[Autumnleaf]

Lets keep this simple and use one liners if we can. If expounding on it helps then go for it. Help the rest of us out. Spell out what is necessary for INTJs to do for our relationships to work out well.

[Outlaw]

Metal God Dave Mustaine once asked an elderly couple while on honeymoon in Hawaii who had been married for over 50 years. He, in his relationship, leading to marriage, had been troublesome due to drug and alcohol addictions and the like. The old man's answer was:
"Love your wife. Never stay angry and kiss her every night before you go to bed. That's it."

If i recall correctly. I have no idea personally, i'm interested in what people say.

[ImINFJ]

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Lets keep this simple and use one liners if we can. If expounding on it helps then go for it. Help the rest of us out. Spell out what is necessary for INTJs to do for our relationships to work out well.

Ya think a one liner contains all the info INTJs need to make their relationships work out well?

[Dru]

compatibility. chemistry, if you consider desiring that person sexually to be required. mature understanding and handling of emotions, and fairness.

with the exception of the last point, these things cannot be manufactured.

[warweasel]

Understanding. Knowing something is far diferent than understanding it. My last relationship failed because of lack of understanding which lead to constant misunderstandings & fighting.

[pure potential]

Connection. I keep trying to think of any other indefinite way of making anything stay together, and haven't yet. People change, and so does the level of attraction. Some stay strong, others fade away. Being attracted many times includes what you're already aware you want. I continue to lean towards the idea that there is a level of connection out there that is beyond what I can define.

Which is fine by me.. I appreciate not knowing.. yet.

[UltraIncredible]

Codependency.

[pure potential]

To be more definite on what promotes healthy relationships: appreciation, communication, compassion, tolerance and understanding. Being healthy for yourself and your partner. Being a good friend. Strong sexual connections can make certain relationships thrive.

---------- Post added 06-19-2012 at 10:21 PM ----------

What do you think of "interdependence" versus being codependent?

[spect]

	Originally Posted by pure potential To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	What do you think of "interdependence" versus being codependent?

personally i think both are part of any relationship, its the degrees that matter, but interdependence is less applied to a romantic partner and more of an idealized relationship in a supportive environment.

and emotional terms are often used to describe importance by nf's, with logical ones by nt's.

[zibber]

There's no formula for any two random people to have an amorous relationship.

Originally Posted by Outlaw To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Metal God Dave Mustaine once asked an elderly couple while on honeymoon in Hawaii who had been married for over 50 years. He, in his relationship, leading to marriage, had been troublesome due to drug and alcohol addictions and the like. The old man's answer was: "Love your wife. Never stay angry and kiss her every night before you go to bed. That's it." If i recall correctly. I have no idea personally, i'm interested in what people say.

It's two entirely different couples.

[Bluesea]

For love to win out at the end of the day. Commitment to this outcome.

[catzmeow]

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Spell out what is necessary for INTJs to do for our relationships to work out well.

The risk factors that make divorce more likely include marrying below age 25, not gaining at least a bachelor's degree, not attaining a moderate degree of economic success (linked to education, obviously), not assisting your partner with chores, not having a shared religious view, and living together (cohabitating) before marriage.


People who make the above mistakes are almost 3 times more likely to fail at a marriage than those who don't.

So, for starters:

Don't get married under age 25
Get a degree...preferably in something that will increase your employability (see below)
Achieve moderate professional success (i.e., attain middle class economic standing)
Share the work in and around your house
Share a common religious belief or moral framework
And, don't live together before you marry.

Beyond that, I'd suggest that INTJs have a candid conversation with a possible life partner about parenting styles, financial management and priorities, and maybe take a class on effective communication and conflict resolution (since the way that couples fight is also predictive of relationship failure).

I can't be much more specific than that, because each relationship is somewhat individual, and what works for one partner may not work for another one.

[themuzicman]

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Lets keep this simple and use one liners if we can. If expounding on it helps then go for it. Help the rest of us out. Spell out what is necessary for INTJs to do for our relationships to work out well.

1) My spouse has a valid perspective on things that I may not see. I need to seek to understand it. (INTJ is not a superior personality type. It has strengths and weaknesses just like every other type.)
2) My spouse has different needs and desires than I do, and I need to learn what they are, how to meet them, and then to do so.
3) My relationship with my spouse is more important than proving that I am right.
4) Sacrifice is the path to real happiness in any relationship.
5) Control is not a means to a better relationship.
6) My spouse has things to teach me. I will endeavor to learn those things.
7) Never, ever, ever (ever) threaten to leave or divorce, even in the heat of an argument. Never threaten the stability of a relationship.
8) INTJs are loyal. Be 100% faithful.
9) Forgive. Always.
10) When you're wrong, admit it. And sincerely apologize. And then work to make sure it doesn't happen again.

[mieu]

An honest and mutual desire from both parties to make it work. From this desire springs everything required.

[Heavy Fuel]

Mutual respect, and honesty.

[koakuma]

Trust, honesty, comfort, listening, humour, love, passion, hobbies, common interests, discussions, give & take, etc.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Booko]

	Originally Posted by mieu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	An honest and mutual desire from both parties to make it work. From this desire springs everything required.

^this

And good communication makes it happen.

[DrCiao]

Similar values (Fi) + similar sense of humor goes a long way. Those things suggest mutual compatibility in terms of world outlook and working together in a partnership during the hard times.

You might initially have great sexual chemistry, but most of that fades away after a few months without that mental spark.

[xavier3961]

Me and my Dobermann

[Muse]

Caring.

From that everything can be solved, and everything can continue and be healthy for both parties. Problems can't come between two people if they are standing close enough together. For all the flaws my ex's had, things could have worked out with any of them if they cared enough about 'us' for it to happen. Everything else, details and such, is just distractions and noise. I think all fatal relationship issues stem from a lack of caring, as two people with the motivation to cooperate can accomplish almost anything together.

I know because I have seen it, and one can commonly see the opposite. The key is to think as "we", not "me". This is why it takes a lot for me to agree to exclusivity. I don't want to enter that until I know I am ready to make choices for the wellbeing of both of us, and not just myself. It takes a lot of caring to forge that kind of dedication, and it's horrible when you find out you were the only one of the two who felt that way about the relationship.

[Archer]

Commitment and will from each individually.

[The Dan Keizer]

Well I don't think I'm an expert on relationships, but looking back on the failed relationships of my life...

Communication is key. I mean, you have to talk about shit that you, the INTJ, would think is completely pointless and redundant or unimportant. You have to tell your partner shit that you think should be completely obvious by the slightest observation, you have to fucking spell that shit out. You have to talk.

[MachOne]

Loyalty

[AlfredSchnittke]

Only need one thing: a connection so powerful that you don't have to worry about the statistics, and all the pathetic "advice" in this thread desperately trying to describe the perfect relationship.


If you don't have that, you're pretty much fucked anyhow. Good luck with your obsession with having your relationships legitimized by statistics, and government bodies. I'm sure you will have fun being a statistic.

[AndromedaStar]

Communication
Mutual Respect
A commitment to build a life together
The understanding that love is as much a decision, a choice, as it is an emotion.
Listening. The most healing and loving thing anyone can do for an INTJ and I suspect any personality type is to listen to them.