Would you date/sleep with a virgin?

**SwedenF** · 05-05-2012, 05:27 PM

This is purely out of curiosity about the phenomenon of some people actually actively liking their partner being a virgin.

From what I understand, the reasoning is that because they are new to sex, you get to teach them and kind of coach them into it all. Be the one to "show them the light", so to speak. And on top of that, shape them to your desires and preferences.

I personally consider it a major downside (recently went on a couple of dates with a guy who turned out to be virgin for EVERYTHING. Worst kiss of my life). It's not that I have a problem with someone being a virgin for whatever reason, fine by me, I just don't fancy having to teach my partner. The whole being thoughtful of their emotions, putting up with awkwardness or fail-attempts at things and encouraging them to learn, is just way past what I would consider worth doing for sex. It'd take one very special guy to merit it.

But apparently some actually consider that a bonus. What do you think? Is this perhaps an INTJ-thing, or am I just weird? xD

**AnnaMolly** · 05-05-2012, 05:36 PM

This would be more interesting if sorted by gender.

	Originally Posted by SwedenF To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	recently went on a couple of dates with a guy who turned out to be virgin for EVERYTHING. Worst kiss of my life

Your worst kiss of his life was his first and one he'll always remember. Don't know about you, but I find that very sad. Poor guy.

	Originally Posted by SwedenF To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The whole being thoughtful of their emotions, putting up with awkwardness or fail-attempts at things and encouraging them to learn, is just way past what I would consider worth doing for sex. It'd take one very special guy to merit it.

Isn't it kind of the point of a relationship that you see your partner as very special? Or, in other words: why would you date someone you don't find very special?
And, with the very special guy, would you still not enjoy doing these things, and see it as more of a chore to get over with?

IotaNull · 05-05-2012, 05:40 PM

Predictions for this thread: Men will be split about 65/30 between "it makes no difference" and "it's a bonus", with the rest being distributed pretty much randomly. Women will be split about 80/15/5 between "dealbreaker", "major downside" and "no difference", with exactly zero votes for "it's a bonus".

(It wouldn't make a difference for me.)

**AnnaMolly** · 05-05-2012, 05:42 PM

	Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	with exactly zero votes for "it's a bonus".

Oy, I'm at least one female vote for "It's a bonus".
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**Ghostwheel** · 05-05-2012, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by SwedenF
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I personally consider it a major downside (recently went on a couple of dates with a guy who turned out to be virgin for EVERYTHING. Worst kiss of my life). It's not that I have a problem with someone being a virgin for whatever reason, fine by me, I just don't fancy having to teach my partner. The whole being thoughtful of their emotions, putting up with awkwardness or fail-attempts at things and encouraging them to learn, is just way past what I would consider worth doing for sex. It'd take one very special guy to merit it.

Sounds like you could have formed a very strong and special bond with this man, but were just too impatient to see it through. He could have gained confidence in very short order.

But then your words, "is just way past what I would consider worth doing for sex," sounds like you weren't interested in him personally, but were just looking for a good lay.

Don't worry. I'm sure you won't have to look farther than the nearest bar for that.

**Kisai** · 05-05-2012, 06:30 PM

Dealbreaker. I date women who know what they want and know how to get it.

**Nostalgia** · 05-05-2012, 06:31 PM

Nope, not my cup of tea. I prefer women that is more experienced, knows what she likes and such. I don't find virgins appealing sexually (no offense to all you lovely virgins out there
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) and I don't need that kind of pressure.

or Whatever did George Costanza say? "Generally women remember their first time. I don't want to be remembered..."
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**StoltenStolten** · 05-05-2012, 07:14 PM

First Annamolly's post, then this...

Originally Posted by Ghostwheel
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Sounds like you could have formed a very strong and special bond with this man, but were just too impatient to see it through. He could have gained confidence in very short order.

But then your words, "is just way past what I would consider worth doing for sex," sounds like you weren't interested in him personally, but were just looking for a good lay.

Don't worry. I'm sure you won't have to look farther than the nearest bar for that.

I leave this thread feeling sad

**CRIM** · 05-05-2012, 07:37 PM

I don't really care either way. The funny thing is I'm not that passionate. I'm easily satisfied. Either way I get laid and maybe a relationship. Sure it could be that future SO's first time. But in reality it's doesn't matter. I just find people who can't be satisfied to be unsatisfied forever. They are never satisfied with anybody. Why bother? You just have to be positive. No offense to anybody not a virgin, oh yeah including me too. HAHA.

**Antares** · 05-05-2012, 08:12 PM

Sex is not that important to me. I don't care if it's bad. When I'm horny I'll take care of myself.

Midhiel · 05-05-2012, 08:24 PM

	Originally Posted by AnnaMolly To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Oy, I'm at least one female vote for "It's a bonus". To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Same.

But I'm also a virgin, so I'm a little biased. Sup.

**AnnaMolly** · 05-05-2012, 08:27 PM

	Originally Posted by StoltenStolten To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	First Annamolly's post, then this... I leave this thread feeling sad

Um ... always glad I can help, I guess?
What exactly about my post made you sad?

**Nightmare** · 05-05-2012, 08:29 PM

Having very little experience myself I would get lots of joy in learning the methods of intimacy with someone similarly as inexperienced. That way, we can learn together <3

**ummon** · 05-05-2012, 08:33 PM

Male vote for virgin is a bonus. Not that I hold any special relevance to the status of virginity. But it does indicate a certain patience and self-control that would make a long lasting relationship more likely.

Besides, she wouldn't be able to tell that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing (literally).

**Still Standing** · 05-05-2012, 08:36 PM

	Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Having very little experience myself I would get lots of joy in learning the methods of intimacy with someone similarly as inexperienced. That way, we can learn together <3

That's how it worked for me at age 20. While it didn't prevent the first time from being stressful, at least it was stressful and uncomfortable for both of us. Not sure that's what I would have wanted to experience on my wedding night, but as with anything else, it got better with practice, and also experience with other partners.

Now if I were to meet a virgin guy in his late 30s or in his 40s today, that would be a total dealbreaker.

**Eye on Earth** · 05-05-2012, 08:41 PM

I would do it once.

Moxiie · 05-05-2012, 08:42 PM

	Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Predictions for this thread: Men will be split about 65/30 between "it makes no difference" and "it's a bonus", with the rest being distributed pretty much randomly. Women will be split about 80/15/5 between "dealbreaker", "major downside" and "no difference", with exactly zero votes for "it's a bonus". (It wouldn't make a difference for me.)

I voted "It's a bonus"

Getting a man started on the right path towards sexual confidence is very, very rewarding.

**ummon** · 05-05-2012, 09:02 PM

	Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Predictions for this thread: Men will be split about 65/30 between "it makes no difference" and "it's a bonus", with the rest being distributed pretty much randomly. Women will be split about 80/15/5 between "dealbreaker", "major downside" and "no difference", with exactly zero votes for "it's a bonus". (It wouldn't make a difference for me.)

That would be true (though somewhat exaggerated) for the general population. But I suspect INTJ women aren't so harsh.

**Lilie** · 05-05-2012, 10:33 PM

Voted for irrelevant. If I really liked a guy, virginity wouldn't matter.

**CaelestisPeste** · 05-05-2012, 10:51 PM

Irrelevant, although we would share something in common...

**OneHertz** · 05-05-2012, 10:59 PM

I am a guy and I see it as a slight negative. From my point of view, all that changes is the introduction of a learning curve from their side of the fence, which is a minor inconvenience.

**mormeguil** · 05-05-2012, 11:17 PM

Well I can't say it's a dealbreaker. It's just a lot more work for me in the bedroom. Have to keep him re-assured and teach him a few things. Can't simply enjoy the moment. Also, they haven't quite figured out what they want just yet.

Overall, not something truly bad, just more work for me :-p

**FruitLoop** · 05-05-2012, 11:42 PM

I don't mind either way, but it's nice when someone hasn't made a huge mess of things beforehand. My goal with everything, of course, is to make everything better. Expect what I have touched to be the best it can be.

**followthehippos** · 05-05-2012, 11:48 PM

I would date a virgin but not sleep with her. I would marry her first. She will then only know me as her partner, and we live happily ever after. *awaits attacks of cliche and naive mindedness*

**MechanicalSun** · 05-06-2012, 03:27 AM

A precious inexperienced mind is always a bonus. Exploring potentials/learning/discovering together is just a treat.

Best case scenario: Idealist, dreamer, open-minded, curious.
Worst.................: Superficial, hormonally overwhelmed, narrow-minded.

All this assuming the standard of being young (30+ year old virgins? Unless they have a genuine youth spirit, no thanks).

To some extent, this thread is addressing the benefits of having a Experienced+Inexperienced combo.
Virgin or not, there will always be a woman/man with so much more experience than you that it will be like you never had sex
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.

It's all a matter of individual preference(and gender trends). In my case I prefer to lead than be driven.
Let's say:

For women, who want a prince who guides her to the paradise of happiness, an experienced guy will probably be preferred. Conversely, the independent/dominating/self-sufficient/realist woman out there, probably won't care or prefer an inexperienced partner.

In my opinion, there having a "Experienced+Inexperienced combo" will almost always bring more reward/satisfaction than other alternatives.

View Poll Results: What importance does partner being a virgin have for you?
It's irrelevant, I don't care either way.	107	53.50%
It's a bonus.	49	24.50%
I would prefer not, but I can deal with it.	33	16.50%
It's a dealbreaker.	11	5.50%
Voters: 200. You may not vote on this poll

05-05-2012, 05:27 PM	#1
SwedenF Member [09%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 381	This is purely out of curiosity about the phenomenon of some people actually actively liking their partner being a virgin. From what I understand, the reasoning is that because they are new to sex, you get to teach them and kind of coach them into it all. Be the one to "show them the light", so to speak. And on top of that, shape them to your desires and preferences. I personally consider it a major downside (recently went on a couple of dates with a guy who turned out to be virgin for EVERYTHING. Worst kiss of my life). It's not that I have a problem with someone being a virgin for whatever reason, fine by me, I just don't fancy having to teach my partner. The whole being thoughtful of their emotions, putting up with awkwardness or fail-attempts at things and encouraging them to learn, is just way past what I would consider worth doing for sex. It'd take one very special guy to merit it. But apparently some actually consider that a bonus. What do you think? Is this perhaps an INTJ-thing, or am I just weird? xD
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05-05-2012, 05:40 PM	#3
IotaNull Core Member [229%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 9,185	Predictions for this thread: Men will be split about 65/30 between "it makes no difference" and "it's a bonus", with the rest being distributed pretty much randomly. Women will be split about 80/15/5 between "dealbreaker", "major downside" and "no difference", with exactly zero votes for "it's a bonus". (It wouldn't make a difference for me.)
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05-05-2012, 06:30 PM	#6
Kisai Core Member [353%] MBTI: XXXX Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 14,140	Dealbreaker. I date women who know what they want and know how to get it.
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05-05-2012, 06:31 PM	#7
Nostalgia Veteran Member [77%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 3,116	Nope, not my cup of tea. I prefer women that is more experienced, knows what she likes and such. I don't find virgins appealing sexually (no offense to all you lovely virgins out there To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ) and I don't need that kind of pressure. or Whatever did George Costanza say? "Generally women remember their first time. I don't want to be remembered..." To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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05-05-2012, 07:37 PM	#9
CRIM Member [14%] MBTI: ENFJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 588	I don't really care either way. The funny thing is I'm not that passionate. I'm easily satisfied. Either way I get laid and maybe a relationship. Sure it could be that future SO's first time. But in reality it's doesn't matter. I just find people who can't be satisfied to be unsatisfied forever. They are never satisfied with anybody. Why bother? You just have to be positive. No offense to anybody not a virgin, oh yeah including me too. HAHA.
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05-05-2012, 08:12 PM	#10
Antares Core Member [170%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 6,807	Sex is not that important to me. I don't care if it's bad. When I'm horny I'll take care of myself.
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05-05-2012, 08:29 PM	#13
Nightmare Member [29%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,184	Having very little experience myself I would get lots of joy in learning the methods of intimacy with someone similarly as inexperienced. That way, we can learn together <3
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05-05-2012, 08:33 PM	#14
ummon Veteran Member [59%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 2,388	Male vote for virgin is a bonus. Not that I hold any special relevance to the status of virginity. But it does indicate a certain patience and self-control that would make a long lasting relationship more likely. Besides, she wouldn't be able to tell that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing (literally).
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05-05-2012, 08:41 PM	#16
Eye on Earth Core Member [333%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 13,340	I would do it once.
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05-05-2012, 10:33 PM	#19
Lilie Member [29%] MBTI: INtJ Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 1,162	Voted for irrelevant. If I really liked a guy, virginity wouldn't matter.
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05-05-2012, 10:51 PM	#20
CaelestisPeste Core Member [143%] MBTI: INXP Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 5,735	Irrelevant, although we would share something in common...
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05-05-2012, 10:59 PM	#21
OneHertz Member [24%] MBTI: ISTJ Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 995	I am a guy and I see it as a slight negative. From my point of view, all that changes is the introduction of a learning curve from their side of the fence, which is a minor inconvenience.
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05-05-2012, 11:17 PM	#22
mormeguil Member [32%] MBTI: Intj Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 1,294	Well I can't say it's a dealbreaker. It's just a lot more work for me in the bedroom. Have to keep him re-assured and teach him a few things. Can't simply enjoy the moment. Also, they haven't quite figured out what they want just yet. Overall, not something truly bad, just more work for me :-p
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05-05-2012, 11:42 PM	#23
FruitLoop Member [12%] MBTI: iNTj Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 488	I don't mind either way, but it's nice when someone hasn't made a huge mess of things beforehand. My goal with everything, of course, is to make everything better. Expect what I have touched to be the best it can be.
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05-05-2012, 11:48 PM	#24
followthehippos Member [32%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 1,287	I would date a virgin but not sleep with her. I would marry her first. She will then only know me as her partner, and we live happily ever after. awaits attacks of cliche and naive mindedness
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05-06-2012, 03:27 AM	#25
MechanicalSun Member [35%] MBTI: iNTJ Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 1,419	A precious inexperienced mind is always a bonus. Exploring potentials/learning/discovering together is just a treat. Best case scenario: Idealist, dreamer, open-minded, curious. Worst.................: Superficial, hormonally overwhelmed, narrow-minded. All this assuming the standard of being young (30+ year old virgins? Unless they have a genuine youth spirit, no thanks). To some extent, this thread is addressing the benefits of having a Experienced+Inexperienced combo. Virgin or not, there will always be a woman/man with so much more experience than you that it will be like you never had sex To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. . It's all a matter of individual preference(and gender trends). In my case I prefer to lead than be driven. Let's say: For women, who want a prince who guides her to the paradise of happiness, an experienced guy will probably be preferred. Conversely, the independent/dominating/self-sufficient/realist woman out there, probably won't care or prefer an inexperienced partner. In my opinion, there having a "Experienced+Inexperienced combo" will almost always bring more reward/satisfaction than other alternatives. Last edited by MechanicalSun; 05-06-2012 at 03:48 AM.
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