Torn on a Purpose for Life- My Career, Etc.

[jadefalcon]

I have been in a funk for a month or three.


This all has to deal with a collection of issues- career, ethics, beliefs, politics, philosophy, you name it. I have always wanted to be an engineer- originally I wanted to go into engineering because I liked putting things together. With the advent of the age of terrorism, my dreams took a whole new meaning. I could now engineer to protect the country and keep the peace that I enjoyed everyday.


Times have changed. The world is full of hate, people don't seem to care anymore, and I will continue on to not make this into a rant. The bailout bill recently has me torn in regards to a future career- I don't want to vote for either major candidate (Obama or McCain) and I think Congress should be ousted. Greed and corruption REEK out of capital hill. With that said-


Ethics is hitting me. I don't want to protect those who don't deserve to be protected (the morons of this country), I don't want to protect a corrupt government that is not taking care of its people, but of corporate welfare. I figured there were still some people left protecting- those who were searching for a better tomorrow. If I fought to defend them, at what cost would I lose my sanity protecting those who need to be judged? I wanted to jump into the defense industry, but now I have my doubts. It's not about creating weapons of murder- it is about protecting those who will, in the end destroy this country. By protecting them, I am inhibiting their progress. I love my country, but not what it has become.


I am so lost in thought about all of this that all I could come up with is to live my life humbly and "find something else to do" with my time. Making a difference wasn't important to me- but protecting those who need it was. I have no one to love- I have been betrayed by so many people and I can only name a select few persons that are worth protecting, save those who fight for the future. If I were to say that it is not worth the cost of pain and torment to protect less than 12 people, then I can say that I have lost my humanity.


Only I can answer this question- but I wanted to hear what everyone else had to think. I went to see a therapist about this and she said that I was way out of her league- bunch of help she was. I know that on this board that there are like minded individuals (INTJ) so I am seeking input here.


I don't want to develop defense weapons if it means that they will be controlled by a corrupt government who is responsible for upkeeping corporate welfare. There are so many heartless people in this country that they are not worth sparing a breath or typing text over. Have I lost it? Have I lost my humanity? Or have I just seen that all of humanity is corrupt?

[lisakki]

I think, first off all, you need to take a step away from yourself for a minute and look at your situation objectively: you're speaking in huge generalities and you make dramatic phrases like: "Have I lost my humanity? ".

While I love philosophy and ethics just as much as everyone else here, I just don't see it as your problem. Think about past events that, not in the news, but in your own personal life that may have caused this sudden change. Try to stop thinking so much in abstract terms and more in concrete terms. Your relationships, your job, your health, your hobbies, these should be far more important to you than the bailout.

As to your philosophical problem, I'll just say this to you from one INTJ to another. As a group, we're fiercely independent thinkers. I suggest reading Nietsche and Rand. Just do what you want to do, trust in your own thinking, and carve out your own path to life. That, I think, is the only path to success for an INTJ.

[Skye]

A knife is a two-edged thing too. It can be used as a weapon or as a useful tool.

I realise the analogy is not perfect. Are you afraid your efforts will be used for a dark purpose? But have you thought about directing your engineering interest towards a positive purpose? How about being a structural engineer?

Then again, if you have lost all faith in humanity, is there any point? That sounds very serious indeed. Checked yourself for any signs of depression lately?

Personally I need to believe in humanity, because otherwise I will go spiralling down into a dark place. Work on what gets you out of bed in the morning...(?)

[Autoptic]

Times have changed. The world is full of hate, people don't seem to care anymore, and I will continue on to not make this into a rant.
...
Have I lost my humanity? Or have I just seen that all of humanity is corrupt?

Do you know nothing of history? This bullshit is normal. Humanity is whatever any human does. Define corrupt. It entirely depends on whose values you are using.

Then again, if you have lost all faith in humanity, is there any point?

I have "faith" in humanity to be human not some idealized bullshit fitting some half-baked hodgepodge code that blatantly lies about pretty much everything. Human is a whole hell of a lot of things. Some you will like, and some you won't. My point is the only one I ever had or ever will have as long as I exist. I define it literal at will. To will anything is simply to make it my point. If we're going to drop names, try Max Stirner. His writing pissed off Marx and was possibly plagiarized by Nietzsche

[Skatt]

I understand what you're going through. I've reached this point a couple times. The best way I found to deal with it is to drop my attention and like you said, do something else. It's really difficult to feel motivated when there is so much that seems inevitable. I've basically just been looking for hope where ever it's at and working through my own things a bit slower because I don't feel like I can establish myself in the current state of things. I've been taking this time to do things that are more social, which actually helps a lot because I find that people that I wouldn't expect feel the same way about the way things are. I think that the best way to live is to live by example. Live like the world is how you imagine it should be even in those times where it's kicking you down. There's not much sense in freaking out about all of the stupid people right now, you still have plenty of time and plenty of stupid people to see.

[Chucklebug]

I'd say get used to the whole corrupt humanity scenario. On the other hand you could get some positive energy and try and change it :) It's hard though when you realise that you've been channelling your energy into something that will be in the hands of a corrupt government if you ever reached your goals. I think that is probably why your depressed. Give yourself sometime to grieve. You never know perhaps you will realise things aren’t so bad – actually let me rephrase that! Perhaps you’ll realise its really not your responsibility to worry so much about it. I’m not sure, depends on what your beliefs are. I know I can’t be bothered at the moment to try and reform the world like I used to when I was younger. Maybe you just lost your idealism and innocence like I’ve recently done also ;).

[blueback]

Tools are inherently amoral. Once they are created they will be used for things you would agree with and for things you would not agree with. You can't control how the tools you create are used, so don't worry about it.

Recognize that the best you can do is the best you can do, and do that. Try to see into the future, but accept that your vision is limited, and make the best decision you can with what you know now.

A 75% solution now is better than a 100% solution too late.

[Tyrant Soup]

Your actions will have little impact on the big picture. Screw idealism and just do what's good for you.

[jadefalcon]

Then again, if you have lost all faith in humanity, is there any point? That sounds very serious indeed. Checked yourself for any signs of depression lately?

Personally I need to believe in humanity, because otherwise I will go spiralling down into a dark place.


Yes, I am on medications for generalized anxiety order and depression. There were a few causes to my second bout of depression, the primary one being my father. There is a whole other topic on that, and it is a long story. Maybe I havn't lost faith in humanity, I should probably rephrase that and say that I am becoming a cynic. *hears all the WELCOME TO THE CLUB* chants.





jadefalcon added to this post, 3 minutes and 56 seconds later...

I think that the best way to live is to live by example. Live like the world is how you imagine it should be even in those times where it's kicking you down. There's not much sense in freaking out about all of the stupid people right now, you still have plenty of time and plenty of stupid people to see.


Seems like we really have been at this stage- this is a lot along the lines of what I am going through. My rendition of this is to have a nice home and especially a swords dojo. Eastern Swords is something I have wanted to pick up on for a long time now, and I could think of no better activity than meditation and nature........ in fact I will go do this today if the weather permits- I think it is what I need.





jadefalcon added to this post, 1 minutes and 47 seconds later...

Your actions will have little impact on the big picture. Screw idealism and just do what's good for you.

"Government" and "Idealism" have taken on a whole new meaning, oddly enoug their definitions are perverse. I have found no trust in either of them, and if I am only going to be betrayed whats the point. If my tools are used by those that are evil then what is the point- I want to do something more constructive with my time- guess I need to go find out what it is.





jadefalcon added to this post, 0 minutes and 54 seconds later...

Tools are inherently amoral. Once they are created they will be used for things you would agree with and for things you would not agree with.
A 75% solution now is better than a 100% solution too late.


I hate to admit it, but the truth is, tools are inherently amoral, I agree. I am going to work towards that 75% solution.





jadefalcon added to this post, 3 minutes and 20 seconds later...

I'd say get used to the whole corrupt humanity scenario. On the other hand you could get some positive energy and try and change it :) It's hard though when you realise that you've been channelling your energy into something that will be in the hands of a corrupt government if you ever reached your goals. I think that is probably why your depressed. Give yourself sometime to grieve. You never know perhaps you will realise things aren’t so bad – actually let me rephrase that! Perhaps you’ll realise its really not your responsibility to worry so much about it. I’m not sure, depends on what your beliefs are. I know I can’t be bothered at the moment to try and reform the world like I used to when I was younger. Maybe you just lost your idealism and innocence like I’ve recently done also ;).


Its been hard for me to get with the fact that channeling all of my energy into something I want to be worthwhile will be used at the hands of those who I deem are evil. I have also realized that trying to change the world is pointless- I don't have the drive of an INFJ, and I think many INFJs may realize that changing the world is pointless, and they strive to achieve other goals while fighting dilligently for something.


Maybe I have come to the realization about the world and myself- I think a little me time might solve things. I don't want to be remembered as a lazy person, and I understand I have needs and desires, and probably what I am getting at is I want to do something that is important and relevant to aiding humanity, but what can I do when humanity will use my creations for something that I had not intended them to use for.


This is more of a personal question I am asking myself here, and maybe I should see a pastor regarding this, but how can I face God and say that I could have used my abilities better? This may be the root of what is troubling me.


How about being a structural engineer?

Ehhh statics is not my ball game. I can do it- but structural engineering isn't where I want to go. Dynamics, cams, gears, levers, pulleys, all the things of mechanical engineering fit my bill.

[zibber]

Times have not changed; your understanding of the way politics are practiced in your country have. "The age of terrorism" is as much a fabrication as "the communist threat" before it.

[jadefalcon]

I have been in a funk for a month or three.


This all has to deal with a collection of issues- career, ethics, beliefs, politics, philosophy, you name it. I have always wanted to be an engineer- originally I wanted to go into engineering because I liked putting things together. With the advent of the age of terrorism, my dreams took a whole new meaning. I could now engineer to protect the country and keep the peace that I enjoyed everyday.


Times have changed. The world is full of hate, people don't seem to care anymore, and I will continue on to not make this into a rant. The bailout bill recently has me torn in regards to a future career- I don't want to vote for either major candidate (Obama or McCain) and I think Congress should be ousted. Greed and corruption REEK out of capital hill. With that said-


Ethics is hitting me. I don't want to protect those who don't deserve to be protected (the morons of this country), I don't want to protect a corrupt government that is not taking care of its people, but of corporate welfare. I figured there were still some people left protecting- those who were searching for a better tomorrow. If I fought to defend them, at what cost would I lose my sanity protecting those who need to be judged? I wanted to jump into the defense industry, but now I have my doubts. It's not about creating weapons of murder- it is about protecting those who will, in the end destroy this country. By protecting them, I am inhibiting their progress. I love my country, but not what it has become.


I am so lost in thought about all of this that all I could come up with is to live my life humbly and "find something else to do" with my time. Making a difference wasn't important to me- but protecting those who need it was. I have no one to love- I have been betrayed by so many people and I can only name a select few persons that are worth protecting, save those who fight for the future. If I were to say that it is not worth the cost of pain and torment to protect less than 12 people, then I can say that I have lost my humanity.


Only I can answer this question- but I wanted to hear what everyone else had to think. I went to see a therapist about this and she said that I was way out of her league- bunch of help she was. I know that on this board that there are like minded individuals (INTJ) so I am seeking input here.


I don't want to develop defense weapons if it means that they will be controlled by a corrupt government who is responsible for upkeeping corporate welfare. There are so many heartless people in this country that they are not worth sparing a breath or typing text over. Have I lost it? Have I lost my humanity? Or have I just seen that all of humanity is corrupt?


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[zippikay]

This all has to deal with a collection of issues- career, ethics, beliefs, politics, philosophy, you name it. I have always wanted to be an engineer- originally I wanted to go into engineering because I liked putting things together. With the advent of the age of terrorism, my dreams took a whole new meaning. I could now engineer to protect the country and keep the peace that I enjoyed everyday.

why not just care about yourself? why care about others or whether your creation will be used into good or bad? If you are simply pursuing and achieving your dream, can anyone blame you for that? Isn't it your right to pursue happiness?


Ethics is hitting me. I don't want to protect those who don't deserve to be protected (the morons of this country), I don't want to protect a corrupt government that is not taking care of its people, but of corporate welfare. I figured there were still some people left protecting- those who were searching for a better tomorrow. If I fought to defend them, at what cost would I lose my sanity protecting those who need to be judged? I wanted to jump into the defense industry, but now I have my doubts. It's not about creating weapons of murder- it is about protecting those who will, in the end destroy this country. By protecting them, I am inhibiting their progress. I love my country, but not what it has become.

oddly enough, ethics is one of my weakest point, since i still can't grasp the concept. corruption breeds from selfishness, and selfishness is not only humane, but also a natural instinct for every organism. would predators stop killing for the welfare of their prey?

weapon is weapon, weapon is tool, and as stated above, it is amoral, and neutral. definition of weapon of murder or protection is depends on how you would see it and depends on where do you stand--gunpoint or the trigger


I am so lost in thought about all of this that all I could come up with is to live my life humbly and "find something else to do" with my time. Making a difference wasn't important to me- but protecting those who need it was. I have no one to love- I have been betrayed by so many people and I can only name a select few persons that are worth protecting, save those who fight for the future. If I were to say that it is not worth the cost of pain and torment to protect less than 12 people, then I can say that I have lost my humanity.

humans feel hurt when they are betrayed and humans resent the pain and then they resort into defensive by stop caring; from my perspective, what you went through is humane, it is natural to feel that way

humanity is humanity, human is human; corruption, selfishness, ruthlessness exist within the scope of humanity, but also benevolence and kindness. however, as a pragmatist, i would perceive those words as mere black-and-white terminology.

if you and your cared ones are being attacked by another being with intention to kill, would you hesitate to kill and let yourself be killed voluntarily?
if you are, lets say what if you are the only one who hold the weapon and if you are killed, the assaulter would definitely kill your cared ones, would that change your previous answer?

the question is: do you kill or do you protect?

[Karamazov]

Your actions will have little impact on the big picture. Screw idealism and just do what's good for you.

I wouldn't throw in the towel quite yet.

To the OP, whether or not you'll find that place in life that you can be content with, and maybe having an impact, is yet to be decided at your age. I think, as others have attested, the best you can do is to keep working towards finding that niche for yourself, regardless if you don't end up doing anything revolutionary (like how most people eventually come to terms with that, including us).