[vacant space]

I like to hang out with females.

By default, I am suspicious of people who claim they do not have any friends of their own gender, or whose closest friends have always (say, over a decade) been of the opposite sex. Females like Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie come to mind. With men, I just think they're a lot more feminine and/or just after 'opportunities'...

[MikeAZ]

	Originally Posted by Monte314 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Well, folks, her profile page has had 7 visits, she's had a dozen replies to her ONE AND ONLY POST, and she's never been back. I think we know why she's lonely...

As is often the case Monte314 is correct (despite her second post). That said, this is an important thread as many of us are here to understand others and ourselves better.

I like what Alison Armstrong and Dennis Prager say. Men have an unlimited appetite for sexual variety and women have an unlimited appetite for emotional intimacy (rule for all generalizations apply). It is normal to want more, to be healthy we must be able to want more and still be happy or at peace.

My daughter practices the crude saying “bros before hoes”. She says guys don’t hurt her like girls do and she does not need to be as guarded about what she says or how she says it.

I am meeting an INTJ woman friend for lunch today. She fosters female friendships, but finds guys take less effort to hangout with and create less drama at work.

[Tactical Panda]

	Originally Posted by MikeAZ To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	She fosters female friendships, but finds guys take less effort to hangout with and create less drama at work.

I second that observation.

Although I know a few exceptions when it comes to bosses at the workplace, but I don't know that many heads.

[MikeAZ]

	Originally Posted by Tactical Panda To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	...Although I know a few exceptions ...

Absolutely! There are exceptions to this. For example the friend I am meeting for lunch and many of the INTJ women on this forum.


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[Monte314]

Many INTJ women here have noted that they are better at maintaining friendships with males. It's a common experience, so you you have plenty of company.

[Fearlessliter]

Wow, really? I have the opposite problem. I have all female friends and have never spoken to a guy. I find just sitting back and taking people as they are and not what I want them to be very helpful, but this leads to shallow and unfulfilling friendships. The sadness is that it leads to painfully boring conversations and being called 'gay' or 'retarded' because I am not going to gossip or talk about what I had for dinner last night. I do have one female friend with whom I can speak for hours.

[Async]

	Originally Posted by Monte314 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Many INTJ women here have noted that they are better at maintaining friendships with males. It's a common experience, so you you have plenty of company.

My only female friend happens to by my sister. Other than that, I have only males friends. The "problem" with that is their significant others are not cool with me hanging out with my friends. sigh.

So I look forward to come here and hear what other female intjs have to say. It is like finding your own tribe.

Other women I have encountered are too emotional needy or talked too much. Double sigh.

[karenann33]

I'm leaning towards having female friends is overrated. I too get along better with men but neither my husband nor their wives approve so that's a no go.

I've worked hard over the past 8 years cultivating friendships with women. Did pretty well actually but in hindsight it was a lot more work than what I actually got out of it. The ones I met were needy, full of drama, extroverted and wanted to talk on the phone ALL THE TIME. My next friend will be introverted. LOL

But for now I'm on a break. They keep calling and don't take a hint that I'm DONE. I just woke up one day and decided I was sick of all of it and wanted them to go away. Oh I'll still talk to them but on my terms not theirs.

For the record I'm married with 3 kids. I'm not lonely.
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[The Dan Keizer]

No female friends, eh?

Well, with a little digging around you will usually find that the average female does have some redeeming interests and qualities about their personality. But due to the normal rituals in female conversation, they don't usually bring them up right away.

That reminds me of a story. There is this waitress at my job that I am occasionally forced to speak to, she comes off as the stereotypical ditzy waitress. One day she was outside smoking while I had to throw some oven parts or something out in the dumpster and she began lecturing me about what parts I should be recycling or throwing into a seperate hazardous waste container.

She went on to talk about how she volunteers at a waste disposal place and basically does this filthy job out of care for the environment. If she would have brought that up when I met her, I wouldn't have thought she was a stupid bitch for the last two years. But unfortunately most of her conversation up until that point involved catty workplace gossip and makeup.

[LifesEcstasy]

Being female and having no female friends is a lot more common than most people assume. I my experience women can be particularly tricky to be friends with as they often harbour grudges and jealousies that cloud every interaction they have with others. It's almost as if some law exists that says all women must be in competition with each other. My thinking on that subject is, no and why? What I choose to do in life has no bearing on any other woman so what's this competition thing all about. I also find the similar difficulties when being friends with gay males. The constant picking at each other with backhanded remarks drives me insane.

I don't know who taught people this but it's a truly crap way to have any kind of relationship with another person. Mostly I am happy to do my own thing and have other people around for company when it suits me. I've never had anything called a 'best friend' as there just isn't anyone I've met who doesn't at some point try and play the put down game. When they start that I just withdraw and leave them to their own devices.

[Collide]

I have the opposite problem. I haven't socialized with males enough and I can't read them as well. I end up hurting their feelings really easily. I don't really have any close male friends.

Anyway, my best (female) friends are both extroverts
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but we're all Ns. They're generally drama free and easy to communicate with. We definitely talk about interesting ideas a lot. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places?

[Eyedears]

	Originally Posted by Dull Spoon To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	We INTJ ladies will never have loads of girlfreinds, but I do think that once we do find a female kindred- one or two close pals is quite enough for us.

This has been my experience all my life, save in college, when there was a group of about 7 other INxx gals I hung out with every day at meals: like me, they were education-centered (i.e. not in college to party & fornicate), straight as an arrow, and enjoyed "head-things."

	Originally Posted by LindaM17 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So I'm back to just listening to the voices in my head, which are usually vastly more entertaining anyway. Sigh.

LOL!
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[jens1136]

You really only need a few good friends to not feel lonely (at least as an introvert).

I find that mainstream/average female tends to be put off by our independence, self-confidence and self-composure, which translates as "bitchy" in the female world (or really, just capable and successful).

[Apophenia]

^ probably sends off the ultimate -I don't need anything- vibes. This makes other girls look at her and ask themselves.... what do I have to offer her? And all women involved figure it would take an uncomfortable amount of effort and humility to get over this misconception and enjoy each others company.

It's easier when work or school forces people to get over the initial cat-hackles response. If there just happens to be a nearby female INTJ or the like... viola.

[superflax]

I never really mixed with guys. So I have zero male friends. I much prefer the company of women. And I always get along better with them. What a weird contrast.

-hugs- though. I don't know how I could cope with male friends.

[arcreates]

Its not just female friends, which I have had like 3 good ones my entire life. I also have difficulty working for women. I hate dealing with the extra chit chat and drama. Who cares what I did last weekend? Its Monday lets get started here at work.

[ButterflyPsyche]

I really love INTJ females - I always feel like there's so much I can learn from them - so if you'd like, we could be friends...

It's weird, I'm friends with a lot of girls irl who say I'm one of their few female friends. I think women get threatened easily by strong women, so sometimes strong women have trouble making female friends.

[jens1136]

	Originally Posted by arcreates To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I also have difficulty working for women. I hate dealing with the extra chit chat and drama. Who cares what I did last weekend? Its Monday lets get started here at work.

LOL ditto; I find the office small-talk to be tedious and superficial (and especially aggrevating on Monday mornings
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)

I also find that, throughout the work day, most women in the office have these pointless conversations just for the sake of avoiding an "awkward silence". I get the feeling that they don't understand why I often choose not to participate.

---------- Post added 07-15-2012 at 02:50 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Apophenia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	^ probably sends off the ultimate -I don't need anything- vibes. This makes other girls look at her and ask themselves.... what do I have to offer her? And all women involved figure it would take an uncomfortable amount of effort and humility to get over this misconception and enjoy each others company. .

Such is more than likely the case
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/
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. I can see why we might come off as intimidating, especially if one also appears judgmental. I have met a female INTJ who I was intimidated to approach (as one myself) because I felt like anything I said to her was going to be judged harshly.

[24601]

A girl NEEDS a best squirrelfriend to share a nut with.

Not that straight women are readily replaced by gay men, but in my experience, a lot of those needs to talk about certain things can be met by gay men; sometimes my gay male friends are easier to relate to.

[MJ4LYFE]

I have absolutely NO friends. Only acquaintances. I gave up trying to connect with the people I met my first semester of college, and a lot of people seem put off by my presence....so FUCK THEM ALL!!! Also, women are overly dramatic and petty, and I am not, so it drains me to have to deal with that after a time.

[Surabhi]

you need to be genuine by heart and respect others. If you are so then definitely every one comes to you to talk to you. But also some of them may use you for their profit. So be smart, don't hurt others feelings along with stop making use of people of you.

[Supahx]

Out of curiousity is it common to have a lack of same-sex friends as an INTJ? As a guy I got a guy as a best friend but pretty much everyone else I talk to in school or otherwise are girls.

[aparester]

I get along with guys the best by far. I have a few girls as friends also; they're tomboys.

[xxtsubasa]

PLEASE BE MY FRIEND.

No really, I actually made a thread on this same topic a few days ago because I also want female friends, but I find most girls very difficult to get along with. I wish INTJ females were more common and easier to recognize in real life; I'm sure I could actually get along well with them.

[Palladium]

I notice I get along much better with other female NTs, but that's a pretty rare find out there.

Many women can be overly emotional and catty for my taste, too. I'd much rather have just one or two really cool girlfriends than a gaggle of craziness. Just.too.much.