[kevinlivecomau]

Hi guys. Just wanted your point of view on forgiving people who have wronged you.

Is an apology enough?
If not what do you do then?
How many times can you forgive, before being considered naive?

Personally I have always lived by, Forgive but never Forget. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends I can trust
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. I choose not to be weighed down by the troubles that have been caused, however the person who has wronged me has lost part of my trust. What are your views?

[CaelestisPeste]

Is an apology enough?
Depends on the issue.

If not what do you do then?
I use my judging and reasoning ability.

How many times can you forgive, before being considered naive?
3 for personal friends, and 1 for others.

I have to take into account his/her credibility and my personal relationship with him/her. I'm not going to throw away 5+ years of friendship, unless it was for a very good reason. I follow my three strike rule for my personal friends; if the person acts inappropriately and violates my trust, then I give him/her a strike. I don't distribute forgiveness to anyone else, and I don't expect to receive forgiveness from them either.

[Monte314]

Always forgive. Take reasonable steps to lesson vulnerability if necessary.

So far as it is possible, forget.

There is no "count limit" on either of these.

[storm eyes]

I am very forgiving but even in that, it resets the boundaries of where you will be in my life (if in it at all). Forgiveness isn't about tolerance for me, it is about understanding everyone is not wired the same. In essence, it is forgiving myself for being naive in thinking we are.

[paulm]

I forgive for the benefit of the forgiver, not the forgiven.

In other words, I forgive so I can stop being angry and focus on more important things.

And as said above, don't forget.

[deckard]

	Is an apology enough?

Depends on the severity of the offense. I wouldn't expect anyone to be a mind reader but if you can't recognize severe behavior as requiring humility and acknowledgment, then it's not about forgiveness but aptitude. I esteem tact above most other prized personality traits.

	If not what do you do then?

If the apology wasn't "enough", it was because reconciliation required actionable recompense on the offender's part. Barring this action, the apology is moot and we are at a stalemate until the action is performed.

	How many times can you forgive, before being considered naive?

As many as it takes to realize that "turning the other cheek" does not equal being made into a whipping post for no good reason.

[Senseofrelief]

Forgiveness is for those too weak or unable to exact justice. Plan your revenge, don't get caught, when you see your enemy suffering, you will feel better.

[JTG]

Those who hold grudges eat themselves from the inside, but those who don't hold the memory of past injury subject themselves to more in the future.

Always forgive. Never forget.

[n8ey]

I'll echo the "Always forgive, never forget" with one caveat: Don't remind the person forgiven that they were forgiven, either what for or why.

It's kinda cruel to rub someone's nose in it.

[druggie]

depends on how badly wronged i was. if it's something that's completely unforgivable, then i'm quite capable of holding grudges. by grudges, i mean i can hold them for more than a decade (i'm only in my early 20s) and i foresee myself continuing to hold those grudges. if a person annoys me enough, i just cut them out of my life and never think about them again. for petty things, i forgive, but i won't forget. so i guess i don't believe in forgiveness. and yes, i'm actively planning my revenge against those who have wronged me in the past.

[Still Standing]

	Originally Posted by Senseofrelief To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Forgiveness is for those too weak or unable to exact justice. Plan your revenge, don't get caught, when you see your enemy suffering, you will feel better.

Isn't this a starting point for escalating violence? Why would your suffering enemy leave it at that?

I'm another proponent of "forgive but never forget", even in cases where the other person hasn't acknowledged or apologized for their "wrongdoing". Holding grudges eats you from inside and makes you miserable, so who benefits from it?

[Rivers]

Mostly I can't help myself not to forgive. But in some cases, I simply can't.

[Vhanon]

In order to grant forgiveness one has to be sure that the offender is not going to cause that damage any more. Otherwise there will be always suspect, and things will not be the same. In this case, forgiveness becomes just a word you say to ease the other's sense of guilt (and maybe your own if you've been forgiven for the same things in the past).

Hence, one needs to find out the cause of the offending behavior and agree with the offender about new solutions, so that if the same situation happens later, the offender won't act the same. Only in the awareness of a new maturity, one can really forgive. The rationale is that you cannot be sure whether the offender was aware of the consequences, hence, once you explain those to him, you can give him a second chance.

But one has to be very clear, and make sure the agreement is fair, though. Because if the mistakes happens again, then it was made with consciousness. At that point you can no longer trust someone who hurt you on purpose.

[WindUp]

Like others, I usually am willing to forgive multiple times. I just don't think it's healthy to hold a grudge, but I don't forget offenses towards me... ever.

[AnaK]

I like to forgive and forget, as long as I don't end up feeling like a fool.

[Vocal]

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I like to forgive and forget, as long as I don't end up feeling like a fool.

You'd be a fool to forget, because you're likely to make a similar mistake.

[fairylights]

In general, I forgive easily. I find it difficult to hold on resentment for extended periods of time so it's not something I have to expend too much effort in doing. All in all, I have to say it's not so much for the other party's benefit as it is for me. I'm pressed by a great need to be at peace with myself and I find it difficult to do so when I'm angry and upset.

- Is an apology enough?
They're largely irrelevant. I need to be able to work out the situation in my head and come to terms with it at my own pace. Genuine contrition is nice; a desire to remedy the situation is even better; however, neither is, strictly speaking, necessary.

- If not what do you do then?
See above. I take the time to see how I can work it out to my own satisfaction. Sometimes it comes easily and sometimes it takes a great deal of effort and sometimes, it can't be done but if forgiveness is something that I feel, it also needs to come from within, to my own satisfaction.

- How many times can you forgive, before being considered naive?
You can forgive over and over again without being naive about it. It's a matter of letting go of resentful while taking appropriate measures to ensure self-preservation.

	Originally Posted by Monte314 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Always forgive. Take reasonable steps to lesson vulnerability if necessary. So far as it is possible, forget. There is no "count limit" on either of these.

I think this is really good advice, except, possibly, for the "forget" bit, since you can figure out methods to protect yourself based on experience and memory.

[Senseofrelief]

	Originally Posted by Still Standing To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Isn't this a starting point for escalating violence? Why would your suffering enemy leave it at that? I'm another proponent of "forgive but never forget", even in cases where the other person hasn't acknowledged or apologized for their "wrongdoing". Holding grudges eats you from inside and makes you miserable, so who benefits from it?

When you put your enemy down for good, he can't get back up and 'escalate'.

[Othesemo]

And I quote,

"The idiot neither forgives nor forgets. The fool forgets, but does not forgive. The wise man forgives, but does not forget."

I've never held a grudge, but that doesn't stop me from thinking of some people as violent or untrustworthy.

[Kat Browne]

Originally Posted by kevinlivecomau To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Hi guys. Just wanted your point of view on forgiving people who have wronged you. Is an apology enough? If not what do you do then? How many times can you forgive, before being considered naive? Personally I have always lived by, Forgive but never Forget. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends I can trust To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. . I choose not to be weighed down by the troubles that have been caused, however the person who has wronged me has lost part of my trust. What are your views?

I believe an apology is enough if delivered with an explanation, responsibility and holding oneself accountable. If the apologies are delivered after repeated behaviour then I believe it's then lip service with no value. I find that often people do things to suit their own needs without considering how their actions affect others and think an apology will excuse their behaviour. My take anyways...

How many times can someone fail you? That is for you to decide. What will you accept and what will you not and go with that. You know your limits.

[fokalina]

	Originally Posted by JTG To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Those who hold grudges eat themselves from the inside, but those who don't hold the memory of past injury subject themselves to more in the future. Always forgive. Never forget.

Really? I'm sure you all are. But I can't relate to this.
Maybe I've not lived enough life. But thus far, I've not been "injured", can't foresee it happening in the future, and have forgiven and forgotten effortlessly. (Though I guess I sort of remember. I don't make a habit of just blocking out past experiences.)

/me walks away like a dunce

[JTG]

Even if injury isn't a concern, surely you've been slighted or let down. If somebody proves themselves undependable, i don't hate them for it; i just stop depending on them

[plotthickens]

Reparation is required. Whether this is a funny conversation, vengeance, or eye-for-eye -- reparation and satisfaction is required.

[stealthfighter]

Hard for me to forget much less forgive. I've harbored grudges for years, though I don't get into trouble cause I usually avoid confrontations and tend to distance to myself from people I hate.