Feelings and Decision Making

[deicruxified]

just curious. have you ever considered other people's feelings when it comes to decision making? i do sometimes as long as i find something valid behind the feelings.

[logan235711]

All the time! What sort of crazy question is this?! :D

[TruorTupnm]

It seems to be the sort employed towards the goal of gathering information. *checks the initial post* Ah. It is for satisfying curiosity. Anyways, I probably have done that at some point, but not often. Only when I know that the person is prone to cloudiness of reason, and I might more efficiently be able to move on by way of bypassing or manipulating such clouds.

[rwyatt365]

just curious. have you ever considered other people's feelings when it comes to decision making? i do sometimes as long as i find something valid behind the feelings.
I consider them most of the time (>75%?), but don't necessarily rank them above what my desire or intent is. Other peoples feelings are just a data point in the evaluation process.

Guess that makes me an evil robot, huh?

BTW logan, it's no more crazy a question than many of the other's being asked. Deicruxified wanted to know something, so she asked. Isn't that what this forum is all about?.

[xtremegeek]

Actually, this is another good 'learning' question about INTJs (for me at least.) Do INTJs compartmentalize situations into "need to check feelings" and "don't need to check feelings"? Is that how the thought process works?

[rwyatt365]

Actually, this is another good 'learning' question about INTJs (for me at least.) Do INTJs compartmentalize situations into "need to check feelings" and "don't need to check feelings"? Is that how the thought process works?

Speaking for myself, I don't compartmentalize in that manner (check/no check feelings), it's more like; every decision has a number of factors that need to be weighed in order to come to a decision. In my mind I create a "Pro & Cons" list, and place all of the factors accordingly. Then those factors are weighted and a final "value" is generated, which is the decision.

Another person's feelings is just another factor in that decision-table. The weight of that particular factor may vary based on who the person is, but regardless – it's just another factor.

Does that help?

[xtremegeek]

Speaking for myself, I don't compartmentalize in that manner (check/no check feelings), it's more like; every decision has a number of factors that need to be weighed in order to come to a decision. In my mind I create a "Pro & Cons" list, and place all of the factors accordingly. Then those factors are weighted and a final "value" is generated, which is the decision.

Another person's feelings is just another factor in that decision-table. The weight of that particular factor may vary based on who the person is, but regardless – it's just another factor.

Does that help?

To some extent yes. Do you ever articulate to the person that you weighed their feelings in the equation? Or do you just quietly calculate, decide, then move forward?

[rwyatt365]

To some extent yes. Do you ever articulate to the person that you weighed their feelings in the equation? Or do you just quietly calculate, decide, then move forward?

Generally the latter, the major exception being the wife! I make sure to let her know that I've considered her feelings in decisions made - that was a "learning experience" for me (and not a very pleasant one, at that)!

[Solaris]

just curious. have you ever considered other people's feelings when it comes to decision making? i do sometimes as long as i find something valid behind the feelings.

Dei --
For what kinds of decisions? All I get is that it's some decision that clearly involves other people, but how big is the decision?

I guess, then, that I weigh people's emotions in at certain levels of decision-making. Also, I know I consider feelings more when deciding anything involving my ISFJ best friend. So, depends on the people involved and the situation. If I get frustrated with either, I just go ahead and do what I want to do, or what I see as being the best choice.

[justmeiguess]

I usually take my own desires into account first. I guess sometimes I'm a bit solipsistic, really. However, a strong feeling of guilt tends to make me take the feelings of others into account. I only really take into account the feelings of those I'm close to and care about when making decisions. That said, I'm very rarely the one to make decisions as I prefer to just go with the flow in order to reduce the amount of both effort and potential conflict.

[NeonTetra]

Yes. I guess this is a no brainer for me...

[Paul V]

Only if the people involved mean anything to me (that is, if they have not wronged me).

[Heretic]

In my mind I create a "Pro & Cons" list, and place all of the factors accordingly. Then those factors are weighted and a final "value" is generated, which is the decision.

This is how I tend to operate. I think it is important to consider all the variables in any equation, no matter how small they may appear to be (in a broader, more general sense), so I have taken the time to learn a bit about how the "average" person would react in a myriad of situations. I also consider what my friends do in situations I have observed in the past.

At bottom of it all, though, it is still a subjective decision, and I try to remember that as well when I make decisions.

[Sevs]

I can honestly say that I usually don't consider other people when making decisions unless they are really important to me. As there are about 4 people in the whole wide world that come under this category and most of the time none of them is affected i make decisions without considering other peoples feelings.

[Nomad]

As Rwyatt says, it's a factor to be taken into account. I try very hard to accommodate others, with the idea that people who perceive themselves to be valued tend to contribute more effectively. If i can convince someone that a given course is in their best interest, things go better. it has the added side benefit that if you accommodate where you can, people are a lot more tolerant of "You don't have to like it, you have to do it" when necessary.

I love elegant solutions, that being said, I'm goal focused. I operate under the assumption of contribute or get out of the way.

Some of my best days are when everyone gets something, I come in under time, under budget, over projections and with no casualties.

It is very important to be fair and even handed.Good morale is the mortar than holds any mission together. You accomplish more with less.
-Nomad

[deicruxified]

Dei --
For what kinds of decisions? All I get is that it's some decision that clearly involves other people, but how big is the decision?
hmmm sorry for being vague but it's a shot-gun question for whatever circumstances you can think of wherein your decision is needed.

to answer my question, call me the coldest bitch but i often do "background checks" so as to support my intuition because most of the time, the gut master says "no". i do background checks for the reason that if ever i made that decision, i have soemthing logical to prove my stand. i would, in all cases, calculate silently as xtremegeek would like to have coined it. if i have proven the reason behind the feelings are valid, then that's the time i make some considerations.

in my team, i always listen to everyone's ideas or feelings. i acknowledge feelings as well however to a certain extent. i do some weighing then find a common ground wherein everyone can compromise (because i do believe the leader should lead a group of heads not only his or her head).

what i don't like about feelings is the fact that some people tend to pull the "appeal to pit0y crapini" so as for you to budge. however, never in my life have i succumbed to such whining pigs lol.

[Tarrick]

How they feel is rolled into the consequences of my actions due to the fact that I may need to manip....I mean, work with them at a later time.

[stasis]

have you ever considered other people's feelings when it comes to decision making?
No. To be honest, I wouldn't know how. I might consider how a person will react to my decision, but that's not weighing their feelings.

[deicruxified]

How they feel is rolled into the consequences of my actions due to the fact that I may need to manip....I mean, work with them at a later time.
i love freudian slips but i suggest the "modify" button would be a big help to "filter" things.

let's just keep the lambs quiet...

[evoviiigsr]

Only about half of the time.

[deicruxified]

ok a thought just came in...

euthanasia for instance? i mean, here we could be speculative as to what our decisions might be but if the time comes that we have to decide on what would become of our loved ones, how would you decide? more of feelings or principles or logic?

[Paul V]

ok a thought just came in...

euthanasia for instance? i mean, here we could be speculative as to what our decisions might be but if the time comes that we have to decide on what would become of our loved ones, how would you decide? more of feelings or principles or logic?

All life is valuable, and we should not interfere with its natural course. If we can't give life, we don't have the right to take it (self-defense being the only exception). However, I do agree with terminating the life of someone who depends on machines and technology to live, AND who is braindead.

[The Rose]

just curious. have you ever considered other people's feelings when it comes to decision making? i do sometimes as long as i find something valid behind the feelings.No. I think it is wrong and unfair to consider people's feelings when making a decisions. Decisions should be based on what is just and right.

[TruorTupnm]

Good answer. But towards the euthanasia thought, my first thought is to find the piece of paper signed by the patient that informs me of their wishes. If no such paper exists, I would think about what the person might want if they could tell me. Ah, of course, if they can tell, I'd go with that. I'd ask people who know the person better than myself. I'd be going with whatever seems to work best for that person. Is that fifty thinking and fifty feeling? I'm not sure. Also, brain-dead is dead.

[Henry]

just curious. have you ever considered other people's feelings when it comes to decision making? i do sometimes as long as i find something valid behind the feelings.

Considering others' feelings and their likely reactions is a part of thinking and good decision making. If you ignore this factor, you're not going to see the whole picture and the decisions will suffer.

[logos]

just curious. have you ever considered other people's feelings when it comes to decision making? i do sometimes as long as i find something valid behind the feelings.

It is unreasonable to ignore these factors when planning decisions as most peoples responses (which were anticipated in the decision) are based on how they feel about that decision.

I think perhaps you are trying to ask whether or not empathy plays a role in INTJ decision making. In other words, how will I feel if this person is adversely emotionally affected by this decision? For me, except for very close relationships where I have learned to manage the more fragile emotional structures of those I care about, the answer is no.