[AnaK]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Okay, so you claim you want no games and there are tons of men who claim they want no games. Have you managed to connect as a gameless individual with another gameless individual? If not, why not?

A lot of it is I have not always been in a very good position to have a relationship. Either I was on the road in a hotel for months on end, or I was dealing with family issues like the one above, or I was in a career transition.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	A lot of it is I have not always been in a very good position to have a relationship. Either I was on the road in a hotel for months on end, or I was dealing with family issues like the one above, or I was in a career transition.

Let's look at this in two ways:

1. Other people have issues happening within their lives while successfully finding relationships concurrently. No one leads a perfect life.
2. Ignoring point #1, are you now issue free to seek a gameless relationship?

[AnaK]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Let's look at this in two ways: [*]Other people have issues happening within their lives while successfully finding relationships concurrently. No one leads a perfect life.

I know, but it's a thing with me. I don't want to bring baggage into a relationship. And it seems I almost always have baggage.

	[*]Ignoring point #1, are you now issue free to seek a gameless relationship?

Actually, not really, especially recently. Which is why I'm not dating online or actively looking for anyone. I'm not in a rush. I just started this tread because I noticed the advice seems to consistently tell women to be mysterious and play hard to get, and that would be a problem for me even if I was issue free and actively looking.

[Distance]

Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I know, but it's a thing with me. I don't want to bring baggage into a relationship. And it seems I almost always have baggage. Actually, not really, especially recently. Which is why I'm not dating online or actively looking for anyone. I'm not in a rush. I just started this tread because I noticed the advice seems to consistently tell women to be mysterious and play hard to get, and that would be a problem for me even if I was issue free and actively looking.

So you started this thread with no purpose in mind, whereby you're not looking but you dislike the dating advice offered to people that might be looking who aren't you?

[AnaK]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So you started this thread with no purpose in mind, whereby you're not looking but you dislike the dating advice offered to people that might be looking who aren't you?

Yes. I wanted to discuss this topic. I am not trying to fill an immediate need in my life, no. I like to discuss ideas. That's why I come to this forum.

[Cooper]

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I know, but it's a thing with me. I don't want to bring baggage into a relationship. And it seems I almost always have baggage.

Everyone has baggage. If someone tells you they have no baggage, they are lying through their teeth. The question is, are you dealing with your baggage? Trying to "unbag" yourself, so to speak?

[gypsy stardust]

Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I know, but it's a thing with me. I don't want to bring baggage into a relationship. And it seems I almost always have baggage. Actually, not really, especially recently. Which is why I'm not dating online or actively looking for anyone. I'm not in a rush. I just started this tread because I noticed the advice seems to consistently tell women to be mysterious and play hard to get, and that would be a problem for me even if I was issue free and actively looking.

Life brings baggage. You're never going to be fee of it and you're never going to find someone else who isn't carrying some baggage. "issue free" simply isn't an option if you're waiting for it, you've got a long wait coming.

[catzmeow]

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I know, but it's a thing with me. I don't want to bring baggage into a relationship. And it seems I almost always have baggage.

IF you wait until you have no baggage, you will never date. True story.

When I met J, I remember apologizing because I came with so much baggage: divorced, spouse cheated repeatedly, abused by my parents, abused by my ex-spouse, abused by a couple of ex-boyfriends, etc. Plus, I am a mom with two teenaged kids. There are a lot of people who would not want to take on my baggage. J said, "nobody gets to our age without baggage."

He was right. Because of our relationship, I've actually been able to work through a good portion of my baggage, particularly my trust issues.

[elTee13]

	Originally Posted by Cooper To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Everyone has baggage. If someone tells you they have no baggage, they are lying through their teeth. The question is, are you dealing with your baggage? Trying to "unbag" yourself, so to speak?

Interesting thought. Personal baggage is something I'm dealing with, however I'm looking at serious problems with potentially years to resolution .. it would be nice to begin a new relationship but I'd be entering it from a position of negative finance, and as the "expected bread winner" it's a severe handicap, one that I wouldn't want to burden a potential companion with. So here I sit, "
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
" ~ Gilbert O'Sullivan.

[sircockburn]

I don't see what's so hard about having a life of one's own. Do that, and you'll naturally give the other person enough space.


I've always had the opposite problem...guys complain how "aloof" and "unreachable" I am.

Well, now I'm engaged - but I'm still not about to bend over backwards for my fiance when I'd rather be with friends, at work, or traveling.

[thecase]

Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I don't want to play hard to get. I don't want to play anything. I want to be able to be myself. But I am realizing that to get a man, it seems most advice, even from other men, involves some sort of trickery. If I like a guy, I'm available. If I lose interest, I'm not available. I'm not interested in a guy who wants a challenge because I don't want a challenging relationship. I want a supportive relationship. Even with my friends, male and female, I am there for them. I'm not a challenge. It seems like the advice is that men want a hard to obtain prize. Sigh... So, if you generally want to talk to a guy, he won't want to talk to you? In my eyes, this would guarantee that I would end up with a guy I don't really care for, because if I care for a guy, I'm available. Maybe that's why there are so many divorces? Thoughts?

True with most guys, not INTJs though. We don't enjoy wasted time. I've been dating my first INTJ for a few months, and there were no games, and no 'hard to get' from the start. In the past I was a champion at hard-to-get. But, with him, I felt comfortable from the start saying, "I just really like you.". Actually, I felt comfortable explaining that I love usually playing hard to get, and he's driving my crazy because he brings out this extreme honesty and me and I feel no need to be stubborn, even though in the past it was my defense mechanism. There are no filters between us (although we have endless filters to the outside world). It's wonderful.