[Nisan Ace Two]

Yes, this is more of a rant than anything else.

So, it has been a year since I started university. And I have met a lot of new people. A few of them, I kind of befriended. They are all girls though, because guys are all idiots one way or another to be honest. Anyway, I find myself in this situation now, that I somewhat like to spend time with them but also find it greatly straining. They are all nicer than the people I have known and met before and I often find myself making jokes with them. However, I don't feel like I can get close to them, instead we mostly interact to study together. There are times when we meet outside university but they fall under one of 2 categories: First is just hanging out and talking small talk, which I don't find too great but get a laugh out of it every now and then. Second is going to parties which, even though I dislike it normally, I sometimes can motivate myself to go with them. But whenever we do that, I feel so out of place and basically have to watch how everybody has fun and engages in social life while I stand on the side lines, being jealous of them. That makes me really depressive sometimes.

To add to all that, sometimes I feel attracted to one of them when we are together but as soon as I am by myself I wonder what I even like about her. I guess it is just a passing feeling but it's really annoying at times.

So, on one side I want to be around those people but on the other, I really don't.

I wonder if that is because they are not the "right" kind for me or if I am just plain incapable of interacting with others in a personal way. Either way, I am stressed out by it.

[The Dan Keizer]

Let me paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut: "If you want to know a good painting from a bad one, just look at ten thousand paintings."

[Nisan Ace Two]

I wont dare say I have gotten to know ten thousand but I wonder if you could say one is good just because ten thousand others are worse?

[Scrotus]

You should identify what it is that you enjoy to do. What is fun to you? What kinds of conversations would be fun to have? If you never identify what the problem is, you won't know what the solution looks like.

[John F Kennedy]

Expand your field of experience. Try to meet also other people, maybe in more structured or intellectual activities--maybe interest clubs, of which there are so many at uni. Perhaps that would provide you with a better balance between "fun" and the intellect than going to a full-blown party. Also, don't beat yourself too much intellectually for liking a girl you have little in common with when you're around her. It's a human thing--you have a body too, not just a mind. Not everything has to make sense.

[Pantherinae]

I had a similar experience. I'd just moved to another country and I didn't know many people. I was just trying to get to know a few people and became friends with a girl. I had no interest in pursuing her for anything more than friendship, but I did enjoy spending time with her. Over the course of a month, and as a result of her mind games (a very complicated situation, not necessary for the point I'm making) I felt attracted to her. And it can be frustrating, especially because there's little you can do to control it. I didn't want to be attracted to her. Not everything makes sense, but if you honestly can't understand what you have in common, then I personally would not pursue it. Remain friends with her, learn from the experiences, continue to meet people and make the best of the situation, but don't force yourself into something if you honestly can't see it working.

[Nisan Ace Two]

	Originally Posted by Scrotus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You should identify what it is that you enjoy to do. What is fun to you? What kinds of conversations would be fun to have? If you never identify what the problem is, you won't know what the solution looks like.

I think that might be the true underlying problem here but I find it much easier said than done.
I have looked in different places, even before uni, but never quite found anything that fits. Probably just have to keep on searching, it just gets rather depressing after some time.
Also, about the girl, you are right, I shouldnt beat myself up so much about it, not much I can do about it anyway.

[Scrotus]

	Originally Posted by Nisan Ace Two To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think that might be the true underlying problem here but I find it much easier said than done. I have looked in different places, even before uni, but never quite found anything that fits. Probably just have to keep on searching, it just gets rather depressing after some time. Also, about the girl, you are right, I shouldnt beat myself up so much about it, not much I can do about it anyway.

Hmm, see if you're into doing research (since ur at a uni). Maybe try an online game (tons of variables and you can get very competitive w/ optimization of both skill and builds/stats or w/e. Maybe try an art? See if you can sing =O. Maybe a sport? Maybe a hands on craft. Politics? Bird watching =P Squirrel whispering =P. I'm just trying to come up with ideas at this point XD

[mieu]

You just need to branch out more. It'll take some time. If there's nothing repulsive about them, there's no problem staying in touch and hanging with them from time to time, but you need to find people that you have a stronger connection with. That's all.