[Modulo3]

Okay, first off, I apologise for those of you who don't have siblings as you may feel a little left out in this thread. Feel free to contribute regardless!

So, I come from what can be regarded as a non-conventional sibling setup, if you will. I'm 20 years old and have 3 older siblings. My brother is gay and has never been in a relationship before. My sister is a lesbian and has had a fair amount of girlfriends. Then, my eldest sister, has never had a relationship nor suggested interest in anyone.

As for me? I'm most definitely straight but hopeless with relationships. I too have never had a girlfriend, but I've had my chances.

My question is, does the fact that my siblings have had very little, if any, relationship experience affect me? I feel at times that I'm missing the older brother figure since he is nothing like me and far quieter than I am. It's almost as if he looks up to me!

Now, say if all my family had brought their respective girlfriends/boyfriends back home and be a little more experienced in this field. Would that have made an impact on me?

Thoughts? Your experiences? Am I just being silly?
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[Feral]

My sister is 13 years older than I am. I got to see her screw up a lot, so being the good little INTJ I am, I got to learn what I wanted and didn't want without having to take the really hard knocks myself. I only learned what not to do from her.

[MaxXXVII]

Originally Posted by Modulo3 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Okay, first off, I apologise for those of you who don't have siblings as you may feel a little left out in this thread. Feel free to contribute regardless! So, I come from what can be regarded as a non-conventional sibling setup, if you will. I'm 20 years old and have 3 older siblings. My brother is gay and has never been in a relationship before. My sister is a lesbian and has had a fair amount of girlfriends. Then, my eldest sister, has never had a relationship nor suggested interest in anyone. As for me? I'm most definitely straight but hopeless with relationships. I too have never had a girlfriend, but I've had my chances. My question is, does the fact that my siblings have had very little, if any, relationship experience affect me? I feel at times that I'm missing the older brother figure since he is nothing like me and far quieter than I am. It's almost as if he looks up to me! Now, say if all my family had brought their respective girlfriends/boyfriends back home and be a little more experienced in this field. Would that have made an impact on me? Thoughts? Your experiences? Am I just being silly? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

---------- Post added 09-12-2011 at 05:13 PM ----------

To give you a good accurate answer. Even if your siblings did have relationship experience they would most likely be little better than novices. Most people rely on luck, and trial and error. If they were smarter they would seek out the experts. Check out David Deangelo on YouTube. He has a ton of material available.
This has done wonders for me.

[mllebrie]

I also learned what not to do, but from my younger sister. I don't even think she had a "type," she just liked any guy who gave her attention. She's married now, and her husband seems nice enough, has a good job, isn't hideous, etc. But he's not what I'd want, and I want to have some more time for myself before I settle down.

[mrhat]

You may be on to something. My brother who is three years older was born with some problems and never had a proper social life let alone a relationship
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. I have only had two girlfriends and neither lasted long. I feel a bit atypical since most guys have had multiple girlfriends and were always going out on dates and such while I never really got into it. My younger sister hasn't had dates let alone any interest in boys that I know of, probably as a result of her brothers.

[katwalker]

I'm not sure what you think you missed out on. First, lots of people in the world are either first-born or only children and, thus, had no older sibling to look up to.

More important in how you deal with relationships is the relationship(s) your parents had (and the relationships of any other significant adults in your life when you were growing up). If they were healthy, you learned healthy relationship patterns. If they were dysfunctional, you learned dysfunctional patterns.

But as for being a teenager/young adult? It's a madhouse - everyone is stumbling around in the dark, trying to figure out who he or she is as a person, what he or she wants out of life, what kind of person he or she might want to date, and how exactly does one get a date and then keep a significant other. I guess it's even harder for us introverts because that means coming out of our shell to interact with people to go on said dates.

But, to answer your question another way:
1) I have one sibling, a brother who's a XNFP (slightly more E than I, I guess) who is 5 years older than I am. He didn't date much in high school, though, because we lived in tiny hick town in the South and none of the girls were his type, just like none of the guys were my type when I was of dating age.
2) It didn't matter to me one bit what his dating life was like because I'm a frickin' INTJ and I was going to do things my way! (cue Frank Sinatra song here)

[Gobbbler]

katwalker makes good points. There are also younger siblings whose older sibling(s) are successful at dating, yet they themselves are not. With regard to those posters so far who seem to say their older siblings lack of dating affects them, I would suggest that it seems more likely that some common factor is responsible - most likely this:

	Originally Posted by katwalker To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	More important in how you deal with relationships is the relationship(s) your parents had (and the relationships of any other significant adults in your life when you were growing up). If they were healthy, you learned healthy relationship patterns. If they were dysfunctional, you learned dysfunctional patterns.

...or being INTJ.

Nonetheless, I do think that younger siblings can learn from watching older siblings interact with dates and boyfriends and girlfriends. They can also get advice from someone with slightly more experience. Most likely they would have gone and dated regardless, but they might have an advantage. I don't think this would have enough of an impact to completely change someone from a lack of a dating life to a successful one.

[Wilderness]

I would have to agree with Kat and say that we learn about relationships from our parents and other close adults in our lives. If your parents had an unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship, you will think that is normal and act accordingly. That said, you can also learn from siblings and friends, especially a lot about what not to do. I've given my sister and friends a master class in that!

[AnaK]

I had two older brothers who didn't date very much at all, but more than I did. My Mother was a widow most of my childhood and didn't date, and there were a lot of widows in our neighborhood/her social group. My best friend was a born again Christian and her parents seemed to have very little emotion for each other at all.

[storm eyes]

I was the youngest, watching my siblings made me chose more carefully, for the most part.

[qstoffe]

I'm male, 30 and have an older brother. I don't know his exact MBTI type but I know he's introverted. To my knowledge he's never dated a woman just like me. He's healthy, exercises regularly and looks average as far as I can tell. I don't think we have had any influence over each others dating life at all.

I'm pretty sure that being introverted + male has had a much bigger impact on our dating life than anything else possibly could have.

[catzmeow]

My fiance is a lot like my brother. Both are introverts, both are thinkers, both have a similar dark sarcastic sense of humor. Both are, coincidentally, former Navy nukes. I guess I could do a lot worse than my bro, apart from the whole incest thing.

[MaxXXVII]

Originally Posted by qstoffe To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I'm male, 30 and have an older brother. I don't know his exact MBTI type but I know he's introverted. To my knowledge he's never dated a woman just like me. He's healthy, exercises regularly and looks average as far as I can tell. I don't think we have had any influence over each others dating life at all. I'm pretty sure that being introverted + male has had a much bigger impact on our dating life than anything else possibly could have.

Extroverts do have more prospects and success. It is a statistical fact. It is a skill like anything else. It can be learned and mastered.

[True Rune]

Seeing the ugly relationships of my siblings could've turned me off completely to the thought of my own. I think I'm entering my "regret" period.

[Modulo3]

Really interesting to hear some views on the matter. Thanks
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[Rift Zone]

I have siblings, but being the oldest, I probably don't have the perspective you're looking for. Still, I would say being INTJ probably has more to do with relationship challenges than life lessons you might have received from your siblings... Still, I think it's a healthy approach to wonder if more information would be the key to another's heart. I suspect it would be, but I would focus more on awareness of your approach to things, awareness of how others operate and how to bridge the gaps between expression and interest.

[SteppingStone]

I'm the eldest of three sons, so I had no older siblings to glean observational data from. We three being boys had a large impact on all of our romantic aspirations.

Growing up relatively isolated and with no peer-aged females about meant that girls became the ultimate "other," in a way they wouldn't have had there been a sister around. As a result we're all passive and shy with women; I'm almost 25 and have never dated, the middle one only dated one girl (and she initiated), and the youngest is (unfortunately!) following in my footsteps. My own non-involvement with the fairer sex probably 'normalized' perpetual singlehood to my brothers.

I don't think that's the sort of influence the OP was referring to, but I do think siblings play a big role in this sort of development.

	Originally Posted by qstoffe To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm pretty sure that being introverted + male has had a much bigger impact on our dating life than anything else possibly could have.

I agree -- especially deep-seated introversion. By "introvert" a lot of people mean "someone who only goes out every other weekend, and has only a few friends." Male introverts of the "never go out ever, with zero friends" variety are effectively crippled re: dating, beyond all repair.