[kyle D]

My girl friend just basically broke up with me because she wants me to prove my love or show that I need her. I don't need her but I want her. I tell her I don't know how to show her. So should I just say fuck it and move on or should I find some way to show here I love her? If I should show her have any ideas?

[GreatAlias]

That you are considering saying 'fuck it' says that you probably don't love her, just like her a lot.

[kyle D]

Good Point.

[spock84]

I'd try and forget about her. Explicitly proving your love isn't necessary in a functional relationship. If you don't care too much about romantic love yourself(?), you should find someone with the same approach to relationships, or at least one that can understand and appreciate your idea of what's required for a relationship to last. This one's probably the kind of person that would also create an immense shitstorm a few years down the line the day she realizes she's no longer "in love" with you.

[Witch Doctor]

I don't understand the hang up some people have with needing to be needed. I would rather have someone want me than need me.

[kyle D]

	Originally Posted by spock84 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This one's probably the kind of person that would also create an immense shitstorm a few years down the line the day she realizes she's no longer "in love" with you.

I think that's what is happening right now. I think she is trying to find a way out that's why she is doing this.

---------- Post added 04-18-2012 at 06:34 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Witch Doctor To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't understand the hang up some people have with needing to be needed. I would rather have someone want me than need me.

I told her that. "I don't need you but I sure the hell want you." I said. All she said was "wow ouch."

[EdR]

It sounds like you have made the correct choice Kyle. She sounds needy and needy people never stop being needy.

[AnnaMolly]

	Originally Posted by kyle D To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My girl friend just basically broke up with me because she wants me to prove my love or show that I need her. I don't need her but I want her. I tell her I don't know how to show her.

It sounds like you're not showing her your affection enough, or at all. If you love her, what's the problem with showing her? People have different love languages, what's hers?

Also, is your (ex) girlfriend a Feeler?
I think that's one of the greatest discrepancies between T's and F's. Many T's don't see any need in affirming their affections or feelings for their partner. To them, it's like: "You know that I love you, and I'll tell you if something changes. That's all you have to know."
For most F's, it really doesn't work like that. We *need* affection and reaffirmation. An F who's with a T partner will invariably have to learn to live with less of that than they'd probably ideally prefer. But at the same time, a T who's with an F has to learn to show their partner that they love and care for them more than they'd deem "necessary".

You probably like to kiss your girlfriend quite a lot (or having sex with her). Why is that so? Because you enjoy it, it feels nice. For many F's, hearing affectionate words is pretty much the same thing. For us, it's a highly enjoyable act in itself, and (at least) just as important for a healthy relationship as kissing or sex are.

[kyle D]

Originally Posted by AnnaMolly To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

It sounds like you're not showing her your affection enough, or at all. If you love her, what's the problem with showing her? People have different love languages, what's hers? Also, is your (ex) girlfriend a Feeler? I think that's one of the greatest discrepancies between T's and F's. Many T's don't see any need in affirming their affections or feelings for their partner. To them, it's like: "You know that I love you, and I'll tell you if something changes. That's all you have to know." For most F's, it really doesn't work like that. We *need* affection and reaffirmation. An F who's with a T partner will invariably have to learn to live with less of that than they'd probably ideally prefer. But at the same time, a T who's with an F has to learn to show their partner that they love and care for them more than they'd deem "necessary". You probably like to kiss your girlfriend quite a lot (or having sex with her). Why is that so? Because you enjoy it, it feels nice. For many F's, hearing affectionate words is pretty much the same thing. For us, it's a highly enjoyable act in itself, and (at least) just as important for a healthy relationship as kissing or sex are.

All of what you say makes sance. I love kissing her but she does not so much. Also yes she is a F.

[Arguendo]

	Originally Posted by kyle D To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I told her that. "I don't need you but I sure the hell want you." I said. All she said was "wow ouch."

She feels that she needs to be wanted. Typical F.

Flowers will do the trick.

[Ambra]

If I were in your position, my plan would be to do nothing.

Let her wait, let her stew, and when she finally realizes nothing is going to happen and comes to question you about it, I would listen to her. Acknowledge her feelings and try to comfort her. Tell her that this is how you show you love her.

That no matter what is going on with her, and through whatever she is thinking, you are always ready and will wait to be there for her any time she needs you.




*Disclaimer, my advice probably sucks tonight. You may just end up pissing her off. Lol

[kyle D]

Originally Posted by Thatgirl To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

If I were in your position, my plan would be to do nothing. Let her wait, let her stew, and when she finally realizes nothing is going to happen and comes to question you about it, I would listen to her. Acknowledge her feelings and try to comfort her. Tell her that this is how you show you love her. That no matter what is going on with her, you are always ready and will wait to be there for her any time she needs you. *Disclaimer, my advice probably sucks tonight. You may just end up pissing her off. Lol

That's what is what I am doing right know, I think it is making her mad.

[Ambra]

	Originally Posted by kyle D To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That's what is what I am doing right know, I think it is making her mad.

Aw, that sucks. Its so romantic too!
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Hope everything works out for you.

[Arguendo]

	Originally Posted by kyle D To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I tell her I don't know how to show her.

Instead of telling her that you don't know, why don't you ask her how she would like to be shown love?

[Dru]

	Originally Posted by Arguendo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	She feels that she needs to be wanted. Typical F. Flowers will do the trick.

err, or maybe a funeral service for a successfully terminated relationship.

i would move on. in fact, in the same situation, i have. i don't regret it. "i want you to need me" people are too... well, needy for me. caring about somebody isn't the same as wanting to be in a relationship with them.

can you imagine enjoying speaking to her on a daily basis, for no particular reason?
does the sound of her name or the sight of her make you feel good?
do you really, deep-down, feel a relationship with her has long-term potential?

OR

do you struggle to find things to talk about with her?
have you seriously entertained the idea of dating another person, and have you enjoyed that thought?
do/did you think of your relationship with her as a temporary or short-term situation, not really picturing yourself with her in the future?

only you, of course, can know your feelings, but you should also be wary of wanting something that's not good for you.

[Sk8ordude]

Proving your love often entails a marriage of sorts IRL. Anyways... my advise is to move on, women with ultimatums aren't worth it.

[kyle D]

	Originally Posted by Dru To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	OR do you struggle to find things to talk about with her? have you seriously entertained the idea of dating another person, and have you enjoyed that thought? do/did you think of your relationship with her as a temporary or short-term situation, not really picturing yourself with her in the future?

I do. So ya it might be the end.

---------- Post added 04-18-2012 at 10:26 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Arguendo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Instead of telling her that you don't know, why don't you ask her how she would like to be shown love?

I have asked her. She says I should figure it out or she is not sure how I should.

---------- Post added 04-18-2012 at 10:28 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Sk8ordude To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Proving your love often entails a marriage of sorts IRL. Anyways... my advise is to move on, women with ultimatums aren't worth it.

I was hoping it was not that but I came to that idea too. I won't pose if it came to that I would move on.

[BuShinJu]

	Originally Posted by kyle D To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have asked her. She says I should figure it out or she is not sure how I should. ---------- Post added 04-18-2012 at 10:28 PM ----------

I don't know what I want but I want it and you better give it to me!

Haha, yeah, nah.

[AlfredSchnittke]

I would've pushed her on the bed and started eating her own right then and there.

Problem solved.

Why? Because the answer to, "I don't know what I want but I want it and you better give it to me!" is always oral sex =)

[Arguendo]

"YOU SHOULD KNOW that I feel that I need to be wanted." Or at least thats the thought that running though her mind.

They have a vague feeling of what they want, and expect you to play psychic. That translates to "I want sex."

[kyle D]

	Originally Posted by BuShinJu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't know what I want but I want it and you better give it to me! Haha, yeah, nah.

Yes that is exactly it.

---------- Post added 04-18-2012 at 10:50 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I would've pushed her on the bed and started eating her own right then and there. Problem solved. Why? Because the answer to, "I don't know what I want but I want it and you better give it to me!" is always oral sex =)

lol. That is awesome.

---------- Post added 04-18-2012 at 10:52 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Arguendo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	"YOU SHOULD KNOW that I feel that I need to be wanted." Or at least thats the thought that running though her mind. They have a vague feeling of what they want, and expect you to play psychic. That translates to "I want sex."

I like that but then again I don't want that. She has basically cheated before so that kind of makes me worried.

[JustMel]

Ignore that emotional manipulation and move the fuck on. You don't prove your love or whatever. You spend time together and enjoy her company. If you're there for her when her life goes to shit then you've proven it without having to "prove" it. Women like that make me want to punch them in the throat.

If she's cheated before and she wants you to "prove" your love for her then she's not emotionally ready for a real relationship. That combination is a strength sapper and equivalent to emotional blackmail which has zero place in an adult relationship. My husband's ex-wife used to pull that shit and it annoyed me when she did it.

They're there everyday. They're only sleeping with you. They tell you they love you. They listen when you bitch about the idiot females at work/school/the gym that are really just attempts at getting you to "side" with them. They take you to the movies you want to see, they take you to the places you want to go, they pretty much do anything the stupid heifer wants and then she says "prove you love me". Oh shut the fuck up drama queen. Then go grow up. This comes from parents who raise selfish, entitled little girls.

My daughter is 20 and has been dating the same guy for three years. The other day he and my husband had a conversation about my daughter and I not being really affectionate. My husband told him "she's with you, she's sleeping with you and hasn't told you to get the fuck out. It's all there is from them. They aren't really affectionate. I think Mel has snuggled on the couch with me a handful of times in the last year. She tells me she loves me and rubs my shoulder as she walks by. I realize it's difficult to get used to after dating/being married to women who weren't up your ass 24/7 but get used to it. If you need affection or attention just tell her. She'll step up like her mom does but don't expect her to ever hang on you all the time. They just aren't wired that way. It was really weird for me at first too but you get used to it and it's actually kind of a relief after being with someone who needed constant "proof" you loved them via attention." The boyfriend said "Yeah, it's weird and I keep waiting for it to change but I'm glad it hasn't".

[changos]

	Originally Posted by kyle D To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	she wants me to prove my love or show that I need her

Why do you have to prove anything? you will regret wasting your time there. That's pure manipulation. Or "show me yours I'll show you mine"
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Nah it is not worth the time.

That would be like you posting an opinion (just your honest opinion) on something here and then some jerk fiercely demanding you to prove it, what a waste of time (ohh wait, that in fact happens... ohhhh I see the nicknames).

	Originally Posted by JustMel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Ignore that emotional manipulation and move the fuck on.

That.

What she is asking from you will be one of many, the first of many to come. It wont stop, do it now and you'll just prove your obedience.

[Antares]

I think it's slightly creepy actually. I "need" people like I need bread. I eat food when I'm hungry, I put it away when I'm not. Does people who "need" to be needed really want to be in such an automatic and primal relationship? "I don't need you right now. I'm going to store you in the closet until I do". You should show you love her, but if you share my conception of "need", you perhaps should explain it to her.

[Chimes]

Originally Posted by Antares To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I think it's slightly creepy actually. I "need" people like I need bread. I eat food when I'm hungry, I put it away when I'm not. Does people who "need" to be needed really want to be in such an automatic and primal relationship? "I don't need you right now. I'm going to store you in the closet until I do". You should show you love her, but if you share my conception of "need", you perhaps should explain it to her.

Well said

	Originally Posted by AlfredSchnittke To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I would've pushed her on the bed and started eating her own right then and there. Problem solved. Why? Because the answer to, "I don't know what I want but I want it and you better give it to me!" is always oral sex =)

Wow!!!! Really!!!! That will work the first few 100 times, but I am not so sure about a permanent salutation to the problem