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I no longer know when I write how much is derivative. I can look back at most of what I write and identify things (writing, people, situations, contexts) that have influenced the idea or the voice. Doesn't seem like originality. At best, particularity/uniqueness of position or combination.
Ah, I know. The apology was more of a reflex. I don't like when I lose my temper with people I'm close to. Can usually keep calm in a conflict or rather, get angry but express it calmly. We seem to be getting somewhere though.