[vacant space]

	Originally Posted by krisl To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think there's a difference between forgiving and forgeting. A person can let go of the angst that the anger is giving him/her but still know that the person who hurt them is not to be trusted.

Agreed. I'll say it is related to self preservation. If you know a certain friend is prone to dropping out when times are good for them, you cut them out of your life in order not to disappoint yourself further by investing too much. If you know a person is not to be trusted, it doesn't feel good being around this person with the overhanging doubts.

[imperio]

For more serious issues, I can bear a grudge. Of course, that doesn't mean I go hating on the person all day and mope around, making myself miserable. More along the lines of the famous "if you were on fire and i had a bucketful of water, i'd throw the bucket away". For everyday issues, after a while I get over it. Not worth my time and energy.

[potterprincess]

If it's something little, I can forgive. If it's something bigger, then thats a different story. I like to hold grudges too.

[ModernLit]

i only forgive the people i deem worth forgiving. meaning, is their friendship more important to me than not having them around anymore, and is it in proportion to the crime committed? i had to forgive a friend of mine who did something kinda unkind in the name of not wanting to be mean to someone else. but in reality... it hurt me. so we had to talk about the misunderstanding. she apologized. i forgave her for "being too nice" to do the right thing. so she has a "i'm too nice" weakness. meh. having her as a friend is actually more important to me than shutting her out and cutting off a 2+ year friendship... i had to think it through logically and ask my mom for her advice, and a friend of mine who actually doesn't get along with the girl in question, and we dissected it and while girl who doesn't like girl 1 said i should talk to her and if she doesn't give me what i want to get rid of her... i erred on the side of "her friendship is more valuable to me than that so girl 2 just has to deal with me being friends with someone who she isn't a fan of and vice versa"--i just make a point to not have them hang out both at once. i like keeping friends separate most of the time anyway. i hate uncomfortable 3rd wheel scenarios because someone always doesnt feel like they fit in, and often the 3rd wheel was me... so i know how it goes.

so in sum, forgiveness is something that takes cultivating. it's nice to possess though, as my situation showed. i feel like i'm growing as a person.

[SwedenF]

	Originally Posted by Still Standing To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Aren't there degrees to this?

First off, this. There are things I'd forgive, and there are things that I wouldn't. And the things I could forgive will vary in how hard it is for me, depending on how bad I consider it to be.

	Originally Posted by Rivers To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I only forgive if I can find some kind of a reasonabe justification for what someone did. Otherwise, they go on my shit list.

This sums it up perfectly for me. I will only be able to forgive if the person properly explains why he/she did that, and the explanation is an acceptable one. Saying "Because I did" or "I don't know", will not be enough for me to forgive. I need to be able to break down the event into pieces, lay out the puzzle in front of me and track your thoughts and acts, so that I can understand how it ended up the way it did. If I don't understand why it happened, I can't forgive.

	Originally Posted by Kuroneko To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	INTJ forgiveness = stopping giving a shit.

	Originally Posted by krisl To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think there's a difference between forgiving and forgeting. A person can let go of the angst that the anger is giving him/her but still know that the person who hurt them is not to be trusted.

	Originally Posted by darkWight To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Forget? Not an option. Unlike my keyboard, my brain does not seem to have a delete key or at least it does not have one that I can control.

This, is a very important aspect. There is a big difference between forgiving and forgetting. I could forgive certain things, once I understood, but that doesn't mean I'll want you in my life or that we move on. I may forgive you for having screwed up, but I won't forget that you did and why you did, and that may be enough to want you out of my life.

There is also a third thing, which is simply letting go of the anger. For example, if a drunk driver kills my kid or a parent/sibling, I am never going to forgive that. I am never going to forget. But I'm not going to be mad and hateful forever. No matter what it is, I am eventually going to cool off and let go of all the anger/hate, because in the end, the only one that's negatively impacted by those emotions is me. Isn't it enough that the person hurt you, why give them power over your life beyond that as well? It becomes a matter of logic and actively deciding to not let the past haunt me.

It's as nwfn said, why should I forgive a malicious act? If someone does something intentionally, then I see no reason to forgive it, nor forget it. But in the end, no point being mad about it forever either. Just remove said person from your life, and move on.

	Originally Posted by Purgatid To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Fix the problem, not the blame. - Japanese proverb. I try to live by this.

If I do want the person in my life, this is pretty much my motto. I hate the word "blame", and I really dislike the typical fight when people go about trying to figure whose fault it was. It doesn't matter who did the most wrong, or whatever, and trying to pinpoint the "bad guy" is only going to make things worse. What matters is that we fix it. I might still be hurt, and you may still need to make me trust you again / not be mad, but blame is such a weird concept to me.

[gunkuarve]

Forgiveness.. Maybe I could not forgive people who hurts me most, but I have my own technique to help minimalize its pain. How?
When the pain comes out, I imagine it as a big fireball inside my chest. After that, I imagine my both palms have a frost power, thus I compress the fireball and put out the fire, makin it smaller, smaller and smaller...

[sunitaishot]

I don't hold grudges, and in reality I don't really hate anybody. i think life should be spent on positive emotions.