Question- For those with AS how did you start a relationship?

**Axion004** · 06-23-2012, 09:45 AM

If you have asperger's syndrome,
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, how did you start your first relationship?

I have tried:

A. Talking with females online(the past four who I have approached ended up in turning into arguments between us which never ended well).

B. Eating more since I am skinny

C. Doing other things outside of my interest.

Nothing works....

**curiousgeorge01** · 06-24-2012, 10:14 AM

Well how bad do you have it?

**Lilie** · 06-24-2012, 11:18 AM

Stop getting into arguments with people you want to date.

**Kryptonite** · 06-25-2012, 09:13 AM

I am in a 'relationship' with an Aspie. it is wonderful and difficult at the same time. Go make friends with girls. One will start to chase you. follow her lead. and yeah, dont argue with a girl you like.

**Scrotus** · 06-25-2012, 10:37 AM

Just curious OP, do you have emotions/feelings (internal sensations that the human either likes or dislikes or is neutral about but aware of said internal sensation)?

If yes, I'll post back. If no, nigga u on ya own!

**moonwalking** · 06-25-2012, 09:35 PM

I often read Penelope Trunk's blog. She offers insight about life/dating/sex/living with AS...

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I would say (and I am sure Penelope would too) try to get as much feedback from people you know well. Ask questions about how people are perceiving you...learn to talk the talk and walk the walk of dating. It is just a skill.

**Axion004** · 06-28-2012, 06:07 PM

	Originally Posted by Scrotus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Just curious OP, do you have emotions/feelings (internal sensations that the human either likes or dislikes or is neutral about but aware of said internal sensation)? If yes, I'll post back. If no, nigga u on ya own!

Yes, I have emotions.... this is all good advice. Especially the don't argue part.

	Originally Posted by curiousgeorge01 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Well how bad do you have it?

Unless you know the exact symptoms you wouldn't know that I have it.

**mhy** · 06-28-2012, 07:15 PM

I was approached by my current gf. I imagine it would be the case for many with Aspergers.

**leslissocool** · 06-28-2012, 11:12 PM

Follow your interests and see if you can incorporate a group scenario. Finding people when you are pursuing something that doesn't interest you might not be the best move, you could end up with someone who doesn't have much in common.

What are your interests if I may ask?

**Zsych** · 06-28-2012, 11:17 PM

Be awesome. Do your best to find some type of happiness or joy (preferably in group environments). Be better than others in your area of interest, without looking down on the people who aren't as good (don't judge, just enjoy).

Sooner or later, someone will realize that you're a catch.

--

You could also work through deconstructing the logic behind emotion and simulate them better - have to remember that they are an internal mental state though.

If you want relationships - some of the system is no doubt working. One of the things I found interesting in some stuff Dario Nardi talked about in one of his seminars was that if you shut down certain parts of the brain, other parts can function better... like most people suddenly become better artists if you shut down some logic sections.
... Which is to say that part of your mind may be conflicting with, or suppressing other parts, normal function. Relationships are based on very low tier thought / desire. Try to think less near women.

Imagine what you would do if you were really interested in a person, and didn't restrict yourself from saying anything you felt (much of it sounds stupid if you judge it - but consider what you might say anyway, and then consider actually saying it).
Some people will like the honest expression. Some people could be creeped out (who cares)... and with time and experience, you can understand how to respond to people better.

**AndromedaStar** · 06-29-2012, 09:58 AM

Honestly it it wholly dependent upon the kind of woman you find attractive. Not just physically but mentally.

Be yourself. Be confident in who you are.

Treat women as equal human beings, neither better than nor worse than any other human being. Do not put them on a pedestal as some kind of unattainable mystery being and do not throw them down into the abyss when they don't do as you expect them to. Accept that women are individuals with their own intellect, will and self determination as any man has.

That being said, as far as generalities, I would not be impressed by a man who 'thinks less' when around me. I am attracted to intelligence. Not jackassery, but intelligence. Someone who is truly intelligent doesn't need to tell everyone how smart they are because every word he or she speaks, says it for them. Just like a real man doesn't need to be a jackass and prove it by being a bully or some kind of macho jerk. A real man doesn't need to advertise what is self evident.

**sunitaishot** · 06-30-2012, 07:38 AM

Don't date, it's simpler that way.

Othesemo · 06-30-2012, 07:43 AM

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Don't date, it's simpler that way.

This is pretty terrible advice. I would hope that you won't actually take this seriously in the first place, but dating is most certainly a worthwhile endeavor for near anyone. People with Asperger's included.

**sunitaishot** · 06-30-2012, 07:45 AM

	Originally Posted by Othesemo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This is pretty terrible advice. I would hope that you won't actually take this seriously in the first place, but dating is most certainly a worthwhile endeavor for near anyone. People with Asperger's included.

Because popular culture says so? Nobody needs to date, do they?

Othesemo · 06-30-2012, 07:47 AM

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Because popular culture says so? Nobody needs to date, do they?

Because dating is enjoyable. Pursuing it is worthwhile.

**sunitaishot** · 06-30-2012, 07:48 AM

	Originally Posted by Othesemo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Because dating is enjoyable. Pursuing it is worthwhile.

According to whom? Nobody needs to date, it's not something inherently needed to be happy.

Othesemo · 06-30-2012, 07:52 AM

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	According to whom? Nobody needs to date, it's not something inherently needed to be happy.

That is correct, yes. Similarly, nobody needs to eat ice cream, or listen to good music. People still do it anyways, and they enjoy it, though.

**Saggita** · 06-30-2012, 07:56 AM

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	According to whom? Nobody needs to date, it's not something inherently needed to be happy.

God bless your soul.

People can be happy without dating, thank you very much. Though perhaps many think they can't because dating is regarded as something *~special and necessary~*.

**AlfredSchnittke** · 06-30-2012, 08:03 AM

Well, sure, don't date if you don't want to...

But I think this thread is about someone with AS that WANTS to date...right?

**sunitaishot** · 06-30-2012, 08:11 AM

	Originally Posted by Othesemo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That is correct, yes. Similarly, nobody needs to eat ice cream, or listen to good music. People still do it anyways, and they enjoy it, though.

And? This doesn't mean dating is a requisite behaviour.

---------- Post added 06-30-2012 at 11:11 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Well, sure, don't date if you don't want to... But I think this thread is about someone with AS that WANTS to date...right?

It's too much for somebody with "AS" to date.

Othesemo · 06-30-2012, 08:15 AM

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And? This doesn't mean dating is a requisite behaviour.

That is correct. As I said before.


	It's too much for somebody with "AS" to date.

No, it isn't.

**sunitaishot** · 06-30-2012, 08:17 AM

	Originally Posted by Othesemo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That is correct. As I said before. No, it isn't.

They don't get social behaviour, so it's too much for them to date.

**AlfredSchnittke** · 06-30-2012, 08:19 AM

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	They don't get social behaviour, so it's too much for them to date.

Well, it's probably "too much" for them to do anything...I don't see why that should stop them from trying.

My uncle is an aspie and is married and has three kids. Among other accomplishments.

**sunitaishot** · 06-30-2012, 08:22 AM

	Originally Posted by Saggita To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	God bless your soul. People can be happy without dating, thank you very much. Though perhaps many think they can't because dating is regarded as something ~special and necessary~.

I think because the pop culture media tells them as such.

---------- Post added 06-30-2012 at 11:23 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Well, it's probably "too much" for them to do anything...I don't see why that should stop them from trying. My uncle is an aspie and is married and has three kids. Among other accomplishments.

So if they don't get social conduct, how can they be expected to be in relationships?

Othesemo · 06-30-2012, 08:30 AM

	Originally Posted by sunitaishot To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So if they don't get social conduct, how can they be expected to be in relationships?

You know, it might behoove you to actually learn... well, anything about Asperger's at all. Your current impression is pretty impressively off base.

06-23-2012, 09:45 AM	#1
Axion004 Member [24%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 986	If you have asperger's syndrome, To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , how did you start your first relationship? I have tried: A. Talking with females online(the past four who I have approached ended up in turning into arguments between us which never ended well). B. Eating more since I am skinny C. Doing other things outside of my interest. Nothing works....
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06-24-2012, 10:14 AM	#2
curiousgeorge01 Core Member [117%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 4,699	Well how bad do you have it?
curiousgeorge01 is online post a comment

06-24-2012, 11:18 AM	#3
Lilie Member [29%] MBTI: INtJ Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 1,163	Stop getting into arguments with people you want to date.
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06-25-2012, 09:13 AM	#4
Kryptonite Member [05%] MBTI: INtP Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 212	I am in a 'relationship' with an Aspie. it is wonderful and difficult at the same time. Go make friends with girls. One will start to chase you. follow her lead. and yeah, dont argue with a girl you like.
Kryptonite is offline post a comment

06-25-2012, 10:37 AM	#5
Scrotus Member [13%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 542	Just curious OP, do you have emotions/feelings (internal sensations that the human either likes or dislikes or is neutral about but aware of said internal sensation)? If yes, I'll post back. If no, nigga u on ya own!
Scrotus is offline post a comment

06-25-2012, 09:35 PM	#6
moonwalking New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 15	I often read Penelope Trunk's blog. She offers insight about life/dating/sex/living with AS... To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I would say (and I am sure Penelope would too) try to get as much feedback from people you know well. Ask questions about how people are perceiving you...learn to talk the talk and walk the walk of dating. It is just a skill.
moonwalking is offline post a comment

06-28-2012, 07:15 PM	#8
mhy Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 227	I was approached by my current gf. I imagine it would be the case for many with Aspergers.
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06-28-2012, 11:12 PM	#9
leslissocool Member [14%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 597	Follow your interests and see if you can incorporate a group scenario. Finding people when you are pursuing something that doesn't interest you might not be the best move, you could end up with someone who doesn't have much in common. What are your interests if I may ask?
leslissocool is offline post a comment

06-28-2012, 11:17 PM	#10
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,372	Be awesome. Do your best to find some type of happiness or joy (preferably in group environments). Be better than others in your area of interest, without looking down on the people who aren't as good (don't judge, just enjoy). Sooner or later, someone will realize that you're a catch. -- You could also work through deconstructing the logic behind emotion and simulate them better - have to remember that they are an internal mental state though. If you want relationships - some of the system is no doubt working. One of the things I found interesting in some stuff Dario Nardi talked about in one of his seminars was that if you shut down certain parts of the brain, other parts can function better... like most people suddenly become better artists if you shut down some logic sections. ... Which is to say that part of your mind may be conflicting with, or suppressing other parts, normal function. Relationships are based on very low tier thought / desire. Try to think less near women. Imagine what you would do if you were really interested in a person, and didn't restrict yourself from saying anything you felt (much of it sounds stupid if you judge it - but consider what you might say anyway, and then consider actually saying it). Some people will like the honest expression. Some people could be creeped out (who cares)... and with time and experience, you can understand how to respond to people better.
Zsych is offline post a comment

06-29-2012, 09:58 AM	#11
AndromedaStar New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 38	Honestly it it wholly dependent upon the kind of woman you find attractive. Not just physically but mentally. Be yourself. Be confident in who you are. Treat women as equal human beings, neither better than nor worse than any other human being. Do not put them on a pedestal as some kind of unattainable mystery being and do not throw them down into the abyss when they don't do as you expect them to. Accept that women are individuals with their own intellect, will and self determination as any man has. That being said, as far as generalities, I would not be impressed by a man who 'thinks less' when around me. I am attracted to intelligence. Not jackassery, but intelligence. Someone who is truly intelligent doesn't need to tell everyone how smart they are because every word he or she speaks, says it for them. Just like a real man doesn't need to be a jackass and prove it by being a bully or some kind of macho jerk. A real man doesn't need to advertise what is self evident.
AndromedaStar is offline post a comment

06-30-2012, 07:38 AM	#12
sunitaishot Banned MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 3,572	Don't date, it's simpler that way.
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06-30-2012, 08:03 AM	#19
AlfredSchnittke Banned MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 1,268	Well, sure, don't date if you don't want to... But I think this thread is about someone with AS that WANTS to date...right?
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