[krisl]

As a kid, I was sometimes painfully honest, to the point where there were times when I said things that I shouldn't have. Nothing deliberately mean.

As an adult, sometimes I still don't realize until too late that I've introduced a subject that makes the other person/people angry. I'm trying to make a list of topics that are better to avoid if I don't want to anger people. I suppose a "T" type shouldn't care about that, but I don't know of a good reason to accidentally irritate people. If I'm going to irritate people, I'd like to know ahead of time that it's going to happen. I'm also guessing that this type of cluelessness that I have sometimes might not be uncommon among other INTJ's. So here's my list so far: Politics, religion, generalizations about males/females, Israel, war, morals.

If you can think of anything to add, please let me know. Also, if I could make a request about us not arguing about these topics on this particular thread, that would be great. (Feel free to create a new thread to argue these topics if you want to.

[Selene]

I think my friends actually enjoy controversial topics.

Maybe it’s not the topic that people find offensive, but rather how others articulate their POV, especially their choice of words. The setting is equally important as well, discussing controversial views about religion while mingling at a church wedding is hardly appropriate.

Over here, people shy away from discussing sex, race, and politics. Politics especially makes everyone nervous. For this reason, I enjoy the company of some Gen Ys. The benefit of youth is their ammo against authority and taboo.

[Canopus]

When i was a teen, I loved to get into debate on any and all topics. As I've aged, I find that I have no interest in engaging others in debate or conflict. It just is not enjoyable and productive - not efficient use of my time I guess. I am never persuaded to change my opinion, I usually know more about the topic, don't learn much from the conversation, fail to persuade the other person, and the social interaction is tiring. I guess maybe I don't need to use debate to explore social topics as a way to help me learn, grow and decide what my beliefs are / will be. I've got my principles of life figured out.

This refers to most social conversations about deeper topics, world events, and the like - problem solving doesn't fall into this category as it is productive. But I focus on things that I can actually have influence on or control - it is rather futile to discuss, for me, to spend time debating Greece's economic issues, for example, interesting academic discussion doesn't produce any results so I just don't seem to care to do it. I have my position on the subject, just don't see the value in spending time tossing it around with anyone.

[Jesseh]

As an INTJ, I learned that sometimes we must adhere to social norms publicly only to make our lives easier, and once we realize that we're being overly critical and the masses dislike it we must change that behavior outwardly or else we are indeed being a douche or a bitch.
You know, keep it simple stupid KISS is best when used with logic in regards to the masses, and simple logic tells us to just shut up if we have nothing nice to say or controversial opinions that will make our lives and other's lives negatively stimulated.

It just takes practice. So yeah, since you recognize you're being criticized by a more individuals then you are being bitchy or something to that effect and your INTJ just adds to it, but that is not meant to be a crutch or excuse.

[gemza27]

We do have to tame ourselves amongst the masses, they just don't get us. fact!

[searches89]

It's not about what you talk about, it's about how. Controversial or confrontational topics are fine as long as you bring it up with an open-mind, and a non-imposing tone.

I have some friends who get really worked up about an issue, vehemently argue about their position, and argue with every little thing someone says that contradicts your point of view. I even have one friend who, if you disagree with her, won't drop the issue until you agree with her.

I get annoyed at this. If you're not willing to even listen to different ideas, and just want to spend time blasting your thoughts at me, why'd you bring it up in the first place?

On the other hand, I've had a lot of conversations with other friends around the same controversial topics, and it was perfectly fine. Everyone had their own opinions, even if someone didn't agree, no one was in their face about it, and was accepting of the fact that other people held different opinions. Also, going into the conversation with the purpose of listening to different opinions is helpful (as opposed to going into the conversation to win approval or to prove yourself)

[blueeyedsusan]

I have not posted for literally years. I went back and re-read my posts, nothing has changed. I still get insulted by other females I work with for being "too" literal. I attempt to ignore it because that it usually followed at some time in the future by "I hate to admit it but I am starting to (insert think or believe) like Susan" It hurts... to some degree but then I consider the source. The thing is I would never talk to anyone like that. I don't understand why some people, women in particular take pride in not being logical and then insult anyone that does not think in the same way they do. Quite frankly I am glad I am me, even with the insults. Sometimes I need to crawl back in my shell and get my strength back, and it's frustrating, but still in the end, I am glad I am not a person who feels the need to be a part of a group so much that I would insult someone for being logical. By the way, there IS no such thing as being "too" logical. To me, you either are logical or you aren't. To me being logical is good. Logical is truth oriented.

[FruitLoop]

	Originally Posted by searches89 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Controversial or confrontational topics are fine as long as you bring it up with an open-mind, and a non-imposing tone.

Um, no. Controversial or confrontational topics are always going to wind people up. It's nothing to do with you, them, or how they are presented.

If you would really like to have a pleasant chat with people and enjoy their nice personalities, I suggest you don't bomb the group with a heavy topic.

[searches89]

	Originally Posted by FruitLoop To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Um, no. Controversial or confrontational topics are always going to wind people up. It's nothing to do with you, them, or how they are presented. If you would really like to have a pleasant chat with people and enjoy their nice personalities, I suggest you don't bomb the group with a heavy topic.

Well, not everyone gets wind up about controversial topics!

I think it's perfectly fine to have a discussion on controversial/confrontational topics the OP pointed out such as politics and religion. However, I do agree, as underlined, that it would aggravate people if you bomb the group with a very heavy topic.

I personally feel that as long as you conduct yourself politely/reasonably and people are interested in talking about it (and no one gets super worked up), it's not bad to talk about that topic. We're adults, and should be able to sit and listen to someone with a different opinion, however, that's just my personal opinion based on how I've interacted with people in my environment.

It may just be different for everyone!