How to attract and win the heart of an ENFP/INFP?

[demaugustus]

How do you attract and win the heart of our theoretical companion the ENFP/INFP? I know Dr. East wrote a very well put post about "attracting and winning the heart of an INTJ", but how about an ENFP/INFP?

[universalis]

I would love to know. I struggle with INFP's. I mean I cant help finding their worldview's silly and simplistic (deep down - although I don't tell them this), by they are dreamy and naive, makes me want to give them a big hug.

Ok so actually I don't have a problem attracting them. (use things that appeal to the Fi), helping other people, acts of kindness, flirting with imagery laden language (fantasy).

It's just trying to make a relationship work. I don't think INFP/INTJ is good for each other.

[demaugustus]

Interesting because my mom (INFP) and dad (INTJ) got along great for 25 years; minus one year of divorce around year 19, but they got back together.

I attract ENFP's, but don't usually have the foggiest idea why. If we know how we attract them, then we could be more than just good - we could be awesome!

[JoeyDude]

Just do a search in this forum for ENFP quite a few threads have already been discussed on how/why ENFPs are attracted to INTJs.

[Monte314]

I'm an INTJ and my wife is an INFP.

She isn't silly or shallow. We've been married for 32 years.

[enfpchick]

You can attract an enfp just by being yourself. I know it sounds corney but its true.

[Josephine1012]

haha, I'm going to open with fitting the above discussed stereotype.... Where exactly to do I find this thread: attracting and winning the heart of an INTJ"?

I think the reason ENFPs are attracted to INTJs is because they appear to be such a challenge. A lot of times when you are challenged you end up sorely disappointed after all the work you've put in. I haven't been disappointed in INTJ, everything is as it appears. So the dark mystery doesn't turn out to be a fluke.

[Indubitably]

I don't know about INTJs but my problem is usually making sure that all the apparently interested ENFPs coming of the woodwork are actually interested in me as a person rather than some idealized image of me they have become infatuated with.

You really don't need to do anything to attract them, if they like you they will find you, then they will proceed to tell you that you have a beautiful soul, or that you appear to be emitting some sort of magical radiance (which is apparently how they found you in the first place). Thats not to say that they are all hippies (although, that would not be an entirely inaccurate description for many of them), just that they embrace their ideals to the point that they sometimes get swept away by them.

[LionsPride]

It's not a matter of attracting them, they find people like us fascinating, the trick is how to keep them. With the ENFP that I know, they easily become infatuated with a new person, showers them with compliments and probes the new person's inner being until all is revealed. Once they've had their fill, they move on to the next person. They enjoy learning people like I enjoy reading books. So, the question is, how do you become one of those favourite books that ENFP's like to read over and over again?

As to INFP's, you've got me there, I have no idea how people can attract introverts successfully. I mean, one time is luck. Being able to do it over and over when you are also an introvert is a challenge.

[demaugustus]

Just do a search in this forum for ENFP quite a few threads have already been discussed on how/why ENFPs are attracted to INTJs.

I've already done a search to find that most of what is said has nothing to do with "attracting and winning the heart of an ENFP/INFP". I mean the subject has been proposed before, but never really addressed. We already naturally attract ENFP/INFP's; but, what I'm saying here, is that we can go from good to great if we have a better idea of the game being played.

Here is an example of what I'm looking for, but for an INTJ:
(This was written by Dr.East in another thread for INTJ's, but I can't find it right now on the forum; I saved it on my computer some time ago)

INTJ LOVE
By: Dr. East

INTJs aren't really at home with lust either. N! Not S! We live in our heads, thankyouverymuch. Note that when I refer to INTJ from here on out, I'm really just trying to give people a guide to dating ME, and it may not be universally applicable. I've never not been me.

1. Male

2. 25

3. As an INTJ, I generally approach love in much the same way an INFJ would, but with less invested in it overall. This isn't to say that the idea of love isn't important to me... it very much is... but I am willing to go without it rather than try and approximate it with consistent lust. This is the initial hurdle that prospective suitors must overcome.

This lack of investment can come across as a lack of interest. Be assured that this is not the case! However, INTJs must judge someone as acceptable before committing to a long-term relationship. And there's really no such thing as an acceptable short-term relationship.

So, here's a quick-and-easy guide to INTJ courtship:

Step 1: Realize that you have fallen in love with a nerd, despite the commonly held American middle-to-high-school idea that this is impossible. You do, however, have my condolences.

Step 2: Study your nerd carefully. Your nerd will have several interests. Pick several and learn about them, enough that you can converse about them casually. True expertise is not required (your INTJ will enjoy elucidating you and you can capitalize on that to make them enjoy your company), but a basic vocabulary is recommended. Don't worry, your nerd is safe from competing courtiers who have not taken the time to invest in overcoming that first hurdle.

Step 3: Your nerd may hold a set of social mores and values. Make sure you learn about these early as well, and at least pretend to hold similar social mores. You may be amazed otherwise when attempts to seduce drive away rather than attract your nerd, especially if you are an S-type personality. With time you may well be able to argue your INTJ out of the ones you disagree with.

Step 3.5: Speaking of arguing, take some time to learn the most common flaws in logic and how to spot them. Nothing impresses and attracts an INTJ like being able to correctly identify flaws in logic. More interestingly, INTJs often take shortcuts in logic themselves when attempting to sway an audience, being poor communicators of internal logic and more interested in the result than the process of debate per se. Making your INTJ expand his arguments can make him into a better person and earn you some respect.

Step 4: You have now rendered yourself acceptable, being able to fit into your INTJ's long-term plans about how the world should work. Now you must insinuate yourself into the INTJ's world! With a little effort, you can make it so that to him or her, long term planning must accommodate you to be acceptable. At this point the INTJ will be in love with you, but it may take some time for them to realize this.

Step 5: Flirting. INTJ's can not easily identify flirting directed at them. They are not P's, however, so this is easy to overcome. Simply tell them, as clinically and casually as possible, that you find yourself attracted to them and would like to try dating. If the INTJ is unattached, they should respond well to this. Attempting to turn flirting into a subtle dance of hidden meaning will leave you intensely frustrated.

Step 6: Communication. The INTJ's basic form of communication is the logical argument. Engage them in it, expounding on the argument yourself if you agree or attempting counter-argumentation if you disagree.

Step 7: Physicality. INTJs are not physical people, but must be acclimated to touching. Start small, with hello or goodbye hugs, and expand from there. To an INTJ, staring into your eyes is the equivalent of making out, without so much mess and bother. An INTJ will but rarely initiate physical contact. If you are a physical person, it may be some time before you can get your INTJ to act accordingly.

4. N's generally, but everyone has something to offer."

Dr. East kept this in the theoretical, but it provides a general concept to better understand the bigger picture. Now how about for an ENFP/INFP?

[ElstonGunn]

How do you attract and win the heart of our theoretical companion the ENFP/INFP?

Get them to think that you're lovably quirky in your own kind of silly, but quite honest, way.

[Josephine1012]

I've already done a search to find that most of what is said has nothing to do with "attracting and winning the heart of an ENFP/INFP". I mean the subject has been proposed before, but never really addressed. We already naturally attract ENFP/INFP's; but, what I'm saying here, is that we can go from good to great if we have a better idea of the game being played.

Here is an example of what I'm looking for, but for an INTJ:
(This was written by Dr.East in another thread for INTJ's, but I can't find it right now on the forum; I saved it on my computer some time ago)



Dr. East kept this in the theoretical, but it provides a general concept to better understand the bigger picture. Now how about for an ENFP/INFP?

I'm totally writing one up for ENFP when I return from my ENFP-type friday night activities

(seriously)

cheers

[Ezion]

Get them to think that you're lovably quirky in your own kind of silly, but quite honest, way.

I would second this. If you're targetting a specific person and they aren't attracted to your usual self, then realize the relationship may be very hard to work and re-evaluate whether you truly want a long-term relationship with said person.

If you're in it for the short term fling for some odd reason, then you're just going to have to learn general knowledge pertaining to seduction and apply it to your situation.

[demaugustus]

I would second this. If you're targetting a specific person and they aren't attracted to your usual self, then realize the relationship may be very hard to work and re-evaluate whether you truly want a long-term relationship with said person.

If you're in it for the short term fling for some odd reason, then you're just going to have to learn general knowledge pertaining to seduction and apply it to your situation.

Just so you all know, my usual self is just fine for a particular ENFP, there is no need for seduction games here; however, why not know how to use "performance enhancing drugs"? Instead of being just "yourself", which is perfectly fine, why not be your SUPER-SELF and really blow her away?

I realize if you are your SUPER-SELF too much then they may come to expect this as your usual self; thus, you're playing a dangerous game. However, every now and then I just want to please the woman sending her through the roof with NF-ness.

To be able to do this you must first understand how "To attract and win the heart of an ENFP/INFP", to understand the fundamentals of why an ENFP/INFP is attracted to you in the first place. I suppose we're assuming that the physical attraction is already a given and we're looking at how you approach the personality.

[MrJibbles]

You can attract an enfp just by being yourself. I know it sounds corney but its true.

That's what happens to me. I refuse to be someone other than me. I'm attracted to ENFP's because I can't read them like an open book, and they have useful insight on nearly everything I have to say, and most importantly because I can talk for hours and hours with them and I love to be around them.

ESFP's tend to have something missing. I think we just never see eye to eye because of how they gather information opposed to how I get mine. Everything seems fine at first but down the line, long term, it starts to fall apart because it's so much work and effort.

INFP's I tend to just be myself and they have the same insight the ENFP's have.

INTP's seem to piss me off a bit here and there because they usually think I'm just like them. Then when they get to that point they question statements I make and ask if I'm sure and this causes arguments because I'm sure of everything I say. I can carry intelligent conversations with them for only so long before I get tired of them not realizing that I know what I'm talking about when I say something.

ENTP's are very fun to be around. I can talk to them for days and days. But I don't know how to get intimate with one.

ENTJ's seem to have that "I want to take over EVERYTHING" agenda too much for me to enjoy too much time with them. Kinda pisses me off after a while.

INTJ's can be very close minded. But once they get to know me they seem to get addicted because they found a rare soul that's just like them. They're easy to get along with. And then there's always this thing where they trust my judgment as their own. For example, my friend Tony always asks me about people I know that he doesn't know before asking anyone else about that person simply because they things I tell him are they same conclusions he would make if he knew them as long as I knew them. I tend to do the same thing with him, just not as much.

ISTJ's are very interestingly boring. Really, it's weird. They don't do much, and they're very bland but I can't help but be intrigued by it all. They're simply and they're complex at the same time. It doesn't make sense. When I'm just myself I get along just fine with them and most of them seem to like me.

ISFJ's for some reason seem to like me a lot as well. I never understood why. And I don't comprehend the clinginess of them all to well either. They're too easy to read so I'm turned off by it. They're just too predictable and it's no challenge.

ESFJ's are evil little creatures that want to control EVERYTHING. They're more irritating than the ENTJ because they want to control everything just to have a feeling of power and control. But they tend to be kind caring people, very generous. We often don't see eye to eye, but seem to make decent friends if we get past the natural irritations we'll have for each other.

ESTJ's are pretty cool. I don't seem to have too many problems with them, except for the overuse of tradition and doing things by the book all the time. When I get past this and just tolerate things they do that annoy me and tip toe around the things I do that annoy them we end up at the same conclusion to things. It works out but it's exhausting.

ESFPs.....covered that. But I can't seem to read them too well because they're constantly changing and looking at something else. I think of them like cats. A cat seems to be interested in things that're just out of reach.

ISFP's can be pretty bitchy. They first appear as someone you'd seem working in a library. But they have a party animal hidden deep down inside.

ESTP's are likeable people, I haven't figured out what an INTJ can do to appeal to this person. But they seem to appreciate my ability to do things in school last minute and then run off and do something fun. My reason for doing this is because I didn't really do it last minute. I did it when I got it and waited around doing whatever else I wanted to do because I hate having time wasted. They usually do it because they're out partying but then at the last minute they get things done. I find that when I'm just myself around these people we share a similar taste in humor and can joke and talk for hours. But they tend to ask me for insight and advice on things a lot, but have little insight or advice to offer me that's of use.

ISTP's seem to like the idea's I have to mechanical things. I come up with an idea for a project, they seem to think it's a cool idea and want to see it through. Most of them don't realize that I can't always make the ideas come into the world with my own hands. I'm just the guy who can form the idea in the first place. We usually have fun building things together. My one ISTP friend is pretty good fixing up cars but can't drive for shit. I'm a very good driver because I'm aware of everything. So we often work as a team where I think of something cool to do to the car, He does it to the car and I kinda help a little bit here and there where I can, then I usually drive it first and do random things he didn't know the car could do, then I think of something else the car needs because of the test drive and the process repeats.

ENFP's....again, just be you and it seems to work better than any other type.

INFP's Just be careful not to hurt their feelings, other than that you can just be yourself and let things flow naturally. If you stray away from being you they'll notice and so will the ENFP and wont really like it.

INFJ's are pretty amazingly special. Just think of all those idea's floating about your head and imagine if they're emotionally driven ideas rather than logically driven ideas. Eventually you tend to grab random things that seemed unconnected and they explode into an even greater idea that comes to you all at once. What if that was emotion instead of rational thought? hmm.....

Generally speaking if you're just yourself around them they seem to like you. And they're pretty fun to be around....if you can find one int he first place [I'm sad, my INFJ friend randomly disappeared somewhere. He was cool and no one seemed to understand him other than me.].

ENFJ's are cool too. As with any NF if you're simply yourself around this person it all seems to work out.


Got a little carried away, I hope this is useful to some INTJ out there. If you have insight to throw on to this please do.

[Luthor Rex]

The only ENFP I know is madly in love with Dr. House.

Here is what this particular ENFP responds to:

1.) Being yourself. Even if you're kind of a jerk, as long as you are honest about who you are she will like you for it. Well as long as you're an INTJ she will.

2.) Compliments will get you everywhere. If she has already latched on to you then complimenting her will make her a nice puddle of warm mush. She likes to feel like warm mush.

3.) Hyper-sexual. She started masturbating when she was 8 or 9 and to this day is turned on by dirving over speed bumps. Sexually affectionate and warm, likes to get lost in it. It's not about outright hedonism as it is about connecting with the other person. You won't know if it's 1am or 1pm by the time she's done with you. (Not that I know any of this from personal experience, really, just from what I've been told)

4.) Passionate. If you get into a fight with her, duck, because she will be throwing things at you. Pair this with # 3 and you realize that you can stop a fight by getting your hand up her dress.

5.) Panther attack. She will pounce on you once she's figgured out you're an INTJ and she will try to find out every little thing about you. Roadblocks make things more exciting for her.

6.) Look sorta matter. This is the one woman who I think could love the Hunchback if he were an INTJ. That being said, don't show up looking like a plague-beast.

7.) She appreciates directness.

8.) Very sentimental.

9.) Likes fantasy and believes in magick. (Well she believes in god which is close enough.)

10.) Nurturing. She will try and push you to acheive your goals in life and will love the INTJ even more if he looks like a wounded bird / diamond in the rough.

11.) Did I mention she is hyper-sexual?

[Josephine1012]

Ooooh, ENFP by INTJ how cool! I love reading this, because some of it is very on the money but maybe with a few tweaks. Of course these tweaks apply to me, and I realize that this is based of a different person. So perhaps interested parties can synthesize the two.

The only ENFP I know is madly in love with Dr. House.

Here is what this particular ENFP responds to:

1.) Being yourself. Even if you're kind of a jerk, as long as you are honest about who you are she will like you for it. Well as long as you're an INTJ she will.


This is very true. ENFPs strive for genuine things, it's ok to not be perfect as long as you're ok with who you are. This, to me, assumes a person who has an overall solid morality. You don't have to save babies from burning buildings, although that helps, but someone who is openly hurting someone on purpose is very unattractive.


2.) Compliments will get you everywhere. If she has already latched on to you then complimenting her will make her a nice puddle of warm mush. She likes to feel like warm mush.


Correction, genuine compliments. If you compliment her on something that she doesn't believe is there and you don't make a very good case for why you think that, she will be alerted by that. Refer to 1. It is important that the compliment is honest and thoughtful.


3.) Hyper-sexual. She started masturbating when she was 8 or 9 and to this day is turned on by dirving over speed bumps. Sexually affectionate and warm, likes to get lost in it. It's not about outright hedonism as it is about connecting with the other person. You won't know if it's 1am or 1pm by the time she's done with you. (Not that I know any of this from personal experience, really, just from what I've been told)


;)


4.) Passionate. If you get into a fight with her, duck, because she will be throwing things at you. Pair this with # 3 and you realize that you can stop a fight by getting your hand up her dress.


Not true. If there is a real reason to be upset, that is the worst way to proceed. She will feel misunderstood and frustrated. As was mentioned in 3 sexuality is a way to connect to the other person on an emotional level if the fight is not resolved, there is no emotional level to connect on. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with make-up sex.


5.) Panther attack. She will pounce on you once she's figgured out you're an INTJ and she will try to find out every little thing about you. Roadblocks make things more exciting for her.


Hmmm, I'm not sure what to say about that one as it isn't in any way a directive towards what to do or what not to do.

Edit: I think I misread that originally, yes it is true we want to learn and study a person. When I initially fall in love, I tend to idealize the object of my affection. I want to see more and more reasons why they fit that ideal. So this isn't to prove that there is nothing to idealize it is to continue validating that I was indeed correct in thinking so highly of that person in the first place.

This is the point when facts might start to swim, no matter what I learn I give it the most positive interpretation possible. It sort of like bending something, it's ok to bend as long as you don't have to bend it so far that it breaks.

This is why I think it is so important to be honest initially, because I can see when things don't fit at all. I can make major adjustments to explain one detail or another, but when something happens that can in no way fit my initial view of the person. I quickly fall out of love.

I think someone said, this is due to ENFPs getting bored, it isn't so. This is caused by us misrepresenting the person we were "in love with" or even just interested in in our heads. Once new data becomes available and we readjust our view of the person, we simply are not interested in the person who fits that new description.

So this stage is very crucial. I do want to say, that if the person does not disappoint me, and I don't feel like I've been mislead, I am very likely to stay attached and very forgiving for very long time.

Roadblocks make things interesting, it makes it a project. Don't create roadblocks on purpose, if you are INTJ there are enough roadblocks as it is.

The difference between INTJs and ENFPs is, INTJs will observe a person for a very long time prior to making their decision about them, whereas ENFPs will make a snap judgment very quickly and decide they are in love. As the relationship progresses ENFP will continue to gather data. If it becomes apparent that the snap judgment is incorrect, they will fall out of love. That is why we are seen as fickle. "Fickle" isn't a completely correct term, we don't change our mind based on our whims, we simply realize we were wrong based on newly discovered data.


6.) Look sorta matter. This is the one woman who I think could love the Hunchback if he were an INTJ. That being said, don't show up looking like a plague-beast.


Looks matter. For me personally it has a lot to do with being in very good shape and good hygiene. I associate men who don't try to stay in shape with giving up and laziness (this assumes no extenuating physical circumstances). The attractive thing about INTJ is striving to be the best they can be. I find someone who tries to stay very physical and active extremely attractive, it's not looks but it is displayed in the way person looks.


7.) She appreciates directness.


Very true, say it like it is.


8.) Very sentimental.

9.) Likes fantasy and believes in magick. (Well she believes in god which is close enough.)


I'm agnostic. But I have a tendency to be fascinated by fairy tale stories, not cheap romance novels, but very well written fantasy books. I often want to believe that it is possible in the real world. Book examples: a few novels by Clive Barker, "Master and Margorita" by Bulghakov


10.) Nurturing. She will try and push you to acheive your goals in life and will love the INTJ even more if he looks like a wounded bird / diamond in the rough.


It is very very true, the unfortunate snag is INTJs tend to push us away when they feel like wounded birds.


11.) Did I mention she is hyper-sexual?

Lucky you!





Josephine1012 added to this post, 43 minutes and 6 seconds later...

I'm totally writing one up for ENFP when I return from my ENFP-type friday night activities

(seriously)

cheers

How very ENFP of me, I was all about this project, got distracted and ended up half-assing by commenting on someone else's work.

TYPICAL...

[enWTFp]

Eighty percent of success is showing up. --Woody Allen


Good luck!

[Sinequanon]

How very ENFP of me, I was all about this project, got distracted and ended up half-assing by commenting on someone else's work.

TYPICAL...
I read that last night and had no real expectation that you'd actually follow up on it, so, don't feel bad. ;)

[Josephine1012]

I read that last night and had no real expectation that you'd actually follow up on it, so, don't feel bad. ;)

Haha! I actually went through a long list of what I wanted to say in my head as I was leaving the house. I was really excited about the upcoming project. But I sort of lived through it as I was thinking about it and implementation didn't sound nearly as exciting.....

I'm really glad that Luthor Rex made that post because it made me write my thoughts out. Bad grammer/spelling and all.

[enfpchick]

Yup. Luthor Rex's description about sums me up. lol good job!

You're right about #6. Whenever I tell my friends i met a hot guy, they usually ask if he is "normal hot" or "my hot" :ugly:

[tp6626]

Yup. Luthor Rex's description about sums me up. lol good job!

You're right about #6. Whenever I tell my friends i met a hot guy, they usually ask if he is "normal hot" or "my hot" :ugly:

What's an ENFP, and what's an INFP like? I'm struggling to place any. I'm sure I must know at least a couple just by probabilities, but I don't have enough info to go on to identify them.

How do they typically act? (I know I could look up the type descriptions on google, but I think 1st hand descriptions from the ENFP's here would be more useful).

Also, what are the major differences that I'd notice with an INFP as opposed to an ENFP?

[Luthor Rex]

Yup. Luthor Rex's description about sums me up. lol good job!

You're right about #6. Whenever I tell my friends i met a hot guy, they usually ask if he is "normal hot" or "my hot" :ugly:

What do you mean by "your hot"? The ENFP I know dated a sumo sized guy at one point.

But she does prefer her men athletic.





Luthor Rex added to this post, 85 minutes and 27 seconds later...

It is very very true, the unfortunate snag is INTJs tend to push us away when they feel like wounded birds.

Yes but a wounded INTJ just feeds you in so many ways a healthy one can't. You can see your diamond in the rough. You can watch as your nurturing side polishes hime off. Eventually you can bask in the glow of great man you helped to make shine.

At the end of it all, you'll know that it was your love and ONLY your love that could have saved him.

Like an addict to her morphine... :p

[Josephine1012]

Yes but a wounded INTJ just feeds you in so many ways a healthy one can't. You can see your diamond in the rough. You can watch as your nurturing side polishes hime off. Eventually you can bask in the glow of great man you helped to make shine.

At the end of it all, you'll know that it was your love and ONLY your love that could have saved him.

Like an addict to her morphine... :p

Trust me, I know all about being addicted to INTJs :)

In my experience, the person who claimed to love me only wanted to see me when he was happy. He very avidly pushed me away when he was not.

It's part of my personality to save and nurture someone I love, but I try to be respectful, as it isn't all about me.

[enfpchick]

What do you mean by "your hot"? The ENFP I know dated a sumo sized guy at one point.

But she does prefer her men athletic.

My hot is usually considered weird!
lol something is usually always off. That makes me curious and attracted, but others turn in the opposite direction.

The S community can never understand.

[Timeless]

Just behave the same way that you did to attract the ENFP. I don't know if this is true for everyone, but people have a tendency to become nicer to people that they like. Being and INTJ, you don't want your emotions to get the best of you and confess your feelings early on or you'll end up in a confusing situation like me. lol Just be yourself. However, it is much harder than it seems when you're with someone who speaks vividly, smiles a lot, and is throwing compliments your way...

Also, be sure to return geniuine compliments as Josephine said. I think all ENFPs know when you're just forcing out a compliment. If you can, compliment her/him on a trait that is specific to them. Of course, complimenting them on some traits that are unique to their body may be considered offensive early on...

I have no experience with an INFP. I'm assuming you should just be yourself in that scenario as well.

[curiousjane]

What's an ENFP, and what's an INFP like? I'm struggling to place any. I'm sure I must know at least a couple just by probabilities, but I don't have enough info to go on to identify them.

How do they typically act? (I know I could look up the type descriptions on google, but I think 1st hand descriptions from the ENFP's here would be more useful).

Also, what are the major differences that I'd notice with an INFP as opposed to an ENFP?

INFP ... ahh ... well ... we're all different. A lot of us could be typified as romantics, idealists (duh), sensitive souls, spiritually minded, a bit mystical, dreamy, even emo. But that's not all.

I think the main thing I find in INFPs is that we want to know people at a deep level. We're unsatisfied with the status quo, the pop culture, the surface level of anything. We want to get to the heart of it. We think about things a lot. We analyze things a lot. We humanize and personalize everything. Sometimes this gets us in trouble. Because a lot of more "rational" people (such as you INTJs) don't see things as they relate to people, but as they relate to ideas or thoughts. And what I've seen from some people is that this means that they can be more detached from a decision than we are able to be. When dealing with a problem, we think things through and determine how it will affect the people involved.

[Josephine1012]

Also, what are the major differences that I'd notice with an INFP as opposed to an ENFP?

I only have one female INFP acquaintance in my circle of friends. I have noticed a lot of differences between myself and her. My thinking function is very well developed, some of the differences maybe due to that.

Maybe curiousjane can contribute a little more to this, as my statements come from observation of a sole INFP. Maybe enfpchick might say something too, from what I understand her feeling function is much better developed than mine.

My INFP friend's feeling function is very strong. Everything is in terms of how she feels. She thinks her feelings are very easy to understand for anyone with whom she has a connection (translation: all of her friends and acquaintances). She finds great importance in the way someone looked at her, or specific combination of words they used. She derives deep meaning from those things. She thinks that the reason a person looks at her in that specific way or uses that specific combination of words is to convey an important cryptic message to her. So she feels that they now share that special unspoken secret.

Most of my judgments come from my intuition not my feelings but my feelings help me determine whether it's the right thing to do. I know something is one way or another but it isn't directly tied to my emotions.

Another interesting thing I noticed - she tends to project what she is feeling on other people. She sees other people's motivations based on her feelings or her actions. These could be both good and bad motivations.

I, on the other hand, attribute people's actions to their own personalities and not so much to myself. Yes I could serve as a trigger but the specific way someone reacts I think is caused by their personality.

When somebody wrongs her she takes it very personally because she feels that she caused it. Also, because she thinks that they realize exactly how she feels, she is even more hurt by their actions. She sees it as a betrayal of that special bond. If someone hurts her enough she sees the person as subhuman and evil (sometimes the person simply doesn't like her and lets her know that by being cold and not fascinated by her). When she gets really upset she will retreat and hide ignoring phone calls etc. this could last a couple of months, she returns when she is ready and she thinks everyone should understand her actions because she views her feelings as clear as day. Most people are very puzzled by her.

When someone wrongs me, i want them to make the effort to fix it. If the offense is fixable, i will continue to pick up my phone or worst case scenario I will return your call within a few days. The truth of the matter is, I will only stop picking up the phone if I completely write you off. Otherwise I will respond and be pissy if you admit your guilt and apologize I will let it go immediately. I need the other party to acknowledge that I'm important and that my feelings are valid.

I get really upset when I'm ignored and under appreciated or if someone lies to me or tries to manipulate me.

She gets upset very rarely (she is kind of a saint in that sense). Almost always she gives the benefit of the doubt. But if a situation arises where she is personally attacked, she will be upset with every person who was in some way involved in that situation, whether that person is a direct offender or not. Nothing you say will fix it, initially. After that if you made attempts to talk to her she will get back to you when she is ready.

Another thing I've noticed about my INFP friend is she will befriend everybody who tries to be her friend. She likes to be liked quite a bit. She has almost a cult following of boys wanting to tend to her every whim. She will express a lot of interest and a lot of concern about all of her friends. She will defend them as long as they show her that they like her, no matter what they do. She routinely has multiple guys tell her they love her, she will be honest and say she doesn't share their feelings, but she will never change the way she treats them.

Boys hardly ever get over her because this makes them think they have a chance for years. The reality is, they will have no chance unless she falls out of love with the current object of her affection. When that happens, she will be interested in the guy who fits her ideal the best, not in the guy who cares about her the most and who's been around the longest (that, for some reason, seems to be a very common misconception).

With me, on the other hand, when a guy openly expresses interest, assuming I do not share his feelings I will leave. I'm uncomfortable to receive his attention once it's been made clear. I will still be very nice to him when I see him but the friendship will not continue as is.

We do share one very important aspect about our love lives. Both of us are always in love with someone. That someone is usually idealized. That someone will not be abandoned in favor of any other boy who is courting us unless that someone disappoints us to no end.

Just like me, she doesn't fall in love very often, all her friendships with males are just that. She will only have eye for one guy no matter how much attention she is getting from other sources. She will not get physically involved unless she is in love.

I am attracted to more of my equal. I need for a man to realize that we are sharing equal roles, although they might have different functions. I find that she likes her man to have more of a caretaker role. She is the girl, he is the guy, she is ok with all the stigma that goes with that. She is much more nurturing then I am.

To attract her I think a guy has to show that he is stronger than her in every way and is able to take care of her. He has to have a very tough exterior but she has to feel absolutely loved. I guess I can't argue with that part.

Some personality quirks I've noticed: she loves talking on the phone for hours, I can't handle that, too many things to do. She has an interest in alternative medicine, supernatural etc. She is always late, but she will usually bring a cake.

[Szarra]

How to win over an INFP....hrmmm

Well, the thing I love most about my hubby, is that he listens to me. Even when my ideas are a bit "off-the-wall", he will calmly listen. He never comes right out and says "That's stupid!" or "That will never work.". Instead he will use leading questions to draw me a map back to the ground from the clouds. If I'm not too far from reality then he will encourage the idea and give me his full support.

So listening, talking, compliments, tactful honesty and support are some of the best things for an INFP. (IMO anyway.) It also doesn't hurt to let your hair down once in awhile and act completely silly with us. :D

[curiousjane]

So listening, talking, compliments, tactful honesty and support are some of the best things for an INFP. (IMO anyway.) It also doesn't hurt to let your hair down once in awhile and act completely silly with us. :D
Abso-posi-tiv-a-lutely.

Maybe curiousjane can contribute a little more to this, as my statements come from observation of a sole INFP.
Well, the more I read from ENFPs here, I begin to wonder if I'm ENFP. I don't really identify with the whole emotions drive my life thing. But I'm also not so ENFPy that I have to be out and about with people. xNFP. That's me. a little bit of both. I definitely think that intuition drives my interactions with people, but my feelings about things drive my reactions and analyzations.


She finds great importance in the way someone looked at her, or specific combination of words they used. She derives deep meaning from those things. She thinks that the reason a person looks at her in that specific way or uses that specific combination of words is to convey an important cryptic message to her. So she feels that they now share that special unspoken secret.
Unfortunately, or fortunately? this is true of me, as well.

Another interesting thing I noticed - she tends to project what she is feeling on other people. She sees other people's motivations based on her feelings or her actions. These could be both good and bad motivations.

I, on the other hand, attribute people's actions to their own personalities and not so much to myself.
I'm with Josephine here on this one. Not her friend.


She gets upset very rarely (she is kind of a saint in that sense). Almost always she gives the benefit of the doubt.
Well, I wouldn't call myself a saint ... but this is true of me, as well. Mainly because I like to get a full, balanced picture of things. I do look at it from at least two (if not more) sides.


That someone is usually idealized. That someone will not be abandoned in favor of any other boy who is courting us unless that someone disappoints us to no end.

Just like me, she doesn't fall in love very often, all her friendships with males are just that. She will only have eye for one guy no matter how much attention she is getting from other sources.
Exactly. I focus on one man at a time. I can casually date ... for a couple of dates ... but after that .... yeah, that would just feel like a betrayal to me. I expect fidelity and give fidelity.

Of course ... that doesn't keep me from the occasional innocent flirting, or enjoying when I get unexpected male attention. And I do notice men. I just don't do anything about it. My heart is reserved for that one person.


So ... how do you win my heart? Well ...

If I can be totally, completely honest here ... I was falling for an INTJ ... but the one thing that prevented me from being head over heels was that he didn't take the time to get to really, really know me. He knew how I would react to things, he knew my ideals, he intuited my thoughts. But he fell short of needing to know and remember the things that make me tick ... make me me. He went through the motions of dating, and I enjoyed every minute, but I couldn't help but feel like he was doing things just as he knew they should be done, not because he wanted to bring joy to my heart in a way he had discovered from personal observation and inquiry.

I feel boring most of the time, to be honest. Who wants to be with a person who thinks a good time is going to a park, sitting on the grass, and staring up at the clouds for an hour? I mean, we could be playing tennis, or tossing a football! Even nerds and geeks must get tired of me. (Note: I am a geek, myself. I'm fascinated by information and seeking knowledge.) I don't have much of a desire to sit and play video games or talk about technological advances.

I know I am unique. I know I am a little weird. I know I am a little left of center. I know, deep down, I'm the stereotypical dreamer, looking into the clouds and gazing at the rainbows created by prisms for hours at a time. But I still feel boring. Because most people need to DO things, GO places, BE active. I love DOING, GOING, BEING, but I cherish even more the moments when I am with one person, face to face, absorbing in the energy that they omit. If they do the same for me, and delight in me, I am completely, blissfully happy.

I do have a deep longing to be understood. Most people just look at me, smile, and shake their head. "Oh, that's just Jane ..." they say. They know to expect the unexpected from me. I really dislike it when people ASSUME they know what I want. I dislike it even more when they PROJECT their personal thoughts/ideas/values on me. Even my best friends try to get me to do the "normal" things that make sense to them, but go against my nature.

I am nostaligic, but not focused on tradition for the sake of tradition. I am impulsive. I am whimsical. I love, love, LOVE a good belly laugh. If you can make me belly laugh ... you're in my circle for good.

My chief flaw: getting so tangled in my own mixed-up emotional responses, worries, fears ... that I can't get out of the mind-fog and gut-wrenching frustrations and bring myself back to the day-to-day realities. Yes, this is a huge flaw. It cripples me sometimes. I need people to like me. The one thing I can't stand to know is that other people have been talking about me when I'm not around and that they are either laughing snidely or expressing that I am lacking in some way. I'm used to being an outsider. I fear being an outCAST. I'm just so used to bein misunderstood that sometimes I will lock away my true feelings about something and force myself to adapt to my environment, just to survive and blend in.

But I am not, I repeat NOT weak, frail, over-sensitive, etc. etc. etc. And I really dislike people assuming that about me. Just because I have a tender heart does not mean that I do not have a backbone of steel to support it.

So how do you win my heart? It's pretty simple, really. Just be yourself, don't be pretentious, don't resort to flattery, don't say anything that smacks of putting on a show, don't dismiss my reactions and needs, don't treat me like you're walking on eggshells. DO listen, DO care, DO be affectionate (you'll probably have to inititate this ... I'm too scared that my deep longing for physical affection will turn you off, because I like simple, innocent things like snuggling and cudddling and gentle kissing, as much as I will also respond to more than that ... when the time is right ...), DO take note of my likes and dislikes, DO surprise me, DO ask me what I think, DO pursue me. DO soothe my worries by not leaving room for any doubt in my mind that you are interested in me. DO give me personal space when I need it. DO encourage me to pursue my own interests. DO challenge me.

And another thing ... let me in. Let me love you the way I do best ... by meeting your soul. And matching your mind. And standing by your side. And don't just humor that aspect of me ... appreciate it ... treasure it .. long for me to be me and do what I do best ... Because once I fall in love with somebody who loves me and is able to love me back with the same (or more) intensity ... I am totally, completely, fiercely, passionately faithful.

Sound good?

[Luthor Rex]

She is always late, but she will usually bring a cake.

:lovestruck: :lovestruck: :lovestruck:

The way the INFP sounds finally explains the crush I have on Luna Lovegood.

Now if someone could tell me why I have a cush on the Nancy Drew from that last movie then all of my perversions can fianally be explained!

[ElstonGunn]

In my experience, the person who claimed to love me only wanted to see me when he was happy. He very avidly pushed me away when he was not.

That makes sense to me. I don't like to burden people with my personal problems. Combine that with the introversion and the judging, and you've got a guy who wants to sequester himself until he resolves his problems on his own. NFs, on the other hand, like to help people with their personal problems. IT takes effort, with no guarantee of a payoff.


It also doesn't hurt to let your hair down once in awhile and act completely silly with us. :D

That assumes that we're putting our hair up-- actively repressing our urges, rather than a general absences of "urges," as it were. (We have urges, but they're different. A lot of the time, they involve books and ideas and things like that.) ;)

[Luthor Rex]

That assumes that we're putting our hair up-- actively repressing our urges, rather than a general absences of "urges," as it were. (We have urges, but they're different. A lot of the time, they involve books and ideas and things like that.) ;)

I realize this responce is a bit off topic...

What you say here is very true of myself as well. I don't know how many times people think I'm being 'uptight' or whatever, when in fact I just don't have the urges they assume I should.

On top of that the kind of 'getting wild' normal people enjoy I see as either childish or pointless or dilusional. Dilusional because it makes them think they are better than they actually are. It creates the kind of self-confidence that I see as transparently fake.

[tp6626]

Good outline Jane, you answered my question excellently. :)

This bit stood out to me:
I do have a deep longing to be understood. Most people just look at me, smile, and shake their head. "Oh, that's just Jane ..." they say. They know to expect the unexpected from me. I really dislike it when people ASSUME they know what I want. I dislike it even more when they PROJECT their personal thoughts/ideas/values on me. Even my best friends try to get me to do the "normal" things that make sense to them, but go against my nature.

This is exactly how I am. This is probably the thing that annoys me worst in the world. I'm not a mean person, and am extremely difficult to annoy, but there have been soooo many times that I've had to withhold scathing responses to the type of thing you describe above.

There's a (romantic) couple at work who try to project their thoughts / ideas / values onto me; the only reason for which is that they must think that I'm missing something in some way.

I don't know how they dare, and any reaction I make appears totally over the top to them, though it's extremely restrained in my eyes. If I said what I was really thinking, I'm sure she would end up crying, and he'd want to start fighting with me, hehe!!!

And I do feel an aura of strangeness around me, that makes people give me a wide berth. They say "Oh, that's just Tom ...", as though I'm some kind of novelty that they can't fathom. Doesn't stop them trying to project onto me, or change me though - in their almighty wisdom!?

[Szarra]

That assumes that we're putting our hair up-- actively repressing our urges, rather than a general absences of "urges," as it were. (We have urges, but they're different. A lot of the time, they involve books and ideas and things like that.) ;)

Ah, I see. Maybe. Ok then how about...put on a purple clown wig and go build sand castles on the beach! :laugh: No, you can't bring blueprints to make sure it comes out just right.

[bethanygm]

I have no idea. My husband saw me and told his friend "I can see myself dating that girl for a long time".... My husband was a bachelor (no girlfriends) for his whole life. He was almost 29 when I met him. His friend laughed in his face when he said that.
I played hard to get with him and he just told me he liked me because I was smart.. different than the girls he'd been around before. We both just fell immediately for each other (I was just more cautious about it than him).
I hate to say this, but you will just KNOW when you meet the one.

[Luthor Rex]

I hate to say this, but you will just KNOW when you meet the one.

And if you don't know, then the ENFP in your life will tell you.

:lipsrsealed:

[Josephine1012]

And if you don't know, then the ENFP in your life will tell you.

:lipsrsealed:

No need to seal your lips, it's true.

I always pick who I date, I decide I like them first, I think...

[Vagrant]

My best friend is an ENFP. He definitely liked me at first because I indeed was a mystery to him. As time has passed now, he knows I'm incredibly predictable and reliable. So our friendship shifted more from curiosity to reliability and trust. However, he retains that unusual curiosity about me because I'm pretty unwavering in stability -- something that he hardly observes in his other friends. I'm literally the least chaotic person he knows.

Now if only I could find an ENFP woman.


I know I scare a lot of people -- I'm so direct and straightforward, they think I'm being tricky.

[Josephine1012]

To all of you ENFP seekers: they will probably find you.

[bethanygm]

And if you don't know, then the ENFP in your life will tell you.

:lipsrsealed:

lol you are right. If ever I should doubt that we're meant to be, he will be there to reassure me. He gets very upset if I even somehow allude to doubting it.
But I love that! ;)

[Timeless]

Quick question for xNFPs. What does this mean to you?

"Why do we love to love, when love seems to hate us?"

INTJ here, and it made no sense to me. Feelers. :rolleyes:

To all of you ENFP seekers: they will probably find you.Disagree. After a few weeks of studying with her(about 2 days a week), I emailed her and told her, "Did I ever tell you that I really like you? lol" expecting to get "I like you too" or "I don't feel the same" and instead I got "No I believe you left that tidbit of info out of my knowledge :p." .....:huh: :angry:

ProTip: Don't waste time on ENFPs. If you can, go for INFPs instead. Wait, scratch that as well. Based on curiousjane's post, INFPs seem to be diffcult as well. Leave them alone and hopefully those personality types will be extinct in the next few decades. :devilish: xNTPs :thumbsup:

[Josephine1012]

ProTip: Don't waste time on ENFPs. If you can, go for INFPs instead. Wait, scratch that as well. Based on curiousjane's post, INFPs seem to be diffcult as well. Leave them alone and hopefully those personality types will be extinct in the next few decades. :devilish: xNTPs :thumbsup:

lol, for such an xNFP hata' you've been spending an awful lotta time hanging around this thread.... Just saying....

[bethanygm]

Quick question for xNFPs. What does this mean to you?

"Why do we love to love, when love seems to hate us?"

INTJ here, and it made no sense to me. Feelers. :rolleyes:

Disagree. After a few weeks of studying with her(about 2 days a week), I emailed her and told her, "Did I ever tell you that I really like you? lol" expecting to get "I like you too" or "I don't feel the same" and instead I got "No I believe you left that tidbit of info out of my knowledge :p." .....:huh: :angry:

ProTip: Don't waste time on ENFPs. If you can, go for INFPs instead. Wait, scratch that as well. Based on curiousjane's post, INFPs seem to be diffcult as well. Leave them alone and hopefully those personality types will be extinct in the next few decades. :devilish: xNTPs :thumbsup:



No way!!!!!!!!!!!! I think ENFPs make the most rewarding (and challenging) relationship ever for an INTJ!

[curiousjane]

Hmmm. What is so difficult about being loved by somebody who enjoys exactly who you are? And isn't demanding?

Wait. I know ... you actually have to put some effort into showing appreciation, because a dozen roses is nice, but a genuine compliment is a 100 times better ...

(See? I can be devilish, too! :devilish:)

[Timeless]

lol, for such an xNFP hata' you've been spending an awful lotta time hanging around this thread.... Just saying....Thats because I use to love them. :loveeyes: I've had the same question as demvesalius in my head for a while now. I just didn't want to make a topic. When you said you were going to make that detailed post I decided to stick around for a few minutes...hours to see if you would provide helpful incite. Then I remembered that you were an ENFP so I should have 0 expectations for you when you say you're going to do something later. ;D lol So I decided to see if I could help demvesalius with the experiences I've had, reinforcing things that were already said. Pretty much be yourself is what I and everyone stresses but you can use that philosophy with any type. I just recently came to the conclusion that xNFPs are evil(hyperbole of course..) and it can become a bit stressful(Well, for me anyway). There are other types that are so much easier to read, but it may be harder to connect with them as easily as xNFPs.

No way!!!!!!!!!!!! I think ENFPs make the most rewarding (and challenging) relationship ever for an INTJ!Only those who have succeeded say that. :blank: Others who've failed or given up think otherwise. lol Maybe I'll take that back one day. :pimp:

Hmmm. What is so difficult about being loved by somebody who enjoys exactly who you are? And isn't demanding?

Wait. I know ... you actually have to put some effort into showing appreciation, because a dozen roses is nice, but a genuine compliment is a 100 times better ...

(See? I can be devilish, too! :devilish:)Its not that easy. lol

[Josephine1012]

Thats because I use to love them. :loveeyes: I've had the same question as demvesalius in my head for a while now. I just didn't want to make a topic. When you said you were going to make that detailed post I decided to stick around for a few minutes...hours to see if you would provide helpful incite. Then I remembered that you were an ENFP so I should have 0 expectations for you when you say you're going to do something later. ;D lol So I decided to see if I could help demvesalius with the experiences I've had, reinforcing things that were already said. Pretty much be yourself is what I and everyone stresses but you can use that philosophy with any type. I just recently came to the conclusion that xNFPs are evil(hyperbole of course..) and it can become a bit stressful(Well, for me anyway). There are other types that are so much easier to read, but it may be harder to connect with them as easily as xNFPs.

Only those who have succeeded say that. :blank: Others who've failed or given up think otherwise. lol Maybe I'll take that back one day. :pimp:

Haha, well, that's true I didn't post anything immediately... ok for a while, but I've got lives to save here.

Nevertheless I totally leached on to someone else's work that was based on a fictional character. So I'm thinking I contributed at a least a little to the topic.

We are actually really nice people but we get distracted easily. Also why do you think your friend was ENFP, we're pretty rare you know...

[ricearoni]

After a few weeks of studying with her(about 2 days a week), I emailed her and told her, "Did I ever tell you that I really like you? lol" expecting to get "I like you too" or "I don't feel the same" and instead I got "No I believe you left that tidbit of info out of my knowledge :p."

I hope you didn't think that was a rejection. To me, it looks like she's playing hard to get and waiting for you to actually ask her out.

I could be totally wrong though since I'm not an ENFP...

[Josephine1012]

I hope you didn't think that was a rejection. To me, it looks like she's playing hard to get and waiting for you to actually ask her out.

I could be totally wrong though since I'm not an ENFP...

I kind of think she was on the fence. That's why it took her 2 weeks. I guess that' what I meant by ENFPs finding you. Once we make the initial judgment that we're into you, we give you lots of clues that we like you. Show a lot of interest, and eventually make you date us. Until that initial "we like you" realization happens, we're easily spooked. You'll know the difference because we won't leave you alone once we decided.

If she was really into you it wouldn't have taken her 2 weeks to respond, so I think you kind of rushed into it a little.





Josephine1012 added to this post, 4 minutes and 58 seconds later...

Ok, just a quick note, the above is true for ENFPs, but if she was an introvert or if she has a strong T function, it might have taken her that long for other reasons.

[ricearoni]

Hm...
I thought he was studying her for two weeks?

Anyway, the answer doesn't seem to be saying yes or no. So perhaps she's still on the fence. I think if she wasn't interested she would've either said so or started pulling away in some form.

[Luthor Rex]

No need to seal your lips, it's true.

I always pick who I date, I decide I like them first, I think...

The ENFP I know was married to an INTJ. She really liked how he would tell her that she 'belonged' to him (especially during sex). She told me about some dreams she had where her INTJ was shown in the dream to be 'meant' for her.

Is this true of other ENFP's as well?

[Josephine1012]

Hm...
I thought he was studying her for two weeks?

Anyway, the answer doesn't seem to be saying yes or no. So perhaps she's still on the fence. I think if she wasn't interested she would've either said so or started pulling away in some form.

We like to think everything in the matters of love is our decision :)

I completely agree that if she wasn't interested she would have pulled away or said no.





Josephine1012 added to this post, 2 minutes and 22 seconds later...

The ENFP I know was married to an INTJ. She really liked how he would tell her that she 'belonged' to him (especially during sex). She told me about some dreams she had where her INTJ was shown in the dream to be 'meant' for her.

Is this true of other ENFP's as well?

That probably really depends on a person. But yes, if I'm in love I like to think that's meaningful and predetermined, I don't mind belonging to someone I really love. That would make me feel irreplaceable I think...

If that came from someone I was mildly interested in, I would run as if I was chased by a pack of rabid dogs...

Does that make sense?

[Luthor Rex]

Nevertheless I totally leached on to someone else's work that was based on a fictional character.

That 'someone else' has a name thank you! And my work was not based on a fictional character, she calls me all the time!

[Josephine1012]

That 'someone else' has a name thank you! And my work was not based on a fictional character, she calls me all the time!

Wait a second, the girl who is in love with Dr. House talks to you on the phone???

Oh, I see your real friend is madly in love with fictional Dr. House. My, bad...

(i don't watch tv, I have no idea what's going on in that show)

[Luthor Rex]

Wait a second, the girl who is in love with Dr. House talks to you on the phone???

Well yes, she is a real person and all. She loves the TV character Dr. House because he reminds her of her first husband (and I remind her of her first husband as well). House is pretty much a dead on INTJ. You should watch it, and love him too!

She's also been teaching me some basic cooking!

[JoeyDude]

Speaking as an INTJ I do love ENFPs but only if they've matured enough to be somewhat reliable. It's kind of a love-hate thing about the ENFP flaky nature; I find it fun and endearing at how sometimes ENFPs are random and they'll go with the flow and it's all a sort of adventure riding along with the whims. However, when it gets to the point when I don't even know if the ENFP is going to be there or keeps saying they'll get back to you but either never do or take forever then that's just a deal-breaker for me.

There have been 2 ENFPs ladies I knew that I started developing a romantic interest in but jeez, the flaking just drove me nuts and wrote them off.

But I am keeping hope becuase I have met two ENFPs (one is my best buddy and other is a previous coworker) that also are reliable enough that you can count on them most of the time.

And it works both ways with us INTJs; I admit that one major flaw that we do have to work on is tact and sensitivity towards others feelings. When I was younger I would be hurtful at times without even realizing it or even trying to upset other people. But I have been working on that and now I take care to be more aware of others feelings because sometimes I may have a perfectly logical statement but it's just hard to take in if it hurts.

[Josephine1012]

Actually, in real life I'm very reliable... I do agree it has to do with maturity. The thing with me, I'm non-committal. If I say I'm going to do something, chances are it's going to get done in one way or another within reasonable time. But it might evolve along the way. Because I know my nature, I do my best not to commit to anything.

There is nothing more annoying then a person who says they are going to do something, and you end up counting on them and they never end up doing it.

[Timeless]

Haha, well, that's true I didn't post anything immediately... ok for a while, but I've got lives to save here.

Nevertheless I totally leached on to someone else's work that was based on a fictional character. So I'm thinking I contributed at a least a little to the topic.

We are actually really nice people but we get distracted easily. Also why do you think your friend was ENFP, we're pretty rare you know...Thats why I'm sure she is an ENFP. Because you are rare, you stand out when you open your mouths... Seem so full of energy and enthusiastic about everything... Really like to help others achieve goals... Never seen so many exclamation marks in an email in my life... Lots of other small things, but yea....

Oh, any I meant a few weeks as in 3 or 4 weeks, but only actually studying with her 2 days each week. She gave me her number like the second day I spoke with her and told me to call whenever I wanted to study. Never called...., so she just would end up emailing me and forcing me into choosing a time. Not literally forcing me, but she would email me and tell me she wants to study and ask me what time as if I'm the one that asked to study. Everytime I would ask her to choose a time, she would basically ignore my question and ask me what time do I want to study. Moving on..., it was the end of the semester when I made that statement that I like her. I figured if she felt the same way we could make arrangements to see each other and if she didn't, I wouldn't have to see her again. Planned backfired because she just replied to my statement literally.

(Had 2 classes with her in college by concidence but she never spoke to me outside of study sessions. Would ask me a few questions about myself while studying but mostly just studying together a playful manner, I guess. She sat right across from me in one class(Was her sit before she got to know me) and it would be dead silence until its time to work together. Then she'll say hi and all the energy would come out...)

Anyway, after I told her that, she suggested that I hang out with her and her friends next semester. Its now a new semester and by concidence I'm in a class with her again. She was enthusiastic about studying with the lab group we're in so she organized a study session... After the first session she emailed me and said she disliked how the study session went and liked how we studied last semester better. She asked me would I prefer if the group studied with us or not... I knew she would just pin the question back on me if I tried to ask her so I used logic to give examples of why it would be better for it to be just me and her. I was tempted to go all emotional and say I just want to be with her(It was hard not to say that. lol) but I managed to be my normal INTJ self. Of course she agreed with my reasoning so now its just me and her studying again.

Thats why ENFPs are evil and people should give up on them... And based on curiousjane's post, INFPs aren't too different.

What better way to contribute to the topic than with a real life example of what not/to do to attract an xNFP. lol Wish it wasn't an example from my life though. lol

[Anna]

I'm an ENTP, but I find that INTJ is the most interesting person. More bubbly people who read bad literature and gossip, they bore me. We prefer (or myself, at any rate) to have an intellectual conversation that can actually capture our interest.

[ElstonGunn]

More bubbly people who read bad literature and gossip, they bore me. We prefer (or myself, at any rate) to have an intellectual conversation that can actually capture our interest.

I like bad literature and gossip, and I'm not convinced that it's inherently unintellectual.

[Anna]

Really? Well, then you aren't like most of my INTJ friends. Of course, I have some that will read Gossip Girl or whatever (no matter how much I beg them not to). On the personally quiz I took, it actually put "can not stand gossip and prefer more intellectual books" (or something along those lines) under the personalities of INTJ.

[ElstonGunn]

Saying that gossip is inherently unintellectual makes about as much sense to me as saying that literature in inherently good or smart.

[Anna]

Saying that gossip is inherently unintellectual makes about as much sense to me as saying that literature in inherently good or smart.

It really depends on what you're gossiping about, if it's all you ever talk about, and that sort of thing. And what do you mean: " literature in inherently good or smart"?

[ElstonGunn]

Haven't you ever read a crappy book? Or is "literature" a title that implies value to you, in the same way that "art" is better than a doodle in most people's minds?

[Anna]

Hey, my doodles are amazing. :)
Actually yes, I've read many a crappy book, since I have a friend who happens to adore crappy books and forces me into reading them.

[Luthor Rex]

Never called...., so she just would end up emailing me and forcing me into choosing a time. Not literally forcing me, but she would email me and tell me she wants to study and ask me what time as if I'm the one that asked to study. :blank: Everytime I would ask her to choose a time, she would basically ignore my question and ask me what time do I want to study.

Of course she agreed with my reasoning so now its just me and her studying again.

She wanted you to pick the time because she wanted you to 'be the man' and make a decision. It was a test. Looks like you still have a shot with her though. Let's see some PUA skills put to use and f-close her already!

[curiousjane]

Based on Personality Page (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), the way to win the heart of an INFP is to be an ENFJ. The way to win an ENFP is to be an INTJ. So ENFP sounds like the best bet.

Apparently, an ENFP (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) needs/wants:



An enthusiastic approach to life
A challenge
"Hands On" physically
Creativity
Playfulness
Affectionate gestures
Assurance
Affirmation
Good conflict resolution skills
An "intense, close, meaningful" relationship


And an INFP (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) needs/wants:



Lifetime commitment
Someone who can not only handle, but ease their worries/concerns
Affirmation (particularly WORDS of genuine affirmation)
Patience
Affectionate gestures
Personal space
Autonomy
Appreciation for their uniqueness
Respect and support of goals and dreams
A deep relationship

[Marcus]

Based on Personality Page (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.), the way to win the heart of an INFP is to be an ENFJ. The way to win an ENFP is to be an INTJ.

According to another theory (socionics (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)), the way to win the heart of an INFP is to be an ESTJ, the way to win an ENFP is to be an ISTJ, and the way to win an INTJ is to be an ESFP. I'm trying to collect field data on the latter one :).

This theory (translated to MBTI terms) basically says that INTJs are seeking Se&Fi in a partner, ENFPs look for Si&Te, and INFPs for Te&Si (always the 4th&3rd cognitive functions). That is, in case of INTJ-ENFP or INTJ-INFP the attraction is mutual, but not a full match. Also, we can communicate easily because the Ni-Ne match, but we aren't necessarily moving into the same direction.


Apparently, an ENFP (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) needs/wants:



An enthusiastic approach to life
A challenge
"Hands On" physically
Creativity
Playfulness
Affectionate gestures
Assurance
Affirmation
Good conflict resolution skills
An "intense, close, meaningful" relationship


And an INFP (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) needs/wants:



Lifetime commitment
Someone who can not only handle, but ease their worries/concerns
Affirmation (particularly WORDS of genuine affirmation)
Patience
Affectionate gestures
Personal space
Autonomy
Appreciation for their uniqueness
Respect and support of goals and dreams
A deep relationship


Personally I'm much more related to the second list.

[Anna]

Explain to me how to win an INTJ.

Oh right, I forgot: Please?

[Tophsquatch]

I think the above list concerning ENFPs is generally true! I can't say that I disagree on a single point.

[Anna]

Hmmm, maybe. Any other pointers?
Of course, I've already psychologicaly analyzed this person (I do that to everyone, well, everyone interesting) but I need as much help as possible.
I know they like space, and getting messages after prolonged periods of undeclared ignoring, but should I wait for them to talk?

[ElstonGunn]

Explain to me how to win an INTJ.

So you're an emotional masochist, huh?

[Anna]

I think I might just be. I've actually had people call me a masochist before, although, it was mostly pertaining to my Obsessive-Compulsive behaviors.

[Josephine1012]

This theory (translated to MBTI terms) basically says that INTJs are seeking Se&Fi in a partner, ENFPs look for Si&Te, and INFPs for Te&Si (always the 4th&3rd cognitive functions). That is, in case of INTJ-ENFP or INTJ-INFP the attraction is mutual, but not a full match. Also, we can communicate easily because the Ni-Ne match, but we aren't necessarily moving into the same direction.

I was thinking about this, I've read the same theory before and I was trying to figure out how it relates to me. I find that I tend to attract ISTJs quite a bit. I have a few in my life, my best friend is ISTJ for one.

I get along with ISTJs very well, they say that they enjoy my company, too. I like them even more because they seem to like me so much.

Yet in a romantic relationship, something is always a little off, that last bit of connection isn't quite there because we think so differently.

When it comes to just a platonic friendship, it's a great learning process both for me and my friend because we can give each other different insights... I find that I can always learn from Sensors - it's like the yin yang thing, together we can get the full picture.

But on a romantic and emotional level I find it really difficult to be involved with an S. I always feel as if I'm held back a little bit.

I'm curious does anyone else have similar experience with sensors??

[ElstonGunn]

I'm curious does anyone else have similar experience with sensors??

Yeah, tons of people here say that. It's like asking an Irishman if he's ever had any problem with the English.

[Josephine1012]

Yeah, tons of people here say that. It's like asking an Irishman if he's ever had any problem with the English.

Yes, yes, the S's are the butt of every joke around here, so no news there.

that's not entirely what I'm saying, I find my friendships with Ss very rewarding, they help me grow. But I can't seem to develop romantic feelings for them as easily as I can for Ns. I by no means have any issues with the S population, they are just different.

More directly I'm wondering if other people really enjoy their S friends, but can't quite make the whole "love" thing work. By the same token I'm curious if anyone was able to make a fulfilling relationship with S work.

[Luthor Rex]

I think I might just be. I've actually had people call me a masochist before, although, it was mostly pertaining to my Obsessive-Compulsive behaviors.

I think there were a couple threads that I saw that talked about how to get with an INTJ, but I can't find them now with the search.

I'm sleepy so no specifics, but I will tell you this: when I saw Audrey Hepburn play Eliza Doolittle in "My Fair Lady" I was completely bowled over. I think it was a combination of the actress and the character, but yeah if I was Henry Higgins I would have been doing a lot more than teaching her how to speak properly.

[Josephine1012]

I think there were a couple threads that I saw that talked about how to get with an INTJ, but I can't find them now with the search.

I'm sleepy so no specifics, but I will tell you this: when I saw Audrey Hepburn play Eliza Doolittle in "My Fair Lady" I was completely bowled over. I think it was a combination of the actress and the character, but yeah if I was Henry Higgins I would have been doing a lot more than teaching her how to speak properly.

I do believe the very beginning of this thread has a quote from a different thread on how attract INTJ. It's one of the first few posts.

[Luthor Rex]

But on a romantic and emotional level I find it really difficult to be involved with an S. I always feel as if I'm held back a little bit.

I'm curious does anyone else have similar experience with sensors??

As an INTJ, I tend to experience S's as emotionally bankrupt... coming from an INTJ, that's BAD.

[curiousjane]

I do believe the very beginning of this thread has a quote from a different thread on how attract INTJ. It's one of the first few posts.
It was. I started that thread ...
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Lots of good advice. I think we should keep this thread alive with similar kernels of wisdom.

[demaugustus]

I have a date tomorrow with a girl who I suspect is ENXP - we'll see how it goes.

[enfpchick]

I have a date tomorrow with a girl who I suspect is ENXP - we'll see how it goes.

Yaaaaaay!

Have fun and come back with plenty of details.
lol i sound like my mom

[Exponential]

Yet in a romantic relationship, something is always a little off, that last bit of connection isn't quite there because we think so differently.

...

But on a romantic and emotional level I find it really difficult to be involved with an S. I always feel as if I'm held back a little bit.

I'm curious does anyone else have similar experience with sensors??

I've always described past relationships with S's as being a "relationship of one". Technically you're in a relationship, but it feels like you are by yourself.

S's are great as friends or one-nighter's, but I don't think I could ever manage to do proper long term with an S.

[curiousjane]

The problem is ...

Most of us N's are so used to feeling "other" than the rest of the people around us, that we long for the deep mind connection of communing with other N's. It's not that S is better or worse, it's just that S is not the same thinking pattern and understanding pattern. When we connect with other N's, we have this amazing spark of recognition. What?! You, too! You get it! And we all want out significant others to "get" us, don't we? That's kind of the point of the whole thing.

Myself, I'm just hoping to be swept off my feet one day by an N-type person. A more demonstrative and decisive INTJ would be nice, but other N's are completely wonderful, as well. I'm the only N in my immediate family now. I'm pretty used to being the odd bird. My N is off the charts, if you count percentages from online tests. It's a little sad, really. Everything else is pretty balanced. But intuition is ... pretty much my dominant trait (although Fi works its way in there, too). Speak to my intuition, celebrate my intuitiveness, or intuit your way into my world ... and you've got me, hook, line, and sinker.

:lovestruck:

[JoeyDude]

Most of us N's are so used to feeling "other" than the rest of the people around us, that we long for the deep mind connection of communing with other N's. It's not that S is better or worse, it's just that S is not the same thinking pattern and understanding pattern. When we connect with other N's, we have this amazing spark of recognition. What?! You, too! You get it! And we all want out significant others to "get" us, don't we? That's kind of the point of the whole thing.


I got to say that's a very brilliant and insightful explanation on the S vs N connections! In one of my former jobs I worked with an INFP and her husband happened to be my boss (ESTJ). Because of the obvious political issue there hitting on the boss' wife, I didn't even try to be flirty with her at all. But the strange thing is that we cracked each other up and often her husband would look at us like we're on drugs. It wasn't like I was trying to woo her or anything but the connection just felt natural and effortless.

And part of the natural connection I do admit was that she actually admitted she didn't feel weird with me and felt comfortable enough to just be herself. And it worked both ways as well, I enjoyed just saying whatever was on my mind without getting the "are you on crack?" look.

[Sinequanon]

The problem is ...

Most of us N's are so used to feeling "other" than the rest of the people around us, that we long for the deep mind connection of communing with other N's. It's not that S is better or worse, it's just that S is not the same thinking pattern and understanding pattern. When we connect with other N's, we have this amazing spark of recognition. What?! You, too! You get it! And we all want out significant others to "get" us, don't we? That's kind of the point of the whole thing.

Myself, I'm just hoping to be swept off my feet one day by an N-type person. A more demonstrative and decisive INTJ would be nice, but other N's are completely wonderful, as well. I'm the only N in my immediate family now. I'm pretty used to being the odd bird. My N is off the charts, if you count percentages from online tests. It's a little sad, really. Everything else is pretty balanced. But intuition is ... pretty much my dominant trait (although Fi works its way in there, too). Speak to my intuition, celebrate my intuitiveness, or intuit your way into my world ... and you've got me, hook, line, and sinker.

:lovestruck:
I've found INFPs look a lot more... intuitiony? than other types, too. Because decisions are made on internal values, that are quietly kept, and the external output IS intuition, there doesn't appear to be a logical basis for actions. At least INTJs, who are ironically primary intuitors, can hide behind the shell of cold logic. I've got a 10-page long explanation for everything I do, just waiting for someone to ask; you can't similarly grill an INFP (nor should you).

My INFP speaks a lot about feeling disconnected from her community, and I can definitely empathize. I have always felt that way too, but more from the opposite perspective- I sought to separate (distinguish) myself, drawing myself away. It seems ironic and maybe slightly tragic that her inclination appears to be withdrawing but she deeply wants to be more involved with the people and things around her. Do you ever get that conflict going on, Jane?

[ElstonGunn]

that's not entirely what I'm saying, I find my friendships with Ss very rewarding, they help me grow. But I can't seem to develop romantic feelings for them as easily as I can for Ns.

Oh, okay. In that case, I say yes, but it's the opposite for me. I have N friends, but they're not attractive to me in a romantic sense and on a personal level. They are attractive to me on an impersonal level ("I don't like you, but I can see how someone else would"), and they are attractive to me on a platonic level. Not romantically, though.

I by no means have the data to verify this, but I can only assume that at least 85 percent of the people I've been romantically attracted were sensors.

[Josephine1012]

Oh, okay. In that case, I say yes, but it's the opposite for me. I have N friends, but they're not attractive to me in a romantic sense and on a personal level. They are attractive to me on an impersonal level ("I don't like you, but I can see how someone else would"), and they are attractive to me on a platonic level. Not romantically, though.

I by no means have the data to verify this, but I can only assume that at least 85 percent of the people I've been romantically attracted were sensors.

I find that it's a lot easier to keep the mystery going with sensors, maybe relationships aren't as intimidating because you aren't revealing as much. The higher you the further you have to fall.....

[demaugustus]

Yaaaaaay!

Have fun and come back with plenty of details.
lol i sound like my mom

After our first date I've determined that she is an INFP (this is still a work in progress, but I'm 85% sure). She says she likes me because I'm "earnest" and don't try to put on some kind of a pickup artist act like other guys. I didn't have to do any PUA "trash" tactics because our N's locked from the first few moments we met. I was just myself, she was herself, and it was good. What helped too was that we both like to be isolated in a quiet location from everyone else because we're both introverts and it really helped us connect. All the pick-up-artist bullshit that I've learned from books, well most of it anyway, can be thrown out the window at this point.

She would like to go on a second date.

[curiousjane]

After our first date I've determined that she is an INFP (this is still a work in progress, but I'm 85% sure). She says she likes me because I'm "earnest"
Lucky you! This sounds about right, type-wise.

I didn't have to do any PUA "trash" tactics because our N's locked from the first few moments we met.
My point exactly.

I was just myself, she was herself, and it was good. [ ... ]. All the pick-up-artist bullshit that I've learned from books, well most of it anyway, can be thrown out the window at this point.
Finally! Somebody gets it! The whole reason two people bond is because they align well and have mutual interest that is strengthened by honesty and an ability to be one's self. A romance then can begin (as opposed to just a platonic affection) as physical and emotional awareness increases.

She would like to go on a second date.
Good for the two of you. And good luck! This INFP is rooting for you ...

[dogwoodlover]

How do you attract and win the heart of our theoretical companion the ENFP/INFP? I know Dr. East wrote a very well put post about "attracting and winning the heart of an INTJ", but how about an ENFP/INFP?


Humor worked extremely well with my ENFP girlfriend. Being able to make her laugh on a whim I think definitely got my foot in the door, along with engaging Fi to show your "soft side" occasionally (more if you're together, less if you're just flirting).

I think the attraction between my girlfriend and I was more or less natural, and I just had to make her laugh and be a "nice guy" to grab her attention. It progressed from there to eventually form some really deep connections between us--I tell people she is my best friend.

[Marcus]

I found the following on similarity vs. complementary in a relationship in Wikipedia (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.):

The importance of similarity and complementarity may depend on the stage of the relationship. Similarity seems to carry considerable weight in initial attraction, while complementarity assumes importance as the relationship develops over time (Vinacke, Shannon, Palazzo, Balsavage, et-al, 1988). Markey (2007) found that people would be more satisfied with their relationship if their partners differed from them, at least, in terms of dominance, as two dominant persons may experience conflicts while two submissive individuals may have frustration as neither member take the initiative.

[Onotheo]

I took an online test to see which type I am attracted to and it indicated ENFP and I assumed this is probably not a good match and I'm probably being irrational in my tastes. I turns out, as they say, it is a good match. Nice to know. Before taking the test I predicted that it would be artisan.

[Josephine1012]

I took an online test to see which type I am attracted to and it indicated ENFP and I assumed this is probably not a good match and I'm probably being irrational in my tastes. I turns out, as they say, it is a good match. Nice to know. Before taking the test I predicted that it would be artisan.

As always the curious ENFP is here :)

Why did you think it would be a bad match?

[demaugustus]

I have a friend who is ENFP who has the best personality in the world. We get alone really well. She's matured a lot because of a life threatening health problem. If is wasn't for the fact that she may die in the next 5 years I'd date her and love her like there is no tomorrow. But I can't fall in love with someone who is likely going to die, my dad just died, I can't do both at the same time.

[Josephine1012]

I have a friend who is ENFP who has the best personality in the world. We get alone really well. She's matured a lot because of a life threatening health problem. If is wasn't for the fact that she may die in the next 5 years I'd date her and love her like there is no tomorrow. But I can't fall in love with someone who is likely going to die, my dad just died, I can't do both at the same time.

Hard to blame you, I'm so sorry to hear that.

[Onotheo]

As always the curious ENFP is here :)

Why did you think it would be a bad match?
Simply because I think that what I like in others may not necessarily be the right thing for me.

[Josephine1012]

Simply because I think that what I like in others may not necessarily be the right thing for me.

That's a very safe answer :) But it is rather difficult to decipher it

[ElstonGunn]

That's a very safe answer :) But it is rather difficult to decipher it

You're talking to INTJs-- get used to that kind of disappointment.

For the record, the answer makes perfect sense to me, and I would apply it to myself, too. Well said.

[StacieJane]

Hey Folks..

Can anyone tell me the main differences between an INTP and an INTJ? I was kind of seeing an INTP but found him to be the most confusing person ever and it was kind of messing me up, although this does not stop me liking him (typical ENFP trait!)..And aparently ENFP's are well matched with INTJ's?

Oh and Josephine..agree with all your points.

[tp6626]

That's a very safe answer :) But it is rather difficult to decipher it

It kind of means that we can appear quite spontaneous in what we think about a situation.

As a result, we will sometimes withhold from committing to something when others would rush in feet first. We could not guarantee that the person is the right person for us, even though we like them initially.

Sometimes we may not even be aware initially of what is right for us, and would only realise that we don't want to be here, once committed to someone. Sometimes that's too bigger a risk for us to take, so we don't go ahead with something for fear of creating problems / hurting someone.

Its an odd one to describe, but that's my take on it.


Is that you in your avatar by the way? If so, you actually look like a Josephine! I've never known a Josephine who doesn't look like a Josephine, if you know what I mean?

[Josephine1012]

Is that you in your avatar by the way? If so, you actually look like a Josephine! I've never known a Josephine who doesn't look like a Josephine, if you know what I mean?


That is me in the avatar, but Josephine is an alias. My mom was convinced that I was going to be a boy, so she was planning on naming me Joseph. But since that plan fell through, she named me after a french actress. So, Josephine seemed appropriate and close enough :)

[tp6626]

That is me in the avatar, but Josephine is an alias. My mom was convinced that I was going to be a boy, so she was planning on naming me Joseph. But since that plan fell through, she named me after a french actress. So, Josephine seemed appropriate and close enough :)

You've blown my theory out the water then, thanks for that :) .

Did the explanation make any sense to you?

[Josephine1012]

You've blown my theory out the water then, thanks for that :) .

Did the explanation make any sense to you?

Yes, it did. Both in theory and in the context of the people I know.

[JoeyDude]

That is me in the avatar, but Josephine is an alias. My mom was convinced that I was going to be a boy, so she was planning on naming me Joseph. But since that plan fell through, she named me after a french actress. So, Josephine seemed appropriate and close enough :)

Or she was probably too cheap to return all those baby clothes with the name "Joseph" on them and just scrawled in "ine" ha ha!

[tp6626]

Or she was probably too cheap to return all those baby clothes with the name "Joseph" on them and just scrawled in "ine" ha ha!

I think what we've learned from this is to hedge your bets. Always go for an asexual name. Pat, Chris, Tony...

[sid4wisdom]

my mother is an ENFP and we get along very well for the most part. However, we have trouble in some cases where she can get outrageously emotional about something which i believe is just a rational assertion or enquiry. Thats probably the only disconnect.

I guess it'll be the same in a relationship too. You just never know what turns on that F switch

[Josephine1012]

I guess it'll be the same in a relationship too. You just never know what turns on that F switch

You have to remember that the F switch is very different for all feelers. I've seen some enraged T's and some pretty mellow F's.

I'm definitely an F, but I hardly ever lose my cool.

[sid4wisdom]

I'm definitely an F, but I hardly ever lose my cool.

I'll clarify what i mean by F. Its usually that my mother ends up feeling very 'hurt' all too easily. I don't like it , but i generally feel no need to apologize as the discussion in my opinion was entirely impersonal and non judgemental.

Thats about the only place of disconnect.

[Luthor Rex]

That's a very safe answer :) But it is rather difficult to decipher it

Oh I think I know exactly what he means. Personally I tend to like women who are obnoxious and difficult so I can 'conquer' them a la Taming of the Shrew. I really hate to admit how much fun it sounds like it would be to be in a love/hate with a woman. I think there was a couple on that old show Cheers that did it that way.

But I realize just how broken it would all be, and that rationally I could never trust a woman who treated me like that.

So I'm certain to stay away from the loud mouthed red-heads to ask me if I'm stupid.





Luthor Rex added to this post, 3 minutes and 9 seconds later...

It kind of means that we can appear quite spontaneous in what we think about a situation.

As a result, we will sometimes withhold from committing to something when others would rush in feet first. We could not guarantee that the person is the right person for us, even though we like them initially.

Sometimes we may not even be aware initially of what is right for us, and would only realise that we don't want to be here, once committed to someone. Sometimes that's too bigger a risk for us to take, so we don't go ahead with something for fear of creating problems

Well said.





Luthor Rex added to this post, 3 minutes and 36 seconds later...

I'll clarify what i mean by F. Its usually that my mother ends up feeling very 'hurt' all too easily. I don't like it , but i generally feel no need to apologize as the discussion in my opinion was entirely impersonal and non judgemental.

Thats about the only place of disconnect.


When your mom asks you if "this dress makes me look fat" you don't give the honest answer!

[Josephine1012]

I have to admit, conquering difficult people is great fun, but it is extremely unrewarding. It's pretty entertaining if you're bored, but, my gosh, the problems you will have once you "win them over".... overall very poor time investment.

I'm not gonna lie I've done a little bit of that in my day... but i can't say that anything positive ever came out of that.

[dcm]

I've run into a lot of ENFP's throughout the years and just being yourself will make them like you. It's really strange, but it's true. If you can just engage in a conversation about anything, they will be intrigued by you, and you will enjoy their company. I have yet to meet an ENFP who didn't like me :)

[curiousjane]

It kind of means that we can appear quite spontaneous in what we think about a situation.

As a result, we will sometimes withhold from committing to something when others would rush in feet first. We could not guarantee that the person is the right person for us, even though we like them initially.

Sometimes we may not even be aware initially of what is right for us, and would only realise that we don't want to be here, once committed to someone. Sometimes that's too bigger a risk for us to take, so we don't go ahead with something for fear of creating problems / hurting someone.

Its an odd one to describe, but that's my take on it.

You just about summed up exactly what my favorite INTJ did/said about the possibility of entering a serious relationship with me. It didn't happen because he had this concern about the whole "creating problems/hurting someone" thing (the reason he avoided emotional attachment at any level). I wanted to believe that it was for my benefit, but a small part of me suspects that it was an easier out for him to put it that way once he realized he just wasn't attracted to me enough for him to get more involved than he was. We had all the platonic chemistry, but the romantic chemistry required that he put a little more into it than he was willing to give ... and as a result I picked up on that and didn't force anything because I needed to know if he chose romance it was because HE wanted to, and not because I had guilted him into it. That would be the worst.

Which is why I accepted his reasoning and didn't push for us to be together. I can't change the mind of another. Not by force, and certainly not merely by persuasion. If we end up together somewhere down the road, it will be because I was consistent, and patient. And he was made aware that he had to brave a little hurt to gain a hundredfold of love.

[qwerty]

For my ENFP sweetheart, it was natural. We just went together like peas and carrots.

Really, I think we work with each other well, the J side of me is planning and she gets me involved in all the fun things, even if it makes me question my sanitity :P

But yeah, I think the thing is be open, be natural, have a little trust that things will work out and get ready for your world to be flipped upsidedown.

Oh and just know nothing will prepare you for how amazing she is. Or how fun she will be. Or how cute, or how sweet (even if you don't see it to begin with).
She will change your life for the better.

[Luthor Rex]

I've only had experience with that one confirmed ENFP, so my view may be a bit off.

Do y'all think the INTJ-ENFP connection is more than love? Do your experiences make you believe that there is also obsession involved as well? As though the INTJ-ENFP bond isn't so much about connecting as it is about ownership?

That ENFP I know is a '10' and some of the stories about how men have treated her would bring out the homicidal rage in me if I had been her husband. It did in her first husband (also an INTJ) apparently on at least one occasion. Some dumb drunk guy grabbed her boobs and she tells me it took several police officers to pull her ex off the guy (fortunetly it was a public place and they were right there). I bring this story up because it just makes the INTJ-ENFP connection seem... primal.

[mayumi]

... I bring this story up because it just makes the INTJ-ENFP connection seem... primal.

Now I'm very interested.

What is the dark side to a good INTJ-ENFP connection... I hope somebody knows.

[Luthor Rex]

Now I'm very interested.

What is the dark side to a good INTJ-ENFP connection... I hope somebody knows.

This is actually a good question I'd like to see answered as well. But when I said 'primal' that's not exactly what I was going for.

What I'm thinking of here, when I say primal, is that the connection is the kind of subconscious thing that connects directly to our animal instincts. I mean this in a neutral way. Animal instincts range from the nurturing of a mother to the predator in all of us. So in this case a primal connection would be something that is largerly below the surface and it means those who are in thral to it will do things they might never have consciously thought they would do and that surpises themselves. This could also mean that you know what the other person is thinking in a way that might almost seem psychic sometimes.

For the parties involved, it may seem like the match was "pre-ordained" and that they are just along for the ride.

[CarolinetheENFP]

it would explain a lot of things wouldnt it
i believe there is something quite unique and arguably deeper with the ENFP/INTJ connection than just love
although in the right relationships there is plenty of that
but there is this spark
and whatever its name or origin
there is this sort of feeling of completion
like where one is lacking the other fills in the hole and vice versa
and there is a mutual comraderie that both types are quite alien compared to their peers and they recognize that in the other
its beautiful really
and it may be primal
and it definately may be pre-ordained ;)

[Lucid]

it would explain a lot of things wouldnt it
i believe there is something quite unique and arguably deeper with the ENFP/INTJ connection than just love
although in the right relationships there is plenty of that
but there is this spark
and whatever its name or origin
there is this sort of feeling of completion
like where one is lacking the other fills in the hole and vice versa
and there is a mutual comraderie that both types are quite alien compared to their peers and they recognize that in the other
its beautiful really
and it may be primal
and it definately may be pre-ordained ;)

I gotta say, my ENFJ x gets on my nerves more than he completes me. I mean, he's an awesome guy. But jesus christ. That's all I can say.

[CarolinetheENFP]

well the differences between me, ENFP and my ENFJ best friend are immense.
im sure its not even close to the same

[Nikita]

Stop being polite and start being real! Be prepared for fun in the sun. Embrace your inner Einstein. And never be a cliche. :p

[Josephine1012]

I gotta say, my ENFJ x gets on my nerves more than he completes me. I mean, he's an awesome guy. But jesus christ. That's all I can say.

Oh, boy... there probably always comes a time when we all annoy the stuffing out of each other. I'd be shocked if you could escape that in any relationship. (If you can, I want pointers :) ) But there has to be a reason you keep him around, right ;)

well the differences between me, ENFP and my ENFJ best friend are immense.
im sure its not even close to the same

As much as I can't argue the fact that I really enjoy INTJs in general, the type preference is just that... Preference. There could be other great partners for INTJ outside of ENFP, we are all so different and unfortunately being ENFP isn't enough to complete the "magic". You have to be with the right person, too.

[Lucid]

well the differences between me, ENFP and my ENFJ best friend are immense.
im sure its not even close to the same

He's an ENFP. Sorry. Typo. My bad. :)

[SoupNazi]

That assumes that we're putting our hair up-- actively repressing our urges, rather than a general absences of "urges," as it were. (We have urges, but they're different. A lot of the time, they involve books and ideas and things like that.) ;)

I agree. There have been times when friends/colleagues have tried to get me drunk, thinking that I needed to let my hair down. While I have never really been 'drunk', there have been times that I've had a lot to drink.. my personality didn't change at all (much to my friends' frustration). My hair had already been down.. whatever fun or interesting things they were hoping to uncover were never being hidden.. they just weren't there

[poontanya]

What's an ENFP, and what's an INFP like? I'm struggling to place any. I'm sure I must know at least a couple just by probabilities, but I don't have enough info to go on to identify them.

How do they typically act? (I know I could look up the type descriptions on google, but I think 1st hand descriptions from the ENFP's here would be more useful).

Also, what are the major differences that I'd notice with an INFP as opposed to an ENFP?

I am an *INFP,* and my bestfriend of 12 years in an *ENFP*.... So I think I would would be great at answering this question.

As an Infp I tend to look around at my surroundings a lot, at people, and things...pondering... day dreaming thinking my own things....I look very calm, relaxed and deep. Because of this I can seem a little snobby, but I'm not.... I seem more like a little dreamy and distant... hmmm how else could you spot us? We seem very deep, melancholy, or complex. We are hard to read. At first, you're not sure if we're shy, quiet, if we hate what we're doing, if we don't like you, or if we're sad, bored, or tired...... if you happen to catch us out of our RESERVE... you'll see a glimpse of silly and sweet, with a little fun charm going on... (I would say that's the real us... that's the surprise mystery filling--- if you're one of the lucky winners.....but not all the time, we can go from sweet, funny and charming and entertaining, to deep and reflective back and forth all day...)if we have an amusing thought, maybe you'll witness a secret smile. I don't know about all of us, but I smile to myself often...especially when I have a funny thought, or if I overhear someone say something offbeat or strange that tickled me a little.... If we were to meet someone for the first time, we'd probably seem nice but a little shy or 'something' you won't be able to figure it out at first.

I am kind of attracted to INTJs.... they seem different to me.
To me they stick out like a sore thumb... it's kinda like I can sense their
Introverted Intuitiveness... like they just "know" something...but they seem blunt... it's like a contradiction to me. It's like they're nice people but they can't control the way things come out of their mouths or something.
It's like they're nice and offensive at the same time...yet the offensiveness doesn't seem 'personal' it just seems like it's a part of who they are.



As for ENFPs.....

I would say ENFPs are a lot of fun. They are kind of zany... and a little ridiculous but it's fun. If you are in a class with one... they'll surprise you by saying or asking something that seems kinda dumb or totally random but somehow the ENFP thought it made sense to ask. Usually people stop and look at this person in amazement and/or laugh....sometimes they are thought of as ditzy or dumb.... that's not exactly true... because they are smart but in a different way. It's kinda cute. They are personal and nice... they are probably the first one to laugh at a dumb joke, and perhaps the only one. People like them a lot because they think the ENFP seems to like them or take a VERY PERSONAL INTEREST in them...when in reality most of the time they're just nice or taking an interest in everyone or everything, that, or just really enjoying their own company in the presence of you... they're flightly, generous, not very responsible, can't keep their minds on one thing at a time which makes them seem flaky.... they typically get excited about something, and say they are going to do something, and even though they are very excited and it seems like they might do it, they usually trade it in for another REALLY GREAT IDEA... and don't follow through on it either. They don't have very good staying power, and they're kinda flighty. But I think they're great anyway. They are very warm and generous people... and very GULLIBLE!

[nosugarintea]

Now I'm very interested.

What is the dark side to a good INTJ-ENFP connection... I hope somebody knows.

Yes, I like the word Primal. Primal is how I will describe it.

That we both understand it's not necessary to discuss the dark side or anything for that matter. We just are and that is good.

Questions answered, more questions come... more answers... more questions... You know the pattern.

Let's go do something good together! :) Like NINTENDO!!!

[demaugustus]

My mom is an INFP and my sister is ENFP, so I think I've subconsciously been raised to deal with them and be attracted to their personalities, whether if I like it or not.

[muchado]

First, I find INTJ's fascinating and irresistable. I've been married to one for a couple of decades. On the practical side of this thread: look for INFP's in bookstores, libraries, and art shows. They will be the ones continuing to browse with an armful of books or staring for a long time at something no one else seems to see. The neat thing about the infp/intj pair is the conversation. It's like running water. And before I make this too long: use lots of word pictures.

[Jinxu]

This is interesting. Ever watch "True Blood" on HBO. From what I read, the INTJ/ENFP relationship sound a lot like the relationship between the character Bill and Suki. Another example is Anakin Skywalker/Padme in the Star Wars trilogy. The common trait they share is that the INTJ represent a dark side and the ENFP represent a light side. And the two seem to complement each other.

I also remember reading somewhere, but not completely sure, that INTJ rarely fall in love but when they do it can be intense.

Byronic heroes are said to have highly passionate natures. Nothing better illustrates Anakin’s own passionate nature than his love for Padmé Amidala. It is very much a force beyond his control. In Attack of the Clones Anakin insists, “You’re asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do.”15 Though the canon universe never states it outright, we are led to believe that Anakin loves Padmé so much he would have resigned the Jedi Order just to be with her. Nevertheless, Padmé is adamant that they must set aside their love so they can both fulfill their obligations to the systems they serve. She tells Anakin, “we live in a real world. Come back to it.” In that sense, Anakin and Padmé are very much like another traditional Byronic hero and his lady love. As Atara Stein describes Emily Bronte’s Heathcliff and Catherine -- “They are larger than life; their love cannot endure in a real world where…social considerations of necessity must preempt romantic love.”

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[muchado]

It's amazing that once an INTJ falls for someone, they are hard over for him/her. I still haven't plumbed the full depths of this love with my mate. Took me a long time to appreciate the depth and breadth of it.

[kazzamunga]

I'm an INTJ woman and I think you're right, I'm defo all-or-nothing about love. This thread interested me so I read the trusty Purdue summary of an ENFP, and I'm not sure whether I think that this is a good match for the INTJ woman...because the INTJ tends to just decide on the person having weighed up the factors, but in a practical and realistic sense, whereas it seems that the ENFP male is pretty flighty, and goes from thinking his partner can walk on water to being bored after a while that there is nothing more to find out about them. Is this true? Because I think that although this type sounds really interesting as a person, I don't think they would be ideal as a long term partner! I know a guy like this and although at first I was intrigued I was glad pretty soon after I found out what he was like that he already had a girlfriend...

[muchado]

kazz,

Can't speak for ENFPs, but for me INTJs are like this quote from a Laurie Anderson song:

Your eyes
it's a days work
just looking into them.

It takes a lifetime; there's is always more to discover with an INTJ.

[curiousjane]

Share.

That's about all it takes. Let us in. We have an infinite amount of caring bottled up underneath our reserved exterior. We are insatiably curious. We want to know all about you, and yet, because of who you are, that will take a lifetime.

That's okay. We kinda like the idea of getting to know you taking a lifetime.

We believe in love that lasts a lifetime.

[muchado]

CJ

Like what you said about being curious. I am terminally so, which draws me like a sprite to a flame to this forum. I wonder if there can be a coupling of the INTJ quest for knowledge and the INFP quest to find out about everything? This is different than doing something and moving on (saw the Eiffel Tower, what's next) vice having the totality of experience (wind in hair, overlooking Paris, images that come along, who looks interesting). BTW not saying either is better, just how we approach life, you know.

[Princess39]

Demvesalius,

I can only speak from my own INFP self so, here you go:

INFPs are very loyal and sensitive beings, so we often look for outgoing, strong, caring men who can help us feel a part of things and who we can give our love to. I have many reasons for being extremely attracted to INTJ man, but my man reasons that I am attracted to one myself is the authority that he walks in, the confidence that he displays, his honestly, sarcasm and I just love the way he thinks. It’s all a big turn on!!!
We INFPs love to here verbally that you care about us and often times need positive affirmations. We do not like conflict, so if it arises or if we are pressured, we may try to change the subject in order to avoid it because we like to create and maintain an atmosphere of peace. However, we will listen and compromise only if your tone is gentle and light and you don’t come off as being angry or upset. Otherwise, you’ll be talking, but the lights have already gone out…We can be a tad bit stubborn…But you didn’t hear that from me…LOL

Keep in mind, that although we love to be with you, loving on you, holding you and kissing you. We also need personal space, but at the same time, we respect the space of others. So, let us do our own thing as you INTJs like to do your own as well too. We have a tendency to cherish the person that we are with because we aim to please, so know that relationships are very important to us and they come 2nd after God and even before our own family and friends.

We love a person who can see us for who we are, and respect our distinctive style and perspectives. We are not overly jealous but we can be just a “little” possessive, but we will respect your privacy and independence as long as you communicate and are transparent with us. Don’t worry…we understand that we will really truly never know what ALL goes through your analytical brain, but since we love you…we will not only respect your perspectives and goals, but we have the ability to support them with loyal firmness.

Above all else, I hate BS and lying, so JUST BE YOU. ..Good, bad and indifferent.
Hope this helps 

[MadmanMSU]

You'll have to forgive me if this was already answered in this thread, but I have one question that gets me....I am irrevocably attracted to INF_ and ENF_ types, for all the reasons mentioned here previously. The problem I have is that I can never tell who should make the first move. Do these types play coy, do they prefer for the other to make all the first moves? Or should I just wait for a truer sign of interest to show itself?

[wotsamattaU]

Speaking for myself, I do not play coy. I suddenly become coy around a male who draws my female energy strongly to the fore. This isn't something preconceived. It can be frustrating as hell, as it means my communications are now overlaced with the filter of attraction. (A damned nusiance!)

If we were conversing face to face, experiencing a great connection and suddenly I seemed to change before your eyes...becoming a bit coy...that means I am now reacting to you in an attraction based way.

This only seems to occur when I am with another N. If I am attracted to an S it is different. With an N something clicks deep inside, the connection I am experiencing is far different.

It's that realization you're with someone who is similar to you. You're Super N'ing. All of a sudden it feels as if I'm typing on the wrong row (inside) when this realization strikes. The shyness then comes to the fore because I have just realized I am attracted to you.

If I already knew I was attracted to you, the coyness might just pop out when I least expect it - despite all my efforts at calmness. (Curses!)

From what I've read of ENFP's, they tend to revert to shyness around those they are attracted to as well.

Yes, make the first move. You will find yourself in an inadvertent standoff otherwise. It is still widely expected that the male should make the first step; many have been raised this way.

If you are experiencing a great connection act on it. Connecting with someone like that does not occur every day. You have to appreciate it for what it is and not allow it to slip through your fingers like sand. Carpe diem!

[seoa]

I am irrevocably attracted to INF_ and ENF_ types, for all the reasons mentioned here previously. The problem I have is that I can never tell who should make the first move. Do these types play coy, do they prefer for the other to make all the first moves? Or should I just wait for a truer sign of interest to show itself?

ultimately, you will never know if you don't ask...

the quote from my MBTI that is most relevant is:
While ENFP’s are brilliantly perceptive, they can make serious mistakes in judgment, which works to their discomfort. These mistakes derive from their being absolutely correct in their perceptions but wrong in their conclusions.
...so i can see a guy who seems interested in me, and then over-analyse either positively or negatively... which will absolutely affect my reactions...

the most recent guy (INTJ) i liked, he was about 50:50 encouraging /discouraging - i variously explained it either that the 50% negative was him being shy & self-conscious & pulling back - or that he was trying to make the point that the encouraging bits were not meant 'that way'... where i was at at the time (re-evaluating my approach to dating), i asked him point blank, coz i figured the feedback on my analysis would be helpful (plus he might have said yes!) - but that's quite unusual for me, because...

...as an enfp female, i present as pretty confident, and mostly tend to attract weak guys, so it's probably more important to me than most that the guy takes the assertive traditionally masculine role

so for this enfp, what works for me in a guy is self-confidence... be confident about your interest in me, allow me time to respond to that interest, but keep being yourself (soooo often, a guy starts to like me, then loses all their own boundaries, and lets me treat them like a whipped puppy dog - ugh!!!)... and if i say "no thanks", then if you can take that response with self-respect then i will continue to respect you, and we can remain friends, so no(t much) harm done...


seoa added to this post, 7 minutes and 31 seconds later...

oh, and don't forget that enfp thing about us looking like we're flirting with everyone... it's not that we're being cruel or careless, or doing it for ego gratification - we just like people, and want them to like us, which is most other people's definition of flirting...

i've had a few men who were absolutely convinced we'd had a year or more of 'significant' moments that just didn't exist... if only they'd asked...

[cyprienne]

I'm head-over-heals with my INTJ sweetheart, and I think a few of the things that draw us together are our insatiable curiosity, our visceral dislike of inauthenticity (in people), and the integrity we can't fathom living without.

I've been a gullible, tender-hearted INFP for long enough to rejoice in my sweetheart's directness. I can trust him - no games, no passive aggressive BS. The inside and outside match. He does not deceive or manipulate me. And he doesn't invent convoluted hidden meanings for my words - he takes them at face value (or asks me what on earth I'm talking about, and *then* accepts them at face value...). And when somebody who lives in a world of such blunt honesty acknowledges something they like about you, you know they mean it (and doesn't that just make your heart rate triple...)

We both have huge inner landscapes. I respect that for him, sharing the inner workings of his mind is as intimate as sharing the inner workings of my heart is for me. And god bless him - he accepts that some of my feelings may not make Vulcan-caliber rational sense to him. And that's okay.

I enjoy his creativity and irreverence. His level of comfort in his own skin is refreshing. He can ask for what he wants in our relationship. It's just a genuine pleasure to know him.

All that being said, we shared a desk at work for a year and never spoke to each other except to troubleshoot technical problems. Then I moved out of the country and we didn't get together until we got smooshed up against each other at a crowded table full of former coworkers a year and a half later and realized we liked it. (And then he made a couple of allusions to Army of Darkness and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and somebody started holding somebody's hand under the table...)

So, at least for this INFP, the key to launching this magical mystery tour was the INFP being allowed a glimpse of what was inside the INTJ all along?

[adjectivenoun]

I can only echo what others have said. I've always found that in order to earn the romantic affections of an INFP, all I have to do is show up and pay a decent amount of attention. I think they are often reluctant to make a daring move (such as confessing their interest) but they are amazingly transparent about being attracted even when they intend to conceal this. I only have experience with INFP males, however.

Keeping the relationship going strong is the hard part. For me, as an INTX, it is very easy to come across in a caring way in the courtship/wooing stage because the person is still new to me and I am eager to explore everything about him. Once the most pressing mysteries have been solved, it becomes more draining to communicate. It is my INFP partner's ability to empathize with me that keeps us from falling apart. If he were any less empathetic and generous, I am sure he would assume I am cold and uncaring.

In regards to ENFPs, I cannot say anything of value. Although I have admired people of this type in a friendly way, I have never once been attracted to an extrovert romantically.

[Jgib5328]

Can ENFPs read INTJs well? I sort of have a crush on this ENFP girl and I'd rather keep it from her until I can be sure she reciprocates the feelings. So far, I've treated her like I'd treat any other person, so she probably doesn't suspect anything. The reason I don't want her to know is that we're both on the same debate team and if I let her know, then it'll be awkward because I'll always be forced to be around her.

[demaugustus]

Just because I'm a "born again eNTJ" now doesn't mean that I find XNFP's any less awesome!!! Just so you all know...

[Ocean Machine]

Speaking as an INTJ I do love ENFPs but only if they've matured enough to be somewhat reliable. It's kind of a love-hate thing about the ENFP flaky nature; I find it fun and endearing at how sometimes ENFPs are random and they'll go with the flow and it's all a sort of adventure riding along with the whims. However, when it gets to the point when I don't even know if the ENFP is going to be there or keeps saying they'll get back to you but either never do or take forever then that's just a deal-breaker for me.

There have been 2 ENFPs ladies I knew that I started developing a romantic interest in but jeez, the flaking just drove me nuts and wrote them off.

But I am keeping hope becuase I have met two ENFPs (one is my best buddy and other is a previous coworker) that also are reliable enough that you can count on them most of the time.

And it works both ways with us INTJs; I admit that one major flaw that we do have to work on is tact and sensitivity towards others feelings. When I was younger I would be hurtful at times without even realizing it or even trying to upset other people. But I have been working on that and now I take care to be more aware of others feelings because sometimes I may have a perfectly logical statement but it's just hard to take in if it hurts.

I can identify perfectly with this. I met someone a couple months ago who I've been on a couple of dates with and I'm fairly sure is an ENFP, and the time we spend together is just amazing, but it's incredibly difficult and frustrating trying to move things along. She'll take forever to get back to me, even though I can tell she's being sincere. It is sorta like a roller coaster, and it's taking a lot of effort to go against my instincts and be patient and let things work out slowly. I find myself wanting to keep asking her if she really is in fact interested in me.

[ENFPfemme]

haha love this thread!

will add my own/continue to resonate with whats been said

To attract an ENFP:

-be very insightful
-ask a lot of deep questions
-don't give uninsightful answers to her questions
-make her feel warm and fuzzy( compliment, give her loads of attention, light up when you see her)
-tell her what you like about her
-take her by the hand, swing her close to you, lightly touch her cheek as you pull her hair back, and say something wonderful or non-sequitorish (we're suckers for being made to feel special, and over-the-top romantic fantasies)
-respond to every single one of her emails
-pick up every single one of her calls (basically never make her feel ignored, or she will run from you)
-share with her your deepest fears and secrets
-dont get upset with her for being full of energy
-dont get upset with her for being herself, in general, or she is very break easy, and will run
-be sincere and open with her, for she isn't one to appreciate the game, to her she appreciates the intenseness and excitement of letting go of inhibitions
-help her stay on track when she needs it

thats about it

[Monte314]

Here's how my INFP wife and I finally got together: I stopped running and let her catch me.

[Jinxu]

11.) Did I mention she is hyper-sexual?

Are INFPs hyper-sexual too?

[AliTree]

Are INFPs hyper-sexual too?

my INFP is. ha.

[JohnDoe]

my INFP is. ha.

Coming from you that could mean almost anything

[AuthenticSpirit]

There is a lot of INFP's on this forum. I thought they were rare!! ahem... their all on the internet...commenting on forums about themself. ;o)

I have scored ENFP every time I have taken the test, any Myer-Briggs test. & As an ENFP woman, the details of attracting us, or keeping our attention on you can be draining if it's not in your personality to do so.

This is.... I think.. to add on to ENFPfemme's comment (#144). because i agree with her too.

1. They are attracted to people who know a lot, about various different things, someone who loves to research and try new things, so they ENFP can always be learning from them.
2. They sincerely enjoy people who love to answer questions and talk about themselves. tell stories, jokes, or even think about deep things, and be able to communicate it without being suspicious or upset.
3. They ADMIRE and NOTICE people who are compassionate to others, and respectful ,approachable/reproachable to most types of people.
4. Chances are, if you don't like people, or always see people in a negative judgemental way. And ENFP will find it draining or unenjoyable(if that is a word) to be around you all the time, especially in social groups.
5. Because they are always being true to themselves and putting themselves out there a lot. They also need regular expressions of compliments, admirations and compliments - From their boyfriend/girlfriend, or whoever wants a relationship with them. If these are lacking, the ENFP can doubt that person’s interest or approval of them.
6. ENFP will study any new person in every way, and will notice whether or not that persons interest in them in genuine and persistent, or conditional and inconsistent. If they get the impression that it if conditional and inconsistent, they will turn their back to the possibility of a relationship, but will remain friends.
7. If you like them. Initiate. Because you can be waiting a while. They are lacking judgement trait, so they won't pick up on the clues or know for sure if you like them or not. So make it clear, naturally, and be consistent. they will come around.
8. Be comfortable with yourself. And just be yourself. Don't try to walk-out of character just to impress them. they are interested in learning you! not the you that's trying to impress them.
9. ENFP does need someone to help they stay on track when needed. But they will withdraw from those who they feel are insensitive, or too critical to their feelings, dreams, and aspirations.
10. I know many INTJ, ISTJ, ESTJ, that have been attracted to me. And athough some things about them I liked, I was not fond of their insensitivity to the feelings of others, and their rigid structure to life. I personally don’t think those types are good long term matches for ENFP. But I do think ENFJ, ESFJ, ...or any NF type is an Ideal match for ENFP.

XD

but what do i know??...I'm not in a relationship right now! (wheeww) And I haven't dated/or was in a relationship with every personality type. (o.O)
Because people really can't be characterized in a box size definition. So many things play apart in the development of a persons personality, and so many aspects of a person's personality can shift or take a slighty different shape, due to experiences, the will and drive to change or be better, or even due to their current situation. So remain open minded about people, despite of their personality type. You can still enjoy them!

[catzmeow]

Can ENFPs read INTJs well? I sort of have a crush on this ENFP girl and I'd rather keep it from her until I can be sure she reciprocates the feelings. So far, I've treated her like I'd treat any other person, so she probably doesn't suspect anything. The reason I don't want her to know is that we're both on the same debate team and if I let her know, then it'll be awkward because I'll always be forced to be around her.

This is a mistake. If she does have feelings, your coldness will convince her that these feelings are a mistake, and she will likely close the door on them. We aren't the type to hold a crush against you. If you share it, and we don't feel the same, we will be truthful, but then we can usually move on and remain friends.

Just my take.

For the record, while I can be flighty and forgetful, my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night is about the person I love, and that doesn't really change for me unless that person repeatedly mistreats me.

I can also be very outgoing and flirtatious, unless I'm really interested in someone. In that case, I become extremely shy and get worried about having my feelings reciprocated.

Also, sex between INTJ/ENFP - explosive.

[Pragmatist]

I don't have any experience with ENFP's ( anyone want to talk to educate me? ) but I have dealt with several INFP's. It's just natural. You don't have to attract them, we're like magnets, they'll jump all over you without trying. My only problem has been knowing what level to take it to. See, I don't want a commitment but the connection between INTJ/INFP is very strong and has an emotional basis even though the topics are intellectual. So, it's a little weird for me to want someone in my life really badly but not want to commit to them. Anyway, they don't want a commitment either and it's not even a relationship but it's crazy how naturally you get along. INTJ/INFP is one of the most amazing combinations in my opinion. If there was maybe a little less emotional drama or if they were just a tad more consistent with their personality, I think they'd be perfect. Unfortunately their flaws seem to be a little bit of wishy-washy common with Perceivers and also that they don't like hard logic topics as much as we do or talking about them for as long as we do. Correct me if I'm wrong INFP's. They enjoy talking for a while but not quite as long as INTJ's. They need a bit more of a social sort of balance than INTJ's do. We can hermit up for a week and research something, while INFP's seem to need human interaction a little more.

[katrin]

It's just natural. You don't have to attract them, we're like magnets, they'll jump all over you without trying.

I have so far managed--barely!--to refrain from subjecting any INTJs I know to a triple-X throwdown. Oh, wherever do I find the willpower? I don't. I just buy them all chastity belts. /sarcasm

I think you have a point, though. There can be strong chemistry between INTJs and INFPs, probably because both are intense types, and potentially it could be a good match since both seem to desire an emotionally and intellectually deep connection with a partner.

[T]he connection between INTJ/INFP is very strong and has an emotional basis even though the topics are intellectual.

This is true as well. I hadn't thought of it until you pointed it out. In conversation between INTJ and INFP, emotional topics may end up getting treated intellectually more than the INFP is used to and intellectual topics get treated with more emotion than the INTJ may be accustomed to. That's partly what makes the interactions so interesting.

Also, you are right that INFPs don't want to debate as long as most INTJs. Although, if I am at home or at a coffee shop with an SO, I will discuss just about anything, including political and religious topics--topics that I don't necessarily want to argue about on this forum. And I'll talk longer one on one.

And I don't mind logical or technical topics, although in these cases, the SO would be doing most of the talking and I the listening.

[Pragmatist]

I have so far managed--barely!--to refrain from subjecting any INTJs I know to a triple-X throwdown. Oh, wherever do I find the willpower? I don't. I just buy them all chastity belts. /sarcasm


Har har. :) Don't deny it, we're the whipped cream to your sundae. What prevents you from wanting to admit it is that we're also the whipped cream to our own sundae, because we're just that awesome, and arrogance of that magnitude is sometimes a turn off. ;)

I think you have a point, though. There can be strong chemistry between INTJs and INFPs, probably because both are intense types, and potentially it could be a good match since both seem to desire an emotionally and intellectually deep connection with a partner.

I think INFP's provide all the best attributes of types like ISFJ without the miscommunication and smothering. INFP's are very intense but because they too can only put up with people for so long, there is time to refresh this interest rather than letting it burn out and then beating the dead horse with a heart shaped box of chocolates for the rest of your life.

This is true as well. I hadn't thought of it until you pointed it out. In conversation between INTJ and INFP, emotional topics may end up getting treated intellectually more than the INFP is used to and intellectual topics get treated with more emotion than the INTJ may be accustomed to. That's partly what makes the interactions so interesting.

See? I told you we're awesome. No, I'm kidding, INTJ's aren't that big of conceited a-holes. Though we play one on TV.

Also, you are right that INFPs don't want to debate as long as most INTJs. Although, if I am at home or at a coffee shop with an SO, I will discuss just about anything, including political and religious topics--topics that I don't necessarily want to argue about on this forum. And I'll talk longer one on one.

And I don't mind logical or technical topics, although in these cases, the SO would be doing most of the talking and I the listening.

See for me this is the only turn off. This and the fact that INFP's are a little bit too inconsistent. If you guys wanted to talk about deep stuff for longer and didn't put on a different hat every time you woke up, you'd be perfect. Either way, the chemistry is ridiculous. It's like there's immediate sex in the air the second I see an INFP anymore. As though someone crop dusted the premises with pheromones. I'm a lion and they're a gazelle, then again, I'm far too aloof and anti-social to be a Lion, and you're way too ferocious and cause oriented to be a sheepish gazelle. Maybe it's more like.... I'm whipped cream and they're a sundae. Oh yeah! Be careful all of you, this thread may turn into a giant orgy. :D

/ridiculous (this is what happens when an INTJ gets too much energy and doesn't have a project to work on, we make sweet savory love to non-sensical self-absorbant paragraphs of rhetoric and sarcasm)

[katrin]

Har har. :) Don't deny it, we're the whipped cream to your sundae. What prevents you from wanting to admit it is that we're also the whipped cream to our own sundae, because we're just that awesome, and arrogance of that magnitude is sometimes a turn off. ;)

Hmm. If I agree that y'all are sometimes arrogant, then I'm telling you you are right. So, "You're wrong, Pragmatist! I never think INTJs are arrogant. Ever!" :p


I think INFP's provide all the best attributes of types like ISFJ without the miscommunication and smothering. INFP's are very intense but because they too can only put up with people for so long, there is time to refresh this interest rather than letting it burn out and then beating the dead horse with a heart shaped box of chocolates for the rest of your life.

Theoretically, this kind of yummy goodness--enjoyable communication w/o smothering--is possible, although miscommunication can still happen. (Death spiral.)

If you guys wanted to talk about deep stuff for longer and didn't put on a different hat every time you woke up, you'd be perfect.

It depends on what you mean by "deep stuff." I can converse about something like euthanasia for a long while. If the topic is string theory, my lack of knowledge will show. If the other person knows a lot about string theory, then I'd like to hear about it, learn, and perhaps comment.

If an INFP engineer and an INTJ engineer get to talking about semi-conductor physics, I imagine they could go on a long while. But I'm an arts/literature/humanities sort of INFP and most of the INTJ males I've heard of are the math/science types.

Edit: As for different hats, I admit it. Most guys I have dated liked that, though. They found my changeable nature to be non-boring. I never thought how for an INTJ that could be a drawback. Hmm.


Either way, the chemistry is ridiculous. It's like there's immediate sex in the air the second I see an INFP anymore. As though someone crop dusted the premises with pheromones. I'm a lion and they're a gazelle, then again, I'm far too aloof and anti-social to be a Lion, and you're way too ferocious and cause oriented to be a sheepish gazelle. Maybe it's more like.... I'm whipped cream and they're a sundae. Oh yeah! Be careful all of you, this thread may turn into a giant orgy. :D

/ridiculous (this is what happens when an INTJ gets too much energy and doesn't have a project to work on, we make sweet savory love to non-sensical self-absorbant paragraphs of rhetoric and sarcasm)

LOL. I'd better duck out. I'm too old to be in any orgy scenario with all you young INTJfers. :scared:

[Pragmatist]

Hmm. If I agree that y'all are sometimes arrogant, then I'm telling you you are right. So, "You're wrong, Pragmatist! I never think INTJs are arrogant. Ever!"

That's mighty sweet of you to say. I shall then proceed with an overbearing amount of self-confidence under the assumption that it does not bother you.

It depends on what you mean by "deep stuff." I can converse about something like euthanasia for a long while. If the topic is string theory, my lack of knowledge will show. If the other person knows a lot about string theory, then I'd like to hear about it, learn, and perhaps comment.

If an INFP engineer and an INTJ engineer get to talking about semi-conductor physics, I imagine they could go on a long while. But I'm an arts/literature/humanities sort of INFP and most of the INTJ males I've heard of are the math/science types.

Edit: As for different hats, I admit it. Most guys I have dated liked that, though. They found my changeable nature to be non-boring. I never thought how for an INTJ that could be a drawback. Hmm.

Good point. I had never thought about two people who were studying the same thing. I guess I was looking at it from the point of view that they were just two random people. I think two engineers would have a blast! INTJ/INFP.

The whole multiple-personality thing isn't that annoying it's mostly with things like changing plans and how you feel about the world or people. Like talking about an ex boyfriend. "I love him" "I hate him" "I love him" Blah.

LOL. I'd better duck out. I'm too old to be in any orgy scenario with all you young INTJfers.

Intellectual, text orgy. ;) You won't break a hip.

[JulietCapulet]

It's not a matter of attracting them, they find people like us fascinating, the trick is how to keep them. With the ENFP that I know, they easily become infatuated with a new person, showers them with compliments and probes the new person's inner being until all is revealed. Once they've had their fill, they move on to the next person. They enjoy learning people like I enjoy reading books. So, the question is, how do you become one of those favourite books that ENFP's like to read over and over again?

As to INFP's, you've got me there, I have no idea how people can attract introverts successfully. I mean, one time is luck. Being able to do it over and over when you are also an introvert is a challenge.

I know a lot of ENFPs might be like this, and those that are like that bother me as well. However, we are not all that way. I am extremely devoted...whoever I am with doesn't have to worry. If someone easily moves on to the next exciting thing, that it's more of a character flaw. Personally I find it disgusting to be so flighty and unfaithful.

[Pragmatist]

I know a lot of ENFPs might be like this, and those that are like that bother me as well. However, we are not all that way. I am extremely devoted...whoever I am with doesn't have to worry. If someone easily moves on to the next exciting thing, that it's more of a character flaw. Personally I find it disgusting to be so flighty and unfaithful.

I find a lot of MBTI personality traits fill in as you mature mentally, age physically and especially if you begin to study your own type. What the youth of a specific type does may not reflect what the true type is likely to be when fully matured. For example, I'm a hardcore INTJ but when I was younger before I had a lot of relationship experience I never thought I'd want to be away from my partner for even 5 seconds. Now I realize that I need personal space, which surprised me. Also take into consideration the shadow types and how many unlikely characteristics shine through when we are under stress or confused about our identity.

[Sparko]

Know that nothing you ever pretend to be or use as a strategy will ever pass my BS test.

Nothing is more attractive that a person who is completely themselves. Clear of any strategies, manipulations and insecurities. All that is left is sheer essence and that is like honey to a fly for any woman, or man.

Personally, I love a man who can inspire me. Usually humility, strong morals and a focus and conviction that isn't distracted by a mere pretty face.

[rika]

Good point. I had never thought about two people who were studying the same thing. I guess I was looking at it from the point of view that they were just two random people. I think two engineers would have a blast! INTJ/INFP.


I am just now working with an INFP. Our engineering subjects are complementary - it takes both of us to get the work done. And it is actually great.
We both appreciate each other's ideas. There is no need for lengthy explanations and proofs - we both get it with our Ns what the other one is doing.

A lot of the other engineers think this INFP is weird. I take him totally seriously.