[UltraIncredible]

Long-term I mean. Obviously alcohol helps, but that's not a long-term solution.

Ever since I was little everyone seemed to single me out as being "the quietest person I've ever met", which after a few years started to make me really self-conscious about it. The only thing I never excelled at in high school or college was socializing, but that's also a very important and influential area in almost every part of life. So the perfectionist in me has become obsessed with becoming more outgoing, or at least projecting the appearance that I can be.

Sometimes I think this makes me similar to a gay person who unrealistically wants to change himself or herself to be straight, but with introversion/extraversion instead of sexuality. And I'm all about accepting oneself for who he is, but I'm also into self-improvement, like lifting weights and exercising to be in better shape. I'd like to be in better socializing shape. So I try to have a given number of conversations per day, I plan social events with friends and acquaintances, I talk to people about their interests and lives. The difference between doing all that and exercising physically is that when I work out I enjoy it and see gradual improvement, whereas I HATE trying to force conversation with other people and no matter how much I do, any improvement is extremely minimal.

At times this makes me very depressed and I feel like I have no control over several aspects of my life because of it. I don't need to be an actual hardcore extravert, I just want to be able to turn it on and off if I need to. So to repeat the thread title: can extraversion be increased?

[Fecal McAngry]

SSRIs do so to some extent.

You might enjoy this book (written, I believe, by an INFJ):


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[Shahira]

It depends. But it can't be forced. Its happens over time. Its not a skill its a preference. Considering the fact that it makes you depressed with the whole faking the extraversion which does seem like a sign for you to stop. What's wrong with being quiet? I like quiet people. I don't think you should fake it, but if you feel and want to act a bit extraverted then do it but don't force yourself. Its not healthy. There are things that people wished they could change about their character. Some you can and some you cannot. If you still want to do this I suggest you just provide maybe little effort into faking it.

[Bluestreak]

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Long-term I mean. Obviously alcohol helps, but that's not a long-term solution.

Alcohol is how I made some of my greatest strides. Not proud of it... just statin' a fact. A little chemical courage isn't a bad thing - on rare occasion.

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	At times this makes me very depressed and I feel like I have no control over several aspects of my life because of it.

Well... from my experience... learning that control can never truly be achieved is the first step. You can only take advantage of the circumstances at hand; control is, per the proverb, an illusion. If you believe otherwise, it's just because your luck has never run out, and you have yet to lose that control. Not a fun lesson to experience that first time.

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't need to be an actual hardcore extravert, I just want to be able to turn it on and off if I need to. So to repeat the thread title: can extraversion be increased?

This is a skill that comes with time and practice. You don't have to LOVE interacting with people, you just have to practice it enough to be genuine when you DO choose to interact. Therein lies the difficulty. Even more frustrating is having the ability to put yourself in situations where you're comfortable and/or motivated enough to exercise your extrovert.

[JTG]

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Sometimes I think this makes me similar to a gay person who unrealistically wants to change himself or herself to be straight, but with introversion/extraversion instead of sexuality.

I don't think it would be much different. I've spent extended periods of time in ways that would make people certain i was an extrovert, if they only saw me in certain social groups.

It's exhausting though, and eventually unfulfilling. I tried to live the lie, but it's just not me.

[leslissocool]

I think you could fake extroversion. I do. I appear like I actually talk a lot, but then I don't pick up the phones, and have to leave the party after a while because I fee exhausted by so much socializing.

I think practicing small talk is important. I ask a lot of questions, and then sit back and listen to their answers and go from there. I think people single you out when you are awkwardly quiet as in, you make them feel awkward or ignore their implicit conversation signals they send you. If you do enough of the socially required talk, and you keep their attention shifting from subject to subject, they tend to perceive you as a lot more talkative.

[UltraIncredible]

	Originally Posted by Fecal McAngry To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	SSRIs do so to some extent. You might enjoy this book (written, I believe, by an INFJ): To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Thank you, that book does sound fascinating.

Originally Posted by Samia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

It depends. But it can't be forced. Its happens over time. Its not a skill its a preference. Considering the fact that it makes you depressed with the whole faking the extraversion which does seem like a sign for you to stop. What's wrong with being quiet? I like quiet people. I don't think you should fake it, but if you feel and want to act a bit extraverted then do it but don't force yourself. Its not healthy. There are things that people wished they could change about their character. Some you can and some you cannot. If you still want to do this I suggest you just provide maybe little effort into faking it.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with being quiet, as in it doesn't make one a bad person. But there are certain situations where it's more advantageous to be the opposite (networking, dating, teamwork). And if it's one of those things that CAN be changed to some extent, I would want to take as much advantage as I can.

	Originally Posted by Bluestreak To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Alcohol is how I made some of my greatest strides. Not proud of it... just statin' a fact. A little chemical courage isn't a bad thing - on rare occasion.

Are you talking socially, romantically, professionally, or what?

I've become quite aware that I can never have complete control, but as far as I can tell, TRYING to have it is the most effective way I've ever done anything well, and I don't know any alternative. I can accept things when they're impossible to change, but if it looks like I can change them I'll use everything in my power to try and do that.

	Originally Posted by JTG To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't think it would be much different. I've spent extended periods of time in ways that would make people certain i was an extrovert, if they only saw me in certain social groups. It's exhausting though, and eventually unfulfilling. I tried to live the lie, but it's just not me.

So you never got anything out of it? You're happier just accepting your natural preference?

Originally Posted by leslissocool To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I think you could fake extroversion. I do. I appear like I actually talk a lot, but then I don't pick up the phones, and have to leave the party after a while because I fee exhausted by so much socializing. I think practicing small talk is important. I ask a lot of questions, and then sit back and listen to their answers and go from there. I think people single you out when you are awkwardly quiet as in, you make them feel awkward or ignore their implicit conversation signals they send you. If you do enough of the socially required talk, and you keep their attention shifting from subject to subject, they tend to perceive you as a lot more talkative.

I have gotten better at small talk and asking questions, but even with those it's hard for me not to come off sounding like a robot running a small talk program. I think having some more feeling in my voice could help, but it's hard to have that when I'm not actually interested. Also I find that very few people share my interests or personality traits, which tends to put me off from continuing the conversation unless I want to pretend I enjoy football/TV shows/cranking out babies/etc.

[Bluestreak]

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you talking socially, romantically, professionally, or what?

I would never approach a professional situation chemically compromised. Social and romantic liaisons are a whole other ball o' wax.

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I've become quite aware that I can never have complete control, but as far as I can tell, TRYING to have it is the most effective way I've ever done anything well, and I don't know any alternative.

Then, kind sir, you have already mastered said lesson. From here forward, you and I stumble together.

[Zsych]

You'd have to see what's holding you back and what would make you enjoy it more.

You can let go of "this is stupid and beneath me, and these people are inferior", and embrace "this is fun, I enjoy this, and these people have an endearing quality if I don't expect much from them"

[leslissocool]

Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I have gotten better at small talk and asking questions, but even with those it's hard for me not to come off sounding like a robot running a small talk program. I think having some more feeling in my voice could help, but it's hard to have that when I'm not actually interested. Also I find that very few people share my interests or personality traits, which tends to put me off from continuing the conversation unless I want to pretend I enjoy football/TV shows/cranking out babies/etc.

Ah, the joys of being in certain circles. Is there any way you can shift the conversation to a book they read, anything other than those topics? I see your frustration, seriously I'd ditch them. Or tell them about the horrors of cranking out babies
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until they want to switch their conversation. But they instead of being perceived as quiet you look like a jerk.

I honestly have very few friends, and they all share common interest. But people see me as arrogant and a bitch all the time, so I'm not very helpful in that area.

[thecase]

My Introversion has gotten much worse over the years. I'd say as a child I was border line E/I. But, as a get older people seem shallower and tire me more.

But, I will say I learned to use my Feeling and Perceiving more as I got older. So maybe working on those two functions, exaggerated my introversion. It's like an alcoholic who goes to AA and then takes up binge eating or excessive working out. I can only focus on so much at once!

[KonTiki]

My advice for increasing extraversion:
1. Spend time with introverts. You'll be the talkiest one in the group.
2. Be the leader of a discussion group or team where you are the expert. For example, start a book club and read books on personality.
3. Spend time with children. You'll have to talk and be outgoing to keep them under control and entertained.
4. Date someone who is really shy.

The goal is to find environments in which you are safely able to be extraverted, and are rewarded for it. You'll practice thinking on your feet. You'll enjoy the freedom that comes with it, and how your personality shapes everyone's experience.

At all costs, avoid relationships and environments in which you are expected to be seen but not heard. In those situations there is often a punishment for speaking up, because someone wants to control or silence you.

Also, avoid doing something like stand up comedy. You're likely to fail (as is anybody), and it will just reinforce your introversion.

[Humble Bragger]

Yes, it's simple and hard. Increase dopamine tolerance and social confidence.

[UltraIncredible]

Originally Posted by KonTiki To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

My advice for increasing extraversion: 1. Spend time with introverts. You'll be the talkiest one in the group. 2. Be the leader of a discussion group or team where you are the expert. For example, start a book club and read books on personality. 3. Spend time with children. You'll have to talk and be outgoing to keep them under control and entertained. 4. Date someone who is really shy. The goal is to find environments in which you are safely able to be extraverted, and are rewarded for it. You'll practice thinking on your feet. You'll enjoy the freedom that comes with it, and how your personality shapes everyone's experience. At all costs, avoid relationships and environments in which you are expected to be seen but not heard. In those situations there is often a punishment for speaking up, because someone wants to control or silence you. Also, avoid doing something like stand up comedy. You're likely to fail (as is anybody), and it will just reinforce your introversion.

Those are all good points. I definitely enjoy situations where I've had the most responsibility and influence over a group because I was the most fit to lead (school projects, work projects). And I've noticed my non-single friends seem to have girlfriends who are more introverted than they are, which seems a better long-term bet than who I usually get involved with (social butterflies who turn out to be promiscuous, narcissistic and fucking crazy). Regarding standup comedy and the like, you don't have to tell me. Although I do enjoy public speaking as long as it's mostly presentation and not much audience interaction.

	Originally Posted by Humble Bragger To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yes, it's simple and hard. Increase dopamine tolerance and social confidence.

Now we're talking. How does one increase dopamine tolerance? When I was on the antidepressant Wellbutrin/Bupropion it was supposed to increase my dopamine levels, but it only seemed to give me involuntary shakes, especially in the morning. Which is interesting because Parkinson's disease patients tend to shake involuntarily and are said to have low dopamine levels (although I don't know what that means for me). Speaking of tolerance, I notice that I've willfully adapted to colder and colder water for the end of my showers in the morning, and this seems to help me be more relaxed and less stressed throughout the day.

[Fecal McAngry]

Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

How does one increase dopamine tolerance? When I was on the antidepressant Wellbutrin/Bupropion it was supposed to increase my dopamine levels, but it only seemed to give me involuntary shakes, especially in the morning. Which is interesting because Parkinson's disease patients tend to shake involuntarily and are said to have low dopamine levels (although I don't know what that means for me). Speaking of tolerance, I notice that I've willfully adapted to colder and colder water for the end of my showers in the morning, and this seems to help me be more relaxed and less stressed throughout the day.

I'm not sure what that means either.

Why do SSRIs increase extroversion/reduce introversion to some degree? Well, the theory is, I believe, that humans generally prefer for "net brain activity" to fall within certain narrow parameters. Introverts have more endogenous brain activity than do extroverts, as a consequence extroverts seek more stimulation "outside themselves" than do introverts to achieve the same "brain activity thermostat setting".

SSRIs up neuronal exposure to serotonin, which is an inhibitory neurotransmitter. As a consequence, introverts desire and can tolerate more social interaction, noise, etc.

GABA is the other big inhibitory NT, alcohol and benzos up that...

Wellbutrin ups dopamine and norepinephrine and should therefore increase introversion.

[JTG]

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So you never got anything out of it?

I wouldn't say i never got anything out of it. It was an important time in forming social skills, which were severely lacking beforehand. I also learned a lot about alcohol preference, and i met some longterm friends who i may not have known otherwise.

Almost anything can be useful in some way, if you keep self-improvement in mind when doing things.

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You're happier just accepting your natural preference?

Absolutely. If i wasn't happy being an introvert, i would be in a lose/lose situation. Either spend lots of time by myself, unhappy because i'm not the way i "should" be, or spend lots of time around others, unhappy because i'm fighting against my nature.

The most important factor in this is recognition that happiness is created internally, not externally. A good first step is to discard social expectations for what's "normal" social behavior. Accepting that introversion is okay will go a long way to reduce anxiety over outside perception.

Of course, everything in moderation. It's still important to have connections with other people.

[joeleoj]

Once I accepted that I was an introvert, I became more extroverted.

[GeekGurl]

I struggle a lot with my introversion. Right now I'm in college and expected to socialize often, plus I have a roommate. It's almost impossible to find time alone, and because of this I end up sitting in my room on weekends, not wanting to do anything. I do tend to enjoy being with others if we're all working on something together. In the past I've enjoyed things like team sports, as long as people took it seriously. Parties are just torture though.

[Samson86]

talking to people that i don't like drains me but i can talk and get along with big groups and shine if there is a good topic going around.

i find certain people are really draining for me and i can only tolerate them for so long then i just have to leave or cut the conversation off ASAP.

but others actually fill me with energy and i feel alive and enthuastic to keep in their company.

In saying this a lot of people think i am extroverted because i can just talk to anyone even a stranger on the side of the street but i just do that because 1. waiting for the bus and bored and 2. they seem like an interesting people.

[Humble Bragger]

Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Now we're talking. How does one increase dopamine tolerance? When I was on the antidepressant Wellbutrin/Bupropion it was supposed to increase my dopamine levels, but it only seemed to give me involuntary shakes, especially in the morning. Which is interesting because Parkinson's disease patients tend to shake involuntarily and are said to have low dopamine levels (although I don't know what that means for me). Speaking of tolerance, I notice that I've willfully adapted to colder and colder water for the end of my showers in the morning, and this seems to help me be more relaxed and less stressed throughout the day.

I wont comment on that, I didn't mix with levels but went natural.
You know how tired you feel after socializing intensely (focused, with many people, high activity setting etc) and for a long time? That happens to introverts because of sensitivity to dopamine born from social activity. Go about it like any other physical/mental training. Socialize hard, feel tired, rest, repeat, increase intensity when confident. That's how you learn to deal with partying several times a week.

Then I'm sure you could do the same for dopamine. Good luck!

[Free Rider]

It depends on how to define "extroversion".
An extroverted person is usually expressive and not afraid to express opinions, and is most likely to focus on external world.
Working with temporary extroversion is not difficult at all, even no alcohol is required. However, if "extroversion" is defined as a part of temperament, then an introverted person is never become extroverted.

[klover]

i used to be hard intj judging people never talking socially withdrawn all of the like.

then i started to date an ENFJ (am currently engaged to her as well) and shes helped me come out of my box. she drags me to social events, want to talk about petty pointless things, tries to make me feel emotion and all the like. but tbh i love the fact that i can see the other side of life, and shes helped me grow to be extroverted, more sympathetic towards others feeling and helps me choose my words more carefully so i don't offend the less strong minded.

i've went from the quiet guy at work who doesn't talk to anyone to being one of the most popular guys that everyone comes to for advice because i'll talk to anyone and everyone and not judge them for what they think.

[The Dan Keizer]

Look, if you are an introvert then you will always be an introvert. You can become more comfortable in social situations but you will never be inclined to act the way extroverts do. Your brain is not wired the same.


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[joeleoj]

	Originally Posted by Dan Keizer To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Look, if you are an introvert then you will always be an introvert. You can become more comfortable in social situations but you will never be inclined to act the way extroverts do. Your brain is not wired the same. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

However, doesn't this kind of assume that all introverts are the same and have the same level introversion vs extroversion?

[PlungingHornets]

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So the perfectionist in me has become obsessed with becoming more outgoing, or at least projecting the appearance that I can be.

You might have more success if you narrow your aim to improving your people skills and small talk ability rather than trying to overhaul your personality.

	Originally Posted by UltraIncredible To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I HATE trying to force conversation with other people and no matter how much I do, any improvement is extremely minimal.

The cold hard truth of the matter, is that the random person of the street is dumb and boring. I wouldn't kick myself for not being able to make meaningful conversation with them. Find interesting people. I was in post-grad school before I could talk to a random person and feel like I was talking to a peer.