[curiousgeorge01]

Why would the fact that he has another car upset you? I would rather be relieved b/c it makes sense; he didn't mind giving it to you b/c it was no biggie for him. You don't want him to sacrifice his car for you b/c that means you owe him.


Woohoo! He's attracted!

---------- Post added 05-31-2012 at 08:23 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by superflax To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Maybe she should make him take the love language test to find out once and for all. His primary love language could be Acts of Service.... in which case he does love her because he's sending love vibes her way.

Yep. I feel like he's taking a lot of actions to let her into his life. That's a good sign.

[JackCY]

Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Preview: Show Alright a few pieces have come to light in the past 24 hours. That and I will offer up a few details that will perhaps clear the air. Details, the man does have another car and the other one is a Porsche cayman or something. He is not a huge fan of the Volvo it just isn't his style, it was a left over from divorce. He wants a Prius for practical car. He has no finacial worries at all. His job is beyond what most of us can even imagine. Think big. This detail upset me when I found out. He knows this. So the impact factor of his gift on my life is enormous, on his life it is not even a blip on the radar. I dont talk about this much because it just isnt how i see things, but it is how he sees it and might explain the attitude towards me. He knows that I spent the majority of the past 15 or so years in endless sacrifice to save lives of people around me. He knows it took an tremendous mental and physical on me. He knows I cannot process these actions as other than my life's work and the right thing to do. He knows I discovered a possible lead to a cure in a devestating mental illness that he has some problems with and myself took a 70 thousand dollar pay cut to return to school to try and cure it. My research is going well. He knows I struggle to see certain things about myself. I am trying to offer you perspective from his view. He has few real friends. Because of his life and job most people just want something from him. He understands I am cut from a different cloth than most of the people he has known. The proof for him is that I didn't know who he was when we met. I still didnt for a long time because I never looked it up, I just don't care. I am proud of him for his accomplishments and happy that he has security in his life but I have a path I am on and that stuff is irrelavent to me. I also am a real and true friend. I although introverted have a lot of them, this is because when I make a friend, I keep them and my friendships are either new because I moved or decades long. He understands that me being his friend is a serious business to me and that my friendships span all socioeconomic statuses, races, ages, and sexualities. This is new information to him, he is super high functioning, super intelligent I mean genius, guy with mild Asbergers. I figured it out over the last several days which explains A LOT. There is though nothing wrong with the guy's attractions....last night things took a surprising turn. I'd say he is definitely attracted to me. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I feel calm.

*Aspergers

That's great
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it's going well.

What is your research about? Aspergers?

[Shoshana]

This all sounds very romantic to me, despite the utilitarian gesture. It sounds like a potentially wonderful love story.
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[Clueless]

Cool! Sounded like mild AS. Hope things work out for you!

[Carot]

As an example:

I once gave a girl I really liked a TV under the guise of "for her birthday".

I gave it to her because she had an old TV that she complained about and was getting new media to watch on it. The logic seemed simple enough to me. Also, I was head-over-heels for her.

In my failing though, I couldn't ever find the courage or the timing to tell her how I truly felt. Also, I began to get paranoid, to assume things about her status or feelings towards myself.

If you truly like this guy, spend more time with him. Give him the opportunity to find how to truly express himself, for some of us it's so very hard. Show you care by showing up...even by surprise, it may be more appreciated than you realize.

[Doggzilla]

Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

This is new information to him, he is super high functioning, super intelligent I mean genius, guy with mild Asbergers. I figured it out over the last several days which explains A LOT. There is though nothing wrong with the guy's attractions....last night things took a surprising turn. I'd say he is definitely attracted to me. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I feel calm.

My assumptions seem to be correct. I want to be reserved about this, but at the same time its hard for me not to think this will work out great. I've got a touch of the AS, so I can show some insight. His divorce is unlikely to create baggage. Things like that are not emotional black holes, they are learning experiences. He will admit to himself if he behaved poorly and he will attempt to avoid that behavior in the future. We do not rationalize our bad behavior, we are not relativists. If we do something bad, we learn from it and avoid repeating it.

An INTJ with AS is like an INTJ+

[Kryptonite]

Originally Posted by Clueless To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I disagree. I'll go father and speculate this guy could be an undiagnosed and therefore highly (it's a relative term) socialized Aspie. My assessment is that the car gift is just as the giver described it. He has it, doesn't need it and she does. Literally no big deal. I loaned a car I wasn't using to a neighbor in distress for almost 2 years. Could've given it to him, but felt the no-cost loan better preserved some dignity. My view was that the neighbor was an honest and hardworking person who became victimized by the great recession no different than many others. I was in a position to help and the cost to me was minimal/inconsequential. That's the exact logic. What will now follow is ALL conjecture coming from an Aspie so take it for what it's worth. I view myself as highly socialized, but it's a relative term and I'm still socially inept it's just that I've learned to fake it well. Reading the other stuff about this guy if he is an aspie he could be very attracted to her and 100% oblivious to the normal social cues everyone else takes for granted as being "can't miss". You'd have to hit him over the head with a sledgehammer for him to get it, especially if he does find you attractive. He's aware of his social awkwardness and may believe you to be "out of his league". But here's something interesting for the rest of you; the car gift is still a seperate issue in his mind if he's an aspie. He'd have done that regardless of any romantic interest. It's important to an aspie to separate logic and emotion and perform analysis from a 3rd party viewpoint to the greatest extent possible. We don't like to believe we're selfishly biased and actually pride ourselves on the ability to reach objective conclusions. But be cautioned, if he is an aspie he's never going to fit your expectations and it'll take a lot of effort on your end to make the relationship work. He'll insult you without realizing it time and again. He won't compliment you often or show a lot of gratitude for your contributions. He'll feel a bit awkward if you compliment him or show gratitude for something he's done. (Whatever he's done was the logical thing to do, he won't feel he deserves any special recognition) It'll take him awhile to realize that you need these things and he'll have to work to provide them.

You hit it dead on! I actually have been friends with a couple of Aspies and they were some of the best friends I have had, still are. The relationships work because I GET how to talk to them and be very very clear about what I feel and the direct result of any action along with what would be the right thing to do about it. I also give them options and explain other people's view and this is what you see, this is what others see. I cant believe I missed this in this guy for so long. I think it is because my two friends KNEW before they met me and I was aware. This is easy easy easy for me to deal with and we had some seriously great conversations last night. I really like the highly socialized brilliant aspie. They are some of the greatest people. They are funny smart ingenious and so frigging clear cut it is so easy to feel safe around them. Zero hidden agenda. And yes, He is attracted to me and the car is an absolutely different and compartmentalized issue. He cannot conceive of how it could be other wise until I brought up how it could look to others and he was like OHHH, shit.

Curious: I wasn't upset about him having another car: I was upset that he was so powerful and wealthy because I couldn't imagine what I had to offer a guy like that. Well now I know. I can be the one reliable true friend the man has ever had. Because that is what I want from him in return. Last night we went shopping for a minute after dinner because he needed stuff (this was before the deeper conversations and the um , making out) and he quickly picked up that I already knew some of the stuff he needed just because I had been to his house once. He was like HOW DO YOU DO THAT??? I said I dont know, when I care about someone the details that surround them really stick in my head. I could see a little light bulb go off and I think that is when he got the idea I had feelings beyond friendship. I think he was really touched.

He is so sweet and concerned that he not upset me. I know now exactly how to deal with him. Keep the friendship easy and comfortable. Very supportive and open to not having expectations of his timing. Let this develop through allowing him to really understand through time that I am who I say I am, I am not going to be judgmental and selfish about interpreting his behavior, no games no manipulation. I will tell him clearly and strait exactly what I am feeling and why. I will tell him if I am looking forward to something and if it is not as important. I will ask him directly for any attention I need. He will learn to trust that I am here for him as a best friend first and the other stuff can come if it is how that goes. I just want to make his life smoother and less stressful. I want him to feel less alone and crushed. I am very hopeful and happy. I UNDERSTAND this and how he is thinking now, and I know what to do. I am going to continue reading and working on details with INTJs and Aspies. Knowledge of course is always a good thing.

I feel good and I am grateful to you guys for all of your help in figuring this out. It has been a trip for sure. I will still be battling whether I deserve to be with someone this awesome, but that is a different animal.

I research PTSD, stress and anxiety effects of neural plasticity. We are starting to get really hot on the tail of PTSD. I had a lot of friends and patients kill themselves over it and it really matters to me that we get it nailed down. I cant remember which of you asked. He has some tough anxiety and depression from child's death. I have been helping him really understand it.

[ppu6502]

So, you didn't know he was an aspie before this thread?

Obviously it's a pretty critical detail. Sounds like things make sense and most likely it was just a genuine kind gesture. Cool.

[Kryptonite]

	Originally Posted by ppu6502 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So, you didn't know he was an aspie before this thread? Obviously it's a pretty critical detail. Sounds like things make sense and most likely it was just a genuine kind gesture. Cool.

Nope. HE didn't know either. I was a counselor for a long time and it suddenly hit me full force yesterday. I called and asked a few questions and family history. Sure enough, there it was plain as day. He is going to get formal diagnosis but I mean it is really clear. Last night we talked and talked about it and he seemed to feel like all of these weird feelings were finally clear.

[Clueless]

That's fabulous! Sounds like you've got the right characteristics/mindset for this to evolve into a great relationship! It's not for everyone. My wife "translates social idiot to normal and vice-versa" for me constantly. She has a ton of patience. My guess is that many aspies (if undiagnosed) go years or maybe thier entire lives without understanding others or how they themselves are perceived by others. So this guy knew he was AS but you didn't know? Doesn't matter. Knowing you're AS only helps so much, there's just this huge blind-spot in social relations.
I wish you both the best of luck!

[curiousgeorge01]

Really he has aspie? His actions made perfect sense to me. Sounds like something I would do. Now I wonder if I have aspie as well....

Yea I would think the thing I would derive from an INFP is also the connecting aspect of the relationship. For all my "brilliance," that's something I've had missing in my life. So it's not about how good you are, it's about what he needs in his life. That's what makes you amazing to him.

[SoundofSilence]

Originally Posted by curiousgeorge01 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Really he has aspie? His actions made perfect sense to me. Sounds like something I would do. Now I wonder if I have aspie as well.... Yea I would think the thing I would derive from an INFP is also the connecting aspect of the relationship. For all my "brilliance," that's something I've had missing in my life. So it's not about how good you are, it's about what he needs in his life. That's what makes you amazing to him.

I'd do the same in this situation if I trusted her. Doesn't make me an Aspie though...
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Good luck to the TS, by the way.

[Nostalgia]

hahaha this is hilarious. Everyone in the thread just gave out a collective sigh of relief...Thank goodness, He has Asperger! Congratulations!
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But seriously, All the best to OP and her new love on their journey.



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[Tito]

	Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My friends are like WHAT ARE YOU BITCHING ABOUT YOU GOT A FUCKING CAR.

	Originally Posted by Kryptonite
	A Volvo. I'm not kidding. It only has like 30000 miles. Fully loaded. Who's life is this?

Listen to your friends. Don't think, don't respond, don't analyze anything; just listen.
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[MyotisLucifugus]

	Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Nope. HE didn't know either. I was a counselor for a long time and it suddenly hit me full force yesterday. I called and asked a few questions and family history. Sure enough, there it was plain as day. He is going to get formal diagnosis but I mean it is really clear. Last night we talked and talked about it and he seemed to feel like all of these weird feelings were finally clear.

I have a friend who didnt get a diagnosis until after a botched suicide attempt that left him permanently physically damaged. He's doing a whole hell of a lot better now that he knows. I'm glad to hear your friend's feelings are sorting out.

[passenger]

	Originally Posted by mieu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Hope he doesn't suddenly try to 'cash in' on the favor by trying to get the car back--did he turn the title and registration over to you? Is it registered in your name or are you just using the car?

Don't you think it's rather ungrateful to expect someone to hand over "title and registration" of a car that was given to you?

	Originally Posted by Causa Mortis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you in an established relationship? Have you at least fucked him? This is a red flag if not.

Why is it a red flag? I'd do that as well and I wouldn't expect anything from the other person except that he/she take care of it.

---------- Post added 05-31-2012 at 02:55 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Nope. HE didn't know either. I was a counselor for a long time and it suddenly hit me full force yesterday. I called and asked a few questions and family history. Sure enough, there it was plain as day. He is going to get formal diagnosis but I mean it is really clear. Last night we talked and talked about it and he seemed to feel like all of these weird feelings were finally clear.

How exactly can you miss it? I thought being Aspie was pretty obvious and that the grey zone was pretty thin. And what exactly are those "weird feelings"?

By the way, Aspersgers will no longer be a disorder as of the DSM V.

[curiousgeorge01]

Originally Posted by Nostalgia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

hahaha this is hilarious. Everyone in the thread just gave out a collective sigh of relief...Thank goodness, He has Asperger! Congratulations! To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. But seriously, All the best to OP and her new love on their journey. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Yea I know I was like "don't let this INTJ make us look bad!"

[teri]

Large gift= red flag
Few real friends= red flag
Sympathy from you towards him= red flag
You feeling as though you are his one true friend= red
Not realizing how others see things= red flag


Be careful.

[OneHertz]

	Originally Posted by teri To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Few real friends= red flag

I do not know anyone who can say they have more than a few real friends.

And "large gift" is subjective.

[searcheagle]

	Originally Posted by OneHertz To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I do not know anyone who can say they have more than a few real friends. And "large gift" is subjective.

A large gift is subjective to both the opinion of the GIVER and the recipient. So, if it's small gift one party but a large gift to other party, it is a BIG gift.

[Marcus Septim]

	Originally Posted by Kryptonite To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Trick me?? Because that sends my T function into hyperdrive...trick me how? am I being naive?

No,just paranoid!

[curiousgeorge01]

Now that she's taken, she's probably not coming back for a while. LOL.

[DrCiao]

He sounds like he cares about you and likes you a lot. What is the problem here?

[ojammer]

Just be patient and you will get what you desire

[VENUS 2020]

Not going to rain on your parade. Hope this works out. But there are still a number of things that don't seem right about this. Thread slowly.