[hamlet9]

Does anyone here have any insight on dating INTPs? I always seem to fall for them, but I have yet to date one. I just met one I really like, and could use some general advice (hey, if I don't need it now, I probably will at some point in the future with some other INTP). In particular, what sort of problems tend to arise?

[babsa]

	Originally Posted by hamlet9 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Does anyone here have any insight on dating INTPs? I always seem to fall for them, but I have yet to date one. I just met one I really like, and could use some general advice (hey, if I don't need it now, I probably will at some point in the future with some other INTP). In particular, what sort of problems tend to arise?

Just going off of previous threads created by INTJs about INTPs: most INTJs seem to have issues getting over the "P". Impulsive, disorganized, indecisive, perhaps even lazy at times... Personally, i am fiercely independent and fight tooth and nail with people that feel the need to assert themselves into my life without my permission. Take that for what you will.

[Distance]

They're one of the few types who can think their way out of almost anything, even relationships!
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[HackerX]

	Originally Posted by hamlet9 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	In particular, what sort of problems tend to arise?

- Get bored
- Indecisiveness
- Get grumpy (sulky) when pushed to hard to do things they don't want to do.

[babsa]

	Originally Posted by HackerX To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	- Get bored

Yesss! I dunno about other INTPs but i am very activity oriented, and i lose interest in things easily.

[KonTiki]

I think that one of the problems that sometimes arises when two thinking introverts date is that they each construct an internal model of the relationship (and the other person), and they don't ping the other person often enough to keep their models accurate. (I intend for the word model to include goals, expectations, traditions, etc.) Over time, the two models drift apart and away from reality, and sadly, one or both partners may develop a reluctance to check in with their partner because they prefer the construct over the actual relationship. Eventually, a challenge arises that forces the two people to interact on a real level, and even a momentary feeling of un-recognition leads to a loss of empathy, and a loss of intimacy.

Do you know why you are attracted to INTPs?

[hamlet9]

Why? I could try to break it down, but that would be misleading...attraction is too complex for that. I will say that I love their eyes and the way they look at me. This is a big deal for me...I dislike eye contact with most people. Also, I'm sure there are some average INTPs out there, but all the ones I've liked have been gifted. And rather eccentric.

[Booko]

I'm married to an INTP.

He can be indecisive at times, or at least that's how it appears to me. He thinks I'm hasty. The truth is when we collaborate we end up with the best decision in a timely fashion and no important factors are missed.

This is the biggest thing we deal with: He lives in his own world to some extent, and I have to drag him out, which being an introvert myself, is sometimes a challenge I find it too easy to skip in favor of just grabbing a cat for companionship and reading a book instead.

He's very forgetful about mundane things.

He's quite stubborn, but not unreasonable.

He oozes integrity and is very loyal.

He's low maintenance, as am I.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by hamlet9 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why? I could try to break it down, but that would be misleading...attraction is too complex for that. I will say that I love their eyes and the way they look at me. This is a big deal for me...I dislike eye contact with most people. Also, I'm sure there are some average INTPs out there, but all the ones I've liked have been gifted. And rather eccentric.

They're making eye contact with you on a consistent basis? As in, for substantial lengths of time? To many INTPs, this is a very intimate gesture.

[Undead Bonzi]

Don't wait for us to make the first move.

[hamlet9]

@ Distance: Yes. All my INTP crushes have spent lots of time looking into my eyes.

[Fujimoto]

When you hear questions that sound like criticism - "Why do you want to do it that way?" ... keep in mind that it is NOT criticism, it's an honest question with the sole intent of gaining further understanding/insight. Hearing the reasoning of others gives us new data to consider in making optimal decisions.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by hamlet9 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	@ Distance: Yes. All my INTP crushes have spent lots of time looking into my eyes.

Can't figure out why they won't make a move. The three INTPs I had relationships with, all made their move pretty quickly and were in my face. Is it possible you're not giving them obvious signs of interest?

[HackerX]

	Originally Posted by Undead Bonzi To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Don't wait for us to make the first move.

Hah, isn't that the truth. You'll be waiting a long time if you wait for them.

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Can't figure out why they won't make a move. The three INTPs I had relationships with, all made their move pretty quickly and were in my face. Is it possible you're not giving them obvious signs of interest?

It needs to be obvious like a brick to the face. Otherwise they'll just be sitting there second guessing themselves.

[hamlet9]

Well, it's too soon to say with my new crush. The INTPs I liked in the past were all in relationships, and none of us were about to cheat or encourage cheating. It was all quite unfortunate. So far, this new guy keeps going out of his way to talk to me, but I've only known him a week. I'm just preparing myself for potential problems, should we start dating. I'm quite used to being alone, so if nothing comes of this I won't be too concerned.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by HackerX To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It needs to be obvious like a brick to the face. Otherwise they'll just be sitting there second guessing themselves.

If these INTPs feel sufficient comfort level to maintain eye contact, it doesn't take that much to get them to pull the trigger. Flirting works, even on INTPs. You guys aren't as oblivious as you might believe.

[wolfyx]

My relationships with INTJ women or any other Fi types in general didn’t really work. Their need for control and order clashes with the INTPs need for freedom and apparent “messiness” in life and ideas.

[Booko]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Can't figure out why they won't make a move. The three INTPs I had relationships with, all made their move pretty quickly and were in my face. Is it possible you're not giving them obvious signs of interest?

I'm not sure how much more obvious I could've been with my INTP other than ripping his pants off.

---------- Post added 06-25-2012 at 12:19 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by wolfyx To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My relationships with INTJ women or any other Fi types in general didn’t really work. Their need for control and order clashes with the INTPs need for freedom and apparent “messiness” in life and ideas.

Maybe it depends on whether the INTJ woman wants to control and order you. That would be annoying as hell if they did.

My INTP husband has his domain and I do not mess with it or ever complain. There's a door and I don't have to look. I have my area and he doesn't tell me what to do with it either.

What's to control about him? He's fine as is.

I'm orderly about my schedule, files on my hard drive and utensils in the kitchen, but other than that I am accepting of great messiness, probably as a reaction to my ESTJ drill sargeant mother's neat freakiness.
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[Lilie]

	Originally Posted by babsa To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Just going off of previous threads created by INTJs about INTPs: most INTJs seem to have issues getting over the "P". Impulsive, disorganized, indecisive, perhaps even lazy at times... Personally, i am fiercely independent and fight tooth and nail with people that feel the need to assert themselves into my life without my permission. Take that for what you will.

And each section of his life is going to be a different situation. For some things you might be waiting forever, and there's no way to tell the difference between things where he just needs time and where he is never going to change his mind until you've put the time in. How much it matters to you will be entirely irrelevant.

Personally I wouldn't let an INTP in again.

[Merle]

	Originally Posted by Booko To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My INTP husband has his domain and I do not mess with it or ever complain. There's a door and I don't have to look. I have my area and he doesn't tell me what to do with it either. What's to control about him? He's fine as is.

That's what my INFJ (borderline F/T) partner does with me too, and I love him for it. When we moved into our apartment, he insisted on us getting a two bedroom so that I could have a 'study.' Generally, though, we both make an effort to curb the worst of our instincts - if it was just me living here, the clutter would be on another level. I know that it bothers him, so I do make an effort to keep things tidied away and out of sight. Similarly, he doesn't bug me about it (which I suspect he would often like to!).

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by Booko To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm not sure how much more obvious I could've been with my INTP other than ripping his pants off.

Yes, well, an INTJ's obvious would probably be a bit to a lot more subtle than other extroverted types version of 'obvious', barring pants ripping!
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[babsa]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If these INTPs feel sufficient comfort level to maintain eye contact, it doesn't take that much to get them to pull the trigger. Flirting works, even on INTPs. You guys aren't as oblivious as you might believe.

Eh, i don't think it is any kind of telling evidence of their desire... I have made an effort to maintain appropriate eye contact with people, despite how uncomfortable it is.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by babsa To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Eh, i don't think it is any kind of telling evidence of their desire... I have made an effort to maintain appropriate eye contact with people, despite how uncomfortable it is.

You're right about it pertaining solely to desire. But when it comes to comfort level with the individual in question, I'd say it is telling. Even forced, as in your situation, there'd be a difference.

[scorpiomover]

	Originally Posted by Booko To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm not sure how much more obvious I could've been with my INTP other than ripping his pants off.

I've had women ask me for sex, and that didn't work. I've had women ask me out. That worked for one, but only because she was a friend, and I thought that I would want a friend to agree to date me, if I asked one out, and so I did so for her. For another, she had mental health issues, and that worried me. I've had women put their hand on my knee and flirt outrageously, and I just laughed and flirted back, but it didn't really register at the time. Only when other people said that she was definitely interested in me, and I said "Oh. So she would have gone out on a date with me, had I asked?" and they said "yes", did I realise that I'd missed out.

Honestly, I think women ought to just go up to me, and say "I like you. You're way too absorbed in your ideas to realise. We're going out on a date. No discussions. No questions. You name when and where. You can eat what you want. Afterwards, you have to call me the next day, not before 9am, and not after 11pm. You can tell me if you want a second date then."

[hamlet9]

Well, I saw him again today at work. (Yes, he's my new co-worker. It's not a big deal, I work in a cafe.). He tends to stand quite close to me. There is definitely chemistry there...perhaps a little too much, because the boss was looking at us funny. But I'm not about to jump into anything. Who knows, maybe I'll stop liking him in a week or so...stranger things have happened.

I won't see him again until Thursday, which is probably a good thing.