I Miss Feeling Suicidal - Page 2

**Bevan** · 10-28-2011, 06:51 PM

	Originally Posted by zibber To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It's that Hot Topic suicidalism.

i'll go off topic here and describe the mental condition associated with a serious attempt...i was 17, and i remember looking in the mirror and not being able to identify anyone...i had endured years of arbitrary and inexplicable abuse, the details of which are too disturbing to post, but by the time my identity disappeared there was no pain...i was already gone, the body remained, and the only way to reconcile was to eliminate the body

a few years ago a friend of mine succeeded in killing himself while in withdrawal from methamphetamine addiction...perhaps the drug robbed him of his identity

over the years the thought of suicide as a convenient way to solve my problems has come up a few times, but it was only a thought, not a condition of serious mental illness, and i suppose there are many causes of suicide

**BuShinJu** · 10-30-2011, 05:18 PM

Having a friend do this is a life changing event in my life as well. It left me wondering wether he gave me with the shity end of the stick, while he gets away from all the issues. I guess he dosen't get to experience anything though, at least not on this planet.

I think committing to seeing life through to the end and experiencing everything, recieving all spectrums of the experience equally is the way to go.

When I wallow, I wallow.
When I go hard, I go hard.

**chaostheory** · 10-30-2011, 08:02 PM

Do something to ruin your life, I'm sure it will come back.

On a slightly related note, I feel sorry for the individuals that fail at suicide. Imagine how shitty it must feel to botch killing yourself.

ManWithNoName · 10-30-2011, 08:27 PM

	Originally Posted by chaostheory To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Do something to ruin your life, I'm sure it will come back. On a slightly related note, I feel sorry for the individuals that fail at suicide. Imagine how shitty it must feel to botch killing yourself.

Probably pretty good as you didn't' kill yourself and realize that yeah, you really didn't want to die, you only thought you did.

**Bevan** · 10-31-2011, 02:00 PM

i have no self-pity, and never did...i survived horrific and insane abuse, followed by a period of dissociation, during which my fate was not in my own hands...i made no mistake; rather, i survived a dangerous storm

after my friend died, for a long time i felt he had made a serious mistake in killing himself...in retrospect, i see that his mistake was using a dangerous drug...he put a small-calibre bullet through his head in a precise way...he was a former U.S. Marine, and had guns that would have caused instant death, but he didn't want to leave a terrible mess for his wife or daughters to find...there was almost no blood...for this courtesy, he lingered for several days, semi-conscious and in pain...he planned it that way

in my case, a psychiatrist discerned that the most effective cure for me would be having me physically removed from the toxic environment i was in, and separated from the perpetrator of the crimes committed against me (who, incidentally, never faced charges)

after being set free, i went to college with a keen interest in the nature of human identity...i came out of my ordeal with no disabling physical injuries...i can't say i am mentally and emotionally whole, but i love

**BuShinJu** · 10-31-2011, 05:05 PM

I hear ya,

I think these events are akin to dangerous storms. They are things to shelter from and weather and pack up and get away from if they are beyond resolution.

I'll keep quoting William Gibson, “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.”

It took me a while to figure this out, as one of my faults/strengths is sticking with things for too long even when they go shitty. I'm getting much better at distancing myself from people with high entropy disorganised lives. Their negative attitude does rub off on me if I am not careful.

The way I see it now is that there are millions of really nice people out there who are fun to be around and have heaps of good information and it's a shame that I may never meet most of them.

**Rexus** · 10-31-2011, 06:24 PM

	Originally Posted by MyotisLucifugus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I hear the whispers too, every once in a while, but they're so faint as to be almost irrelevant. Things are too interesting and amusing to let go now.

Eh, suicidal whispers? I hear something different.

"Gonna make it all burn someday, just you wait, hehehe"

The world, that is. So I sort of inverted the logic, haha.

**Bevan** · 10-31-2011, 07:22 PM

	Originally Posted by BuShinJu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” The way I see it now is that there are millions of really nice people out there who are fun to be around and have heaps of good information and it's a shame that I may never meet most of them.

'don't let the turkeys get you down,' one of my college friends used to say...she got me into therapy, which was an effort to help on her part, but after some time the therapist focused on persuading me that i was not gay...her position was that homosexuality does not exist, that it is mental illness, or even simple delusion...over the years my experience with therapists has been spotty, to put it mildly, though there has been a trend away from homophobia in psychiatric services...the last therapist i went to was very kind and easy to talk to, but the purpose of that round of therapy was to talk about my traumatic childhood experiences...i made it through only a few sessions...the memories were coming back in vivid detail, and i was experiencing brief periods of dissociation...it was doing more harm than good

it is true that there are plenty of people who are on the positive side of life...i'm finding it less difficult to recognise them...people who had unsettling family lives while growing up tend to gravitate to assholes, because dealing with assholes is all they know

**Tactician** · 10-31-2011, 09:28 PM

Of all the threads i have ever seen, this one disgusted me the most. I cannot show the least amount of tolerance or respect for what the O.P said. You miss suicidal thoughts as a crutch? I will not accept that at all. How dare you? I'll admit i have thought of suicide more than once. However i immediately reject those thoughts, and loathe myself for ever thinking that way. I have seen too many children die before my eyes, and not one of them ever gave up the will to live. What right do you have to say such a thing? You dishonor all who struggle to survive, and those who died trying to live. You can call me an intolerant bastard, an overly emotional prick, a stupid emo who doesn't understand you; but from the bottom of my soul, i wish i could take your life and give it to someone who fights to live.

**BuShinJu** · 10-31-2011, 10:06 PM

Originally Posted by Tactician
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Of all the threads i have ever seen, this one disgusted me the most. I cannot show the least amount of tolerance or respect for what the O.P said. You miss suicidal thoughts as a crutch? I will not accept that at all. How dare you? I'll admit i have thought of suicide more than once. However i immediately reject those thoughts, and loathe myself for ever thinking that way. I have seen too many children die before my eyes, and not one of them ever gave up the will to live. What right do you have to say such a thing? You dishonor all who struggle to survive, and those who died trying to live. You can call me an intolerant bastard, an overly emotional prick, a stupid emo who doesn't understand you; but from the bottom of my soul, i wish i could take your life and give it to someone who fights to live.

I didn't explain myself clearly, however you obviously haven't read my other posts. I'm sorry for the mis-communication, but I will explain my reasons again for creating this thread.

My closest friend in high school killed himself with a heroin overdose over 10 years ago. It is something that I still think about regularly and quite frankly it has fucked with my life in a myriad of ways, including causing me to have suicidal thoughts, plans and serious contemplations of doing it.

In my case it would have been a cop out. I have had all the benefits and advantages of a first world life, family and education. I realise for some people suicide may be a viable option but not for me, as I think now it has all been a problem of bad perception and being surrounded by some very confused and harm inducing people.

My intent with this thread was to present the difference between thinking "I'm going to kill myself to get away from this" and "I am going to work to find a long term solution to make my life the best it can be".

Sorry for the miss-understanding.

**BlackMita** · 10-31-2011, 10:35 PM

Full disclosure before I respond to OP:

I think people have the right to die, and that suicide is only a harm when it's taboo. Anyone ending their life has to do so in secret to avoid being detained. They can't even announce their planned exit to others without fear of being turned in like a criminal. The taboo even prevents safe techniques from being humanely developed and easily accessed.

Anyways...

I detect a lack of appreciation in this thread for the fact that people can have circumstances they find intolerable. I regard thinking about suicide as perfectly sane, and should say there is some sense in missing that feeling of wanting to commit suicide, because it can potentially clarify how you really plan to live, what you're really going to do, etc. It doesn't strike me a less sane response than laughter. The laughter is perhaps a reminder that your situation is improved or something.

I probably sound really depressing right now. I'm not so much advocating humorlessness as I'm saying you usually have a good reason for being depressed. It's not always some form of mental laziness or "chemical imbalances". Like you also mentioned, it can be a signal to re-evaluate the company you keep, the roles you're fulfilling, etc.

You often come across those who'd probably be less messed up if they gave themselves permission to say "this is fucking terrible" and were given the space and support to do something about it. I'm not saying suicide is the first option, I'm saying it's the last option (lol) and that we shouldn't limit others options because we find it distasteful.

Watching yourself shrivel up bed ridden... I'm sure it'll be great. No worries right? I mean... if you're that optimistic about being provided for in a profound state of immobility and dependence, maybe you'll still have really capable friends and relatives then. Maybe.

**BuShinJu** · 10-31-2011, 10:36 PM

While I am back-flipping down the street I may as well throw in a few mid air twists.

This thread started when I came to the realisation that I would have to face a difficult personality in my life, highly confused, abusive, threatening and physically violent.

My thoughts were "well, I can't kill myself to get away from this, I'm over thinking that shit, I will have to work out another way".

I presented it here in a flippant manner because that is my style, and I knew that there would be people here in the forum who would know where I was coming from. I consider life to be absurd, it certainly ain't rational and emotionally satisfying, and I completely, completely empathise with people who are suicidal and depressed as I think I have expressed numerous times in this forum over the past years.

**Bevan** · 11-01-2011, 12:49 PM

	Originally Posted by BuShinJu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My closest friend in high school killed himself with a heroin overdose over 10 years ago. It is something that I still think about regularly and quite frankly it has fucked with my life in a myriad of ways, including causing me to have suicidal thoughts, plans and serious contemplations of doing it.

i find this puzzling...were you in love with this boy? you don't have to post a response if i am going too deep here...for me personally, 'love trouble' has caused self-destructive impulses, but i think based on a kind of primal response to not getting what i wanted

i still don't quite know where you were coming from with the topic of this thread, but it was certainly provocative, and i took the bait immediately

**SeverusSin** · 11-02-2011, 10:58 AM

I have had suicidal feelings in the past but the logic seemed to escape me, there were people in such worse off positions than myself with a higher zest for life than me. This showed me simply, that my feelings and notions were not balanced with the reality I was experiencing. Not sure how on topic I am as I didn't read every single post prior to posting...my two cents.

**dontmesswithme** · 11-02-2011, 09:00 PM

I don't miss feeling suicidal. Suicide can Kiss My Ass. I do believe there's always a way out, and if you're having trouble finding it someone else can find it for you. There are a lot of people out there who's job it is to help you. I only want to crap out when I'm sitting on the toilet.

Besides, there are a lot of people who plain like you or maybe even love you or even just enjoy having you around, or wish they could know you more, etc. Those people are out there. There is no excuse to not find new and interesting things to focus on to get out of a rut, and if you require some medical help with the depression--well, GET IT ALREADY.

I think that's all I have to say about that for now.

Daoist · 11-02-2011, 09:22 PM

Originally Posted by Tactician
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Of all the threads i have ever seen, this one disgusted me the most. I cannot show the least amount of tolerance or respect for what the O.P said. You miss suicidal thoughts as a crutch? I will not accept that at all. How dare you? I'll admit i have thought of suicide more than once. However i immediately reject those thoughts, and loathe myself for ever thinking that way. I have seen too many children die before my eyes, and not one of them ever gave up the will to live. What right do you have to say such a thing? You dishonor all who struggle to survive, and those who died trying to live. You can call me an intolerant bastard, an overly emotional prick, a stupid emo who doesn't understand you; but from the bottom of my soul, i wish i could take your life and give it to someone who fights to live.

I think this misses the point. It doesn't matter whether or not these thoughts are really actionable. You can have all the wrong chemical imbalances, and still know in your head that committing suicide is irrational. The thing is that the negative thoughts - whether actually suicidal, or just part of low self-esteem - actually serve to protect you. You can know that you will fail, just because you're you, but that doesn't stop you from trying. ...Later, when things get better, those negative thoughts can be more of a hindrance, but at the same time letting go of them feels like a risk.

**CrudeHypothesis** · 11-03-2011, 01:30 AM

	Originally Posted by BuShinJu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	...When I encounter similar stressful situations, well, I don't actually consider them stressful anymore and I just roll with the punches and work out a method around it or not, as the situation dictates...

I miss feeling stressed. I either fleetingly half smile when things go my way, or fleetingly raise an eyebrow when things don't. It's either control or disappointment, there is no in between.

	Originally Posted by BuShinJu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Life is absurd and I think laughter is the correct response.

I agree, but people often mistake what our laughing means.

**sunlover** · 11-04-2011, 04:26 AM

Originally Posted by BuShinJu
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I used it as a crutch for so long and now it is gone.

When I encounter similar stressful situations, well, I don't actually consider them stressful anymore and I just roll with the punches and work out a method around it or not, as the situation dictates.

I'm sure it will come back when I get tired and my defences are down, I still hear whispers of it but my eyes are open now.

Life is absurd and I think laughter is the correct response.

You've gained wisdom!

**Lycannihilation** · 11-06-2011, 09:54 PM

My army career was decimated because of a disease, and I've been jobless for a month now. My girlfriend left me as well.

I feel as if I'm at death's palm, or trapped in the grasp of misery. The odd thing is, that I kind of enjoy the feeling. Hell, the whole situation makes me laugh out loud sometimes.

I do not plan to lunge from the heights and fall to smithereens.

**Quito** · 11-07-2011, 05:28 AM

	Originally Posted by MyotisLucifugus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yes, yes, yes. The other day I thought to myself, "You know, I have been laughing and having fun since I failed to kill myself," and for some reason that made me laugh the hardest I have in ages. Messed up as all hell, but completely true. I hear the whispers too, every once in a while, but they're so faint as to be almost irrelevant. Things are too interesting and amusing to let go now.

Got this too. Seems like after I got over all the depression and suicidal thoughts I too looked at the world humorously and basically like you said live for the guaranteed amusement.

**Bevan** · 11-07-2011, 10:55 AM

	Originally Posted by Quito To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I too looked at the world humorously and basically like you said live for the guaranteed amusement.

I am happy to know there is a guarantee. If I could wake each morning with this thought in mind my day could go much better, so I am going to try it. Maybe make a little sign to place next to the clock: Amusement Guaranteed.

**John F Kennedy** · 11-07-2011, 05:58 PM

I admit the number of replies to a lot of the threads is just too high to read them all... but here's my 2 cents.

Crutches, such as suicidal ideas not quite wanting to be fulfilled, are useful when you can't stand on your own two feet. Some poor people often take pride in that they're poor... "not like the rich f...ing bastards". The X Generation had no good jobs so they took pride in cheapness... until they got some more money. Warhol made a lot of this possible and paved the way in art and music: "hey, I'm cheap and that's why I'm great". All of these are crutches.

If you need a crutch, use it. You'll get recognition from me for hanging on. That's a value.

Gaining new territory, such as living without a crutch, has its difficulties, but also its rewards. Just be mindful of all the aspects, without excluding the positive.

**Bevan** · 11-07-2011, 10:24 PM

I am honestly trying to think what crutches I use. Can't think of any at the moment, but there must be at least one. I haven't had the experience of routinely using the option of suicide as a way to get through the day. Oh yes! Cigarettes, my crutch. For years I had no desire to quit, but now I'm trying to beat the habit. I quit smoking for three weeks, then smoked again for 10 days, and distinctly remember I liked the three weeks much better than the 10 days. But now I'm back on the cigs. Something unpleasant happens and I go get a pack.

But I think I have trivialised the issue of suicide with this post. I respect the personal autonomy of adults, but something about suicide makes me want to reach out and help, though I am not a sentimental touchy-feely. I believe suicide, in some cases, indicates something other than just wanting to get out of this shitty life is going on, something that can be resolved with a little attention, kindness and insight. Also, from a moral standpoint, if you kill yourself it hurts the people in your life more than it hurts you. They will feel guilty, thinking they could have done something to prevent the suicide. Those who love you will suffer emotional damage. What right do you have to emotionally brutalise those who love you? Do you feel that no one loves you? If you are suicidal, I love you. I honestly mean that.

10-30-2011, 05:18 PM	#27
BuShinJu Member [43%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,734	Having a friend do this is a life changing event in my life as well. It left me wondering wether he gave me with the shity end of the stick, while he gets away from all the issues. I guess he dosen't get to experience anything though, at least not on this planet. I think committing to seeing life through to the end and experiencing everything, recieving all spectrums of the experience equally is the way to go. When I wallow, I wallow. When I go hard, I go hard.
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10-30-2011, 08:02 PM	#28
chaostheory Member [20%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 814	Do something to ruin your life, I'm sure it will come back. On a slightly related note, I feel sorry for the individuals that fail at suicide. Imagine how shitty it must feel to botch killing yourself.
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10-31-2011, 02:00 PM	#30
Bevan Veteran Member [81%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 3,274	i have no self-pity, and never did...i survived horrific and insane abuse, followed by a period of dissociation, during which my fate was not in my own hands...i made no mistake; rather, i survived a dangerous storm after my friend died, for a long time i felt he had made a serious mistake in killing himself...in retrospect, i see that his mistake was using a dangerous drug...he put a small-calibre bullet through his head in a precise way...he was a former U.S. Marine, and had guns that would have caused instant death, but he didn't want to leave a terrible mess for his wife or daughters to find...there was almost no blood...for this courtesy, he lingered for several days, semi-conscious and in pain...he planned it that way in my case, a psychiatrist discerned that the most effective cure for me would be having me physically removed from the toxic environment i was in, and separated from the perpetrator of the crimes committed against me (who, incidentally, never faced charges) after being set free, i went to college with a keen interest in the nature of human identity...i came out of my ordeal with no disabling physical injuries...i can't say i am mentally and emotionally whole, but i love
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10-31-2011, 05:05 PM	#31
BuShinJu Member [43%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,734	I hear ya, I think these events are akin to dangerous storms. They are things to shelter from and weather and pack up and get away from if they are beyond resolution. I'll keep quoting William Gibson, “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” It took me a while to figure this out, as one of my faults/strengths is sticking with things for too long even when they go shitty. I'm getting much better at distancing myself from people with high entropy disorganised lives. Their negative attitude does rub off on me if I am not careful. The way I see it now is that there are millions of really nice people out there who are fun to be around and have heaps of good information and it's a shame that I may never meet most of them.
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10-31-2011, 09:28 PM	#34
Tactician Member [09%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 365	Of all the threads i have ever seen, this one disgusted me the most. I cannot show the least amount of tolerance or respect for what the O.P said. You miss suicidal thoughts as a crutch? I will not accept that at all. How dare you? I'll admit i have thought of suicide more than once. However i immediately reject those thoughts, and loathe myself for ever thinking that way. I have seen too many children die before my eyes, and not one of them ever gave up the will to live. What right do you have to say such a thing? You dishonor all who struggle to survive, and those who died trying to live. You can call me an intolerant bastard, an overly emotional prick, a stupid emo who doesn't understand you; but from the bottom of my soul, i wish i could take your life and give it to someone who fights to live.
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10-31-2011, 10:35 PM	#36
BlackMita Member [24%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 999	Full disclosure before I respond to OP: I think people have the right to die, and that suicide is only a harm when it's taboo. Anyone ending their life has to do so in secret to avoid being detained. They can't even announce their planned exit to others without fear of being turned in like a criminal. The taboo even prevents safe techniques from being humanely developed and easily accessed. Anyways... I detect a lack of appreciation in this thread for the fact that people can have circumstances they find intolerable. I regard thinking about suicide as perfectly sane, and should say there is some sense in missing that feeling of wanting to commit suicide, because it can potentially clarify how you really plan to live, what you're really going to do, etc. It doesn't strike me a less sane response than laughter. The laughter is perhaps a reminder that your situation is improved or something. I probably sound really depressing right now. I'm not so much advocating humorlessness as I'm saying you usually have a good reason for being depressed. It's not always some form of mental laziness or "chemical imbalances". Like you also mentioned, it can be a signal to re-evaluate the company you keep, the roles you're fulfilling, etc. You often come across those who'd probably be less messed up if they gave themselves permission to say "this is fucking terrible" and were given the space and support to do something about it. I'm not saying suicide is the first option, I'm saying it's the last option (lol) and that we shouldn't limit others options because we find it distasteful. Watching yourself shrivel up bed ridden... I'm sure it'll be great. No worries right? I mean... if you're that optimistic about being provided for in a profound state of immobility and dependence, maybe you'll still have really capable friends and relatives then. Maybe.
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10-31-2011, 10:36 PM	#37
BuShinJu Member [43%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,734	While I am back-flipping down the street I may as well throw in a few mid air twists. This thread started when I came to the realisation that I would have to face a difficult personality in my life, highly confused, abusive, threatening and physically violent. My thoughts were "well, I can't kill myself to get away from this, I'm over thinking that shit, I will have to work out another way". I presented it here in a flippant manner because that is my style, and I knew that there would be people here in the forum who would know where I was coming from. I consider life to be absurd, it certainly ain't rational and emotionally satisfying, and I completely, completely empathise with people who are suicidal and depressed as I think I have expressed numerous times in this forum over the past years.
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11-02-2011, 10:58 AM	#39
SeverusSin Member [21%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 878	I have had suicidal feelings in the past but the logic seemed to escape me, there were people in such worse off positions than myself with a higher zest for life than me. This showed me simply, that my feelings and notions were not balanced with the reality I was experiencing. Not sure how on topic I am as I didn't read every single post prior to posting...my two cents.
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11-02-2011, 09:00 PM	#40
dontmesswithme Core Member [129%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 5,163	I don't miss feeling suicidal. Suicide can Kiss My Ass. I do believe there's always a way out, and if you're having trouble finding it someone else can find it for you. There are a lot of people out there who's job it is to help you. I only want to crap out when I'm sitting on the toilet. Besides, there are a lot of people who plain like you or maybe even love you or even just enjoy having you around, or wish they could know you more, etc. Those people are out there. There is no excuse to not find new and interesting things to focus on to get out of a rut, and if you require some medical help with the depression--well, GET IT ALREADY. I think that's all I have to say about that for now.
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11-06-2011, 09:54 PM	#44
Lycannihilation New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 24	My army career was decimated because of a disease, and I've been jobless for a month now. My girlfriend left me as well. I feel as if I'm at death's palm, or trapped in the grasp of misery. The odd thing is, that I kind of enjoy the feeling. Hell, the whole situation makes me laugh out loud sometimes. I do not plan to lunge from the heights and fall to smithereens.
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11-07-2011, 05:58 PM	#47
John F Kennedy Member [36%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,461	I admit the number of replies to a lot of the threads is just too high to read them all... but here's my 2 cents. Crutches, such as suicidal ideas not quite wanting to be fulfilled, are useful when you can't stand on your own two feet. Some poor people often take pride in that they're poor... "not like the rich f...ing bastards". The X Generation had no good jobs so they took pride in cheapness... until they got some more money. Warhol made a lot of this possible and paved the way in art and music: "hey, I'm cheap and that's why I'm great". All of these are crutches. If you need a crutch, use it. You'll get recognition from me for hanging on. That's a value. Gaining new territory, such as living without a crutch, has its difficulties, but also its rewards. Just be mindful of all the aspects, without excluding the positive.
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11-07-2011, 10:24 PM	#48
Bevan Veteran Member [81%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 3,274	I am honestly trying to think what crutches I use. Can't think of any at the moment, but there must be at least one. I haven't had the experience of routinely using the option of suicide as a way to get through the day. Oh yes! Cigarettes, my crutch. For years I had no desire to quit, but now I'm trying to beat the habit. I quit smoking for three weeks, then smoked again for 10 days, and distinctly remember I liked the three weeks much better than the 10 days. But now I'm back on the cigs. Something unpleasant happens and I go get a pack. But I think I have trivialised the issue of suicide with this post. I respect the personal autonomy of adults, but something about suicide makes me want to reach out and help, though I am not a sentimental touchy-feely. I believe suicide, in some cases, indicates something other than just wanting to get out of this shitty life is going on, something that can be resolved with a little attention, kindness and insight. Also, from a moral standpoint, if you kill yourself it hurts the people in your life more than it hurts you. They will feel guilty, thinking they could have done something to prevent the suicide. Those who love you will suffer emotional damage. What right do you have to emotionally brutalise those who love you? Do you feel that no one loves you? If you are suicidal, I love you. I honestly mean that.
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