Glad my sad cat could bring a smile to your day

lol

I did not mean to suggest "ugly people have to be conformists" Just that beautiful people more probably have the luxury of absolute choice as opposed to relative choice. I agree re difference and think people are attracted to more than superficial appearance in people, I know I am. Even majority affirmed beautiful people do not appear attractive to all people - some like Robert Redford, some don't, for example. Conforming is a different issue all together; in many ways I would think that beautiful people are more likely to conform with social norms than less beautiful people - because they can't meet the social standard why bother to try and instead enjoy your own unique pathway. Whereas 'beautiful' people are more likely to be slaves to social fashions and rules of social conformity. So what would you define / determine as healthy, from a perfectionist viewpoint? And is it aligned with your own commitments to healthiness? Or different?

True. Even though things have changed in recent decades there still exists the sense that this is a man's reality more than a woman's. The man has more freedom of choice, the woman is the one chosen, or not. I know nowadays this is not so much the case with younger people; however the attitude is still prevalent among men ... we certainly see it here :-) Perhaps an eligible good looking person has all the choices and preferences in the world open to them, and others less so do not, so these others have to be more accepting than rejecting of people they meet, as a consequence?

well done

Oh fuck! That got me.

Sounds like you are a tough screener of potential mates / causal partners. It sounds like it is more about what you are going to get than what you can give?

You were suggesting that at first meet a person may not be able to tell you what they want because they do not know themselves sufficiently to say. You could reject them on this basis, assuming they will therefore be a lousy lover ... or see it as an indicator that here is someone who you could teach how to be more adventurous or explorative in sex and discover more about what they like and don't ... after being with you they then may be more able to answer the question to the next potential lover. That was what I was meaning.

I guess it depends on people's experience ... they can only know from the basis of experience ... perhaps if they can't say, they are letting you know, you could be a teacher to them, to broaden their awareness of what is possible and open their eyes to what they can find out about themselves. Then they will be able to talk about it?

Do you think a long-winded discussion of "something" would resolve the issue during a first date if it were possible?

or the other's technique was better the other day :-)? I agree though it is not black and white and easy to make a generalised statement that fits all situations. Bit of effort on both sides and responsibility on both sides can't go amiss really though can it?

Not sure I 100% agree with you. Think it is 50/50 I think. Tantra works on a different principle. What you suggest sounds like you are saying it is 100% the own person's responsibility and 0% the other person's capacity to change their partner's experience. That is quite obviously not the case or people would not talk about the good sex they have had verses the bad sex - same person, same level of responsibility for their own pleasure, and same desire to experience pleasure, different partners - different experience.

Thanks for the very diplomatic compliment.

Haha, I assume you like natural me better than avatar me in makeup?

Absolutely re not getting lazy however when we focus on trying to make the other happy and experience positive feelings more than ourselves, and both partners do this, that can also create a better outcome than taking responsibility for yourself only and asking the other to do the same?

Alright. Your exceptions clause definitely makes you sound less judgmental.

Does wearing clothes in warm weather reflect some psychological issue with self-esteem and acceptance/appreciation of one's own body? I think self-expression through personal appearance is mostly just self-expression. But mostly, I'm just sad you don't like my hair.

I lol'd

A woman might want to stay with a man who made it his responsibility more than one who did not - he'd at least try to do things to achieve that outcome the first way as opposed to doing nothing the second?