[AlfredSchnittke]

I do not understand myself.

In every respect, even with close friends, very, very close friends, I am happy to be alone and away from them. I am the stereotypical INTJ in many respects.

But in the rare, very rare mind you, occasions I find someone I want to be with (and I mean, I think about spending my life with them) I find myself wanting to be around the person and communicating with them all of the time, and I even feel bad when I don't get at least semi-constant attention. If they can't see me/want to be left alone, it eases my anxiety about it greatly if they tell me exactly when (within a range of time) they will next contact me...if they don't my mind just goes nuts thinking about when I will next get to talk to them.

Why the hell do I turn into an ENFP when I start falling in love??

Is there any explanation for this? Does anyone else fall into this pattern of behavior?

[Cooper]

Its called insecurity. It often goes away with age/maturity.

[catzmeow]

I was going to comment that it is unfair to attribute this behavior to ENFPs, but an hour again, I read the riot act to another ENFP for engaging in just this behavior, so I'm going to shut up now and go make some mac and cheese.


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[AlfredSchnittke]

	Originally Posted by Cooper To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Its called insecurity. It often goes away with age/maturity.

Hmm, if it's insecurity...what am I insecure about?

[catzmeow]

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Hmm, if it's insecurity...what am I insecure about?

It sounds to me like it goes beyond insecurity, and possibly like you have abandonment issues. It's common with people who were abandoned as children or adults, or who had parents who were physically present but emotionally absent.

An INTJ under extreme stress might revert to a shadow type such as ESFP. I know that as an ENFP, I become ISTJ when I get really stressed out...I get very quiet and withdrawn, and cold and very very logical and detail oriented.

If you have abandonment issues, this might manifest as you describe by causing a mini panic attack where your thoughts compulsively go around and around and around and you can't stop them, and you get increasingly stressed out until you receive some sort of assurance that you haven't been abandoned.

I have them too, but they're nowhere near as bad as they used to be. My daughter has them, too, as a result of some situations with her father.

[Cooper]

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Hmm, if it's insecurity...what am I insecure about?

As cat said....abandonment issues, and also some acceptance issues. How accepted do you feel? As in, without question accepted?

[AlfredSchnittke]

Fuck yeah...that's probably it.

Hah...I have a whole chocolate box full of those.


On the other hand it's compounded because when I find anything I like, say a piece of music, or a new restaurant/food, I become obsessed with it.

However, it is easier to spend all of your time listening to a piece of music, as the music doesn't go anywhere, than a living person who can't just be there all the time.

---------- Post added 06-29-2012 at 06:42 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Cooper To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	As cat said....abandonment issues, and also some acceptance issues. How accepted do you feel? As in, without question accepted?

By who?

Usually if I find myself in this situation I feel pretty much entirely accepted.

[Cooper]

Yourself. Which leads to others accepting you (in your mind).

[AlfredSchnittke]

Also, why does this only manifest in sexual/romantic relations?

I must include sexual, because I see my close friendships as being romantic.

However, if any of my close friends left me, or even all of them left me today I wouldn't really care. I would just keep moving forward.

I don't get why I get so wrapped up in sexual/romantic mate...is it because I calculate the future potential for enjoyment quickly, and then think about the huge potential loss compared with other people in my life being lost?...

---------- Post added 06-29-2012 at 06:50 PM ----------

I guess I accept who I am.

I don't really like it that much though.

I accept that I am just always going to be someone I don't like though. My standards are simply too high for me to live up to.

[Cooper]

Sex, romance, and love make us feel vulnerable....not something most of us like to feel. They can hurt us the most.

[thecase]

Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I do not understand myself. In every respect, even with close friends, very, very close friends, I am happy to be alone and away from them. I am the stereotypical INTJ in many respects. But in the rare, very rare mind you, occasions I find someone I want to be with (and I mean, I think about spending my life with them) I find myself wanting to be around the person and communicating with them all of the time, and I even feel bad when I don't get at least semi-constant attention. If they can't see me/want to be left alone, it eases my anxiety about it greatly if they tell me exactly when (within a range of time) they will next contact me...if they don't my mind just goes nuts thinking about when I will next get to talk to them. Why the hell do I turn into an ENFP when I start falling in love?? Is there any explanation for this? Does anyone else fall into this pattern of behavior?

I am the same way. I don't know if I'd test ENFP when I am in a relationship. But my I/E, F/T, and P/J seem almost 50/50 when in every other aspect of life I am clearly INTJ.

I don't necessarily think this has to do with insecurity (although it might since I have abandonment issues), but think about it these traits are conducive to being in a relationship.I am more extroverted with my S/O (I crave being around him), I am more feeling with my S/O (I have strong emotions about him, although try to hold back acting on them), and I am much less Judgmental (Okay maybe not in my head, but at least in my actions, because a relationship shouldn't be controlling)

My N doesn't seem to budge at all.

So I just think being more extroverted, more feeling, and less judgmental is often necessary for an INTJ to have a healthy relationship.

---------- Post added 06-29-2012 at 09:06 PM ----------

Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Also, why does this only manifest in sexual/romantic relations? I must include sexual, because I see my close friendships as being romantic. However, if any of my close friends left me, or even all of them left me today I wouldn't really care. I would just keep moving forward. I don't get why I get so wrapped up in sexual/romantic mate...is it because I calculate the future potential for enjoyment quickly, and then think about the huge potential loss compared with other people in my life being lost?... ---------- Post added 06-29-2012 at 06:50 PM ---------- I guess I accept who I am. I don't really like it that much though. I accept that I am just always going to be someone I don't like though. My standards are simply too high for me to live up to.

You should embrace it! An INTJ who can become melty on the inside in an relationship is endearing as long as it isn't over the top.

[catzmeow]

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Also, why does this only manifest in sexual/romantic relations?

Because those relationships are the closest parallel to your parent/child relationship, and are where you allow yourself to feel the most strongly, and thus, are the most vulnerable.

[thecase]

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	However, if any of my close friends left me, or even all of them left me today I wouldn't really care. I would just keep moving forward.

I am the same way. I love my SO and sometimes I feel crazy because I so intensely want us to work out and I so intensely care for him. However, if he left, I know I would move on because what else is there to do?

[AlfredSchnittke]

	Originally Posted by catzmeow To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Because those relationships are the closest parallel to your parent/child relationship, and are where you allow yourself to feel the most strongly, and thus, are the most vulnerable.

For your average person, I would agree.

But I take friendship oddly seriously. I have a few close friends, especially my best friend, that I would say I am romantically attracted to. I mean, basically the only thing keeping us from just being with one another is that neither of us are homosexual (and we were still so close that we actually tried being homosexual just to see if it would work).

And seeing as how you aren't sexual with your parents...why is it centered around that?...

[ManWithNoName]

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Hmm, if it's insecurity...what am I insecure about?

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	On the other hand it's compounded because when I find anything I like, say a piece of music, or a new restaurant/food, I become obsessed with it. However, it is easier to spend all of your time listening to a piece of music, as the music doesn't go anywhere, than a living person who can't just be there all the time.

Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Also, why does this only manifest in sexual/romantic relations? I must include sexual, because I see my close friendships as being romantic. However, if any of my close friends left me, or even all of them left me today I wouldn't really care. I would just keep moving forward. I don't get why I get so wrapped up in sexual/romantic mate...is it because I calculate the future potential for enjoyment quickly, and then think about the huge potential loss compared with other people in my life being lost?...

You're starting to develop Fi.

Being an INTJ doesn’t mean that you never feel. It simply means that it's not dominant. And furthermore as an INTJ it develops in an introverted manner as in terms of cognitive functions INTJs have:

Ni
Te
Fi
Se

Fi is all about inner emotional nuances, ideals, and strong inner emotional states. You are not an ENFP, ENFPs have Fi as their second function and are much more skilled in it. So when you express true heartfelt emotion you express it in a way that is similar to them which is why you likely feel like a bit of an ENFP when it's invoked.

I really doubt there is anything wrong with you or that it's really anything from your past or anything like that. You are simply becoming aware of an area of life that you are not skilled in and slowly realizing it's value and exploring it. It's going to feel kind of scary and unnerving as your being forced to get better at something that is fundamentally different from anything you've really experienced before or have had any skill in. True growth is not easy.

However, the fact of the matter is that like most INTJs, myself included, Fi as one of the bottom two functions lies mostly unconscious until developed. Thus it's going to feel like a very strong urge or invading drive rather than an conscious thought. Don't ignore it, it'll only get worse.

With the bottom two functions we tend to be kind of childlike in our expression of them. They come on as strong urges and our expressions of them will be kind of crude and unfiltered and they tend to overpower our conscious minds a bit. They'll kind of flash through us and we often just want to kind of express them as quickly as possible just to get rid of them. You're going to feel a bit insecure, like you fully aren't in control and like you don't quite know what's really going on because the reality is you don't.

The unconsciousness through urges and fundamental drives will force us to do stuff that we normally wouldn't like in order to force us to get better at it, and yeah, it's kind of stressful but if it weren't for it we'd never change. It's though kind of backing us into a corner where our usual methods just aren't cutting it that the unconsciousness tends to force us to realize a new way of doing and approaching things.

Over time however through expressing them more and more consciously we learn how to not let them overpower us as much and bring them from unconscious forces into conscious thoughts and acts. As we learn to kind of embrace them and explore them, we learn subtly. Learn to kind of use it more like a person who is dominant in it would and thus become more well rounded people.

Don't see such feelings as a negative thing even though they likely feel uncontrollable and overpowering and thus kind of foreign and invading. Learn to be let yourself feel vulnerable, learn to accept such powerful emotions, and other such things. Realize that 'you' is really only the top layer of you and that you are simply growing in a new direction.

[Moxiie]

I think everyone becomes a little ExFP'ish when they are in love.
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No need to worry, it's totally normal behavior, it's just how you act upon it that determines how functional or dysfunctional you might be.

And I completely agree with MWNN's analysis above, with a possible exacerbation of the trait due to abandonment issues (maybe). Also INTJ's have notoriously mushy insides.

I call you guys the sea urchins of the MBTI world - prickly and intimidating on the outside and delicious and soft on the insides. Embrace it.

[AlfredSchnittke]

	Originally Posted by Moxiie To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I call you guys the sea urchins of the MBTI world - prickly and intimidating on the outside and delicious and soft on the insides. Embrace it.

Really??

My...I've never felt so...hmm..."normal" in all my life!

[Moxiie]

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Really?? My...I've never felt so...hmm..."normal" in all my life!

Gotta admit, it's a perfect analogy right? (urchin)

I don't know if INTJ's can ever really be "normal"
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Y'all are a batch of odd (loveable) ducks, especially when you access your Fi functioning.

[AlfredSchnittke]

Thus way normal was put in teh quotes haha

=P

As normal as one of us can feel. =P

[peter]

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Is there any explanation for this? Does anyone else fall into this pattern of behavior?

you are quite possibly
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. second possiblity is sp/sx.

[PurpleGiraffe]

A Secret ENFP? Whaa? ....

I don't think it is possible to have an ENFP that is a secret. That's like trying to keep the gremlins a secret that are taking over your town.
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The feelings associated with being "in love" or being "in limerance" are pretty strong. You might become goofy as chemicals try to keep you bonded on someone, but you're still your silly INTJ self - sorry, hate it break it to you. Or happy to tell you can eat after midnight with no fear of the transformation. Take your pick.
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[Outlaw]

I am the same way, sometimes, and like you said very rare occasions. It is emotions and the emotions we feel that we like. We don't know how to deal with them, all is that it just makes us feel good, and we want more of it.