[Equinox]

	Originally Posted by plotthickens To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Massively creepy. Following someone, then making a weird stalkerish comment? Holy crapsticks. Revise your script, bucko, quicklike.

We ride the same commuter bus in the mornings and get off at the same stop and walk towards the same law school library...it's not creepy at all. And how was that stalkerish? I was commenting on the humor that whenever you're about to open a door, someone always opens it for you and you did all that work for nothing.

[plotthickens]

	Originally Posted by Equinox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	We ride the same commuter bus in the mornings and get off at the same stop and walk towards the same law school library...it's not creepy at all. And how was that stalkerish? I was commenting on the humor that whenever you're about to open a door, someone always opens it for you and you did all that work for nothing.

It was stalkerish cuz you've said nothing the entire walk, and then popped something off at the end of the normal silent walk (big opportunities the entire semester, totally ignored, right?) that has no context or connotation. Weeeiiirrrrrd.

A Line: "Ah, good, holding the door for a lady!"
Acceptable: "Isn't it nice to have the door opened for you? Good surprise." *smile*
Stalkerish: "it always seems to happen that way"
Creeptastic: "Sure, YOU get doors opened...."

[Storm]

There's not some kind of formula you have to follow to date. You're saying things like "going places seems shallow and artificial." I'm not sure why you would think that. People go places together because they enjoy doing those things and want to be with the other person. Going to someone's house is sort of intimate, and not something people do right away.

You're also asking questions about what to do once you start dating. You just hang out together. It's really not a big production. It's the same kind of things you'd do if you married, but you live in different houses.

Date how you want to date. Just hang out and talk to this girl on the bus. At some point, you may want to talk to her more than just on a bus, so you'd ask to do something else. Or maybe she'll ask you. There's not a map for this.

Next time you get off the bus, you might try something like "Hey, wait up <name>." For the record, I don't think what you said was stalkerish. The whole situation does sound awkward since you talk on the bus, but then give each other the silent treatment once getting off. The only way to break that is for one of you to talk to the other. (Hint: You only have control over your own body.)

[Equinox]

	Originally Posted by Storm To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The whole situation does sound awkward since you talk on the bus, but then give each other the silent treatment once getting off. The only way to break that is for one of you to talk to the other. (Hint: You only have control over your own body.)

Which is precisely what I don't want to do. I guess I have this phobia of being seen as stalkerish if I initiate contact. Yet I'll never get anywhere if I don't...Why can't someone pursue me for a change?

[plotthickens]

	Originally Posted by Equinox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Which is precisely what I don't want to do. I guess I have this phobia of being seen as stalkerish if I initiate contact. Yet I'll never get anywhere if I don't...Why can't someone pursue me for a change?

This is what women think all the time.

Cure for stalkerish: smile.

[Equinox]

	Originally Posted by plotthickens To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This is what women think all the time. Cure for stalkerish: smile.

I never smile. Keep in mind we're INTJs here...

[plotthickens]

	Originally Posted by Equinox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I never smile. Keep in mind we're INTJs here...

INTJs smile. Don't let your slavish devotion to a non-real paradigm get in the way of what you want.

[ZerroDefex]

And what if your smile only makes you look even creepier?

[Senseofrelief]

You buy a pick up a pack of gum at Walmat, the checker sells you the gum...

You shoplift a pack of gum at Walmart, the checker does not know..

Ponder this difference.

[Blse]

	Originally Posted by Equinox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If I'm not married by the time I'm 30, I'll give up then.

Don't.

	Originally Posted by tooboku To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That's a huge condition though. It doesn't sound like much but it eliminates so many more people than you think it would.

The alternative is being married to someone who you can't be yourself around, aka. hell. Marrying someone you're really compatible with on the other hand? Bliss.

	Originally Posted by ZerroDefex To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And what if your smile only makes you look even creepier?

Haha... there's truth to this: don't do something obviously unnatural to you. Build on what you got, take a lot of pride in yourself, find a setting your comfy in, and just start talking.

[Equinox]

	Originally Posted by Senseofrelief To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You buy a pick up a pack of gum at Walmat, the checker sells you the gum... You shoplift a pack of gum at Walmart, the checker does not know.. Ponder this difference.

What does this have to do with anything?

[Gobbbler]

	Originally Posted by Equinox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	We ride the same commuter bus in the mornings and get off at the same stop and walk towards the same law school library...it's not creepy at all. And how was that stalkerish? I was commenting on the humor that whenever you're about to open a door, someone always opens it for you and you did all that work for nothing.

So you didn't say "hello" to her when you or she got on the bus? Perhaps she took that as a slight.
Women can be shy too. Women also often expect the guy to say something and don't initiate talking. She could also just not have known what to say to that kind of strange comment.

I've had girls do things that seemed much more indicative of lack of interest to me, so I wrote them off. Then the next time I wound up alone with them for a bit, they clearly showed interest. There can be a bunch of reasons for their actions even if they are interested - or just take time to warm up. You won't truly know unless you make more of an effort.

---------- Post added 09-15-2011 at 01:27 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Equinox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Which is precisely what I don't want to do. I guess I have this phobia of being seen as stalkerish if I initiate contact.

I used to feel a bit this way. Moreso I was just embarrassed to have someone know that I liked them when I didn't know if they liked me. The reality is that it is probably more creepy to just lurk about hoping for something to happen. The key ingredient to being a stalker is to keep pursuing or investigating someone without indication of their interest. You're not at all a stalker if you clearly demonstrate interest in someone and then move on if they don't show some interest in return. So if you don't want to be a stalker, make some overtures, then develop a relationship or move on.

	Originally Posted by Equinox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yet I'll never get anywhere if I don't...Why can't someone pursue me for a change?

Because you are a guy. It is much more rare. It's one of those things that it doesn't pay to ponder why and just accept it and proceed accordingly. Plus, if someone pursues you, would you be anymore comfortable, or would you just freak out about different things.

[therrirl]

OP: You have taken yourself out of many dating experiences by "just saying no". Many women like to have the romantic side of you and the excitement of potentially having you even if you never go "all the way". It sounds to me as if you are "shut down" and hope to "make something happen on a cutesy end." What is your goal? Do you even know what you want?

[Equinox]

	Originally Posted by therrirl To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	OP: You have taken yourself out of many dating experiences by "just saying no". Many women like to have the romantic side of you and the excitement of potentially having you even if you never go "all the way". It sounds to me as if you are "shut down" and hope to "make something happen on a cutesy end." What is your goal? Do you even know what you want?

I have no goal other than to find someone, and I don't know what I want beyond finding someone who is as close to morally perfect as possible. Unlike most people who have trouble saying no to things, I find it nearly impossible to say yes.

---------- Post added 09-20-2011 at 09:40 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by Gobbbler To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I've had girls do things that seemed much more indicative of lack of interest to me, so I wrote them off.

If this is the case, they're not worth my time.

	Plus, if someone pursues you, would you be anymore comfortable, or would you just freak out about different things.

I wouldn't freak out other than being excited that she would actually go out of her way to talk to me. It's a rare day when someone even pays enough attention to me to say hi without an obvious reason to do so.

[Gobbbler]

	Originally Posted by Equinox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Originally Posted by Gobbbler I've had girls do things that seemed much more indicative of lack of interest to me, so I wrote them off. If this is the case, they're not worth my time.

Fair enough. I just hope that you aren't missing my point: girls' actions can be for a variety of reasons, and this girl's actions don't necessarily mean that she isn't interested. She could have been nervous, pre-occuppied with something serious, or just wanting to see if you were just being friendly back or if you were interested to make a move... only she knows.