[SaturnEternity]

Topic 1:
I hate having to repeat myself, I really do. My mother is the type of person I will say one thing to, but she'll be zoned out or simply does not want to pay attention. She'll look up and ask me to repeat what I've said or asked her, this is when I simply tell her that I do not repeat myself. When this happens, I disregard anything I might have asked her and withdraw.

This however, only works with my relatives and closest friends. With people who I am acquainted with or may only know by face, it proves difficult because if I were to do that, I'd come off as rude. Usually I don't worry about coming off as rude because amongst my friends and family I'm notorious for being snarky and blatantly sarcastic. But that doesn't work with everyone else, because I've come to realize that drives a wedge between most people and myself. So, I suck it up and repeat myself.

It doesn't matter what I say, no matter how simple the statement. I find that if someone doesn't pay attention the first time, I best not waste my breath on them.

Topic 2:
Since I hate repeating myself, I'm not going to waste my time to list the various known reasons on this forum of why introverted people need their alone time. This information is established, has been revisited time and time again, and I assume you know it.

I enjoy my alone time as much as any of you do. I especially needed it today since I have spent the last three days of my time away from home visiting a friend. My best friend lives 50 miles from me (That is 80 kilometers for you non-us folks) So I hardly get to see him anymore. I work part-time and go to college full time, so when an opening in my class and work schedules came up, I took advantage of it. I bought a bus ticket, and went to go see him for the first time in months.

I spent three days virtually always around people. Him, his parents, his sister, and a few other close friends I did some catching up with. The most actual alone time I got while I was gone was bathroom time. So other than that and sleeping, it was constant human interaction. Even though it was time well spent, I'm not here to tell you a story of how great of a friendship I have with him. I want to set a backdrop for what it lead up to today.

As soon as I got off the coach bus, I had to catch a local metro bus back home. As soon as I got home I felt much more at ease. I was finally back in my own space, quiet, solitude, and peace, just me. So, I unpack my things, and get something to eat. Since I am a college student, I do live with my parents right now (Although I have been trying to move out lately) Neither of them were home at the time, so it was perfect, I had the whole apartment to myself for a solid hour. Then my mother texts me to come help carry in Easter groceries.

As soon as the groceries are put away, dinner is made, eaten and dishes cleaned, I go back to my room and sit at this computer where I browse around for a bit. Some time later my parents leave to go see a movie. Awesome for me because then the place would be quiet once more. So, I decided that the best way for me to fully relax and get comfortable would be to play Team Fortress 2 for a bit.

I played for a little more than an hour and a half, until they got back, while I am fully in the zone of what I'm doing. I hear a knock on my door and a hello, it is my mother of all people. She was trying to hand my mail to me. My state tax return has come in. 20 dollars, nothing impressive. So being the person I am, I reply sarcastically and subtly try to get her to leave me the hell alone while I'm preoccupied. That proved to be a bad choice for me because my father perceived this as being disrespectful. So he yells as me in his stereotypical Italian-American manner, saying that he is sick of my attitude, and that if I want to leave so badly that the front door is open.

For the record, my parents have been divorced since 1995, and have only recently decided to get back together after 17 years. Growing up I lived with my mother and step dad for 10 years, until she divorced him two summers ago. For the longest time, I would only visit my father about twice a month. When I began college two years ago, I moved out of my mother's house to live with my father closer to the city. So, I don't think he even really knows me all that well.

I then came to INTJforum and spilled my thoughts.

[Scrotus]

Well...I know some people are slower than others, and I enjoy communicating my thoughts to other people...so I repeat if they don't hear/understand my words the first time. I also listen to where they get lost to figure out if it's rate of speech, how I worded a statement, the emphasis I put on it, etc. If you care, you'll find reason to repeat and not feel angered while doing so.

@2:
Maybe you should have told them that that's the one thing that truly relaxes you and that you otherwise wanna kill yourself or something. I dunno, you're an intj...come up with a clever excuse to appeal to their emotions that also conveys your need to be alone. This shit doesn't seem that complicated, it just seems like you're unwanting to change and expect everyone around you to just "get" you.

Lalala, learn to adapt or get left behind ^_^

[discontinuous]

Topic 1: This annoyed me as well. Although your infrequent communications probably are important enough and worthy of higher degrees of attention in general, people tend to zone on what they do. If they focus on someone's voice on TV, it will take time to adapt to yours, especially if you storm in without a pause before your question. People need time to re-adapt, if not just to get over the awe that you finally opened your mouth first
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.

Maybe you were too brief/direct and spoke ambiguously, people associate and recall language differently. You might also consider possibly your annoying inattentive mom is a human who loves you and might want to know you more personally. Not anyone's fault really if she let you down some way or another...

#2

Some people get dopey when interrupted, others get angry.
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You might not like your parents, but anywhere you live/work/attend a minimum amount of interaction is required, for sanity's sake.

Even if your parents screwed up, it seems in a sense they are now trying. Ok, be mad they lied, and they don't get how much smarter you might be, embrace the intentions of the roof over your head, learn to deal around their personality defects and turn them for the better. (Understand personality disorders, and how even your once "perfect" parents have them.) Pass this most stressful test and you can deal with anyone (my theory...).

[TheWanderer]

Say something that you know will be of interest to them, that they will know when they miss it, then DON'T repeat it. They'll be like "why didn't you say X?" and you can explain that you did and exactly when you did.

Of course thats mean spirited and might not be the best approach(though it works well if your playing a video game or something, since they'll learn quickly), so a nicer way would be to do the above, then say "Ok did you get that information about things you like?" then when they ask you to repeat give a short lecture about paying more attention before you do so.

Something else I used to do that I'm not sure is the best way, say its ones of those things they'd only get if they understood it the first time. I only recommend this to people who have either said the same thing to you or are often condescending to you

[plotthickens]

	Originally Posted by SaturnEternity To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I then came to INTJforum and spilled my thoughts.

[HIDE="This is blunt. Do not read if your feelings are hurt easily."]
You are longwinded. No wonder people do not bother to pay rapt attention to everything you say.

You demand this rapt attention from others, but when the person who gave birth to you and supports you in her house does you a favor to bring you money, you give her sarcasm to get her to go away. That's an asshole move.

What you have written shows no empathy, only arrogance and self-absorption. Reap and sow; you choose the seed. [/HIDE]

[AnotherAvatar]

Originally Posted by SaturnEternity To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Topic 1: I hate having to repeat myself, I really do. My mother is the type of person I will say one thing to, but she'll be zoned out or simply does not want to pay attention. She'll look up and ask me to repeat what I've said or asked her, this is when I simply tell her that I do not repeat myself. When this happens, I disregard anything I might have asked her and withdraw. This however, only works with my relatives and closest friends. With people who I am acquainted with or may only know by face, it proves difficult because if I were to do that, I'd come off as rude. Usually I don't worry about coming off as rude because amongst my friends and family I'm notorious for being snarky and blatantly sarcastic. But that doesn't work with everyone else, because I've come to realize that drives a wedge between most people and myself. So, I suck it up and repeat myself. It doesn't matter what I say, no matter how simple the statement. I find that if someone doesn't pay attention the first time, I best not waste my breath on them. - Excellent. I am just now coming to this place, but from a different path. My time is important, my advice is worthwhile. Not listening to the smartest guy in the room is stupid and disrespectful. What seems to be working now for me is a simple understanding that they either fall in line, or fall off. Now people are starting to find out what it's like when I discard them for their incessant arguing....real life...the consequences of not having my help. Topic 2: Since I hate repeating myself, I'm not going to waste my time to list the various known reasons on this forum of why introverted people need their alone time. This information is established, has been revisited time and time again, and I assume you know it. I enjoy my alone time as much as any of you do. I especially needed it today since I have spent the last three days of my time away from home visiting a friend. My best friend lives 50 miles from me (That is 80 kilometers for you non-us folks) So I hardly get to see him anymore. I work part-time and go to college full time, so when an opening in my class and work schedules came up, I took advantage of it. I bought a bus ticket, and went to go see him for the first time in months. I spent three days virtually always around people. Him, his parents, his sister, and a few other close friends I did some catching up with. The most actual alone time I got while I was gone was bathroom time. So other than that and sleeping, it was constant human interaction. Even though it was time well spent, I'm not here to tell you a story of how great of a friendship I have with him. I want to set a backdrop for what it lead up to today. As soon as I got off the coach bus, I had to catch a local metro bus back home. As soon as I got home I felt much more at ease. I was finally back in my own space, quiet, solitude, and peace, just me. So, I unpack my things, and get something to eat. Since I am a college student, I do live with my parents right now (Although I have been trying to move out lately) Neither of them were home at the time, so it was perfect, I had the whole apartment to myself for a solid hour. Then my mother texts me to come help carry in Easter groceries. As soon as the groceries are put away, dinner is made, eaten and dishes cleaned, I go back to my room and sit at this computer where I browse around for a bit. Some time later my parents leave to go see a movie. Awesome for me because then the place would be quiet once more. So, I decided that the best way for me to fully relax and get comfortable would be to play Team Fortress 2 for a bit. I played for a little more than an hour and a half, until they got back, while I am fully in the zone of what I'm doing. I hear a knock on my door and a hello, it is my mother of all people. She was trying to hand my mail to me. My state tax return has come in. 20 dollars, nothing impressive. So being the person I am, I reply sarcastically and subtly try to get her to leave me the hell alone while I'm preoccupied. That proved to be a bad choice for me because my father perceived this as being disrespectful. So he yells as me in his stereotypical Italian-American manner, saying that he is sick of my attitude, and that if I want to leave so badly that the front door is open. - Technically he is right. From my perspective it's simple. You want to be alone, you need to be able to pay the ride to get it. Society came together to help each other out. Loners are self sufficient. It's illogical to be 'alone' and 'dependent' at the same time. I suspect your starting to understand this. I then came to INTJforum and spilled my thoughts.

Interesting. Early on I came to the conclusion I would do what I wanted, and if that mean sleeping on the floor of a cheap apartment to my own person I did it. I suggest you consider this.

Thanks for the lesson on repeating yourself...I am just coming to this place that after years of trying to help people, argue them off the cliff, I am done. I wish I had figured this out years ago.

[Async]

If I want someone to listen to me, i make sure I have eye contact before I talk. Otherwise, i stay silent and watch the person. Believe me, that behaviour will unnerve the person and you will have his/her full attention.

[Zenettii]

	Originally Posted by SaturnEternity To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Topic 1: I hate having to repeat myself, I really do. My mother is the type of person I will say one thing to, but she'll be zoned out or simply does not want to pay attention. She'll look up and ask me to repeat what I've said or asked her, this is when I simply tell her that I do not repeat myself. When this happens, I disregard anything I might have asked her and withdraw.

Sounds like possibly addressing the person before engaging them in a "one way" conversation might be the solution to this.
By addressing the individual it makes them aware and prepared to expect a view from you and then they'll listen.

I don't mean this to be offensive, but to be eye opening:
Of course the problem could be that you just bore your mother and she zones out, maybe your father hit your mother so she learnt to "pretend to not hear men" to avoid another conversation that leads to a beating. Maybe you need to speak to your mother to find out if there is a cause behind her lack of attention towards you rather than to disrespect her.