Where are the other iNTJ's?(in real life)

[travler2001]

Most of my life I've simply wanted to interact with some one who is on the same wavelength as me. Why can't I find any INTJ's in real life (sorry, internet doesn't seem to cut it). Where the heck are we hiding? I myself practicly live at school and the local library. Still haven't sensed any major intelligence nearby in either of those locations. God, I should move.

[Solaris]

I must be the only person I've run across who seems to be like some weird magnet for INTJs. I've known a ton of them. Some of the best friends I've ever had.

[INTJgal]

Places I've found INTJs:

biochemistry dept at school
an amazing piano player who studied music professionally
one (girl) friend who i randomly met and clicked with

[cielo market]

Try the non-flamboyant people in the art department.

[Tarrick]

I found most of mine randomly and also on the media team at church.

[Sevs]

Computer science department at university.

[Paul V]

Try the non-flamboyant people in the art department.

You mean, the INFJs and INFPs?

(just kidding :P)

Try the local gaming store.

[lebowski]

I feel your pain. Unfortunately, we make up what, 1% of the population? However, I guess we wouldn't be relatively as great if there were more of us around.




Most of my life I've simply wanted to interact with some one who is on the same wavelength as me. Why can't I find any INTJ's in real life (sorry, internet doesn't seem to cut it). Where the heck are we hiding? I myself practicly live at school and the local library. Still haven't sensed any major intelligence nearby in either of those locations. God, I should move.:thinking:

[Muzza]

First post - good to be here.

I haven't met many. The biggest concentration - and here I found a surprisingly large number - is at my Law School.

[Gabrielle]

I found a handful at medical school. We became fast friends :-)

I also found a few in the Physics department.

[BlackHawk]

Elsewhere!
I can't find any!

[Headstrong]

I found one in kindergarden and were best friends up until high school. I have yet to meet another INTJ.

[terencec]

Most of my life I've simply wanted to interact with some one who is on the same wavelength as me. Why can't I find any INTJ's in real life (sorry, internet doesn't seem to cut it). Where the heck are we hiding? I myself practicly live at school and the local library. Still haven't sensed any major intelligence nearby in either of those locations. God, I should move.:thinking:

I bet if you go to engineer schools like Stanford/MIT, there are quite a few of them. They may not talk to you since they are just study/exam machines!

[The Many]

I must be the only person I've run across who seems to be like some weird magnet for INTJs. I've known a ton of them. Some of the best friends I've ever had.

I have met a few as well, we get along quite well quite easily. I have met (and typed - there may of course have been more out there) three INTJ women, one of which was my first girlfriend, and another which I am currently starting to become quite interested in. I have also met (and know) two INTJ males, and quite a few others which may or may not be INTJs - at least some of them are bound to be, though.

Oh, and at least female INTJs seem to be very, very involved in most forms of art (without being particularly flamboyant, as someone mentioned). I am quite into art too, so that may be one of the reasons I have met so many female INTJs.

[mind_wander]

only one female INTJ, but INTJ's are very few, I'm not saying they are not around on the street. Sometimes, your naked eye can't really find them; that's why you used your initution to do the trick. Most of the times, I used that, if my naked eye is not working; lol, luckily for initution sensors. It helps you detect people's aura, spiritual energy[people gives off], positive vibes, and frauds. They to used this at your advantage, it takes a very long time to know how to ulitized it; sometimes its natural, other times you kinda have to wing it.

But, INTJ's in real life, is very surreal; not afraid to accept your point of view and don't really put your down or throw you on the ignore list.

[travler2001]

Most of the times, I used that, if my naked eye is not working; lol, luckily for initution sensors. It helps you detect people's aura, spiritual energy[people gives off], positive vibes, and frauds. They to used this at your advantage, it takes a very long time to know how to ulitized it; sometimes its natural, other times you kinda have to wing it.

Hey, you have that too? :stunned:And here I thought that other INTJ's would consider themselves to be too "logical" for something like that. When I use those particular sneses of mine, I end up running into yet MORE NF's, particularly INFP's and ENFP's. :undecided:Very puzzling really, but maybe I should give it more time because looking for INTJ's is something I've only just recently started to do. Giving logical advice to these NF's gets old after awhile, ya know? Maybe I keep running into them because I like them...they give me this funny feeling like having a bunch of puppies jumping on you..all warm and cuddly and fuzzy..that sort of thing. Makes me disoriented and a bit overwhelmed at first, but I must admit it feels good. I hope that doesn't seem condescending to any of the NF's because I don't mean it in a condescending way at all. Despite that, I get misunderstood way too often.

But, INTJ's in real life, is very surreal; not afraid to accept your point of view and don't really put your down or throw you on the ignore list.

It REALLY bugs me that most people seem to want to have a to-the-death battle if you point out that your beliefs happen to be different from theirs, even when you're really just being curious and open-minded. It just seems like their beliefs are more knowledge for me to collect and then they get all defensive. That gets on my nerves. I'm tired of being misunderstood and then having some basketcase trying to fight with me over...absolutely nothing important.:(
So the way you describe INTJ's sounds very open-minded. I would LOVE to talk to people like that because that's the way I am.
Not throwing you on the ignore list...ditto to that.

[travler2001]

Oh yes, thank you all for the advice on where the INTJ's might be lurking! Sounds just like many of the places at school that I would LIKE to be lurking, come to think of it. I wonder if there's an INTJ or two right under my nose whenever I open the computer lab at school every Saturday.
Hey, I've never been on a forum where everyone seems so accepting, upbeat, and clever fom the very start. I'm glad to be here!

[mind_wander]

Thanx, for putting my quotes on the spot. Yes, I have meet alot of "F's" in my life, not sure if they are NF's or SF's, but whats the difference, it has an F in it right? They seem to come towards my direction. Yes, by using your inituitive senses is probably your best bet, since your eyes can't see through INTJ's, it just bounced right back at you. Not everyone can do this, I think I've done this like the 3rd year in college, meeting up with my old ENTJ buddy. There was this weird aura, feeling, all the senses coming out pointing, "Dude, this ENTJ is very close to your personality type, please give it a try or your going to miss out on something."

How this happened? this was my process, using my inituitive side. I was waiting at the bus stop one day, he [ENTJ] was standing close by me. The strange thing, there was this weird vibe that most people does not give off. But, someone how I managed to sense it out. Now, we must bumped into each other 3x times, last time I checked. Ok, let me give a try to talk to him[ENTJ], what is this weird aura? After we had a quick discussion, darn wow, he is kinda like me; only difference, he is extroverted and I am introverted. He didn't mind that I am too introverted, we are close to the same and very opened about anything. Luckily, I get the chance to chat, after a few months, he moved away. But, I still keep in touch online; we still chat at different times, but its when I needed most.

[travler2001]

Hey, that reminds me..I met an ENTJ before when I was a teenager...they're SO OUT THERE with themselves, to me they're easy to recognize. I had a huge crush on him and he was SO MUCH FUN and loved to debate stuff with me(in an enjoyable way). It was like we were exploring stuff together and competing with eachother for the short duration of time that I was near him. And I used to have lots of dreams that I was spending time with him just talking...then he died. I hope I get to meet another like him sometime..he was a very special person.
INTJ's have been a lot harder to find..probably because we're a lot quieter and keep more to ourselves, so it's easy for us to be overlooked.
Lots of people think I'm so unemotional...not really. I get excited and very happy whenever I learn new and fascinating things..or create new web-pages..stuff like that. I guess I just don't get emotional over stuff that I don't think is important. And I don't like losing emotional control because that just seems...like incompetence.
Getting angry or crying is just about the scariest stuff I've ever expereinced. I have to keep telling myself in situations like that: "They're just emotions...they'll go away...then you'll be okay again...then you can get your mind back again."

[mind_wander]

Hey, that reminds me..I met an ENTJ before when I was a teenager...they're SO OUT THERE with themselves, to me they're easy to recognize. I had a huge crush on him and he was SO MUCH FUN and loved to debate stuff with me(in an enjoyable way). It was like we were exploring stuff together and competing with eachother for the short duration of time that I was near him. And I used to have lots of dreams that I was spending time with him just talking...then he died. I hope I get to meet another like him sometime..he was a very special person.
INTJ's have been a lot harder to find..probably because we're a lot quieter and keep more to ourselves, so it's easy for us to be overlooked.
Lots of people think I'm so unemotional...not really. I get excited and very happy whenever I learn new and fascinating things..or create new web-pages..stuff like that. I guess I just don't get emotional over stuff that I don't think is important. And I don't like losing emotional control because that just seems...like incompetence.
Getting angry or crying is just about the scariest stuff I've ever expereinced. I have to keep telling myself in situations like that: "They're just emotions...they'll go away...then you'll be okay again...then you can get your mind back again."

Actually, ENTJ's are slightly rare, but not exactly; you definitely will meet another one again. Most of the times, ENTJ's are in leader role positions, so if they are your boss. I guess, there will be alot of things to talk about. As for the INTJ's, they are mostly under the radar, even the radar detectors, says, "Nope, this person is invisible." WTF, I swear this person is not invisible, my eye says, "The person is alive and kicking." If the radar scanner, says its not true INTJ, it does not really mean, INTJ are not there. Most of the time, its a hit and miss thing. If you are lucky, then great, if not, trust me its not a total lost. Just have a list of discussion questions, for the future INTJ to meet in real life. They don't mind, at all; its very easily run out of discussion questions, so keep that in mind.

[travler2001]

Mind-wander, what are decision questions?

[mind_wander]

Mind-wander, what are decision questions?

Sorry, for the confusion, its supposed to be general discussion questions. Thanx, for the recap.

[Gaius Baltar]

I've seen a common theme on this board. It appears that INTJs can't find other INTJs. I've been guilty of thinking this myself.

A few months ago, I had a revelation that I had run into more INTJs in my past than I realized. It is still true that we're a rare type, but we're not impossible to find.

Upon further analysis, our problem is primarily two-fold:

A. We do not pay enough attention to people. That's not to say that we're walking around completely unaware of our environment. It's just that we're typically not all that interested in most people.

B. We write people off too quickly. It's easy to figure that most of the people we run into are quite an uninteresting lot for various reasons. It's easier to just drop someone into a certain category and be done with it. It takes less time and energy, but it really is a certain type of laziness if you think about it.

There are some people that I have run into in the past that I believe are INTJ on hindsight. The first is a manager of a different department at a previous job of mine. I was there for almost two years and didn't figure it out. Another is someone that I had no real professional contact with, but she had her desk in my general area. So I'd see her everyday, but not put the pieces together, or even really talk to her. This went on for almost 18 months, too.

The most famous example is from a class I took a few years back. There was this girl that was constantly eyeing me. It was pretty obvious too, because this was back before I had taken it upon myself to understand the dating game and all the signals that women displayed. I was pretty oblivious at that stage.

She was the type that would come in, sit in class and never say a thing, and yet do really well. She always had this cranky sort of attitude about her, like she was being tortured just being there. I always got this feeling that she was massively unhappy with life in general.

We had this one requirement later on in the class to come and make an appointment to see the professor outside of class. The idea was to talk about the term paper and make sure we were on the right track.

Well, it turns out that while I was waiting outside the office for my turn, she shows up to wait along with me. I didn't realize it at the time, but we had initially passed out the appointment signup sheet during class. She had waited for me to mark down my day and time, and then discreetly signed up for the session right after mine. Sneaky!

Well, I had already been talking to someone else that was there waiting for his turn as well. An unusual occurance for me, but I did remember liking the person to begin with. So she shows up with her usual quiet and pissed off demeanor and just sorta stands in the background.

I knew that she was interested in me, so I decided to try to talk to her. I tried some basic smalltalk, because I assumed she was more like everyone else. Besides, I didn't really know that much about her.

Well, the responses were quite interesting. I got a pretty bad reaction to the attempts at smalltalk. I got a lot of short and agitated responses. It was pretty obvious that she didn't want to talk, so I stopped.

I didn't pursue any of it, because I was engaged in a long term relationship at the time. But through this entire escapade, I had no idea she was an INTJ. I just assumed that she was simply a fellow introvert that didn't want to be there any more than I did. I also took the snippiness as an indication that she didn't want to talk. She did want to talk, just not smalltalk!

The point I'm trying to make is that we run into other INTJs more often than we think. We just don't gather enough information about them to make this determination.

My advice for finding them is not to look in any specific location. While none of the suggestions in this thread are necessarily bad ones, per se, they're not exactly reliable.

Go about your travels as per normal, but keep your eyes peeled! And I mean that! If that means getting out of your head for a little while, then do so.

You know that guy that shows up in class and doesn't say anything yet generally does well? That might be him. Or the guy hanging around by himself in the background, not really engaging anyone at an art exhibit, yet intently studying everything. Or how about the guy that was dragged to some social event and looks like he's off in outer space somewhere?

Believe it or not, not even the library is a consistent place. As for myself, I do a lot of reading, but not necessarily at a library or a bookstore. Why bother going out and dealing with people at all when you have the power of the internet in your home? Sure, I'll head to these places when I need to find something. But I'm usually in to get my stuff and out as soon as possible. Unless of course there's some sort of research resource I need to get at that I can't take home with me.

I admit it's very hard finding me. I don't meet a lot of new people outside of work, and I'm very strict about keeping my personal and professional lives seperate due to some bad past experiences. Other than work, you'd have to catch me doing errands and other stuff I absolutely have to. Like hitting the grocery store. I'm rarely at social functions these days unless I have a very compelling reason to do so.

Anyways, this turned out to be way longer than I thought. I hope it helps.

[Headstrong]

Gaius Baltar- Wow...your post was very enlightening. Thanks. :) Now I actually want to seek out possible INTJs and maybe even talk *gasp!* to them.

[Solaris]

Well, I have met my bunch of INTJs in random places: one in high school, another in college, two in martial arts, I think some family members are, I think I met one selling cars, and the others I currently forget. I did count once and over half of the 10 non-family members who've known me best were INTJs that I confirmed. We just seem to gravitate towards each other. I've noticed that if somebody is labeled as "the crank" or "hard to get to know" then it's usually an NT, and even more often an INTx...and I've always gotten along well with these people. At some point in my life, I think I saw it as a challenge, except it was never challenging, we just got along. Now, I just see them as the people I probably do want to know most, and not the person who slapped that label on them.

[Rohsiph]

You know that guy that shows up in class and doesn't say anything yet generally does well? That might be him. Or the guy hanging around by himself in the background, not really engaging anyone at an art exhibit, yet intently studying everything. Or how about the guy that was dragged to some social event and looks like he's off in outer space somewhere?

Quote for emphasis--I want to add these from self-observation:

the guy who stands right at the front of the stage while a band is setting up & all the way through their set, and then promptly disappears the second the act is over

and the guy who watches the play/symphony intently, often observing the characters/instruments that aren't being focused on, who promptly disappears the second the final curtain drops.

When I go out, it's never to meet people . . . it's to experience something that I can't experience by staying at home. I always try to keep myself open to the possibility of meeting people, and will often "scan" any audience for persons that might interest me, but it is rare for me to ever introduce myself. I've been making some (very, very slow) progress on this :)

[Rei]

I feel your pain. Unfortunately, we make up what, 1% of the population? However, I guess we wouldn't be relatively as great if there were more of us around.

More like 2.2% I think... according to Wikipedia.

Most of my life I've simply wanted to interact with some one who is on the same wavelength as me. Why can't I find any INTJ's in real life (sorry, internet doesn't seem to cut it). Where the heck are we hiding? I myself practicly live at school and the local library. Still haven't sensed any major intelligence nearby in either of those locations. God, I should move.

I've met one randomly in school...
She was going through some frustrating F-problems and her T was exhausted in attempt to make the F-problem a T-problem. So I lent her my T. We rarely really talk unless we have problems though. Usually we go to each other when we want to hear someone confirm our decisions as the right one :)

Another I met randomly online. He tested INTJ (I asked him to do it because I thought he sounded INTJ-ish) but he's probably borderline several things...

Haven't met anyone else outside of this forum... yet...

[blueeyedsusan]

How to meet an INTJ? INTJ's dominate the net. I am not sure about real life. I have never met another in real life. I'm the only one I know.

[Samantha]

The two INTJs I know, I met at work, which was at a university - this might be a good place to look, especially the science and math department.

[PRBori]

Talking on a personal level, you will find me in Conferences related to my field. I think most of us tend to be either in the Scientific Field or IT field. At work, you will not find me at the cafeteria unless there are people I work with directly and it's very hard for me to associate with others.

I'm sure that were I work there are plenty of INTJs since it's a Scientific Research Institution. But again it's kind of normal for us to never talk to someone we don't know, so that I believe makes it harder to find each others. We are very low key and if you see us around people we deal with in a daily basis it will be hard to know that we are I's since we act more like E's.

[Uytuun]

Don't just look at the science department. :p

My dad is one, so that was easy. Then there's this guy I know from English lit that went from INFP ro INTJ, he's less intensely INTJ than I am, though. Well, you can meet tons over the internet obviously...or go stalk the doctoral students and professors at your local uni...proportionally large odds without a doubt.

[integratedvelocity]

I've gotten the feeling that INTJs are fairly common in my location. Put together a ton of over-achieving perfectionists (that's a good thing), and odds are you have a statistical anomaly of over 2% INTJs!!! There are so many people like me that it is scary! Though there are still the noisy people who sing songs in the courtyard at three in the morning...

Quick question, one of my roommates says that she in an INTJ, however, I have doubts. She is not ambitious, interested in learning new things, or decisive whatsoever. Anything outside of her particular areas of expertise are not worthwhile (i.e., anything other than literature). In addition, she is extremely easy to offend prone to Fundamental Attribution Error. Of course, much of this could just be cause by her upbringing, which I don't know much about.

[Haphazard]

INTJs don't exist in real life, only on the web.

[PRBori]

Quick question, one of my roommates says that she in an INTJ, however, I have doubts. She is not ambitious, interested in learning new things, or decisive whatsoever. Anything outside of her particular areas of expertise are not worthwhile (i.e., anything other than literature). In addition, she is extremely easy to offend prone to Fundamental Attribution Error. Of course, much of this could just be cause by her upbringing, which I don't know much about.

There is no way that she can be an INTJ if she's not ambitious or interested in learning new things. We love to learn new things, we love challenges, and most important we are extremely ambitious for it is part of being independent.

Although, I agree that sometimes we can focus on a particular subject and pretty much shut-down everything else, we still love to widen our knowledge of how things work. In addition, we are not easily offend it for Fundamental Errors, only for Logical Errors, and that could even take time.

[Antares]

We're in hiding :) But seriously though, people don't recognize me as INTJ. To boys and girls alike, I might give off the image of a bitterly sarcastic INTP.

[Parallel]

God, that's the question I've been asking myself most of my life. Most of my best friends are ENTJ/ENTP/ESFJ types. I don't know why I keep attracting the E's. Although I love them cause they're so fun and awesome, sometimes I just get tired when they're still up to socialize to no end.

[AirmanINTJ]

Being in the military, I have met many people, yet I have met only 2 INJTs.

[Lei Yang]

Try looking right under your nose. There was this girl in my class, intj, actually met and talked to her on the first day of school, but she just seemed so dull that I never talked to her again. Well, one day some months ago (final year of high school) she borrowed Atlas Shrugged from me, and I found out that we were somewhat alike. The only intj I have actually met in real life.

[Homini Lupus]

I wold try with competent people of any field you're interested in. Even if you discover thet're not INTJs, at least you could get decent discussion. After all we may and up in any field, it just depends what we are interested in. I would try with those with a book in hand and intense stare.

The problem is that, looking for people with our faults, we could get victim of them. An eye for an eye. We're not easy people after all and we often judge too quickly.

[PRBori]

Although we are about 1% of the population, the fact that we can mingle in certain situations and keep to ourselves other times makes it hard to recongnize us.

So answering the question in a different manner, I think that for me as an INTJ, I'm hard to find for a few reasons:

- First of all I'm low key, I normally go from work to home. Activities are rare and limited to mainly work related events.

- Secondly, if I'm with a friend or a group of colleagues from work I don't look like an INTJ, since I already now the people I'm rather open, and friendly. So I can be easily disguised as an "E" of some sort rather than an "I"

- Third, but not last I'm very picky as to who I allow into my personal life.

So that being said, keeping all those factors in mind, we are harder to identify among a group of people.

[INTJayW]

Hey, you have that too? :stunned:And here I thought that other INTJ's would consider themselves to be too "logical" for something like that. When I use those particular sneses of mine, I end up running into yet MORE NF's, particularly INFP's and ENFP's. :undecided:Very puzzling really, but maybe I should give it more time because looking for INTJ's is something I've only just recently started to do. Giving logical advice to these NF's gets old after awhile, ya know? Maybe I keep running into them because I like them...they give me this funny feeling like having a bunch of puppies jumping on you..all warm and cuddly and fuzzy..that sort of thing. Makes me disoriented and a bit overwhelmed at first, but I must admit it feels good. I hope that doesn't seem condescending to any of the NF's because I don't mean it in a condescending way at all. Despite that, I get misunderstood way too often.

I have the same issue with my NF friends, and it frustrates me to no end when I listen to thier problems and tell them exactly how to fix it and then watch them ignore my advice and continue to screw up and be un-happy.

The fact of the matter is, and at the risk of sounding like a jerk.

The only peer of and INTJ is another INTJ. All those INTJ's out their who have NF friends/spouses are just taking the easy road or have given up trying to find a true peer.

My Grandmother always used to say.
If it's easy, its probably not the best way.