You and your temper

[Solaris]

What kind of temper do you have? Short fuse, long fuse? Do you let it out? How? Different for different situations, or same across the board? Explosive? Repressed? Healthfully vented? Do you name your different "modes" which tend to correlate to moods?

Go.

[Kfbr]

I seem to let out all my frustrations in the world when I'm driving. I would hate to be the guy that cuts me off in traffic. At work and school.. calm as a Hindu cow.

I have very few triggers and rarely get visibly upset with people. About a year ago I blew up at a guy for wagging his finger at me and getting all up on his high horse.

For some reason I read this as "you and your teenager"

[Gabrielle]

I have a long fuse, and then when I explode I get out of control.

I should probably stop bottling stuff up...

The only thing that irritates me A LOT is unpunctuality. That just blows it, long fuse or not.

[HarleyQuinn]

Hmm.

Long fuse but wicked short temper if you hit one of my pet peeves (particularly belittling me in front of others. That causes me to see red in seconds).

I bottle it up and then usually explode on people. Usually my outbursts are quick and I immediately am chagrined afterwards and apologize. I find myself petering out as I explode on somebody until I end it with a sigh of frustration.

[Figmentum]

I'm slow to anger. I'm also good at holding it in. If you belittle me in public, go ahead. But don't let me catch you alone. I'm not nice when I can't control anger.

[qwerty]

long fuse.... I don't yell until I'm ready to throw down.

[Firelie]

I have a pretty long fuse most of the time. I prefer to solve problems rather than getting angry (I don't really like the buzz of negative, twitchy energy I experience when truly angry), but when I do get angry I usually talk to someone or write about it...I don't tend to blow up unless I've been woken up out of a sound sleep or I'm PMSing.

[Paul V]

Verbally, you can say anything to me, and I won't care (unless I thought of you as a friend, and what you said was inappropriate or intentionally hurtful). Physically, touch me and you're dead.

My partience depends on my stress level. If I'm cool and calm, I can tolerate anything short of immorality and certain specific behaviours. If I'm not... well... I'll eventually snap at you.

[Todos]

I'm not good when driving, I try to keep myself in check though and I tell myself it's no big deal when someone comes up fast behind me, I just remain calm instead of getting pissed.

At work I pretty much get along with everyone, and never really have any negative interactions once I've talked with someone.

There is one guy who I held the door open for once and he didn't say thanks, for some reason that kind of thing really chaps me so I'll go out of my way not to help him in the future.

[Tarrick]

I have a long fuse most of the time. The trouble comes from people that don't realize they're burning it, or when I haven't had a chance to recover.

[GOD]

My modes to other people are "engaged" "Indifferent" or "blanked".

I don't actually get "angry" as its inefficient. I guess a bit of sarcasm could creep in at that point... although it exists in the "indifferent" mode...

I'm pretty punishing on my rebukes though...

[Darklord]

Let's see... Last time I actually displayed anger must have been just about two years ago now, at which time I called somebody stupid and walked away.

On second thought, there was one incredibly ignorant and thick-skulled person who got me to use the line "Sarcasm. It's a word. Look it up." before walking off just this summer.

You might say I have a long fuse before I blow up. And, yes, my definition of "blowing up" usually includes a scathing remark and hasty retreat.

[logan235711]

I think the distinction between short and long fuse might be a bit misleading. If anything all they represent is that less things get a person mad than someone else, but it is very likely that a few specific things will set a person off. So it is a topic of which specifics get you off, not how often you get mad, as that doesn't really tell anybody any information that isn't pretty useless overall. There is one exception but that exception sets itself apart of the pure of idea of what 'mad' is--I'm not going to get into that.

Things that can get me mad faster than others are:


when people waste my time for no apparent reason
when plans are changed and nobody bothers to tell me (related to the wasting of my time)
when my time is wasted just because someone is being stubborn (I will usually not be around these people to begin with, but sometimes it cannot be avoided)
in general I kind of feel put out when I feel like I am not getting an equal amount of effort back from someone I'm in a relationship with--I won't get mad often, but there are specific scenarios in this area that might get me very mad

I can't really thing of anything else at the moment, that last one was also stretching it a bit. But generally I hold time as something very important so it is things in that area which might get me mad if anything. And, I need to work on this, but when I wake up and am being prodded with something, often times I am short, dry, blunt, and to the point blowing off most lesser emotional needs of people and the situation [if any]. This lasts for 10-20 minutes I think and after that I need about 20-30 minutes to just think about things at times. You can probably tell when I am in that mood...mmm...I had something else in mind but I forgot :p So I guess that's it!

[thegnat]

long fuse.

Then either
a) I'll be a smartass and not be afraid to say what I think (my mind's a lot meaner than I am)
b) I'll ignore the person
c) I'll blow (RARE!!)

[Nomad]

Very, very long fuse for true anger. When it last blew i just thank whatever that it's expression condoned, even encouraged. (I was in a combat zone) After that, everyone started calling me "Monster".

I get irritated when people step in and tell me how things are and how they want things and it has nothing to do with the situation I'm inquiring about. Pay attention to what I'm asking before you open your mouth, and answer the question I'm asking.I have this problem with my immediate supervisor, but he's shit at the job, and I'm giving him enough rope to hang himself. he irritates me, so I'm going to get himself fired.

-Nomad

[thecraig]

I would say that it has been a long, long, long time since I truely "lost it". I had an explosive temper until my mid teenage years. It scared me, not to mention others. I have learned to control it but for a long time I think I went to far in controlling it. I still refuse to "lose my temper" because I refuse to lose that much control over myself. Anger clouds the mind as bad if not worse than any other emotion. It makes people say and do really stupid things. I refuse to surrender to such stupidity.

However, in recent years I have realized that sometimes the only way to get your point across is to let people now that your angry and that I have probably clamped the lid down a little to tightly so I have worked on venting and expressing anger in healthy ways without "losing control".

And Logan325711, I am with you on the first thing in the morning irritability. Mine also extends to that time where I'm almost asleep and until after I have officially woken up. My mind feels clouded. It is too much effort to "be nice". I am short and sound grouchy no matter how nice I think I sound.

[Solaris]

It doesn't surprise me to learn that so many have long fuses (everyone that's replied really). That's really just a mark of being a T. If any of us had short fuses, I think it would indicate a low T. Clearly, there are certain things that will make each of us angry very quickly (hence the pet peeves thread somebody started).

I am with logan on the irritation over time. It seems a lot of people here get annoyed about that. It really pisses me off though when people change plans without telling me ahead of time. It's a way of not just doing what a person said she or he would do -- and I just can't tolerate that. grr.

I could not control my temper very well as a child, it wasn't pretty. I, like some others, may have gone too far in controlling it. I do a lot of physical activities that I know let out my anger in a healthy way. It's been a long time since I really just let somebody have it, but I won't usually hold back if a person caused the anger and is right in front of me.

[BloozeGit]

I'm usually quite tolerant of people being assholes, my mantra being that it takes all kinds of people to make up this world. I've learnt not to sweat the petty things and not to pet the sweaty things.

That being said, I have a very short fuse for certain things. Microsoft Word simply drives me up the wall and sends me into sudden bursts of table-banging fury, whenever I try to get things to get somewhere and STAY there. Misplacing objects just seconds ago (refer to forgetfulness thread) and flipping the whole room upside down to find it also gets me going. Thankfully, these bouts come as quickly as they go.

[niffer]

Extremely short fuse. People always irritate me. It's half-hearted anger though, just coming out in a short burst. I forgive just as quickly.

[AresX9]

Short fuse while gaming.

Very very long fuse everywhere else. I just shake my head in disgust if anything stupid is occurring.

[stasis]

I can't even remember the last time I was genuinely angry at someone, but I imagine it's still possible. I'm just not sure what sort of extremity it would take anymore.

[Rei]

It depends on how much of a build up of frustrations is present.
It also depends on who I'm frustrated with (and what their excuses are).

Certain situations make me quite ridiculously more angry than others... though I can't give you an example at the moment.

Most times I'm pretty patient... or I just don't say anything.
I used to have a SUPER short fuse when I was younger though...

[The Many]

I don't get angry anymore, only sometimes a bit frustrated at human stupidity. In fact learning about people having different kinds of temperemants and thinking in different ways has calmed me down a lot, or so I reckon. I probably had the worst temper in the world, ever, as a kid though - in fact I somewhat miss getting really mad at something. It made me feel alive.

[AJ]

Long fuse and good at controling my anger. I usually turn sarcastic if the opposition decides to belittle me. I also lose my temper with very ignorant people who think they know everything, they will get the brunt of my sarcasm. Unfortunately my long fuse does not hold for everyone as I do tend to lose my temper quickly around my family.

[deicruxified]

my friends say that i have the longest patience meter and i could stand the most dimwitted numbnut for the longest period of time however if i snap, i'm a volcano.

[Solaris]

I think I'm about to find out what happens when mine really really goes. Hopefully self-control will win instead.

Long fuse....like a nuclear bomb when it goes off sometimes though.

[PortInStorm]

- get irritated and impatient quickly. Yes, on the road, when people don't bother to know necessary things, don't get off their ass and find out, don't take initiative, and like someone else said, don't answer the question I'm asking!! It's not that hard.... When I'm irritated I get pushy and critical. But it doesn't last long.
- I don't take kindly to being ignored (when I'm asking for something, I'm reasonable in my requests), taken for granted, or being condescended to. That makes me mad, and I get hard, efficient, and take action. Professors, TAs, employers, whoever.
- I don't usually yell, or even raise my voice. I write my issues out, like Firelie said, or just get very quiet. But another poster said if someone touches you... my husband only touched me (grabbed my arm) during a fight ONCE at the beginning of our 8 year relationship. I warned him if he ever did that again it was over- he never has again.
- in a blue moon I'll get furious (about 4 years ago). I shake, my voice gets real low and intense, my teeth clentch, I glare, my breath comes short and fast, and I swear I snort fire :-)

[INTJoe]

When I was a kid I had a horrible temper. Not sure if it was the red hair or not, but my INTJ father was the same way and he has black hair. lol.

Let's put it this way, in the 7th grade I broke a knuckle from punching the TV screen after losing in a Nintendo game. I mean my temper was awful...

I've actually worked to keep my temper in check for years now, and it is a lot more subdued than it once was.

What does set me off is when I'm forced to have to be patient with slow, dumb people. I get totally impatient and my temper builds.

I wouldn't even say people being late bothers me. But once they show up, they'd better not be slow and stupid. I also get very impatient with people who cannot see ahead to plan for the life of them. This is actually the cause of a lot of fights between my ISTJ gf and myself. Anytime we have to get ready for an event, or do any kind of "extra" work to get a goal accomplished, it's like pulling teeth to get her to hurry. She often doesn't realize how long stuff takes and cannot allot the proper amount of time for it.

I'll literally walk behind her and be like "What are you doing? We have to go..." lol. I know it sounds tool-ish of me, but it just happens to be where her and I clash the most. I'm N-88 and she's S-88....yikes. Big gap there. :)

[Cuivienen]

I`ve got a fairly long fuse, however when I have gotten to the end of it I usually get really, really sarcastic. Mostly I am calm and always try to find the best possible way to solve a conflict, to the point that it sometimes irritates people when they don`t want a solution to their problems, but just someone who listens and agrees with them.
Since I have the INTJ ability to find out people`s secrets and weaknesses by looking at them, when I do explode I usually say those things I know about people which usually I always keep to myself. If I can control myself I try to leave the room or write those things down instead.

However, it really tries my patience, when

...I`ve got the perfect plan how some project I`m involved in should be done all figured out, have told others how it should be done and why and they still keep doing it their own infinitely more ineffective way, costing us all unnecessary time and money

... in a similar situation they are constantly bugging me with infinitely more ineffective and complicated ideas, completely ignore my arguments and are personally offended when I don`t do it their way

...I ask a simple question and the person I am asking somehow thinks I am criticising them and keeps repeating how they have opinions, too, why should everything always be done my way, now it´s their turn, yadda yadda when all I ever wanted was to know their reason for doing s.th. a certain way.

...people (i.e. esp. one of my friends (ESTJ)) try to make me feel guilty for getting better grades while studying not half as much as they do. "you`ve got it easy, you always get good grades, but I..."

...when people doubt my abilities

[deicruxified]

among my friends, i won the reputation of having the longest patience and being volcanic when someone pisses me off...

[HarleyQuinn]

I've also gotten the remarks from friends that I'm "scary" when I go off on somebody because it's such a rarity.

I find that when I go off on somebody (very rare), any bystanders are quick to not piss me off in the future too.

Last time I truly "blew up" was ages ago when my parents were arguing/being emotional (Mom more so) on a vacation that sucked from the start and the issue was over doing 1 event over another when it was possible to fit both into the schedule.

[OneHertz]

usually a pretty long fuse here, however some people just piss me off so much I get very, very angry just thinking about them. One of my INFP friends for example... I can't comprehend how anyone can be that retarded and careless.

[Max T]

my friends say that i have the longest patience meter and i could stand the most dimwitted numbnut for the longest period of time however if i snap, i'm a volcano.

among my friends, i won the reputation of having the longest patience and being volcanic when someone pisses me off...

You're starting to really p*** me off with your repetition, dammit!
LOL j/k. :-)

I haven't lost my temper in the past decade, but occasionally I have to exercise a lot to chill out.

[Solaris]

I haven't lost my temper in the past decade, but occasionally I have to exercise a lot to chill out.

I have to exercise frequently in order to maintain sanity. Taking up running was the best thing I ever did, second only to taking up martial arts.

[Thistle]

Although I am often annoyed or angry at something/someone, I try hard at not letting the inner incredible-hulk come to the fore. I very rarely go 'off on a rant', preferring instead to think carefully before speaking (even if this is loaded with sarcasm). Because of this, I'm known as the tactful and diplomatic one at work... leading to jokes about UN diplomacy etc.

Occasionally, however, I blow big style. Almost immediately regret it, feel small, stupid and foolish. I suspect the avoidance of these feelings is a significant force against me loosing the rag more frequently.

If I'm angry, I often go for a run - the solitude, uninterrupted time to think and exercise do wonders.

[SeekingHim80]

I can get so mad! I usually do not express it though. I am pretty impatient, especially if it’s someone I think knows better. I believe that impatience is a flaw, so I tend to not admit it or let it show in the moment. When I lose control, I can be very immature.

Music always helps calm me down. A lot of people like fast, angry music to get it all out. I like calm, meaningful music. Rationalizing through a situation helps put everything into perspective. A nice, hot shower helps too!

Which do you all prefer to help with your anger or frustration, excited or relaxed music?

[banzai]

I've only been truly enraged a few times in my life. I don't really have a fuse, but I do have a certain tolerance of things that I ignore... anything over that and it flips my forcefulness on like a switch.

[rasoirviolon]

Do you think your childhood is indicative of the temper you have? Or perhaps were there other factors in your life that caused you to develop a short fuse as opposed to a long one?

As for myself, I am... terrified of anger. One of my parents (since I can't really speak for the other) has a incredibly intimidating temper. I'm sure that because of this I am the way I am today. Since I am extremely averse to anger, I've disassociated myself from it and I could never envision myself blowing up.

The closest thing to anger I can describe is guilt when I start to feel irritated by something/someone... Anyone else experience these feelings?

[robin.]

I find that I get annoyed easily (but never enraged) by a few certain things:
-people who walk slowly
-people who stand in my way
-people who talk on their cellphone while in a store/restaurant/etc
-THOSE ASININE KIDS ON THOSE STUPID SHOES WITH WHEELS IN THEM SKATING ALL OVER THE PLACE IN MALLS AND AIRPORTS (okay maybe a little rage in that one...)

I've never, ever, ever "lost it" and been out of control. The idea sickens me. Once I screamed and tore up a magazine, but I actually debated whether or not it would help me release some stress before doing it, and I did it in private. I can only think of two times I've gone off on someone, but I planned it (one was in an email where I revised it time and time again).

As for myself, I am... terrified of anger. One of my parents (since I can't really speak for the other) has a incredibly intimidating temper. I'm sure that because of this I am the way I am today. Since I am extremely averse to anger, I've disassociated myself from it and I could never envision myself blowing up.
I agree with this. My mom lost control of her anger a lot when I was younger. I would be afraid of her a lot and I know that this is why the idea of losing it really disgusts me. Anger is one thing--you can deal with that rationally and, sometimes, you really need to yell at someone to get the point across. But, when the control over that anger is lost, it becomes probably one of the most revolting emotions, in my opinion.

[SeekingHim80]

Do you think your childhood is indicative of the temper you have? Or perhaps were there other factors in your life that caused you to develop a short fuse as opposed to a long one?

As for myself, I am... terrified of anger. One of my parents (since I can't really speak for the other) has a incredibly intimidating temper. I'm sure that because of this I am the way I am today. Since I am extremely averse to anger, I've disassociated myself from it and I could never envision myself blowing up.

The closest thing to anger I can describe is guilt when I start to feel irritated by something/someone... Anyone else experience these feelings?

Yeah, I feel guilty when I get angry. I usually feel embarrased. I don't think it's necessarily just your childhood that forms the way you react. I think any major influence can alter the way you
react to things, especially during the times when you are influenced by people you deeply care about. that's why we think of our parents molding our reactions. Heros, leader figures, and really close friends can have the same effect.

[abski83]

I have a pretty long fuse.
I can't remember the last time I got mad.
Tempers and moods come and go easily for me. :)

[Seven]

Generally I set the bar really, really low for intelligence, competence, common sense and even common courtesy for the general population - this way I don't get irritated or annoyed that easily . If people still manage to irritate, I'll usually say something unless it's completely pointless in which case I shake my head and remove myself from the irritating situation. If it's work related and the person annoying me keeps at it after I've said something, typically s/he will end up falling off the respect wagon after which I won't want anything to do with them. So I'd have to say, long fuse for me...I don't think I've ever "lost it".

[PortInStorm]

I find that I get annoyed easily (but never enraged) by a few certain things:
-people who walk slowly
-people who stand in my way
-people who talk on their cellphone while in a store/restaurant/etc
-THOSE ASININE KIDS ON THOSE STUPID SHOES WITH WHEELS IN THEM SKATING ALL OVER THE PLACE IN MALLS AND AIRPORTS (okay maybe a little rage in that one...)

I've never, ever, ever "lost it" and been out of control. The idea sickens me. Once I screamed and tore up a magazine, but I actually debated whether or not it would help me release some stress before doing it, and I did it in private. I can only think of two times I've gone off on someone, but I planned it (one was in an email where I revised it time and time again).
I agree with this. My mom lost control of her anger a lot when I was younger. I would be afraid of her a lot and I know that this is why the idea of losing it really disgusts me. Anger is one thing--you can deal with that rationally and, sometimes, you really need to yell at someone to get the point across. But, when the control over that anger is lost, it becomes probably one of the most revolting emotions, in my opinion.
Yes to both. The standing in the store in the middle of the aisle talking on your cell about which brand of cookies to get.... grrr. I'm not sure why it's so hard for them to think of others and pull aside whenever you have to stop, like the roads.

And yes, my dad used to lose his temper (not often, and only in the span of a few years), throw things around, yell, then disappear. So though I get irritated and sometimes irate, I don't "lose it". I refuse to yell most of the time (volume), I get a lot of expression and intensity in my voice (lots of ups and downs), but I don't touch anyone, I don't attack the person (try to only attack the actions), no name-calling, no throwing. The worst I say is "Who do you think you are to [insert bad action here]?" which I suppose is bad enough.

[Zilal]

Really long fuse, and I tend to defuse it myself before anything comes out. Once in a while I'll snap at someone, though my definition of what constitutes snapping is probably different from many other people's. A month ago I said "No" more harshly than I should have to someone... that wasn't necessary... that's usually about as bad as I get.

[danalaina]

short temper, but it surfaces rarely these days.

when it does, it's not pretty, though i've learned not to misdirect it.

stupidity and meaningless prattle make me really cranky, so i've learned not to engage.

two conscious acts to try and mitigate my temper:
*i try to remember that the universe, much as i'd like to think otherwise, don't revolve around me. knowing that few of the annoyances sent my way are by design helps me keep a handle on it.
*when i'm in a foul mood, i communicate it calmly and clearly to the people around me so they can avoid provocation and/or get clear. only seems fair.

[Paul V]

Someone just sparked my temper in the Morals thread. Boy, I was struggling not to go for the throat. Fortunately, I can always make use of my good friend Sarcasm to get the point accross without causing too much damage.

[Danisty]

I get angry frequently, but I sort of collect my anger and explode when I can't hold anymore. When I do it's pretty nasty. I'm more of the vindictive sort, I guess. I'd prefer to quietly get my revenge than give it away early on. If I do need to explode, I certainly won't do it in front of the person I'm angry with until I'm fully prepared. I notice I tend to keep record of everything in my head. I don't believe I've ever forgotten anything that was ever done to me. I also don't generally believe in forgiveness. You get one really good, fair chance and if you blow it, it's over. Little mistakes don't bother me, so I don't think forgiveness is really necessary for stuff like that, but if you've really wronged me, you will not likely forget it. To the general public, this always translates into being mean-spirited, but as far as I can see, there's really no point in being a doormat. Everyone gets a chance. It's not my fault they didn't value it.

[Lucid]

I have a temper and occasionally I lose it. I'd say that in general my fuse is rather short. But there are very few things that actually anger me. Those that do, anger me almost immediately and greatly.

[Ederico]

What kind of temper do you have? Short fuse, long fuse? Do you let it out? How? Different for different situations, or same across the board? Explosive? Repressed? Healthfully vented? Do you name your different "modes" which tend to correlate to moods?

Go.

I'm extremely calm however...

1. I rarely expect anyone to do something, but if I tell anyone to do something, then he must do it or get out of my way as I would explode. If I'm given authority, I'm even handed, but I'm responsible for the outcome of the project and I expect everyone to act dutifully, which should mean that everyone should know what is his duty and that his duty is something he freely and actually happily does. I don't give directions to people that know it better than I do, but don't attempt to merely question my decision in areas of my competence. Different opinions only have to be heard when ethically required, I'm not a democracy. Plus, I get easily pissed off if I'm contributing to something yet others to express their opinions or positions lead to inefficient results or just waste our time to be some kind of primadonnas. I say this out of experience in various organisations, where I've seen amateurism prosper. When all this happens I either become extremely infuriated, or to avoid that, I leave the crap altogether.

2. I get extremely pissed off when someone supposedly recognises my worth just to see myself subsequently hindered in applying my worth to practice. Frankly, I either lead or I get pissed if my superiors are not superior to myself in quality in a manifest manner. When I recognise superior worth, I shut up and obey, but most importantly, I learn.

3. If I propose something, that is not applied, I want to know why it is not applied and I want to logically see why another proposal should be applied and why it is better to apply it. If not, I think that those I'm involved with must be living in another world where logic and reason are unknown virtues.

4. If I want to stay in peace, meaning alone doing whatever I want to do, don't even breathe around me. I do get infuriated, internally if not externally. Obviously I do say that I want to be left alone, but some people just don't understand simple straightforward expressions. Solitude is sometimes required for me to charge myself.

5. I cannot stand superficial people, and even worse people that deny what I state without knowing what they're talking about. I speak when I know what I'm talking about, and that means that I've researched the matter accordingly and thus having someone with ludicrous knowledge on what I'm talking about contradicting me is a sure recipe for the latter to either end up humiliated by myself (unfortunately, I tend to have a double edged sword rather than a tongue when I want to hurt) or for me to just discount them as dullards. Most of the time it is the second option, unless the bravo belittles me. Relax though, in general I'd rather teach, I take this stand with people that act know-it-all with me when I perfectly know that they're stating stupidities.

Thankfully, apart from point 4 perhaps, these situations rarely happen and I opt to seek harmony and avoid conflict when nothing positive can be reaped from conflict itself for myself or what I believe in. Just don't expect me to be accomodating to anything contrary to my ethics however.

[toonia]

I don't really have much of a temper, but sometimes get frustrated. My feelings aren't generally that imposing.

[Solaris]

I've noticed that most seem to have long fuses. Somebody, Dei I think, mentioned that she is patient with teaching, same for anyone else? Teaching anything, or only in your areas of expertise? Or are you less patient if the area is your expertise, because you want others to grasp the same subtleties?

[SeekingHim80]

Thankfully, apart from point 4 perhaps, these situations rarely happen and I opt to seek harmony and avoid conflict when nothing positive can be reaped from conflict itself for myself or what I believe in. Just don't expect me to be accomodating to anything contrary to my ethics however.




This is very interesting. What do you use as your standard to judge how much better your propositions are than others? Do you not ever think that what is stupid to you may not be to someone else? How do you rationalize letting those things bother you when many of them are so subjective?

[Ederico]

This is very interesting. What do you use as your standard to judge how much better your propositions are than others? Do you not ever think that what is stupid to you may not be to someone else? How do you rationalize letting those things bother you when many of them are so subjective?

What makes you think they are so subjective to start with? People have varying degrees of competence, and many people fail in one major aspect, they don't know that they lack competence.

Most of the time, what I described in my previous post is a very rare occurrence because I happen to understand whom has greater competence than myself and I follow their lead (with a critical personal observation, which helps me learn). Some things, and judgments in this case, are based on practical observations and follow no universal pattern, thus it is hard to explain here. Therefore what I referred to above was based on my own experiences and observations. A description of an INTJ said that an INTJ supposedly knows what he knows yet most importantly he knows what he doesn't know. The problem is other people rarely know the latter, or think they have some right to be confrontational because supposedly intellects are equal and that they have a right to their opinion. I'll ditch the former notion altogether, as some peoples' cognitive capabilities seem relatively undeveloped in many cases, however the latter "right" does not shield one from someone else's reactions.

Perhaps, most people that "rarely know the latter" mentioned above are feelers rather than thinkers, they express what they feel rather than what they know. However, I don't have enough knowledge and expertise to state that with certainty.

What is stupid to me, is based on objective standards of knowledge and expertise in particular subjects (and not in general), and what I term "stupid" is the attitude of people not meeting certain standards albeit wanting to pass of what they pretend to know as a given fact. I don't venture into areas I know practically nothing about pretending to know, I shut up when a medical doctor is speaking on his field, and at most question searchingly to gather knowledge. Others, which would anger me, in similar contextual positions don't merely question, they assert and when they question they do so in order to to rhetorically aid their assertion. Those are the differences in attitude which distinguish me and which irk me in relation to others. When someone even dares to question my own competence in turn, after having probably been given a sound intellectual beating by myself on the subject, then one can assume that I will never ever discuss seriously with such a person again. I'll just make fools of them, repeatedly if necessary. Most of the time don't imagine letting off steam against this person, rather consider that I mostly take a quiet attitude and internalized my judgment after having expressed my position. That means that I'll keep that judgment for future reference, and my level of trust for that person would have diminished greatly.

Typical example in my case, I'm a law student in Malta which mostly has a civil law legal tradition, yet I get some person not at all knowledgeable on law in a technical sense who blathers stuff which he has probably understood in some Anglo-American television show (the Anglo-American world having a common law legal tradition). Needless to say, the fact that it is a television show meant for public awe should be enough for the diligent to understand that he is on shaky grounds as far as legal reality is concerned and that he should shut up (as I would and do in relevant contexts) or at least question (rather than assert). The fact that it is a television show based a on legal tradition mostly different from ours, coupled with the fact that my interlocutor doesn't even recognise how that changes much of the question, leads me to presume that I'm in for some stupid and ignorant assertions. The end results generally prove me right, if not, I adapt. This would be one hypothetical example, there are others.

Now mind you, what does "bother me" mean? Perhaps I used the wrong expression when using infuriated. Such things don't bother me at all, they just lead me to take what I consider the appropriate steps. These being ignoring the question altogether as it is not at all profitable (most of these situations happen when I'm discussing just for the sake of it, for play) to myself nor those I'm involved with, and in other contexts I act upon it to avoid further stupidity (if I'm in a position of authority, this falls under avoiding inefficiency).

What I have stated is not truly subjective, but rather contextual. Subjectiveness would imply an equality of validity in different assertions or positions, often taken at face value. The stupidity of someone is not based on someone else's opinion, but in relation to one's exposed knowledge and expertise in the field he is venturing in (such as in the hypothetical case I mentioned above).

Perhaps using "stupidity" is using too strong a word here. I reckon that in English it has a stronger meaning than "stupidità" in my own language.

[rwyatt365]

I've noticed that most seem to have long fuses. Somebody, Dei I think, mentioned that she is patient with teaching, same for anyone else? Teaching anything, or only in your areas of expertise? Or are you less patient if the area is your expertise, because you want others to grasp the same subtleties?
I tend to be quite patient when teaching - but in proportion to (what I perceive to be) the level of "effort" the student puts into the exercise. If they are willing and trying (even if they fail repeatedly) I am willing to put in the time to teach what I know. If they want me to somehow "inject" the knowledge into their brain I can get quite frustrated and quit.

[Solaris]

I tend to be quite patient when teaching - but in proportion to (what I perceive to be) the level of "effort" the student puts into the exercise. If they are willing and trying (even if they fail repeatedly) I am willing to put in the time to teach what I know. If they want me to somehow "inject" the knowledge into their brain I can get quite frustrated and quit.

I'm similar, in that I have never been just an answer giver. I always want to understand, and want the same thing for others. If they don't want to understand and learn, I've no time for them.

[Myrak]

I like to think I have a relatively long fuse. I rarely act out in public, I don't like attracting attention to myself. If someone assaults my physically, I'm usually quite calm. However, it is the small psychological pet peeves that do me in, and often I come out with spontaneous sarcastic comments about the actions in question.

I rarely get 'angry', but if on the rare occasions I do, it's usually for a damn good reason. It's more often than not, repeated actions of a particular person that just grate on me whenever I'm around them. It takes a long time of this, for me to justify to myself that it's worth being angry over.

I think I release most of my anger to my general group, usually through the form of cynical comments. It feels mildly therapeutic. I find that whenever I'm not laughing and having a good time with others, I assume the form of the cold, cynical (but often times humorous) guy who seems just a bit too antisocial. It's quite the difference in personalities, but they seem to complement each other nicely.

[Max T]

I'm similar, in that I have never been just an answer giver. I always want to understand, and want the same thing for others. If they don't want to understand and learn, I've no time for them.

Yes I agree with you Solaris and Rwyatt- I am very patient when teaching due to the combination of:
1. me wanting to be understood (in my little niche of 'expertise'),
2. their desire to learn and
3. my wanting to help them as a result ('cos INTJs can easily relate with someone who wants to learn!).

[WavesSootheMe]

It absolutely depends on the situation. Who is involved? What are the reasons for the anger-inducing incident? How important is the issue to me? If I don't have to deal with the person on a regular basis, then I usually just let things go. If they're someone that I have to or choose to see on a regular basis, then I like to fix things. I hate passive-aggressiveness, so if something really bothers me I address it immediately. If it's something small, I might mention it lightly to prevent it from building up in the future (I do this often with my roommate). When we do have an argument, I work through things in my head and am ready to talk much more quickly than her. I can be a bit impatient about waiting to settle a problem, but as long as we talk calmly about it before going to bed, I'm fine. I like to understand the other side, solve problems and settle things. That way the same problem is less likely to come up again in the future. I have a hard time with my sister because she likes to forget about it and move on.

Many of the same things in the other posts are also things that bother me, especially wasting my time and interrupting sleep. To add, I get really irritated when people are mad at me for things that don't even make sense (which I conclude only after trying to understand) or that lack insight into my own situation.

If anyone dare lay a finger on me, they're gone. I know what it feels like to be controlled by physical abuse and I will never put myself in that situation by choice. This ties into the anger I saw from my father growing up. When he was angry, he would never yell. He'd shake and get this really raspy voice - I would have preferred yelling. I don't blame him. He was taught by his father to parent teenagers in this way. He's been in therapy for the last year, making baby steps, and trying to be better for my youngest brother.

I am an extremely patient teacher, as evidenced by my career choice. If a student isn't putting in enough effort, then it's on me to figure out how to motivate them. If they're not getting it, then it's on me to figure out how to change the way I'm teaching the subject so that they can get it. This goes for all students of all ages, not just my students with autism.

[Solaris]

It absolutely depends on the situation. Who is involved? What are the reasons for the anger-inducing incident? How important is the issue to me? If I don't have to deal with the person on a regular basis, then I usually just let things go. If they're someone that I have to or choose to see on a regular basis, then I like to fix things. I hate passive-aggressiveness, so if something really bothers me I address it immediately. If it's something small, I might mention it lightly to prevent it from building up in the future (I do this often with my roommate). When we do have an argument, I work through things in my head and am ready to talk much more quickly than her. I can be a bit impatient about waiting to settle a problem, but as long as we talk calmly about it before going to bed, I'm fine. I like to understand the other side, solve problems and settle things. That way the same problem is less likely to come up again in the future. I have a hard time with my sister because she likes to forget about it and move on.



Likewise to the bolded parts. My roommate and I discussed (before moving in together) that we have always just been able to talk to each other, so we should continue to do so. Neither of us takes things personally (this is an INTJ and ENTJ household), and we're both fairly direct. It works quite well. Not being an obnoxious sort, I know to leave him alone (and even encourage it) and let him have his space. Neither of us wants to trash a friendship, so we're pretty good about communicating.

My mom was always one to just react to a situation, and then it was over for her. I hated that because nothing was ever explained, rationalized, or resolved for me.

[DeepPurple]

Long. I haven't lost my temper in quite some time. Probably because I am not forced to see people I can't stand day after day, after day, after day anymore. I tend to let things accumulate. I've been trying to be more assertive and less passive-agressive. Which is sort of working.

I can get ticked off when people make extremely ignorant comments and generalizations. I don't lose my temper though. I just let people know my views. Usually they can't handle my views or misunderstand me, so I avoid either them or that particular topic in the future.

[Antares]

I have a long fuse, but I'm prone to explode when it gets too much. I rarely snap like an explosive volcano. Not many people can tell when I've lost my temper. I don't usually yell at people because half the things I say are likely to be fallacious and opinionated. Instead, when I lose it, I'm usually cynical, sarcastic and blunt. These are signs to look for if one wants to know when I'm burning with rage. Most of the time, I suppress it, but I'm human after all. On the surface, I'm mild tempered but the person who knows me the best (myself) knows that I hardly have the patience with anything and I have one of the worst tempers I know. Major firestarters for me are unfair accusations and people who explode at me because they're feeling like crap. Then I explode at them. Getting mad at me apparently accomplishes nothing when they want to improve their mood because I'm likely to make it worst.

[quentin]

I have a quick fuse but I forgive pretty easily. Grudges are a waste of time. Some people hold grudges against me and that's one thing I can never figure out. Why spend so much energy hating another person?

[Solaris]

I have a quick fuse but I forgive pretty easily. Grudges are a waste of time. Some people hold grudges against me and that's one thing I can never figure out. Why spend so much energy hating another person?

I think people often mistake my actions as holding grudges when it's really just a choice to no longer associate myself with a particular person. I'll let people (even encourage) be themselves, but when it cuts across my morals/ethics, and I lose respect for them, I'm done. I don't make a big production out of it either, I just stop talking to them and avoid them when possible -- anything else is a waste of my time.

[Bossy Mom]

I think people often mistake my actions as holding grudges when it's really just a choice to no longer associate myself with a particular person. I'll let people (even encourage) be themselves, but when it cuts across my morals/ethics, and I lose respect for them, I'm done. I don't make a big production out of it either, I just stop talking to them and avoid them when possible -- anything else is a waste of my time.

I do the same thing. If I find a person grating or offensive, I just cut them out of my life. I noticed that my teenaged daughter does it, too.

[quentin]

The problem is that I can come across as grating or offensive unintentionally.

[Solaris]

The problem is that I can come across as grating or offensive unintentionally.

I found just being direct about how direct I am sometimes helps. Sometimes, though, it just makes things worse. :suspicious:

[BadMojo]

I have a very long fuse, except when I'm driving. Then I tend to yell quite a bit because I hate when people slow me down.
But I've actually got smacked in the head once, and my initial reaction was not to hit back. My first reaction was thinking "Why did he do that?" ... and only after he hit me again, my temper flared and... yeah.

But people who tries to insult me are wasting their energy. People can call me almost anything, and it won't bother me a bit.

[Cyrus]

Solaris: I think people often mistake my actions as holding grudges when it's really just a choice to no longer associate myself with a particular person. I'll let people (even encourage) be themselves, but when it cuts across my morals/ethics, and I lose respect for them, I'm done. I don't make a big production out of it either, I just stop talking to them and avoid them when possible -- anything else is a waste of my time.

I do the same. Though sometimes, it does violate certain social graces. (which at times, I think are pretty fake)

Ultimate pet peeve: The clingy/"I need you to validate my existance", type of people.

I'm rather impatient (esp on the road) and swing into bad moods here and there. Anger... is like a nuke @ the end of like 10 circuit breakers. Long long fuse and very hard to trigger.

Martial arts helps take off alot of annoyance too. =)

[Lucid]

I do the same. Though sometimes, it does violate certain social graces. (which at times, I think are pretty fake)

Ultimate pet peeve: The clingy/"I need you to validate my existance", type of people.

Agreed. While I do have a temper, people often misinterpret my decision not to have anything to do with someone I've decided is a substandard example of a human being, lacking in moral fiber and character, as holding a grudge.

[ankeshkothari]

I was a bit hot headed when I was younger. But I've worked on it.

My trick: try to keep your voice lower than the other person. A lower voice gives you an upper hand.

I usually don't lose my cool now-a-days. But I do get irritated by stupidity - and when I have to repeat things over-and-over again.

[Pinkie]

I really don't know whether I have a slow fuse or a long fuse or whether I'm repressed or not. I find I get quite irritated rather quickly, but then at the same time I honestly can't remember the last time I lost my temper.

[xhaan]

What kind of temper do you have? Short fuse, long fuse? Do you let it out? How? Different for different situations, or same across the board? Explosive? Repressed? Healthfully vented? Do you name your different "modes" which tend to correlate to moods?

Go.

I have quite a long fuse, with people. With objects however, I can have a pretty bad temper... heh. I used to have a C 64... not anymore though, it had a baseball bat taken to it, beat it into about a million pieces.

But anyways, I'm not that way with people. I show anger as I feel is appropriate to the situation. I may speak in firm tones, and specify that I am not pleased, or annoyed, but I try to bring it across in a rational and healthy way. Most times I do not shout, and when I do it is generally controlled, and I don't continue to do it after the point has gotten across, it is merely an attention getter and to show that I mean business.

And I guess the reason I'm short with machines and not people, is you can't really reason with a machine... you can only operate it if it is in working order, repair it if it isn't, take a break from using it to cool off, or smash it into bits

[Solaris]

I do the same. Though sometimes, it does violate certain social graces. (which at times, I think are pretty fake)

Ultimate pet peeve: The clingy/"I need you to validate my existance", type of people.

I'm rather impatient (esp on the road) and swing into bad moods here and there. Anger... is like a nuke @ the end of like 10 circuit breakers. Long long fuse and very hard to trigger.

Martial arts helps take off alot of annoyance too. =)

I hate clingy people. As soon as I realize a person is a clingy sort, I start backing off. I do try not to damage them as I do, but I try hard not to send them mixed signals about what I'm doing. I am certainly an impatient driver. However, that's mainly when people are just stupid and not using common sense or following logical traffic laws. And yes, martial arts keeps me sane.

Agreed. While I do have a temper, people often misinterpret my decision not to have anything to do with someone I've decided is a substandard example of a human being, lacking in moral fiber and character, as holding a grudge.

Amazing how deciding not to associate with a crappy human being makes us seem crappier, isn't it?

I have quite a long fuse, with people. With objects however, I can have a pretty bad temper... heh. I used to have a C 64... not anymore though, it had a baseball bat taken to it, beat it into about a million pieces.

But anyways, I'm not that way with people. I show anger as I feel is appropriate to the situation. I may speak in firm tones, and specify that I am not pleased, or annoyed, but I try to bring it across in a rational and healthy way. Most times I do not shout, and when I do it is generally controlled, and I don't continue to do it after the point has gotten across, it is merely an attention getter and to show that I mean business.

And I guess the reason I'm short with machines and not people, is you can't really reason with a machine... you can only operate it if it is in working order, repair it if it isn't, take a break from using it to cool off, or smash it into bits

I have smashed machines into bits...somewhere I have photos of an hp printer I smashed apart last year.

When I get nuclear angry, I speak slowly, quietly, and calmly. I can't help it. It's the only way to can continue to speak without crying (which I hate...the crying that is, so I try not to let it win).

[slp7]

I have a long fuse, just because I believe in picking my battles and not everything is worth getting worked up over. Oh, but if it IS worth it… good God, World War III! Usually, by the time I get pissed off at someone, they’ve been deserving it for a long time and they know it. If something is worth getting angry about, then I want to make sure that they NEVER want to do it again. Screaming and yelling over every little thing shows a lack of control, and it loses its impact and effectiveness with people. But if you are the quiet type like me and rarely get angry, then it scares the crap out of people when you do and they know you are serious.

Some of my pet peeves are:
1. People who are my obvious inferiors, yet want to somehow convince themselves that they are “something” by talking down to me or humiliating me in public
2. Clingy people- helplessness by design, ironically used to control others
3. When people don’t recognize that my time is valuable to me
4. And possibly the all-time worst: When someone tells me something (usually in the workplace), which they believe will indirectly motivate me to do something they want me to do. Just tell me directly what you want! The problem is- I almost never react in the way that person (usually a boss) had hoped, and they have only themselves to blame for not being upfront. INTJ’s are impossible to manipulate in this way. I always know when I’m being played, and I never give that person the satisfaction of playing into their plans.

I do hold grudges, and I make no apology for it. Here’s why: if someone has made the effort to drive me to that rare, extreme point of anger, then I mentally place them in a certain category from that point on. I don’t actively go around hating them, but if I see them I will always remember that they are in that category- people who screwed me once will screw me again. I might be years later, and I may not even remember exactly what they did to get categorized as such, but it’s irrelevant because I trust my judgement.

[xhaan]

I have a long fuse, just because I believe in picking my battles and not everything is worth getting worked up over. Oh, but if it IS worth it… good God, World War III! Usually, by the time I get pissed off at someone, they’ve been deserving it for a long time and they know it. If something is worth getting angry about, then I want to make sure that they NEVER want to do it again. Screaming and yelling over every little thing shows a lack of control, and it loses its impact and effectiveness with people. But if you are the quiet type like me and rarely get angry, then it scares the crap out of people when you do and they know you are serious.

Some of my pet peeves are:
1. People who are my obvious inferiors, yet want to somehow convince themselves that they are “something” by talking down to me or humiliating me in public
2. Clingy people- helplessness by design, ironically used to control others
3. When people don’t recognize that my time is valuable to me
4. And possibly the all-time worst: When someone tells me something (usually in the workplace), which they believe will indirectly motivate me to do something they want me to do. Just tell me directly what you want! The problem is- I almost never react in the way that person (usually a boss) had hoped, and they have only themselves to blame for not being upfront. INTJ’s are impossible to manipulate in this way. I always know when I’m being played, and I never give that person the satisfaction of playing into their plans.

I do hold grudges, and I make no apology for it. Here’s why: if someone has made the effort to drive me to that rare, extreme point of anger, then I mentally place them in a certain category from that point on. I don’t actively go around hating them, but if I see them I will always remember that they are in that category- people who screwed me once will screw me again. I might be years later, and I may not even remember exactly what they did to get categorized as such, but it’s irrelevant because I trust my judgement.


Sounds like me. Are you sure you are not me? This pretty much exactly describes me. :thumbsup:

I found this especially amusing:
2. Clingy people- helplessness by design, ironically used to control others
I will have to note this down as a favorite quote.