How did you meet your significant other?

[rara avis]

I'm interested in hearing some info about INTJs who've successfully connected with the Right Person, and how on earth they accomplished the feat. What were the circumstances? How long did it take you to know that things were right?

Anyone?

[Deliberator]

Freak accident.

We met each other over the summer through his best friend Brian. The only reason I started hanging out with Brian is because he really wanted to go out with me. I met Brian through my college roommate. I met my roommate through an old elementary school friend. The only reason I knew this elementary school friend is because she always sat next to me on the bus in 3rd grade.

Ironically, we no longer speak to any of the aforementioned friends.

So basically I wouldn't have met him if (1) we didn't live in the same area for most of our lives, (2) we didn't have loser friends who we actually didn't like, (3) we weren't losers in high school, (4) we didn't go to a college we hated. Doesn't sound like the recipe for success but it just goes to show that great things can come from anywhere!

[Monster]

I`ve had arranged marriage with my mobile :-)

[Futuremouse]

we worked together. or rather, initially, in the same space.

i took a job with a television producer working nights, manipulating and arranging the pieces (isn't that always the way) for the next days work.

my super and i were meandering around the office one day and he introduced me to the person she was standing next to.

that awful, irrefutable, overwhelming intuitive bolt between the both of us, and i immediately thought:

'oh no. no thank you very much. i get it, but you're trouble. you stay over there, and i'll fuck off on my bit over here'.

she relented, for a while, but our relationship progressed from arms length defensiveness, to rather uncomfortable passive-aggressiveness, to unspoken but kind of tortured longing, to running away together to a new city away from all of our baggage and anyone we knew in common.

took five years, but were inexorably magnetised towards each other in such a way that it eventually became a thing that neither one of us were able to deny.

rather pointless in its verbosity, but i wouldn't trade it.

[Nebula61]

I love "how we met" stories.

Rara avis,
We met in college, he was a grad student in Astronomy and I was an undergrad in Eng. Lit. However, I was always a science fiction reader so I was interested in Astronomy and took it as a course and lab. My lab instructor was a grad student and once, when visiting his office, my future husband spotted me and says he was instantly drawn to me
(he's an ENFJ--very romantic and has good instincts). He found out about me through the fellow grad student and when that student had to leave the country and couldn't teach his class, my husband volunteered to substitute in the hopes of seeing me again.

In the meantime, I had also heard about a D&D group being formed by the astr.grad students through my lab teacher and I was interested in D&D so they asked me to join them. So when my husband met the class, we already had the upcoming D&D session to talk about and he asked me to join him for lunch. It all sort of happened simultaneously.

I liked him to begin with, but was not thinking much of long-term relationships (I was only 20 at the time) but we saw each other at a couple of D&D meetings and he always walked me home and a few weeks later he invited me to a shuttle launch. Again, a group of astr. students were going in a van. That solidified our relationship and after the first kiss, there was no going back for me! Major chemistry!

We both take credit for meeting, I, because it was my interest in Astronomy and D&D that took me to his world, and he because he recognized me instantly and pursued me.

I was not so attractive (not even at 20) to draw much male attention, so the fact that he fell in love/attraction at first sight, is definitely a tribute to his great instincts!

We started living together around two months after we met and married a year later.

We've been happily married for 25 years now! We have been incredibly compatible from the first and have never had any ups and downs or "rough spots" that people are always talking about. We just click together and find each other fascinating because we are so different. But our values are the same.

[AliTree]

haha, well i met my boyfriend (who i have been dating for over a 1 year 1/2) via jazz band. (hahah) i played piano in the jazz band and he played trombone. i don't really play much music any more (except i play my violin at home sometimes for fun to radiohead) and he doesn't really either. i thought that was ironic.

anyways, i always have a thing for guys 3-5 years older then me and he is 4. he was a senior and i was a freshmen. i liked him as a freshman, but he wouldn't "allow himself" to like me because of the age difference until a year later. (he says that he just didn't really care any more and saw that it was just dumb)

i think one major part of why i knew that we were meant for each other was the fact that he was definitely not "my type", except that he was a Christian and intelligent. he wasn't super thin (but not fat, he's just average), he wasn't half mexican (he's extremely white), he wasn't artsy (he's an engineer), and he didn't really have any good fashion sense (i've taught him well though. he knows more then some girls now haha). so the fact that i really liked a guy that was very different from any other guy i had ever liked i think was a clue. also, after we started dating, he said that he heard God tell him that i was the one for him and to not worry any more about that. another is that after we started dating and really got to know each other, we compliment each other perfectly. we're enough alike and enough opposite to make a great team. i also knew that he was the one by the fact that our whole relationship so far has been him at college 2 hours away from me for 9 months out of the year with only 1 weekend per month seeing him and 3 months of summer. the fact that it's lasted and is so much stronger with that obstacle was a sure sign to me. i also pretty early on in the relationship flat-out started talking about far future things and he didn't runaway hahaha. he also respects me a whole lot and is incredibly emotionally and mentally in-sync with me and i with him.

i know it sounds cliche, but it's true. when you get with someone you are meant for and you both really "love" each other, you can just tell. things just click.


(also the fact that he puts up with me and all my faults/flaws/mistakes is another sign)

[MtnMama]

My husband and I met when we were taking the same class together in college. We studied for tests together and when the class was over, we kept in touch through the summer and started dating when school started up again in the fall.

I've never accepted an invitation to date someone that I didn't already have a connection with (a studying for a class or working together or mutual friends that we spent time with).

[clam]

I met her working in the same office. Mutual limerence just happened. Kinda didn't like the passive-aggressive aspect of the initial segment of the relationship though.

Any other stories? I'm kind of interested in how others meet thei SOs. We're kind of a closed off bunch and tend to look within proximity (e.g. work/school/friends of friends.)

[Brittle]

I met my SO of 6 years working on a gold mine. He was the surveyor, I was the office temp (which turned into a 9 month gig). At the time he was about to be married and I was having a torrid love affair with an American sailor based in Italy. We became quite good friends and genuinely enjoyed each other's company - being involved with other people there wasn't any question of things progressing past that at the time.

Not long after we met, his finace called off the wedding (2 weeks before the date) and due to the ongoing "War on Terror" my relationship became increasingly difficult and we called it a day, but my SO and I didn't become involved until much later. By this stage we had been great mates for about 8 months. It was at my "farewell" party that we finally admitted there was this amazing connection/attraction between us and decided to see where it might go (when I realised I wouldn't be seeing him every day at work I had to say something).

6 years, 3 states and 2 houses later, we are still going incredibly strong and still finding out new things about each other. We constantly crack each other up and delight in being silly together. He's pretty much the opposite of everything I thought I ever wanted - and maybe that's why it works so well.

[silentaxis]

The right person? My significant other?:huh:

ohhhh you must be talking about my imaginary friend (or atleast that's what my psychiatrist calls him(he's a strange fellow)) <------ ohhh double parentheses!

Anyway's Bernice and I met one day in the shower...


*****yes, You clueless ENFJ's :), this was a joke*****

[loosefanbelt]

I met my beloved online. We took our sweet time before actually meeting face-to-face. I was dubious about the prospects of an online relationship really working out. His ENTJness really came across in what he wrote.

And then, it took death to separate us, so I think online is a great way to meet if you do it authentically. Being honest. Being yourself. Taking time...

☆♥•*¨`*•.•´*.♥.•´*. ★.•´*.♥.•´* .•*¨`*•♥☆

[halfcrazed]

Well, I just broke up with my ESTP girlfriend of two and a quarter years, due to differences in how we communicate and love each other (long story) but we met through debate. It's quite curious: we first met when I saw her speaking at a competition, and she traded numbers with my teammate so we could arrange friendly matches. Six months later, she was bored and lonely, so she called my friend, who wasn't free, and who passed the buck to me.

I went to meet her and found her secretly still in distress over a breakup two months prior, and I went to comfort her, and the rest kind of worked out from there. It was really really sweet. The first year was completely and utterly awesome.

It's so sad it couldn't last. =\

[Valielen]

We met at University in the Jiu Jitsu Club. He was in his final year, I was on my first. I had decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and that life in a new country meant I could be everything I wanted to be, so I went to the introductory session. Noticed my SO's incredibly hot physique. I passed out that day because I pushed myself too hard because it had been months since my last work out. I did go back to the class a month later in the hopes everyone would have forgotten me by then. I did about 2 classes before a girl asked me if I was going to the pub after… I could not understand the sensei’s accent when he talked mumbo jumbo at the end of the class so I never joined them… Yorkshire accent is a pain!

Being my usual self, I sat quietly in a corner but several members approached me and chatted to me. He also approached me and I chatted a fair bit to him and thought he was probably trying to play me. He was charming, had a lovely smile, was very silly and seemed to have the same interests as me…. I really thought he was making it all up to get close to me and with that smile he would probably know all the girls a bit too well for my taste.

He was nice and walked me to my room every night after class and pub. There’s a lot of gooey details like me being caught smiling a lot when talking to him, or me over worrying when he got knocked by a bokken, him going very nervous when I accidentally touched his leg once…. But I’ll spare you.

One night on the walk home, I asked him if he wanted to come up for a cup of tea… He said yes…. We chatted for hours… Realized it was 2 am… He thought it was better to leave… He nearly did but kept on chatting… Ended up sitting in bed chatting till about 6 am, then I pounced him and kissed him.
When I got to know him properly I realized he was a geek and I was his first girlfriend. That swooned me over… We’ve been together seven years and we're getting married just before the 8th. I could go on about him for ages but I don’t have enough barfing bags for everyone.

[MaleVolentworld]

It was in the summer of 69 that we met, glaring at one another in our superhero outfits at the superhero convention in Dallas.

I knew that I could bring darkness to her soul with one swipe of my magical finger gun. She respected my powerful attribute and dared not enter my realm. So instead she telepathetically imprinted upon my mind the impression that she was not a threat to my domain, this manifested itself in the form of a vision of an elephant whispering to me an ancient Japanese saying "elephant juice"

I approached her and offered my hand, she refused it in great humiliating rebuke, speaking only the words "all your base are belong to us". It was a trick no less, to seduce me and then destroy me with humiliation.

I turned away and began to weep, thinking to myself "IS THERE NO ONE ELSE?"...I contemplated regicide, so I could take the throne and impress her with my power to make the population obedient to me only.

This amazingly worked, she phoned me on her mobile and said "let's go to blockbusters and rent a movie, I think I love jews". I replied in astonishment "But I am not a jew".

Our love ended there and then, I could not take the hand of a woman that spoke such gibberish.

Mad world, the dreams in which I'm lying are the best I've ever had, Mad world.

[AnEskimo]

My wife and I met on Myspace 3 years ago hahaha! It was definitely a challenge, since I am very awkward (especially around new people), but she stuck with me and now things are great!

[WyohKnott]

We met when we were both around eight years old, and somehow, we've never been able to figure out exactly where or how we first saw each other. We didn't spend much time together, but I began to notice him, because he was so much quieter than everyone else, and seemed so much more intelligent (I later found out that he thought the same thing about me).

It took a couple years before we actually had a proper conversation... when we finally did, we realized how much we had in common, and ended up really enjoying each other's company. I had a major crush on him, starting from that day, and so did he. Ironically, that made us both so shy, that we didn't talk very much for years (yes, years) after that, but I kept on noticing things about him that made me like him more.

That continued until I was not quite fourteen, at which point we got over our mutual shyness enough to start talking more. We became very close friends almost immediately, but never discussed our other feelings. The next 3 years were filled with drama and misunderstandings, and would probably make a wonderful plot for a novel, but certainly weren't much fun to live through... but I won't bore anyone with the story here (if anyone is really terribly interested, just PM me).

When I was 16, we finally confessed how we felt about each other, but due to other circumstances, didn't start officially dating for a few months. We've been together since then, and I could not be happier. I know it's often said that a romantic relation with your best friend is not a good idea, but when it does work out, it's pretty amazing. :lovestruck:... and yeah, I'll stop now, before I lose all dignity :D

[clam]

^ that's a pretty long time. Nice story, it's rare to find someone that understands where you come from and has evolved with you throughout the years.

[nuloki]

I met my significant other online which initially annoyed both of us. She's an ESTJ and seems to be my opposite in every possible way. Yet somhow we compliment each other's traits very nicely. :p great sucess

[Krazy P]

Met in college.
I was looking for a mate who would bear lots of children who was also smart, strong and reasonably affluent. Politics and religious compatibility also a key!
Sounds horrible, but it worked out pretty amazing - 34 years and counting.

[LaoTzu]

In order of appearance:
1. School/Friend -6 years
2. Bar-2 years
3. Bar/Friend-6 years
4. Online-5 months
5. Work-4 years, still seeing each other occasionally

Engaged to 3, married to none....keeping the streak alive.
(Oddly, I had a better shot at it working out with the other 2.... interesting?.... not really....)

[ProgFusionRoman]

I'm interested in hearing some info about INTJs who've successfully connected with the Right Person, and how on earth they accomplished the feat. What were the circumstances? How long did it take you to know that things were right?

Anyone?

How about you then?

On the street.

I just started talking to her. I felt I "connected mentally" with her immediately (which was a big surprise to me because I have never felt that before)

I knew she was the one after 2 days - truth.

Married nearly 11 years.

[Brittle]

I know it's often said that a romantic relation with your best friend is not a good idea, but when it does work out, it's pretty amazing. :lovestruck:...

I think it makes perfect sense to be romantically involved with your best friend if you're both attracted to each other. Who better to be with? :thumbsup:

[wotsamattaU]

...I met my future husband when my friends and I approached he and his friends (they had just pulled up) outside a White Hen Pantry and asked them to get us a run. :cheesy: Sad, but true.

We then went to a party together, where our friends began pairing off into their own private getting-to-know-you conversations. He was one of two which interested me. Ultimately I focused on him because he was the quiet one and I sensed we might have a similar disposition.

Little did I know he was a quiet Extrovert. (The extroversion/introversion gap has caused us much frustration over the years.)

We began dating and never stopped once; married 5 years later, and we're together nearly 30 years now.

[dVdT]

He was my next-door neighbor, we were both single.

In fact, we met when he came over to ask to borrow my lawnmower. He brought it back around dinner time & I asked him if he wanted dinner. Pretty soon he was over every night for dinner- though that may have been more a function of the fact that I cooked real food whereas he 'heated up frozen pizza' regularly.

Long story short, we've been married for going on 13 years. He's a wonderful best friend, mate, lover, everything else you'd want in a life partner. And we have wonderful arguments. (not "fights", arguments. You know how us INTJ's like to argue.) What we don't have in common, we complement in each other.

[mentor]

we worked together.. a long time passed.. then we got together! WEIRD..

[Zhen]

On a sailing boat actually, sorry I just had to feed the romantic idealists among us LOL

[dogwoodlover]

I met my ENFP girlfriend of three years through the band I was in. She was dating our bassist (I sang lead), and knowing the kind of guy that he is, I took it upon myself to swoop her from him (muahaha). Needless to say, I succeeded; mainly because I took the time to constantly call her, hang out, etc. while he was off doing other things (i.e. not spending any time with her). I continued doing this for about fourth months, which cumulated in me asking her to hang out on Valentine's day, in which I brought a card, roses, chocolates, etc. and took her out to dinner--my buddy, her supposed "boyfriend" at the time, sent her a message later that evening via AIM which read: happy valentine's!

The rest is history.

[zibber]

We met at University. Our first kiss came when we "had to" spend the night on a beach (after missing the last bus), having to keep each other warm. That is crazy romantic, right? (I'm blatantly leaving out less romantic details, but just roll with it.)

The extroversion/introversion gap has caused us much frustration over the years.

How do y'all work with that? I'm having some of that difficulty too. (Less and less, so something is going right :))

I met my ENFP girlfriend of three years through the band I was in. She was dating our bassist (I sang lead), and knowing the kind of guy that he is, I took it upon myself to swoop her from him (muahaha). Needless to say, I succeeded; mainly because I took the time to constantly call her, hang out, etc. while he was off doing other things (i.e. not spending any time with her). I continued doing this for about fourth months, which cumulated in me asking her to hang out on Valentine's day, in which I brought a card, roses, chocolates, etc. and took her out to dinner--my buddy, her supposed "boyfriend" at the time, sent her a message later that evening via AIM which read: happy valentine's!

The rest is history.

Is the new bass player any good?

;)

[wotsamattaU]

How do y'all work with that? I'm having some of that difficulty too. (Less and less, so something is going right :))



In our case, he works an off shift (his choice, he's always preferred it) and this provides me with considerable solitude. Thank heavens.

I've never attempted to discourage him from visiting the friends and family he misses; in fact, quite the opposite. He gets his socializing in, and this means I get the house all to myself. Heaven!

Sometimes I will go with him, so that is my trade off. Now that I've learnt to get up and walk out of a room for 10 minutes or so during social events to recharge, it's become much more tolerable for me.

For the longest time though, he thought I was weird for requiring so much time alone, and I thought he was downright clingy for needing me beside him to watch the evening news. This is one area where MB really helped me to understand what's going on here.

His biggest issue is being jealous of the time spent on the computer. This has gotten better with time though. I think he is beginning to understand my needs a little more. Had I known enough about these things when we first met and made it clear what my needs/boundaries are - it would have been a much smoother road.

Fortunately I have found ways to spend more time with him while still remaining apart. We can go to the library, go our separate ways and meet up after locating our 'finds' and it seems to satisfy both our needs.

We have many areas of overlapping interests and this helps a great deal. It is not uncommon for us to spend one entire day doing an outdoor activity together amid nature. That helps me to recharge even though I am not alone.

Road trips are also something we enjoy. They tend to be quiet, but it is a companionable silence. I don't feel drained after one of those, and he seems quite happy to have me by his side. Maybe it's because to me an open road = Freedom.

Funny, we can be together driving for 12 + hours and not become tired of one another (for weeks at a time even).

Conversely, guilting me into leaving an activity I'm doing just to spend time on the couch alongside him is only going to breed resentment and a sense of suffocation.

[azelismia]

1st husband: we met at a cafe.
2nd husband: Yahoo online dating.

[MaineJohn]

An enormous stroke of luck: she and I both showed up at an event at the wrong time. This was in college. I was so shy around girls but at that moment I just said what the heck and sat down next to her, made a joke about us two being the only two people there. It was because we thought the event started earlier than it did. We talked, joked. A month or two later I got up the courage (God it was hard) to call her and we went out, started dating, dated for two years then got married. Absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. She's (I think) an INFP. We've been married for 24 years.

Let's see rara avis, you asked how long it took to see that things were right... After about 6 weeks I felt like, wow, things are getting serious. After a year we both felt like we just had to be together forever. Still, committing to marriage was very, very, very hard for me. It really is a leap of faith. Now I see it as the best decision I ever made, but at 20-something it felt like jumping off a high cliff with no ground in sight.

[WanderLust]

I was tired of my job, tired of being single, tired of being lonely. So I looked up an online acquaintance I had rejected a couple years earlier for being too shy to call me on the phone. Turns out he had gotten his act together and I was no longer as picky. I made him an ultimatum, if he would marry me, I'd quit my job and move across the country to live with him. Three or four months later the deal was done. The first year was rough, I admit, but we've managed to adapt to each other quite well now.

[Kisai]

Coffeeshop.

She was trying to find her ex online. I assumed that she was pregnant because she was looking for this guy who kicked her out of her life.

Two of her friends were telling me that she liked me. My reaction was "So? If she doesn't have the guts to speak to me, then I'm not interested." (I can tell that by this point that my personality had solidified to INTJ.)

One night I was bored, so I picked her up from the coffeeshop and bounced to a bar and then to her place.

4 years later, I haven't been able to get rid of her. ;)

[Lesondemavie]

I choreographed a 12 minute rendition of Zombie Prom that he, 7 of his fraternity brothers and 8 of my sorority sisters performed. It was for the largest fundraiser on campus at our university. They called me the "nazi" because I was so hard on them, but we won that year! I was in a serious relationship at the time, he pursued one of my sorority sisters briefly before getting back together with his ex-girlfriend. He moved in with her. I continued to date the same guy. We kept in touch. Three years later, both of us were single and we decided to give it a go. It's a year and a half later and we're blissfully happy.

[sunlover]

Ist wife- blind date arranged by a cousin who I also no longer have anything to do with. 2nd wife -met at work.

[blossom]

Met at a dance club both of our friends dragged us to. His friend wanted to hit on me, but I'm pretty aloof and difficult to hit on so he started talking to my friend first (she's ESTJ). While his friend was talking to her, he slipped around the table and started talking to me since we were both at loose ends. We hit it off, and I knew it would work when he kissed me and it was amazing and I had to take him home (never wanted to do that before!). He knew when he didn't want to immediately get up and leave the next morning (so he essentially didn't, period). At the time, he was living in a different part of the country, visiting my town for work, and was supposed to be moving temporarily to another country so we agreed that it just couldn't work, but through an amazing set of coincidences and circumstances, he was transferred here a couple months later and we've been living together ever since. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time, but the connection between us was so amazing that we couldn't not be in one.

[Alcestis]

Online, actually.

We met on a forum of shared interests. I struck up conversation first with some inane comment. Wasn't really expecting anything to come of it, just a friendly conversation. He, an INTJ, made the first move a few months later.

[Terian]

We met on a forum of shared interests. I struck up conversation first with some inane comment. Wasn't really expecting anything to come of it, just a friendly conversation. He, an INTJ, made the first move a few months later.Hmm. How's that working out?

[Alcestis]

How you'd expect any INTJ/INTJ relationship to work out: an amazing connection at first, then slowly it devolves to being in the danger zone and neither one of you can figure out how the hell it got there. ^^;

[Terian]

How you'd expect any INTJ/INTJ relationship to work out: an amazing connection at first, then slowly it devolves to being in the danger zone and neither one of you can figure out how the hell it got there. ^^;Have you two ever met, or is it exclusively online?

[Alcestis]

We've been living together for four years now. I probably should've clarified that in the initial post. :)

[Terian]

We've been living together for four years now. I probably should've clarified that in the initial post. :)What sort of surprises did you two run into after meeting each other in person, after developing some sort of textual relationship?

[GregoryT700]

Libraries are good places to meet someone interesting (and, no matter how good-looking they are, in my experience as an INTJ they must have some intellectual & personality depth).

[acyckowski]

High school dance. I saw her, thought she was the prettiest girl there, so I asked her to dance. We danced. I asked for her phone number. She gave it to me. I called her and asked her out. She agreed. We dated for two years, went to the same in-state college. Broke up a couple of times, but it never worked out. We got married about a month after graduation. We're coming up on our 14th in a few months.

[Synamon]

Somehow I never posted in this thread, so here goes.

The first time I saw my husband was my first day of high school and he was throwing his trumpet in the locker next to mine and slamming the door muttering to himself. Not an auspicious beginning. I kept my distance, but a few weeks later ran across him at my new part time job at McDonald's. We knew each other casually for two years before I cleverly arranged for him to give me a ride to a party (we lived 2 blocks from each other). At the party I made my interest in him known by sitting on his lap in a hot tub. Men appreciate subtlety. :p

I knew he was "it" after a few months. We've been together more than 25 years.