[Cooper]

	Originally Posted by Cooper To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you are Jane...its your business. If you're Dick, its your business. If you're Betty Boop, it ain't your business.

	Originally Posted by catzmeow To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you are Jane, and Dick has an affair, how is that not your business?

[Plato]

	Originally Posted by Muse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you think people dont read the poll post, changing the wording of the poll post would not do much in your opinion. You would probably just say they didn't read the poll post.

Probably. Polls on this forum are not designed for statistical data.

	You are trying to build an objective reality based on your own morality. You are trying to use words like 'right' and 'permission' to make your personal preference the objective truth. Is it hard to believe that the morality and priorities of the majority could be different from yours?

I never meant to imply that my morality or opinions are associated with the masses. Typically, it's on the contrary. I would say that you were trying to tie your personal preference to 94% "permission" for justification of reporting the cheater. I was merely suggesting that the data you are using cannot justify permission.

	I busy myself with sheltering and feeding the homeless. I'm already a hero, but i need no cape.

I wouldn't call you a hero, but congrats for contributing to society. More people should.

---------- Post added 11-20-2011 at 01:51 PM ----------

Originally Posted by AnnaMolly To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To me, that sounds pretty much exactly like what you've been saying. If it's not the same and the meaning got somehow lost in translation for me since I'm no native speaker, I apologize profusely To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. There is also an option in the poll that says "Whether I'd want to know depends on the circumstances." According to what you're saying, the majority of the votes should go there (and actually I personally expected them to). For example, if you wouldn't want to know from the stranger your partner has been cheating with. It seems though that most people simply don't care about the circumstances, they only want to know the truth, no matter how harsh it may be.

I only mentioned one of the reasons why the poll from your thread cannot justify permission to report the cheater - and that's the subjective nature of the question. On top of that, the people answering the question are within a very small pool. It is not a good data sample. It's interesting to find out what people on this forum believe, but it in no way can be used to represent the masses and justify any action - whether it's reporting or not reporting.

	As it stands now, I'm with Muse on the "People enjoy having good things done for them, but prefer not doing them themselves if there's -any- risk involved or even if there's no benefit in it for them." I find that to be saddening, albeit not surprising in the least. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

And, I find it saddening that people believe that strangers are obligated to reporting a cheater. It depends on the circumstance. The "righteous" choice isn't always the best choice for those involved. I agree that it's unfortunate that people want things done for them but are not willing to contribute to others. However, I would not want a stranger to invade my personal life. They may feel like they would be doing right by me, but I would disagree. I'm probably in the minority on that, though.

[Muse]

	Originally Posted by Plato To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I wouldn't call you a hero, but congrats for contributing to society. More people should.

Hero: 1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
2. a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal: He was a local hero when he saved the drowning child.

Hmm.. Well i did help some people out of a wrecked burning car a few years ago. Even though i could have gotten hurt too, they were dazed and the doors were damaged, and the smoke was getting worse.(the wreck happened right in front of me on my way to class, the collision was so bad one of the cars went in the air and rolled. So i pulled over and got out. It was a hit and run by a car thief; i was actually going to go to his car first since it rolled but he got out and ran away lol, cop right behind him)

Mel made mention of capes, so i figured what the hell. If the shoe fits.. I didn't write the dictionary
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	Originally Posted by Plato To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And, I find it saddening that people believe that strangers are obligated to reporting a cheater.

Obligated: Bind or compel (someone), esp. legally or morally.

I don't view it as an obligation really. Maybe you just want to go in a different direction with your life. Both sides are making moralistic claims anyways, so its not like either one is different in that sense.

[Cooper]

Real heros don't brag about it.

[Muse]

	Originally Posted by Cooper To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Real heros don't brag about it.

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I didn't bring up capes. Its topical
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[Cooper]

I really don't give a fuck.

[Plato]

	Originally Posted by Muse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Mel made mention of capes, so i figured what the hell. If the shoe fits.. I didn't write the dictionary To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Congrats.

	Obligated: Bind or compel (someone), esp. legally or morally.

Yep, that's the definition of obligated.

	I don't view it as an obligation really. Maybe you just want to go in a different direction with your life. Both sides are making moralistic claims anyways, so its not like either one is different in that sense.

Pretty much, yeah.

[JustMel]

	Originally Posted by Muse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	key word work. If you didnt do what 'needs to be done' you would get fired. And nothing wrong with some healthy self esteem dear.(plus you brought up capes, i figured it would be funny to go along with your theme) To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

No darlin' you misunderstand I don't get paid for the work I do with battered women and kids, nor the pregnant teens. And I do it because it needs to be done. Both places depend on volunteers and there's always a shortage.

There's self esteem and then there's egotistical. Calling yourself a hero is the latter darlin'. Someone else calling you a hero is gratitude and a humble person wouldn't feel the need to be labeled a hero. The cape comment was sarcasm, but that's okay I understand your inability to grasp nuances while being so busy patting yourself on the back.

---------- Post added 11-20-2011 at 04:37 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Wilderness To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And wait... now I'm more confused (like a child, of course). If Dick and Jane have an affair and I'm married to Dick, it's still only Dick and Jane's business?

It is your business as Dick's wife if he and Jane have an affair but the only people who should be telling you about the affair are Dick or Jane. It's not anyone else's business to tell you. Unless you've hired a private detective and they tell you but other than that it's not your friend's job to tell you, it's not concerned neighbor's job to tell you.

[Muse]

	Originally Posted by JustMel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	There's self esteem and then there's egotistical. Calling yourself a hero is the latter darlin'. Someone else calling you a hero is gratitude and a humble person wouldn't feel the need to be labeled a hero. The cape comment was sarcasm, but that's okay I understand your inability to grasp nuances while being so busy patting yourself on the back.

I was being sarcastic too. Teeheehee. Guess you missed the nuance. Whats wrong with being playful
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debate is fun.


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[catzmeow]

If you're Betty Boop, and Dick is putting his dick in you, but is married to Jane, he's made it your business.

Or, if you are Jane, and you are married to Dick, and find out that he's dicking Betty, again---YOUR BUSINESS.

[Nikonman]

As I mentioned earlier, the fallout from affairs can get quite ugly, and thus I don't want to be anywhere close to those situations. The fallout from one in Greensboro, NC turned incredibly bad yesterday, with 6 shot, 3 of whom died, including an 8 y/o girl and a teenager. A lot of folks go nuts when it comes to betrayal in their relationships.

[JustMel]

	Originally Posted by catzmeow To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you're Betty Boop, and Dick is putting his dick in you, but is married to Jane, he's made it your business. Or, if you are Jane, and you are married to Dick, and find out that he's dicking Betty, again---YOUR BUSINESS.

This is true but if Dick and Jane are married and Dick is having an affair with Betty it's still not the business of Minnie Mouse.

[changos]

With friends like that who needs enemies!!!!

Finding reasons for NOT doing something. Perhaps to save the friend a bad moment, or save the bad moment yourselves, but at the end just thinking about yourselves, many times making a public clown out of your friend.

We must all fear evil men, but there is another kind of evil that we must fear most, and that is the
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.


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Meh, the worst thing ever is not about friends not telling, is the cheated one not wanting to know and live inside their unreal world and fake happiness. Watch out for denial.

[kijiji]

I have to say no. Karma would bite him in the ass eventually anyway. Besides that, who knows what agreements people have and whether the spouse would prefer not to know.

[Still Standing]

	Originally Posted by kijiji To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have to say no. Karma would bite him in the ass eventually anyway. Besides that, who knows what agreements people have and whether the spouse would prefer not to know.

Right. Of course the previously cheated-on spouses here who would have wanted to know will all be pro-reporting. The problem is that it isn't written on a "cheatee's" forehead, so if a potential reporter sees a cheater cheating, they'd first have to ask the "cheatee" if they want to know about it or not.

[kijiji]

	Originally Posted by Still Standing To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Right. Of course the previously cheated-on spouses here who would have wanted to know will all be pro-reporting....

Wrong. I am a previously cheated on spouse. As one woman (who suspected her husband was cheating and dug until she found the evidence) said to me, "After all my suspicions were confirmed I realised I really would have preferred not to know afterall."

Having been through the pain of infidelity myself (on both sides of the coin) I really don't think I would want to know either. I admit that's sticking my head in the sand.

[TheFifthSun]

I would not report him/her. Why should I? Their relationship is based on a commitment they made to eachother, I have nothing to do with that. I've had women cheat on their significant other with me on a few occasions and I've always been totally fine with that.

[logosx1]

I voted to tell only because the scenario involved marriage, which I view as more than just a private relationship between two people -- it's a public, societal institution that needs to be defended and enforced. If the cheating involved an unmarried couple and I didn't know the "cheatee," I would remain silent.