[Ruri]

I happen to be an INTJ who... "seduced???"(according to his jealous ex-girlfriends and many admirers) an ENFJ. Well... will it work out anyway?

I'm one of those "alpha" type females.

[jetplane48]

	Originally Posted by Ruri To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I happen to be an INTJ who... "seduced???"(according to his jealous ex-girlfriends and many admirers) an ENFJ. Well... will it work out anyway? I'm one of those "alpha" type females.

Alpha...female? Hell, I would date you if I wasn't Alpha male and we would duke it out for who wears the pants in the relationship.

Jk, to be serious, ENFJs to me, are completely emotional when it comes to relationships. Prepare for one hell of a ride.

[mieu]

	Originally Posted by Ruri To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I happen to be an INTJ who... "seduced???"(according to his jealous ex-girlfriends and many admirers) an ENFJ. Well... will it work out anyway? I'm one of those "alpha" type females.

I think you'll be fine--personality doesn't matter if the two people share the same values, similar goals, and are emotionally mature and secure in their identities. Compatibility isn't limited to personality alone. I'm an NT dating an ESFx, and we've been together for years and are still going strong.

[Ghostwheel]

	Originally Posted by Ruri To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I happen to be an INTJ who... "seduced???"(according to his jealous ex-girlfriends and many admirers) an ENFJ. Well... will it work out anyway? I'm one of those "alpha" type females.

EDIT: OMG—I saw "ESFJ" not "ENFJ"! Sorry.

Forget this then:

Originally Posted by Ghostwheel

Male ESFJs are perhaps the most "masculine" Feeler-type. Occasionally a side of them will come up that's totally into some macho- self-image they have of themselves. They can be very different creatures than female ESFJs. Will it work? I'm going to say ... the odds are against it. My brother and stepfather are ESFJ so I know how wide a gap that is between us INTJs. This is a very tough match. The ESFJ world tends to revolve around work, family, sports, social events, and television. If you're interested in ideas, fantasy, science, alternative political and economic viewpoints, books, and quiet time at home ... there will be strain. ESFJs are the most social of the sixteen types as compared to the INTJs being the most independent. Unless things are played very carefully, your ESFJ will tend to disappear to socialize when you're staying put—from his point of view, you could have gone with. Good luck.

As it happens, however, my mother is ENFJ, so I know something about them too. And ... the ENFJ can be extremely role-directive. They have a mental image of how their social world fits together and they try to bring it to fruition. In this sense they can be very take-charge.

That may or may not work well for you. Sometimes I very much appreciated my mother running interference for me and otherwise taking social responsibilities I wasn't interested in. At other times, I didn't appreciate her plan-making, which didn't always involve my knowledge and consent. So it works both ways.

I should also add that the ENFJ is the least conflict-averse of all the NF types. They will argue. And they will keep at it. And many times they will outlast you. So be prepared for confrontations.

The good news is that as an "N" type you have a lot of common ground. My mother and I have some very similar interests, such as theater and period drama.

We also have good communication between us, although I've found she can be a bit "pollyanna-ish" at times.

This is not an easy match for an INTJ (if there's such a thing), but it has real potential if you can find a balance between the INTJ desire to have things your own way and the ENFJ desire to order their social environment (and the people in it).

[Ruri]

Why all of you are very helpful, thank you :D

[Lofn]

I am an INTJ and was dating an ENFJ. We did not work out for many reasons but the two main factors

1. He was too emotional for me.
2. He always wanted to be going out with a large group of people and I really prefer to stay in or spend time in smaller groups.

It was nice at first but quickly we had a lot of confrontations - most of which led to him crying.

Good Luck.

[spect]

	Originally Posted by Ruri To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I happen to be an INTJ who... "seduced???"(according to his jealous ex-girlfriends and many admirers) an ENFJ. Well... will it work out anyway? I'm one of those "alpha" type females.

had an ex girlfriend who was an nfj attorney, total alpha and a controlling one. didnt work out with us. other than being a controller i just wasnt feeling the passion which i need, and she would personally internalize everything wrong with the relationship and myself. her job made her stressed, and she liked being around me to help mitigate much of that and restore a semblance of emotional balance, but it often meant dealing with her shadow... and that was a challenge.

[Cherlock]

You are lucky. ENFJs are insanely awesome if you treat them right and accept that they cannot help feeling the need to rescue you from something.

[ManWithNoName]

They tend to blame themselves a lot. This can make things very difficult when you're actually trying to resolve something as they are sensitive to criticism.

[introspective]

	Originally Posted by ManWithNoName To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	They tend to blame themselves a lot. This can make things very difficult when you're actually trying to resolve something as they are sensitive to criticism.

I am engaged to an ENFJ and it's worked out well. I actually developed my feeling side. She gets me out of the apartment for adventures and I keep us grounded. She works on better communicating her feeling and I do the same with mine.

It helps that we share a lot of the same interests and both enjoy staying in sometimes. We both love to cook and experiment with new foods and we both really enjoy traveling abroad.

I think at least an INTJ male and an ENFJ female can make a great couple. Both must respect each others needs and support each other. We have gone through some tough circumstances, but came through them all stronger than ever.

[TailsAlmighty]

Congratulations beware of strong opinions based on how they feel about something it might be a slippery slope

[Sean O]

I've never been in a relationship with an INTJ so I can only say so much about this, but a few points:

- If you insist on being in control the majority of the time it will not work. And whether you realize it or not, you wouldn't enjoy being in control like that anyway.

- Let him be the one to provide the overall direction of the relationship (Fe-Ni really does know best in this case), while you provide the pace and energy so to speak. I'm not saying let him do everything, your desires and input are just as important as his of course, but we are generally more aware of the subtleties that make relationships work than INTJs are.

- He (if he is a good man) will already be willing to meet you at least halfway on your needs as an NT woman. Be willing to meet him halfway on his needs as an NF man and you will be satisfied in ways you never imagined.
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[JulietCapulet]

Sounds awesome, go for it! Honestly it sounds like a brilliant match.

[Necrosis]

	Originally Posted by ManWithNoName To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	They tend to blame themselves a lot. This can make things very difficult when you're actually trying to resolve something as they are sensitive to criticism.

It's true that they are harsh on themselves when things aren't too plan sometimes. I think the good thing about the sensitivity part is that they are also pretty logical, so as long as you can communicate well, you can get still discuss in a way both of you understand.

[Ideaworm]

I dated an ENFJ, it was actually really good. One of the few really good relationships I've had and we are still good friends. One of the pluses of this relationship is that they (ENFJs) have an uncanny ability to adapt to other types, and find the best in them in short time. The other, uncanny ability they have is to find the areas of potential growth of other types. This is great if the ENFJ is mature. INTJs will likely understand this mindset and work with it. If the ENFJ is not mature, this can turn into serious manipulation.
I've dated two INFPs, an ENFP, ESFJ, two ENFJs, an ENTJ, INTJ, and an ESFP. Of all the relationships the ENFJs were the most fun, had the least drama, and ended the best. I think its worth a try. Best wishes.

---------- Post added 02-03-2012 at 08:17 PM ----------

true that

[Excelsius]

I think a lot more than MBTI is involved here. There must be chemistry. If that's there, then there is reason to work through issues.

[Alef]

I was married to ENFJ for 20 years. She has been very manipulative in almost everything she did. She was able to convince herself and many others that she is right, even when lying, using slender and doing other malicious actions against me.

[superflax]

I agree with the manipulation thing. It's the Fe, but I wouldn't mind dating an ENFJ again, but make sure she's mature otherwise she will have you running circles around her at every command.

[Dancingqueen]

It should work fine as long as you don't mind the gaslighting and the having your emotions played like a violin...no, not bitter...not at all!

[DeborahB]

I wouldn't. I mean I could anyone with xxTx but "Feelings" it just wouldn't work. But if you don't care about that just go ahed. ^^

[GhostlyENTJ]

No good can come of this.
NF's and ENFJ's in particular are like kryptonite to NTs.

[nd83]

I think it depends on strength of preference. For example- a strong F if you're a strong T will be troublesome. Similar to people from different religions getting together. It only works if they're both not that religious. And if you both have strong J's, there could be a lot of head butting.

I dated an ENFJ with a slight F and slight J. I have a slight T and slight J

He was simply wonderful. Probably the most important relationship I've had. He let me be me, accepted all my INTJ quirks, and would subtly nudge me in positive directions. I learned so much from him about how to truly LOVE. Even though it didn't work out, to this day- he's the one I call if I'm in a bind.

For me ENFJ's always have the missing piece. Whatever I'm not able to figure out, they've got it.

That said, they are emotion driven and not all decisions will readily make sense. Although, often they're right. Just that they can't tell you how they know it.

I work with ENFJs, and my brother is an ENFJ.

They make great parents, cheerleaders, employees, friends, partners. If they love you, they're in it for the long haul, and you will get pure dedication.

They don't take constructive criticism well- if you approach it like its a big deal or if you approach it emotionally. Better to just give them the "wtf" face and they'll readily admit fault. (Subtle, unjudgmental criticism is better than direct, stern "I'm disappointed in you" criticism.)

They can be kind of preachy. That can be annoying.

I think ENFJs have this ability to show you the face you want to see. Say you're all torn up over a loss of some sort. They won't tell you how shitty things are. They'll cheer you up. Or they won't let you wallow in self pity. Whatever they think you need to get you out of it.

I have met some manipulative ENFJ types. Interestingly, they're good at making money.

If he is a "mature ENFJ" as others have said, you should definitely go for it. It may open a new dimension of life to you. No exaggeration- ENFJs have this special power. That's why they're called the Mentors.

---------- Post added 07-31-2012 at 12:52 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by GhostlyENTJ To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	No good can come of this. NF's and ENFJ's in particular are like kryptonite to NTs.

I beg to differ. I don't think it's an NT/NF issue.

I can totally see how an ENFJ is kryptonite to an ENTJ. Both of you take charge in social situations- and the social realm is where you're at your best. So you'd be fighting for control, meaning lots of petty fights, often in violent agreement.

On the other hand, the ENFJ - INTJ is a relationship of exchange (ideas, methods, ways, etc)

(In my experience, ENTJs are kryptonites to INTJs. I've dated two ENTJs. Also, my other brother and stepdad are ENTJs. ENTJ-INTJ only works in small doses, from a distance
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[GhostlyENTJ]

Originally Posted by nd83 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I dated an ENFJ with a slight F and slight J. I have a slight T and slight J?...He was simply wonderful. Probably the most important relationship I've had...(In my experience, ENTJs are kryptonites to INTJs. I've dated two ENTJs. Also, my other brother and stepdad are ENTJs. ENTJ-INTJ only works in small doses, from a distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

With all due respect, you have admitted you have a slight T and J (and the ENFJ you dated also had a slight F and J). So it's quite possible, even likely, that if you take the MBTI again you could test as an INFP or INFJ. I raise this issue because I have never met an INTJ or ENTJ where there was not at least a "kindred spirit" to a "mind mate" connection. Indeed, I will admit INTJs are, on the whole, "nicer" people than ENTJs (generally speaking); however, I have never heard the INTJ/ENTJ relationship described as "kryptonite" --ever. It appears to me, your kryptonite observation would be much more accurate coming from an NF rather than another NT.

[WhatACoffeeCat]

this is giving me some pretty good insight on what INTJs think of ENFJs

I am curious about this "kryptonite" factor that everybody keeps on bringing up. What part of the NF, do you think attributes to this? Because apparently with its close letter similarities between the two types,is the Feeling that distinct that it leads to the majority of the problem?

[Lilie]

	Originally Posted by WhatACoffeeCat To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	this is giving me some pretty good insight on what INTJs think of ENFJs I am curious about this "kryptonite" factor that everybody keeps on bringing up. What part of the NF, do you think attributes to this? Because apparently with its close letter similarities between the two types,is the Feeling that distinct that it leads to the majority of the problem?

Fe is not so popular among INTJs and ENFJs have that as the dominant function.