud years compared to the former decade.

I went so far as to write a document entitled, "Reflecting on My 20s and 30s Vis-à-vis One Another." The first paragraph reads, "I’m nearly 40, and this impending milestone has me reflecting on my life. Although I know my 30s have been productive, I was wondering why I’ve been feeling like they were anemic—disappointing in some ways; missing something. I’ve come to believe that it’s because I think of my 20s as full and amazingly rich, but of my 30s as good, but less amazing. But is this true?"

I then go on to think of different areas of life that I think make a decade something to be proud of or worthy of my having lived it, even. Maybe one or more of these categories will help you crystallize your own thinking on where you've been and where you'd like to be.

I began with education, and ended that section, "Regarding the chance to receive formal education, the winning decade: my 20s." That's b/c I got a B.A. and 2 Master's degrees in that decade, but was in school for only another year or so in my 30s.

Second, "Regarding travels, the winning decade: my 30s." Here's what I wrote that led me to that conclusion: "In my 20s I spent time in 17 countries that I’d never before visited, whereas in my 30s I devoted a full year to visiting all 50 states in my homeland, seeing most of the best sights in the entire United States. Also in my 30s, I spent time in 11 additional countries that I’d never visited before, including 2 foreign countries that I moved to and lived in for nearly 2 full years. So my 30s saw me visiting fewer new countries, but because I actually lived abroad for about 20% of the decade and went to all the states—all told, traveling or living overseas for about 1/3 of the decade, the verdict seems clear."

Third, "Regarding my love life, the winning decade: my 30s." That had to do with moving on past just dating and finally getting married (and I still love her dearly!).

Fourth, "Regarding my career track, the winning decade: none—that is, it’s a tie between my 20s and 30s." I've been proud of what I've done equally, it turns out. But before I actually put the pros and cons of each decade on 'paper' I could never have guessed that. So the writing exercise helped here, as in other categories.

Last, "Regarding my experiencing fatherhood, the winning decade: my 30s." And this is an experience not to be missed!

Hope this helps you as you assess your own life....

[karenann33]

I'm 46. I'm pretty happy with my 30's but there are a couple of things I would do differently if I could go back.

I would have handled my money better. Lived beneath my means, saved more, invested, etc.

I would have spent more time developing relationships and less time on my career. My life back then lacked balance. Too much work not enough play.

[MikeAZ]

I am in my mid 40’s.

Great question, whatever we say I think you will do well.

One of the keys to happiness is being at peace with the choices you made based on the information that was available at the time. Making better choices in hindsight is easy. I was conservative with my money and lived well below my means and still lost a huge amount of money because of a job move and the housing bubble. I would have been far better off if I had done x or y differently. No use eating my own heart out, it was just bad timing.

One thing that is often overlooked is developing your character. Invest in the things you say you care about and cultivate relationships with people you admire. Mentor someone in their late teens or early twenties.

[themuzicman]

	Originally Posted by INTJalexander To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I am around 30 years old now, and reflecting (planning/mapping out) on what I think I want the next 10 years to bring. There are so many things today that I wish I had known about when I was 20, and things I wish I had done differently. To avoid wasting opportunities I'll never get back, please tell me as a 40 (or over) person, what do you wish you'd done while you were in your 30's?

Stay out of debt, except for a 15 year mortgage, where you put at least 10% down. Save up and pay for everything else.

Save 3-6 months income.

Save towards retirement.

If you want kids, have them now. The closer you get to 40 the harder it is for you to keep up with them.

[warweasel]

Wish I had found my passion in my 30s, instead of my 40s. And bought a house... wish I had done that in my late 20s...

[EKOR]

	Originally Posted by jkatra To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I wish I had developed a firm investment strategy and started using it. Most people also need to learn to save and invest, but for me it took awhile before I developed the right investment approach. I wish I had taken at least 1 vacation per year around the country and the world.

+1

I'm 42 and I wish I had done these things earlier.

Here's a few more:

- Become a good public speaker
- Learn to think before you speak
- Sometimes its best to not say anything, even when you are right
- Have a hobby, or two, you enjoy and do them on a regular basis

[Mook]

I'd love to know what people wish they had known when they were 20.

[Fishism]

This is a tough question. For the record, I'm 42 and really just as confused as I was at 32, so I might not be much help.

Subjectively, I think.....

a) Energy Level/Career Burnout is a problem for me in my 40's. I worked very hard in my 30's. Yes, I had some success, but was it worth it? Like TheMusicMan says above, keep "energy level" in mind if you're planning on having children. Just the thought of maintaining my career and going home to a high energy child exhausts me.

b) Doing B-Level things: If we consider A-Level things to be home ownership, marriage and children, then by B-Level, I mean going to see that band you've always wanted to see, travelling to that country/city you've always wanted to see, or getting that motorcycle, collectible musical instrument or pet that you've always wanted since you can remember but never would "afford". If you do one of these things, you'll immediately ask yourself "Why did I wait so long"?

c) As for relationships/marriage, the concept of "opportunity cost" (the value assigned to the choice NOT made) can drive you a little crazy. Was staying the right thing? Was leaving? Grrr.... Many of my friends divorced in their mid to late 30's and are now experiencing the misery of divorce settlements, child custody battles and the pain/regret of lost love and time. Watching their struggles can validate many "getting out" choices. However, you also have happy friends, seemingly successful with their spouses and families and you would like to have that joy for yourself. It's a tough challenge figuring this one out and it seems to never end for some (myself included).

d) Balance - Learning to value free time, to make it mine, to say "No" and to celebrate and enjoy the time I spend outside of work has been very important in keeping my sanity. It's time to remove some responsibilities and commitments and replace them with activities that, although not earth-shatteringly fun, may at least be relaxing.

e) Self-acceptance: If you can be objective about yourself, and recognize those behavioural trends that have been constant, it's time to own them. If you've always been X then be X proudly. If you like Y and have always liked Y then engage in Y when you damn well want to. You've been around for 30 years already and probably know yourself. Embrace that person.

[Dancingqueen]

	Originally Posted by Fishism To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	e) Self-acceptance: If you can be objective about yourself, and recognize those behavioural trends that have been constant, it's time to own them. If you've always been X then be X proudly. If you like Y and have always liked Y then engage in Y when you damn well want to. You've been around for 30 years already and probably know yourself. Embrace that person.

I am in my late thirties and find the above to be the most important thing that I wish I had realized earlier. Self acceptance is essential. Learn to love and accept yourself, your friends, your kids and your SO ...as is.

The statement: I will be happy when.....
is irrelevant to enjoying your life here today. I wish I had accepted who I am earlier so that I could have felt content and satisfied years ago.

[CoryKS]

I would have stayed unmarried.

Okay, that happened when I was 29, but close enough.

[jkatra]

	Originally Posted by Fishism To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	e) Self-acceptance: If you can be objective about yourself, and recognize those behavioural trends that have been constant, it's time to own them. If you've always been X then be X proudly. If you like Y and have always liked Y then engage in Y when you damn well want to. You've been around for 30 years already and probably know yourself. Embrace that person.

Over the past 2 years I finally arrived at that point. One of the biggest obstacles was how society (family, co-workers, some friends, etc) kept telling me either directly or indirectly that "something" was "wrong" with me. For example:

It's "wrong" to live in Portland.
It's "wrong" to want to remain single without kids in your 30's.
It's "wrong" to be introverted and/or an INTJ.
It's "wrong" to not own a home as soon as possible.

A long list of "wrongs" kept bombarding me. Eventually I learned to just listen completely to myself. Those "wrongs" were based on their values and not mine.

[peppersasen]

	Originally Posted by jkatra To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I wish I had taken at least 1 vacation per year around the country and the world.

At exactly what age did you come to realize this? And, if I may ask, at what age were you able to begin affording to do this?

	Originally Posted by EKOR To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Sometimes its best to not say anything, even when you are right.

But doesn't it bother you?

---------- Post added 07-11-2012 at 04:16 AM ----------

Here's a nice link:
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Archer]

-Save and invest more money.
-Take more risk, maybe start a business.
-Be more self compassionated and self accepting.
-Listen to my wife better. (now ex)
-Show more gratitude to others.

[jkatra]

	Originally Posted by peppersasen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	At exactly what age did you come to realize this? And, if I may ask, at what age were you able to begin affording to do this?

I fully realized this at age 33. I could have easily afforded doing this at age 30 or even younger. I've never assumed that I needed an annual vacation, but my father convinced me to take one even if I didn't think it was necessary. I've also been stingy with my money, so I never wanted to spend anything on hotels, food, etc.

[LifesEcstasy]

Dumped my bf at the time faster than I did. Nothing else really. I have very few regrets about my life and if I had my time over I don't think I'd do anything very different. I'm not one to look back but rather to look forward. My life isn't over yet so now isn't the time to be reviewing it, it's to be living it.

---------- Post added 07-11-2012 at 05:43 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Mook To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'd love to know what people wish they had known when they were 20.

Let me oblige....

That I didn't sound mature, I sounded like an arse most of the time. I wasn't smarter than all the people around me I just had a giant ego.
That obsessing about my skin, hair and body shape would turn out to be a complete and total waste of time.
That accepting myself just the way I am would be the most useful thing I could do.

[Paul Siraisi]

Invented something truly important. There's still time, but not much.

[peppersasen]

	Originally Posted by jkatra To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My father convinced me to take one even if I didn't think it was necessary.

and how did you feel about the experience, the first time you did it? do you see money differently now, like you can justify spending it for hotels, airfares, food, and such? i'm assuming now you thank your father for telling you to do it.

[DrCiao]

I'm 51 and to be honest, I wouldn't have done anything differently.

I think sometimes traveling a windy road may be more fruitful than the straight and narrow.

[CausingHickory]

I would've been wiser in terms of money.
I would've asked more about my ex-wife well being while we were married, rather than live by the rule that if something bothered her, she would tell me (I was in my 40's, but still important)
Tried even harder to understand myself so I could explain my needs to those who care about me.

[azelismia]

I am not sure how you can ask this question of others hoping to gain insight as to yourself. Everyone is going to be different from you in what they value and what they might regret.

42 in two weeks here.. I regret not building a time machine.

Personally I don't see how mapping/planning out your life can bring anything but variance. things never go according to plan. the more you hem yourself into a narrow path the more you are potentially missing out on. Be open to opportunity and new whims that you wont be able to foresee. IMHO those are the things you'll regret.

[Monte314]

I think a smart thing to do at 30 is to put one billion dollars in a box; then write, "Open On 40th Birthday" on the outside. Packing that box might be a little bit of work, so be smart and use large bills. Other than that, all you have to do is wait!

[INTJalexander]

Thanks for all your advice, especially the sincere ones.

Since I've already done a LOT of things on this list, what stood out for me was the one recurring bit of accepting yourself as you are.

This has recently created a LOT of conflict in my life. Oh well. New friends, spouse, family, and parents grow on trees right? Right?

Life will become better.......right after I...........