Do you rub-off on people or do people rub-off on you?

[AliTree]

i'm just wondering.

a good group of friends of mine that i sit together in a class with was discussing this today. we are starting to rub-off on each other and one of my friends made the comment that i was rubbing-off on him. that he was "starting to be meaner". i always pick on him because he was homecoming king and EVERY girl has a crush on him and he's brilliant and etc. everyone daily puts his self esteem up and it's my job (i have held the job for 6 years now) to always pick on him and humble him. he's not the only guy i do this with, but by far more then most. anyways, he knows i just pick on him out of fun and never really mean it. but i thought it was funny when he said that he's getting meaner and that's because of me. i do agree, though. he has gotten a lot more of a backbone the past two years. haha, good old fun.

so anways, do you rub-off on other or are you more influenced by others, you feel? i think others rub-off on me more often then the other.

[Josephine1012]

I would say other people's mannerisms rub off on me very easily. I tend to subconsciously mirror my friends when i'm around them, I think i do that because it make them more comfortable and as a result it makes me more comfortable (I don't do this on purpose, there is just a point in us hanging out when that thought pops in my mind)

The minute the stimuli is gone, I'm back to my old self. So the effect doesn't stick.

[Saint]

Both. Certainly both. There are people I meet that I consider great teachers and take in their words like eager breaths. And there are people that meander briefly through my life and change me forever. Both of these groups I wish were more common, though.

And, for some reason, I seem to mesmerize my friends and other people that meet me. My now-roommate (formerly lived close to me in a dorm hall) once said, "The effect you have on everyone around you... is very weird. You don't really say or do much, but you get them all to worship you. When I first met you I had a hard time not seeing you as this concept." [his words, I'd definitely not prefer the whole 'worship' talk]





Saint added to this post, 0 minutes and 58 seconds later...

I would say other people's mannerisms rub off on me very easily. I tend to subconsciously mirror my friends when i'm around them, I think i do that because it make them more comfortable and as a result it makes me more comfortable (I don't do this on purpose, there is just a point in us hanging out when that thought pops in my mind)

The minute the stimuli is gone, I'm back to my old self. So the effect doesn't stick.

ahhh, I believe that's a psychological effect called 'pacing' other people. It's very good that you do that (if only to make your company be more comfortable)

[True Rune]

They affect me, but I've affected others too. Mostly younger people would use better grammar and spelling around me.

[AliTree]

I would say other people's mannerisms rub off on me very easily. I tend to subconsciously mirror my friends when i'm around them, I think i do that because it make them more comfortable and as a result it makes me more comfortable (I don't do this on purpose, there is just a point in us hanging out when that thought pops in my mind)

The minute the stimuli is gone, I'm back to my old self. So the effect doesn't stick.

me too. i find that if there is any repeated phrase with my close friends, i quickly pick-up on that phrase and repeat it too i think out of comfort.





AliTree added to this post, 2 minutes and 14 seconds later...

And, for some reason, I seem to mesmerize my friends and other people that meet me. My now-roommate (formerly lived close to me in a dorm hall) once said, "The effect you have on everyone around you... is very weird. You don't really say or do much, but you get them all to worship you. When I first met you I had a hard time not seeing you as this concept." [his words, I'd definitely not prefer the whole 'worship' talk]

but i meant more like people taking on similar characteristics. because i seem to have an affect on many people in that they don't really know why but they are intrigued by me and talk to me, but from a distance because they don't really know me or what to expect. but i don't consider this "rubbing-off".

[Saint]

Ooops, my line of thought was this:

The people that mesmerized/stunned/whatever me are the ones that rubbed off on me (their habits, etc), and so the people I mesmerize I assume in turn pick up the characteristics in me that they see as desirable. But perhaps I shouldn't assume that, come to think of it. In fact it may very well hold little water at all. I can't think of many major habits the people I've lived with have taken from me.

[redbaren]

I think I made my friend more passive aggressive, for example some one called my friend retarded one day, and he got upset but I said why the hell do care what that person says? It will not change your life, But now I see that he is starting to shrug of what people do, and call him so i guess i rubbed off on him.

[Vagrant]

Both ways.

I know I imitate habits of people close to me, or I find myself attracted to.

But I also know my close friends tend to become slightly more rational in thought the longer they know me.

[Aderyn]

I tend to rub off on others. I'll notice people saying the things that I say or behaving the same way I do all of the time. I've been told that my personality is catching (probably like a disease, lol). ;) Others don't rub off on me very often, but it does happen on occasion.

[Henry]

i'm just wondering.

a good group of friends of mine that i sit together in a class with was discussing this today. we are starting to rub-off on each other and one of my friends made the comment that i was rubbing-off on him. that he was "starting to be meaner". i always pick on him because he was homecoming king and EVERY girl has a crush on him and he's brilliant and etc. everyone daily puts his self esteem up and it's my job (i have held the job for 6 years now) to always pick on him and humble him. he's not the only guy i do this with, but by far more then most. anyways, he knows i just pick on him out of fun and never really mean it. but i thought it was funny when he said that he's getting meaner and that's because of me. i do agree, though. he has gotten a lot more of a backbone the past two years. haha, good old fun.

so anways, do you rub-off on other or are you more influenced by others, you feel? i think others rub-off on me more often then the other.

Can't comment on this thread cause I can't say I've ever rubbed off on another man. ;)

[punkyplatypus]

I think there's a little bit of both, but I think more people rub-off on me. I tend to modify myself to better suit relationships and these occasional habits become more permanent over time. This might be part of the reason why I'm so careful with who I'm friends with; I don't want to risk certain modifications I dislike or foresee as problematic. It takes a while for me to rub off on people, but rather than acting more like me they tend to guess my actions/thoughts/comments. Some have gotten real good at predicting when I'm going to say something sarcastic. I had a girlfriend who would tell me, "Don't even think about it" as I was opening my mouth. I think the only trait of mine that others pick up is my paranoia.

[Deliberator]

I have no freakin' clue. From my perspective I'm always the impressionable one but who knows.

[WyohKnott]

It goes both ways, definitely.

I often notice that I pick up certain traits from people I spend a lot of time around - sense of humor, and types of phrases/words that are used frequently are the two that seems to "rub off" most.

On the other hand, I'm often told by friends and family that they can tell when someone has been around me a lot, because of how that person acts. I've never really been able to see that, myself, but according to other people, I have the effect of making other people more studious, more likely to see the funny side of weird situations... and more likely to correct other people's grammar and spelling.

It's an interesting question. It might be easier to see the "rubbing off" objectively if you consider someone other than yourself - for example, if you can tell whether two friends have been spending a lot of time together, by how each of them acts (if that makes sense) - since most of us probably don't see ourselves all that clearly.

[AliTree]

Can't comment on this thread cause I can't say I've ever rubbed off on another man. ;)

wait, what? haha

[Frag]

...this thread so isn't about what I thought it was.

[mayumi]

They affect me, but I've affected others too. Mostly younger people would use better grammar and spelling around me.

lol



And, for some reason, I seem to mesmerize my friends and other people that meet me. My now-roommate (formerly lived close to me in a dorm hall) once said, "The effect you have on everyone around you... is very weird. You don't really say or do much, but you get them all to worship you. When I first met you I had a hard time not seeing you as this concept." [his words, I'd definitely not prefer the whole 'worship' talk]



I relate to this..and would like to understand it more. I don't talk to anybody except my roommate. So I was very surprised to learn 2 semesters after that there are stories circulating about me from residents of my dorm (mostly made up or partially based on actual events) I don't even know these people.

The same thing happened with former classmates in elementary and highschool. Every time I open my mouth with my soft voice, I have full attention of the crowd.

Aside from being naturally reserved, I try very hard to be invisible.

[Solaris]

I would say other people's mannerisms rub off on me very easily. I tend to subconsciously mirror my friends when i'm around them, I think i do that because it make them more comfortable and as a result it makes me more comfortable (I don't do this on purpose, there is just a point in us hanging out when that thought pops in my mind)

The minute the stimuli is gone, I'm back to my old self. So the effect doesn't stick.

I very much do this, and it's quite natural to me. For me, it's always been this way. It doesn't seem to be a one-way interaction though, as I notice that my friends will often pick up on sayings and mannerisms that I know I originated within "the group."

So minor things like this go both ways, but major personality changes do not seem to come from without, only within, for me. I don't know how much I have affected the personalities of those around me.

Some things will never be exchanged between myself and others. For instance, I am never going to adore cleaning in the way my ISFJ friend does -- even though I like things to be clean and can take solace in the *doing* of an activity. Also, she is never going to analyze things in the way I do, she just feels her way through things. I will never be as impulsive as my ESFP friend, and he will never be as decisive as me.

I think that, in our young adult years, we are more susceptible to changing our personalities to be similar to those we admire or see as successful. I don't think this is the case all of the time, but that it happens. (ever have that creepy friend who kept copying you in childhood? yeah, that one)

[Nikita]

I tend to absorb other people to an extent. Even after watching movies I'll subconsciously adopt mannerisms of whichever character I identified with. It's bizarre. My ideas rub off on others, but their mannerisms rub off on me. I'm always resistant to their ideas, though.

[Pandemonium]

I tend to notice people copying my mannerisms and behavioral traits, some even to the extent of trying to mimic my complete personality. This has caused a great amount of problems for me. They lack a firm self-identity, they notice the confidence in myself and believe if they act like me they will be "happy". Eventually these people snap and an emotional mess falls on my lap or on top of me after beating my head into concrete. The disturbingly interesting thing was that he also had an erection.

[ame]

Everyone is impressionable. If we waren't we wouldn't have learned all we did as infants ie language, social rules, most of which we need in our daily lives we're not formally taught.
If you learn a language or new word you'd keep saying it over and over again to leave an impression on your mind-ready for future use in interaction.
It is also our instinctual tool by which we adapt to our surroundings. We need to do that all our lives so the necessity is always there.
It also aids social cohesion-like mirroring body language to help put another person at ease.
All natural stuff.

[JTG]

I mirror people quickly, and the way i act is influenced largely by who i'm around at the time. I'm still me, and i still hold the same views/habits/personality/etc, but the way it's expressed comes out differently.

Most people don't see who i really am unless they come to me individually looking for some kind of analytical advice. Somebody who saw that side of me once asked if i was a mentat haha... pardon my nerdy reference

[enWTFp]

This sounds very ENTJ. They love to do that with everyone. Of course, it is with the good intention of "improving" people. But who are they to decide what is to be "improved"? Every such "optimization" comes to the cost of something else that is overlooked by the judger.

I'm not comfortable with this type of relationships. Not even to be around other people doing it, to me it is not really helping them. I prefer to not have that unnatural backbone, I prefer my mind sluggish and flexible, as it is, as long as possible. Or else it will become blinded for a lot of subtle details and creative thinking that it is completely capable of. If I go through this, it would be as if I grow a brick in my head, instead. Then what's left to do with this brick, really? Well, just the same, go hammer other people's heads, until their minds also become bricks. No, thanks. It is very profitable and glorifying in the short terms of your life time, but counter-productive for humanity in long terms. We need our fresh vulnerable minds, who actually see clearly, free from all these armors of 'common sense'.

About following/copying, I notice people mirroring me more often than I feel comfortable with, that's why I sometimes completely avoid them. I also nearly always follow some thing or the other, but I change these models very quickly and keep the process to my own.